Teen doesn't want to go...but what if she changes her mind?!

[LekiaHall]

We're finally at a financial point where we can start planning our next Disney trip.

My oldest will be in school and my 14 y/o (who will be 15 at the time of the trip) is saying that she's going to stay home to avoid missing school. No worries there because my Mom will be here to supervise.

The issue: I think she will change her mind and want to go as the trip approaches. This happened this past summer when we took a short trip to Busch Gardens. She said she didn't want to go, but as we left on the trip, she had regrets. I can only imagine how she'll feel with us gone for 8+ days to Disney!

So...should I plan the trip as if she's going and buy airfare? Or keep her out of the trip planning? Advice greatly appreciated!

 

[DisneyRegulars]

I think since she has already had the experience of regretting not going to Busch Gardens, that she is aware of what that feels like. I would ask her one more time, reminding her of the Busch Gardens experience, and if she still does not want to go, plan the trip without her. It will be a very good life lesson for her if she ends up wanting to go but can't in the end.

When I was 14 my parents went to Australia for Christmas and I chose to go home to celebrate Christmas with my brother. I had a nice Christmas with the remainder of my family. Do I regret not going to Australia? Yep! Still haven't gotten there myself. But I was given the opportunity and I didn't take it. I definitely know now to seize opportunities when I can. Your daughter will learn the same thing if she changes her mind and can't go.

 

[Lynne G]

Such a hard question not knowing your family. I'd set an absolute date that she has to say yes or no. Airfare seems crazy right now, so if you buy, and she does not go, then refund? I don't see an issue with adding her to your room or getting tickets.

That's a hard age. Middle School has so much work. Unless she's in 9th grade, her grades should not matter. However, making up the work may be the issue. Both my 7th and 10th graders have tons of work.

I'd remind her that last vacation, how she felt. Since this vacation seems so much longer, ask how she would feel missing everyone for over a week. I guess, just talk it out until you make firm commitments, then everyone has to live with the decisions.

 

[rachael95]

Not sure this would even be an option, but could she take a different flight down and back? It sounds like you'll be there at least one, maybe 2 weekend days. If she doesn't miss an entire week of school, could she fly and miss 1/2 a week?

 

[BubblyTrip]

Not sure this would even be an option, but could she take a different flight down and back? It sounds like you'll be there at least one, maybe 2 weekend days. If she doesn't miss an entire week of school, could she fly and miss 1/2 a week?

I was going to suggest this.

 

[ampc3]

I'm not sure what your district rules are, but there is noway my kids could miss that much school and have it be excused. Also on the school topic, my oldest is 15 and she would be so far behind if she missed more than a day of school.

Maybe she is afraid of making up all that work, and falling behind?

 

[mjkacmom]

That is a lot of school for a 14 year old to miss! I like the suggestion of having her fly down layer, or perhaps schedule it when she can go? Since dd17 got to middle school, we no longer took them out of school for vacations, except for maybe a day or two.

 

[ampc3]

Hey mjkacmom, I just noticed your "family" we have similar size families except for our twins being boys and younger... funny... agree that is ALOT of school for someone in high school to miss.

 

[monorailmom]

We're finally at a financial point where we can start planning our next Disney trip.

My oldest will be in school and my 14 y/o (who will be 15 at the time of the trip) is saying that she's going to stay home to avoid missing school. No worries there because my Mom will be here to supervise.

The issue: I think she will change her mind and want to go as the trip approaches. This happened this past summer when we took a short trip to Busch Gardens. She said she didn't want to go, but as we left on the trip, she had regrets. I can only imagine how she'll feel with us gone for 8+ days to Disney!

So...should I plan the trip as if she's going and buy airfare? Or keep her out of the trip planning? Advice greatly appreciated!

I feel your pain.

We used to travel in November, and loved the holiday theming and the great weather. When our oldest DD's were sophomores in HS, we switched to August family vacations because missing school was just too stressful. They wasted much of their vacation time worrying about schoolwork they were missing. Our first August trip definitely involved some adjusting to the heat and crowds, but now we absolutely LOVE August, we've learned to embrace relaxing at the pool for the afternoon and loving the fact that nobody is behind on anything.

We still take a long weekend F+W trip in Oct. Our oldest DD's are now in college and can't join us, but our almost 16yr old daughter and 13 yr old son do. Last fall our DD missed 3 days of school, and while that was doable, I can't imagine asking her to do more than that. She really enjoys the F +W festival, but she wouldn't have as much fun if she was going to be behind so much work.

I know this is tough. I would consider switching dates before leaving her behind.

 

[MandiC]

Does she want to go if she didn't have to miss school? I think 15 would be old enough to fly alone so long as someone met her at the airport (and helped her up until security flying out) I think going for part of the trip sounds like a good compromise.
If she just doesn't want to go I'd remind her of the last trip and plan as though she was not coming, if she changed her mind it would be a good life lesson

 

[flutterby3744]

I agree with PP, even if she wanted to go, that's a lot of school to miss. The last time we took our kids out of school was when my oldest was 13, and this was too much for her. It took her a while to catch up, and she spent a lot of the trip doing homework. Then when we got back, it took her weeks to get back on track.

If it were me, I wouldn't sweat her not going, it's probably best for her. Or as others suggested, reconsider your dates if you are able.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We're finally at a financial point where we can start planning our next Disney trip.

My oldest will be in school and my 14 y/o (who will be 15 at the time of the trip) is saying that she's going to stay home to avoid missing school. No worries there because my Mom will be here to supervise.

The issue: I think she will change her mind and want to go as the trip approaches. This happened this past summer when we took a short trip to Busch Gardens. She said she didn't want to go, but as we left on the trip, she had regrets. I can only imagine how she'll feel with us gone for 8+ days to Disney!

So...should I plan the trip as if she's going and buy airfare? Or keep her out of the trip planning? Advice greatly appreciated!

Apples and oranges. The Busch Gardens trip was in Summer. Whole different deal than cutting a week and a half of High School. On another note, at 15 the last place "I" would have wanted to be was Disney with my parents (and I got along with my parents WAY better than most teens). Could be some of that as well.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I used to pull my DS for a week or longer for vacations.
Now that hes a freshman in high school , there is no way he could miss that much school.
I wouldnt even think of planning a vacation knowing my 15 yo would miss so much school. He wouldnt want to go either due to all the make up work. He still loves Disney and vacations with his parents. Little sister, not so much.

Why cant you go another time?
I had a WDW trip planned over Thanksgiving this year, 9 nights and the kids would only miss 2 days of school.

Yea its more crowded but it is what it is when they get older.

 

[bjscheel]

I would agree it's really not fair to ask her to choose between vacation and a week or more of school. DD15 was very freaked out about missing any middle school. She would have been greatly distressed to be forced to miss several days, but she would hate to miss a trip too.

I work on taxes- if my DH planned an 8 day trip in the middle of February I would not be very happy and neither would my co-workers. I know the parents are in charge (and some Dissers have the opinion that the kids should be happy and grateful for a trip NO MATTER WHAT), but I think you should take everyone's schedules and feelings into consideration when planning a trip.

Now if it's not just school and she wouldn't want to go no matter when, that's a different matter.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Is school the reason she does not want to go? Most kids could not miss that much high school and be ok. I did take younger kids out, but after middle school, that just would not work. No way would I plan the trip when a 15 could not go because of school. Just not fair. I would switch to a time she could go. If she really just does not want to go, and she and you would be ok with her missing school to go and you would be ok with her staying home....I would just tell her she has to make the choice by x date and then the choice is final. She is old enough to understand that she can't change her mind.

 

[uccats97]

We left DS home (with grandparents) when he was 16 while the rest of us went to Disney. Same situation, he didn't want to miss school and he is a 4.0 student. His reasoning was to keep his attendance above 97% in order to be exempted from the semester exams. He didn't regret it at all, however, he had been to Disney several times before. Keep in mind this was a last minute trip and we had just been to Disney about 5 months prior and had another trip planned 6 months later.
With enough notice, her teachers should be able to put her work together so she could take it with her. Setting aside an hour or two each day and working on the flight should help her get a lot done. Maybe a friend could record the lessons for her to listen too as well. I think it's possible to miss 6 days and still be okay.
I would set a deadline like pp mentioned. If she changes her mind after the deadline, give her the option to pay the difference in cost for her flight and join you anyway.

 

[scottmel]

I could never let DD15 miss a day at school. We ALWAYS go in June since 4th grade, lol! 6th straight June in a row and I am NOT a heat person...we have grown to love Disney in the summer months and icing o the cake for her is she can bring a friend for the first time this summer.

I would plan summer!! FAMILY vacation....

 

[LilyWDW]

I would have freaked out at that age about missing that much school!

How about planning a trip when everyone can go without issues like that?

 

[Nomne]

I would def go in the summertime or at a school break so that she can go without guilt.

 

[Disney Khaleesi]

I think it depends on your DD. For me, I could miss a week of school, but I would have to work hard in order to enjoy the trip without worrying about school. At my school if we're going on a vacation, we have to fill out an absence forum at least two weeks before we leave. All of our teachers have to sign it and that's when I usually recieve my work. So yes, it can be done, but she'd probably have to do schoolwork while at Disney, at least, that would be what I'd have to do. So give her a set deadline as to when she needs to have her mind made up, and remind of the Busch Gardens experience.