Taking the "boyfriend"?

[thumperjr9]

We just went through the same thing. We went 2 weeks ago and we took my DS16's girlfriend (also 16). Ok let me just give you a little background. We also have a DS4 (almost 5). When my DS16 was younger we took several trips to WDW but had not been back in a while (he just wasn't that interested after he got to be about 11 or 12). Last year me and my mom took my DS4(3 at the time) And while we had a fine time it wasn't the same as having the whole family. So I decided that I really wanted all of us to go back. My DS16 wasn't very thrilled about going but I knew it was importatnt to his little brother, as well as to me and my DH. I figured it may be the last chance for the 4 of us to do a Disney trip together and I really wanted the memories of all of us being there. Now I also knew that there was no way my DS 16 would want to hang around with us the whole trip and I wanted It to be special for him too. So enters his DGF. They have been together for about 2 years (who would have guessed it would last that long). They really seem to be best friends. I went through all the debates that have already been posted, what if they break up before trip, what if they fight while we are there, what will be the sleeping arrangements? But I have to say everything work out great in the end and we all had a good time.
I gave them a lot of freedom in the parks but they were with us enough to make my DS4 happy (BTW he adores her) We stayed at the HIFS so we had some privacy but not too much, and we made sure they were never alone in the hotel room.

I think every situation is different and you really have to go with your instints on this one. Nobody can really tell you what to do. But in our case it worked out fine and I think everyone will have great memories of this trip. BTW her wonderful mom paid her airfare, parkhopper pass and gave her a generous food allowance.

 

[Madi100]

I would say no, and for no reason except that a Disney vacation costs a lot of money. She's 15, so not too many more years for her to even take family vacations. This might be the last to WDW before she leaves home. So, say you take him. It's the best time of your life. Everyone has the best time in the world. DD and BF have a great time, there are no fights. There are no times of wondering what those two were up to. You have wonderful memories and wonderful pictures. The vacation could not have been better. So, you think the money is worth it.

Then something happens and your DD and her BF break up. You think the guy is great now, but who knows what can happen. Even if it is a mature relationship, he is still young. Heck, old guys do stupid stuff. My sister had a boyfriend that my mom just LOVED. They went to prom, he was always at their house. I hated the guy. But my mom loved him so much because he was such a nice guy that she told me I couldn't be at the house if he was coming over. You'd have to search high and low to find a picture of that guy anywhere in that house now. I think my sister even cut him out of her yearbook. My other sister has had a few boyfriends in growing up, and her husband is that type that doesn't like to think that she was ever with someone else. Therefore, we don't see a lot of pictures with her old boyfriends.

So, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that even if your vacation is perfect, he is still just a boyfriend. Maybe someday he'll be her husband. But, if not, then he is just an old boyfriend and when those relationships end, you usually don't want reminders of them. So, I would just hate for your Disney vacation to be marred by someone who might not be a permanent in your family.

 

[Rneighh]

As the original poster -- I have been reading along. I think now I will respond to some of your suggestions, thoughts, etc.

I am not concerned about them being unsupervised. They go out all the time "unsuperviesed". They are at my house when we are not. I'm not goig to get into a morality debate.

My concerns more were about bringing a non-family member into our everyday schedules. We travel alot as a family and know the routine in the a hotel room. How does that work --- when you are use to running around in your bra and underware to get dressed?.

I am also concerned about my feelings when they want to go off on their own and not stay with us. Its not that I don't trust them or am concerned about their safety, I just know that "family vacations" are probably coming to an end. My daughter and I are very close and she is a lot of fun -- I will miss her not being with us to "comment" on the interesting people we see. I guess I will have to get use to it she will go to college.

We also show a 6-horse hitch of Percheron horses. He will be traveling with us to several State Fairs this summer. I guess that will be the test, as we will live together in 20 feet of living quarters in the trailer. If we can survive that I'm sure Disney will be a piece of cake.

Renee

 

[jillofspeed]

My gut reaction is, don't do it. I have a 17 year old daughter who's "in love" and as much as I like the boy I don't want him on our family trip, and particularly not in my room at night!

But I think a lot depends on the family dynamics. My 17-yr old and her 15-yr old sister are very close, so if the boyfriend came along someone would definitely be a third-wheel. (and it might end up being the boyfriend!).

I think kids need to learn early that they don't always get what they want. If you would be doing it because you just love this boy and think a vacation with him would be grand, then invite him. If you are doing it just to appease your daughter's potentially bad behavior, then either 1) you are overestimating her maturity in the first place, or 2) you are underestimating her maturity and she'll behave just fine without him.

 

[GeoffM24]

Thumperjr9 gets it! Great post.

 

[thumperjr9]

My concerns more were about bringing a non-family member into our everyday schedules. We travel alot as a family and know the routine in the a hotel room. How does that work --- when you are use to running around in your bra and underware to get dressed?.

That was one of my concerns when we where deciding whether to take my DS's GF. Not so much for me, because having another female along wasn't going to change my routine. But for my DH it might, but he felt he was ok with it, just meant he couldn't run around in his underwear. There was no way my DS4 had a problem with it, he would run around in his underwear in front of anyone, wouldn't bother him. Like I mentioned before he adores her. In fact if he had it his way he would probably leave his brother behind so he could have her all to himself. What it really came down to was her comfort level. But this is a decision everyone has to be comfortable with.

I am also concerned about my feelings when they want to go off on their own and not stay with us. Its not that I don't trust them or am concerned about their safety, I just know that "family vacations" are probably coming to an end

Boy, I sure can relate to that feeling. It so hard to let go. I can remember the time when I realized that my son's heart belongs to someone else. (or at least I have to share it ) I wished we could have had even more "together time" on our trip but with the age difference between my sons I knew we weren't going to do everything together. I was just happy that everyone had a great time.

I find it very interesting to hear everyone's opinions. I would be curious to hear from others that have taken their kids BFs or GFs.

 

[dmure]

I would them them be together on the vacation. My dd is 17 and her boyfriend of 18 has gone on numerous family trips with us.They are great friends and have a fantastic time together. He is like a member of our family and they have dated now for 4 years. He took his first trip with us when they had dated approx a year and a half. We have great memories and it has allowed our family to really get to know him well. I trust my child completely. She knows what is acceptable and what is not in this situation. I have never felt uncomfortable or that I could not trust them. Tell them together upfront what is allowable and they will respect that on your trip. Also if they were to break up I would not regret allowing him to go on our trips nor would she. They each will have memories that will always be with them and us. If you want to stay close to your teens give them a little leeway but always let them know what you expect in return. Kids will honor that if given the opportunity. My daughter has a curfew of 11:00 at night once per week-(date night) however her and her boyfriend almost always come home around 9:00 with a movie to watch at our house in our family room with us. I believe that is because they know they are welcome and that we believe they are good kids with a good head on there shoulders. They go out of there way to prove this to us over and over. Prom night many of the students went out and got drunk at a party. These 2 (who have been raised to know what is expected) went to project prom (a school chaperoned event) even though it was not considered cool and they are cool kids in their classes because they did not want any part of the other party. Have faith in your kids and take a leap of faith they might just surprise you.

 

[antmaril]

I would like to add my two cents, too. I took my 17 year old son's 16 year old girlfriend with us to Disney/Universal in February. Originally, we, (me, my son and my husband) were planning a trip together. My son was somewhat lukewarm about it (typical teenager). About two weeks before the trip, my husband couldn't make it because of a work commitment. My son asked me if there was anyway his gf could go with us instead. I talked about it with my husband we decided it could work. Her mother approved and we were all set. (Fortunately, we had booked on Southwest Airlines. I was able to cancel my husband's ticket and purchase a new ticket for the gfl.)

I have to say we had a fabulous time. This young girl had never been ANYWHERE. She had never been on a plane and had never been to Disneyworld. She was thrilled. I had a one bedroom suite reserved at the Royal Pacific Resort at Universal. She and I slept in the bedroom and my son slept in the living room on the sofa bed. It worked out great.

We went to all the theme parks, ate in great restaurants and did some shopping. They never dumped me once. I had to force them to go over to the Universal parks one afternoon. I wanted them to have some time alone together without me.

I think everyone has to make their own decision on this. Everyone's situation is different. My son and his gf have been together since middle school. They really are best friends and we respect that. My husband and I have been together since we were 15 and we have been married for 30 years. This girl could be the one. We don't know that yet. If she's not, that's okay too. We all had a good time and we made memories.

We are planning to do it again next year.

 

[sweet maxine]

I think both ways on this situation, and have been reading along trying to decide whether or not to reply to this.

Last summer we went on a family trip to WDW for a week. My twins are so different. One wants to go on the rides, the other doesn't. My daughter was miserable, and wanted someone fun to go around the parks with. She had been dating someone 2 yrs. older at the time, and we called and offered to pay for his airfare if he wanted to come join us. He declined due to prior work commitments, but really wanted to go on the trip.

Now we are taking the same trip again, and about 2 months ago when we were making the plans, my daughter invited her boyfriend to come along (with my permission). This time things are different, as he broke off the relationship about a month after she invited him.They also have been very close, and had made commitments to see each other while he was in college. Now my daughter is very hurt, and isn't up for any fun.

It's so hard to predict what will happen with kids this age, and I have found myself too involved in this break up. It has changed things so severely, and we all go to the same church together. I am so uncomfortable most Sundays and Wednesdays, and my daughter does her best to just participate in church.

To make a long story short, I guess I would say just go with your family and enjoy the time with your daughter while you can. Those days will never be there again, but she will always have another day to have time to spend with the boyfriend. I am saying this because what has happened in my daughter's life has affected how I view these kinds of things now.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

My son and his girlfriend have been together for 2 years now... (he is now 17). They had known each other since Kindergarden & we have know her parents that long also....we have been taking her since they have started dating.... we never have a problem...they just don't get room keys

 

[Aroura]

I find NOTHING wrong with letting the BF come along on the trip. I was only 14 when I went on a trip with my BF and his family to South Carolina.. It was one of the best experiences I ever had.. I really do not understand the untrusting nature of some of the posts in here.. Just because they are together, does not mean that somthing "sneaky" or anything of that nature is going to occure. I think it will be a wonderful memory for the both of them someday, even if they move on to others in thier life.. If YOU and your DH, and other DD enjoy the boy, and his company then I say of course.. You will all have a wonderful time.

It is 11 years later after this trip with my very first mature relationship with that boy, and I STILL call his parents often. They were wonderful people, and treated me like a daugter. I think it is wonderful that you would concider taking him, and it will be a lovely time.. do not worry about anything " happening" or the other negative things that some people have had concerns about. Teens usually do not play hanky panky right under thier parents noses.. rediculouse to even think about..

 

[colleen costello]

Will he add to the fun or be a hindrance? Is he a flexible kid with an easy nature or a PrimaDonna-type? I would ask these questions about ANYONE we thought to include, boyfriend, girlfriend, pal, etc. I don't think their opposite sex matters much because YOU seem comfortable enough to consider it. What I would consider is my OWN room/privacy/comfort, etc -- because NO ONE comes between me and Mickey! If he is a sweetie and would be fun to have along, go for it!

 

[MemphisDad]

Like Mistaroo, I went years ago with someone who is, obviously, now an ex. We took some really good pictures, but I've never been able to look at them (or show them to my wife!) since then.

I suggest that if you take your daughter's BF with you, make him stand well to the side in any group pictures so he can be easily cropped out when they break up.

 

[Zoesmama03]

That would depend on how close you are with him.

I'd say bring him but be sure to take lots of pics of the family without him because if(and probably will) they break up she will still have memories of the time with family.

Plus if hes half way decent at taking pictures you will have a photographer to get your whole family in pictures. I agree there could be problems but if its a serious mature relationship I think they will do fine. A happy daughter will be easy to deal with while there.

 

[my3princes]

As I read all the posts about photographs I have to wonder if you take photos without your spouse. The divorce rate is like 50% or something so what happens if you get a divorce? Would you cut someone out of the photo? Would you regret taking the vacation? Of course not. You make happy memories and those happy memories will be with you whether the relationship survives or not. The OP says that they are best friends, I have lots of pics of me with friends at that age and I don't talk to most of them now, but I still have wonderful memories. I think that we are overthinking this whole thing. Flame away.

 

[BrianMonk]

I have to wonder if you take photos without your spouse

LOL -

As we're standing in front of Cindy's Castle, "uh honey, can you step to the side for this picture?"

"Why Dear?"

"Well in case we get divorced, I don't want you to screw up all of our Disney pictures!"


So when you see the wife smacking the husband around in front of the castle, come introduce yourself and let me know you're a fellow Dis member.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I have been with my husband since I was 13. I knew he was the one even back then. I say let him go!!! I wish I had parents like you when I was a teenager!

 

[antmaril]

I agree completely with Momof3princes and momofdisneyholics. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my husband and I have been together since we were young teens. I have never had another boyfriend. I took my son's gf with me to WDW because she is a nice girl, they are best friends, they're good kids and they deserved it. If they break up one day, the trip we took will be a fond memory. I took a whole roll of film on the trip (mostly the two of them). I doubt he will ever want to cut her out of the pictures. If she is the one, won't those photos be precious?

My personal opinion on this is that children step up to the behavior you expect of them. I told my son and gf that I expected nothing but the best behavior from them and they delivered. By the way, they think I am the coolest mom ever - that can never hurt, right?


If it feels right to you, go for it.

 

[sweet maxine]

Brian Monk, that's hilarious!!

Well, I've slept on this one for a few days, and I still feel both ways about it. I took my boyfriend with me on family camping trips when I was 16, and of course, we eventually broke up. I would keep the pictures, if it were me. My daughter is in the midst of a depressing break up right now, as I have posted earlier. She has been working on a scrapbook she is required to do for cheerleading for her football player from this last season. She is just now finishing up with it, and it is really hard for her to look at the pictures of happy times.(I should mention that her boyfriend was her assigned football player). I also think it is helping her to heal and to see that it's OK to have those happy memories. They only come around for that time once, and when they're gone, they're gone. This relationship was her first, and they had been "serious", too. I wish for her it would have worked out so that she could have the memories of this trip to share together, but it didn't.

No matter how it works out for your daughter's trip, she will always remember the trip, I think, not just who went along. If it works out and he does go along, come back and tell us all how it worked out.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by my3princes
As I read all the posts about photographs I have to wonder if you take photos without your spouse. The divorce rate is like 50% or something so what happens if you get a divorce? Would you cut someone out of the photo? Would you regret taking the vacation? Of course not. You make happy memories and those happy memories will be with you whether the relationship survives or not. The OP says that they are best friends, I have lots of pics of me with friends at that age and I don't talk to most of them now, but I still have wonderful memories. I think that we are overthinking this whole thing. Flame away.

Maybe the reason the divorce rate is so high is because there are so many spouses out there shoving their loved one out of the way so that they don't ruin pictures. Feelings get hurt, and there goes another divorce.

Honestly, I can relate to the people who have married their high school sweethearts, etc. I got married at 19 to the man I dated since I was 17. He's the only person I dated. My sister started dating a guy in 8th grade, and I swear we all thought she'd marry him. They remained friends after high school, and we all thought there was still a chance they'd get married. No such luck. And, while most teenagers can handle a break-up fairly well, there are some instances where it's not so good. For those of us who still have our high school sweetheart, I think most people go through a few boyfriends in their teenage years