When life seems to get you, you realize that others have it worse than you. For what has saddened me much lately, it has also surprisingly been inspiring for a cause of appreciation of life. I have this thing that has been looming in the banks of my mind for weeks, yet I have not shared it.
With you all at least.
It seems that I get ready, then read of the saddness or problems that each one of us is going through. At that point my problems are no less important than anyones, however they just seem so little, when others are going through their own issues.
Where am I going with this...
Sometimes I do not even know.
As you may know, I like many of you lost my "mom". It just so happened that it was this past year. It was a short, but courageous battle with the looming word... Cancer. It sucks, yes I know that. So many have been through it. Know that too. It still sucks. My heart breaks everyday that I need to be a mother. Not because I don't love being a mom, I do. Infact it is the best thing that ever, ever has happened to me. But what breaks my heart is being a mother, without having a mother to show me the way. There is no guidance, no one to look to for answers or advice. Just me, myself and I.
My "mom" died Oct. 24, 2007. We found out she was dying June 6th of last year. Jan. 08, the day after both of my "brothers" went back to college, after their winter break, my "mom's" best friend announced she was divorcing her husband. She needed a place to stay in the interim and moved into our family home with my "dad". We got a lot of "oh My's" and "are you sure there isn't something going on?". I brushed off all of the comments, as I felt there would be NO WAY possible, that after 27 years of marriage and only a few months of being gone that my "dad" would be with someone else. All along it was beginning to become odd, that papa wasn't coming over regularly to see the kids. I'd call and invite him to dinner, brunch, visits. But he was always busy. But I continued to defend the situation, stating that neither of them would ever do anything to hurt our family.
I was vastly incorrect.
In March the truth came out. My "little Brother" came home from college unexpectedly and walked in on something he shouldn't of.
My mom's so called best friend moved out, into her own apartment.
Since then I have only seen my "dad" once. Mothers day. He doesn't come over. Doesn't call. Doesn't even sleep at his own house. He spends almost every waking minute with his new girlfriend... my "moms" best friend. My youngest "brother" has quit college, is smoking all of the time (not cigarettes) and doesn't have a job. My younger "brother" is home from school for the summer, but can't stand being at the house. There is no stability at all. No meals are being prepare, no laundry or household upkeep. It is like my "dad" has abandoned his family totally. My children ask for papa daily. It is bad enough that we lost gramma, now papa is gone too.
In the midst of all of this, I was thrown a loop. It is this loop that has truly given me new meaning to life. Over the last year, I have watched my "mom" die from this terrible disease called cancer. Last summer, it was also found out that a friend of ours had this blasphemous disease as well. She was 9 weeks pregnant with their 2nd child. Upon feeling her tummy area, she felt what turned out to be a tumor the size of a cantaloupe. The tumor was successfully removed, both mommy and baby were saved. A few weeks after delivering her healthy baby boy, she went in for a follow up CT Scan. The scan revealed yet again more Cancer. This time it was in her hip and both lungs. The outlook is not good. Terrible, in fact.
But what is amazing through all of this is her willingness to share her story with others. Em is a writer. A beautiful writer at that. Her willingness to share her life with others through a beautiful blog had given me a new found outlook on life. Although she may be blogging to help document her life and stay in touch with others. She in fact has become more of a teacher to myself and many who are reading along.
I invite you, my fellow DIS friends to take a peak, if you want a reminder of how precious this thing we call life is. I do warn... her words are addictive...and real. But most of all she is inspiring.
You can find her at lemmondrops . blogspot . com
If you decide to read a long. I hope her strength and courage moves you.
That was one long, long post.