Tee'd off at sons' school!

[sunnyday123]

The fact that they are "boys" doesn't absolve them from acting appropriately during recess.. They may think they are only "playing rough", but what happens when their rough play injures another child? If you had a daughter in the first grade and she was injured by a little boy that was "only being a boy", wouldn't that upset you?

You have to make it perfectly clear to them that their behavior is unacceptable.. Perhaps on the days that they are sent to the principals office for not playing properly during recess, you should follow up with not allowing them to play at home after school on those days..

It's really not fair to the other kids on the playground.. And I don't understand why you are angry with the school about this..

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Please don't use that boys will be boys excuse. It is ridiculous. Boys and girls can and do learn to act the way they need to. I don't excuse my boys from behaving because of their gender. Your children need to learn to tone it down. They were fine last year but this year they are spreading their wings a bit. Reign it in. I am sorry but I also have to roll my eyes at them getting sucked in by the "bad" kids. They are what 6 or 7? What is a "bad" kid at that age? Honestly- I think your kids are not listening and maybe need a talking to by you. Blaming everyone else is not doing them any favors. Even if you can't possibly believe that they are responsible for being out of control then you need to at least tell them that it doesn't matter what anyone else does, they have to behave the way that you taught them to. Good luck.

 

[RitaZ.]

The acting out that was once almost expected from boys is no longer classified as normal and instead seen as the first step to anti-social tendencies.

I agree with you to a certain extent. Some boys are more physically aggressive than others. Children that are physically aggressive toward others will get the reputation of troublemakers. It was that way when I was growing up and it's still that way today. I'm 43, btw.

If your kids happen to be the ones on the receiving end of the aggression, then it's not so easy to dismiss the behavior as "boys will be boys".

The early grades are about learning self-control. Find an activity for them where they can channel that physical energy. Just make it clear to them that recess/school isn't the place to engage in rough play.

 

[declansdad]

I've raised 4 boys and I never bought into that boys will be boys excuse. They just need to learn acceptable behavior while at school.

Well said.

 

[allison443]

I do speak to my kids, but they seem drawn to the bad kids- they hold more appeal than the quiet little ones.

Did you ever think that now that both of your boys have been called into the vice principal's office, and had a phone call home, that now YOUR boys will be labeled "the bad kids" by the other parents??

I agree with the other posters...your boys can learn the appropriate behavior at school. Is recess on a parking lot(like at our school)? For safety reasons they cannot allow rough play. For you to say that is what 6 year old boys do--has every boy been called to the office for this?

 

[froglady]

I don't want to alarm the OP, but I've had two nephews who started on this path of behavior early on, and their father was one of the "boys will be boys" parents.

The first was from his first marriage, and is currently around 40 years old and no one knows where he is. Has been in and out of trouble all of his life, and I suspect he is hiding from the law.

The other has already spent some jail time, dropped out of school, and is only 21 but well on his way to a life of crime. His mother felt that he went bad because of a bad crowd, so moved to a different state, where he promptly found the bad crowd.

I'm not saying that this will happen to your son, but my brother constantly blamed the schools, etc for overreacting to his sons "normal, just being boys" behavior. He was still making excuses even when his son was arrested, ie, the other guys put him up to it, and he's just taking the fall; the cops set him up; the judge is out to get him, etc.

 

[mickeyboat]

I won't repeat the great opinions above, but I will give you some advice. Instead of looking to place blame or responsibility on the school, take the bull by the horns and do some teaching at home. Besides making sure your boys understand acceptable schoolyard behavior, help them come up with some concrete examples of activities they can do at recess that do not involve rough play.

Ask the boys what activities are available (equipment, space, etc.) and encourage them to pursue less rough activities. How about four square, jump rope, hopscotch, catch?

Also, teach them problem-solving strategies other than physical aggression. Tell them it is o.k. to walk away from an escalating situation. Tell them it is o.k. to play with other kids if someone is being aggressive.

Telling the kids they can't be aggressive is not enough. Equip your boys with alternatives.

Denae

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

As a teacher, you should KNOW that the principal only gets involved when things are pretty out of control.

Armed with that, stop being so defensive, looking to blame "bad kids", and instead, reinforce what acceptable public behavior is with your kids.

Making excuses for something like this is going to get you the label of being one of "those" mothers.

 

[DawnCt1]

Boys are different from girls, but until they behave the same way as girls, you will get these phone calls. I would suggest the followiing book;
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569

You can get it used on Amazon for as little as 17 cents, shipping $4. Its well worth the read and will prepare you for the "future".

 

[PollyannaMom]

I understand your frustration, but I think the teachers just want want to keep everybody safe - and what you can watch closely enough in a small group, you can't in a group that large.

I definitley don't think you should take away outdoor time at home for it. - Active kids need the chance to use their energy in the situations when it is safe. But I do think kids today accept the idea that there can be different rules in different places, so I would go over exactly what is OK at home but not at school. (Just the word "rough" alone, may very well be too vague for first graders.)

If you can help them come up with a list of high-energy, but non-contact, things that ARE allowed at recess - like maybe races or something - it might be easier for them to stay out of trouble.

Good luck.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Boys are different from girls, but until they behave the same way as girls, you will get these phone calls.

You are right. We should let boys beat each other senseless because it's "in their nature".

 

[I_Know_You2!]

You are right. We should let boys beat each other senseless because it's "in their nature".

On occasion, yes. It is a nice way to teach your own that no one wins. Kind of like global thermo nuclear war...

I think kids are kids. Some are more aggressive, and they must learn to function within the societal norm. That means parents should use their time to help structure and teach those with more aggression to use it is a positive manner. Whether this is in sports, tai kwon do, fencing (my boys and 1 daughter's choice) or whatever.

It isn't the school's job to train them. Although I think a strong teacher presence is important.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh good heavens! If one trip to the principal's office labels a child then we must have a school full of kids labeled "trouble maker"!

I don't believe in the "boys will be boys" thing either. Girls can get just as rowdy at that age, expecially when given too much freedom in what they can or can't do. I would get irritated at the school to though because recess should not be a free for all! They should have appropriate activities for the children. Toys to play with, games to play; anything to keep them occupied and allow them to run off some steam at the same time.

 

[Mkaz]

My son is 8, and is not rough like that. So I think the that's what little boys do statement doesn't apply to all boys. In fact he gets along very well with the girls, because he is so calm (dh was the same way).

Just clarify what the rules are at school. Let them know that they MUST follow them or there will be consequences.

Our son's school has a merit system to help boost the kids morale. They call it the three R's. Resepctful, Ready, and Responsible. If the teachers catch them doing this, then they get school loot. The school has a store where they can spend their loot. They only accept loot for payment. They sell things like pencils, erasers, etc. They started this last year. The kids are nuts over it. In fact, it went over so well that they actually had to laminate the loot because they recieved some counterfeit loot. DS is saving up for something big. He won't tell me what it is though. Maybe you could do something like this at home with your boys.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Boys are different from girls, but until they behave the same way as girls, you will get these phone calls. I would suggest the followiing book;
http://www.amazon.com/War-Against-Boys-Misguided-Feminism/dp/0684849569

You can get it used on Amazon for as little as 17 cents, shipping $4. Its well worth the read and will prepare you for the "future".

I am sorry but that is such bull! Yes, boys are different than girls. Suzy is different than Mary, Bob is different that Michael. It does not mean that boys don't have to learn to behave. I don't know anyone who has boys that gets these phone calls unless they have an unruly child. The same goes for those with girls. Nothing personal but it really annoys the heck out of me that people blame behavior on gender instead of the person who the behavior belongs to.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I am sorry but that is such bull! Yes, boys are different than girls. Suzy is different than Mary, Bob is different that Michael. It does not mean that boys don't have to learn to behave. I don't know anyone who has boys that gets these phone calls unless they have an unruly child. The same goes for those with girls. Nothing personal but it really annoys the heck out of me that people blame behavior on gender instead of the person who the behavior belongs to.

So you don't believe there are any innate differences between the genders that affect behavior? Science has proven them to be quite different.

 

[IntercomGroupPage]

Of course there are innate differences between genders. It does not mean that societal expectations should change to accommodate them when it is a reasonable expectation. I don't expect a boy should have to go piddle sitting down, just because girls need to, but I do expect them to have self-control in public situations where their "rough play" can hurt others and themselves.

 

[daisax]

We often talk about activity that is accepted now in schools, that wouldn't have been accepted just a generation or two ago. (the tendency for girls to socially ostracize other girls - the tendency of boys to exercise physical dominance over each other)

Girls socially ostracizing other girls and boys exercising physical dominance over each other goes back as long as there were humans. It's our duty to suppress it where we can, but some behaviors are eternal and human, and those are two of them.

Again, no excuse for adults to overlook bullying in either form, but there's nothing remotely new about either behavior.

 

[HunnyPots]

I don't know, I have to agree with Dawn to an extent. There is a HUGE difference in the way boys play compared with girls. And that's fine with me! I would much rather my son (when he was this age) be wrestling, rolling around on the ground, playing cowboys or army men, or whatever it was than sitting with the girls talking about their latest barbie accessories.
HOWEVER, boys have to know the limits of what is and is not acceptable playground behavior. I would ask the school to define "rough play" and be very specific about what is not allowed and then proceed to teach your boys how to stay inside those limits. At least while at school. Once they are home in the backyard, then they can let off some steam!

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

My 2 ds' just entered 1st grade. last yr in kdg their teachers repeatedly told me they were sweet, kind, considerate, followed all rules, helped in class. and I know that they are all of that- they are just very active and play rough at times.

each of my sons has visited the vice principal's office once for "rough play" at recess. and each time I get a solemn phone call about how I need to speak with my sons about this behavior. OK, reality check- they are six yr old BOYS! that's what little boys do, they play rough and active. they love sports and are always trying to emulate football players, etc.

I hardly feel this marks them as trouble makers. it seems to me that maybe they need better supervision and direction at recess. little boys left to their own devices get into trouble. they need supervision and direction- that's why it's illegal to leave a six yr old home alone- they cannot yet always make good decisions on their own!

I do speak to my kids, but they seem drawn to the bad kids- they hold more appeal than the quiet little ones.

ugh! by the way, I am a teacher myself, so I know first hand that almost all boys this age can get into mischief at recess.

thanks for listening! please, no flames.

This isn't meant as a flame, but you are in for a very long road if you are already excusing their behavior when they are 6 and trying to pile the blame on others.

Perhaps you might want to actually look at why they were sent to the principal's office and correct your child's behavior rather than trying to blame it on the teachers that they don't discipline your children enough on the playground or the "bad boys". I agree with the other poster that perhaps the other children are the ones attracted to yours - that they might be the bad boys.

My boys were always the rough and tumble kind. They played football with a vengence from the time they were 7 all through high school.

And although never perfect, they did have the sense and discipline to know when it is appropriate rough and tumble time and when different behavior was expected, even in first grade. I have never had a call from the principal's office and my boys have always been boys.