Taking kids and MIL but not spouse

[bumbershoot]

Still, I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself on the ship. Kids will go to clubs. My MIL will go off and do her things. I will be left to my own devices, which on the surface sounds kind of cool, but feels weirder and weirder the closer we get to our sailing date.

Well, MIL will be alone, too; what do you think she’ll be doing? Thinking about that might help you figure out what you can do. What is it that you like to do on a cruise? Do those things,, but solo.

Read books. Laze in the sun. Laze in the shade. Take a tour.

Husbands and wives don’t always need to travel together and I would never tell my husband to go and then be upset about it. I travelled a lot for work and my husband never minded me going without him.

YES.

At first it was odd, but it was also nice to meet up again at the airport.

That sounds neat.

Like a macro version of being a family of 3 which meant me riding without them on things like TSMM (because I don’t purposely let my son win, and my now-ex would, plus my son and I spend a TON of time together bc of homeschooling, so it was extra time spent with dad), and that meant me meeting new people and we would meet up after the ride to talk about our experiences.

She is, actually. She's flying to New York. So she will have a 4-day trip with a bunch of her friends (who live all over the country and who the kids and I really don't know at all). So it'll be good for her to see them without worrying about the rest of the family being bored or the "odd men out".

Honestly that’s a better way to attend weddings. No worrying about the other person. Just fun.

 

[bumbershoot]

As the wife who had to stay behind on several family vacations due to work, my shared perspective is don’t do it if it is at all humanly possible to move the trip. I have never been more miserable in my life, and it would have meant the world to me if my husband hadn’t done it, even though I gave him permission to go. That’s why I asked why you can’t move the trip.

If this is a continuing thing, I beg of you to not play games like that. And yes, “yes you can go (but I’ll be miserable and want you to decide to not go all on your own even though I’m telling you to go)” is a game.

Be honest with your spouse.

And buy “cancel for any reason” trip insurance for every trip.


(My ex liked to do these things. Think one thing, say another, ask me to trust him so I trusted his words, but then I was judged against what he wasn’t saying. It’s not fun. At all. I beg all spouses to stop doing it.)

 

[mousefan73]

Each marriage and relationship has its own dynamics.. My SIL has never been ANYWHERE without her husband and I have done tons of trips without my DH with and without kids.. I cannot comment on the in-law thing, but I do WDW every year with just the kids and my mom. DH stays home as it's not his thing.

I have no issue being without my DH and to be honest enjoy the break from him and do not miss him to an extent where I am not enjoying myself. I miss him most while in Epcot and I know he would be a great wine drinking buddy with me during food and wine..

My DH and my mom have a super relationship, she spends a many overnights in our house and he has spents a whole day with her, without me many times.. So I could totally see him, my mom and the kids on vacation while i get stuck with work comittments, hasnt happened, but I could see it happenig and being a great time for all. Only issue is my mom wouldnt share a bathroom with him.. She needs her own bath.

Now if you have the marriage where you guys are tied at the hips, then it might be hard.. But as you said there will be many family vacations and only one wedding.. Enjoy your cruise!

 

[squirk]

Well, it gets worse. Long after my PIF date, the National Junior Honor Society chapter at my daughter's school announced that they will be holding a WDW trip scheduled - you guessed it - at the same time as the cruise.

They have announced this trip every year for the three prior years, and then had to cancel it because enough kids didn't register to make the trip viable. This year, of all years, they finally hit the magic number of commitments for the trip to happen.

Having been denied this trip multiple times in the past, my daughter, of course, wants to go with her friends (who, also of course, are all going). I can't say I blame her, especially since she is transferring to a peforming arts high school next year and most of these friends will not. "Last hurrah" and all that.

I could leverage my trip insurance (yes, I bought it) and cancel the cruise, but my two other kids and my MIL are all hyped for it. I guess I will invite my son's GF, who can sleep in MIL's room. My son will probably enjoy the cruise a whole lot more with her accompanying us.

 

[mousefan73]

Still, I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself on the ship. Kids will go to clubs. My MIL will go off and do her things. I will be left to my own devices, which on the surface sounds kind of cool, but feels weirder and weirder the closer we get to our sailing date.

I am also often "solo" on the crusises. As I mentioned above, it's me, my mom and the kids... Kids in the teen clubs, my mom likes to just sit and watch.. So I would be on my own most of the time.. I would work out, walk, take naps, watch movies in the theater, do cooking shows, ( my mom would joing for those) hang out in the adult area..

While cruising I missed my DH for the night life.. Good thing we had late dining as we were finished and tired by 11pm anyways.. but without my DH I didnt really experience any of the bars, lounges.. my mom is not into that... as a woman sitting at the bar is something I wasn't into .

But you will find things to do..

 

[mousefan73]

Well, it gets worse. Long after my PIF date, the National Junior Honor Society chapter at my daughter's school announced that they will be holding a WDW trip scheduled - you guessed it - at the same time as the cruise.

They have announced this trip every year for the three prior years, and then had to cancel it because enough kids didn't register to make the trip viable. This year, of all years, they finally hit the magic number of commitments for the trip to happen.

Having been denied this trip multiple times in the past, my daughter, of course, wants to go with her friends (who, also of course, are all going). I can't say I blame her, especially since she is transferring to a peforming arts high school next year and most of these friends will not. "Last hurrah" and all that.

I could leverage my trip insurance (yes, I bought it) and cancel the cruise, but my two other kids and my MIL are all hyped for it. I guess I will invite my son's GF, who can sleep in MIL's room. My son will probably enjoy the cruise a whole lot more with her accompanying us.

I am just now reading this thread. Be happy and grateful you guys are able to do so many trips, you mentioned the WDW make up trip and I believe Aulani.. Many people can only dream of this many family vacations. It sounds like your have a fun family that travel a lot and had many trips... Enjoy this one for what it is!. don't compare or measure it to other family trips. it's paid for and those who can go, should enjoy the trip..

I think it's also a great thing that everbody will have some sort of trip or fun.. in this case nobody is missing out of anything due to work or illness. that happens times.. There's a wedding, school trip to all places, WDW! and a cruise. Dont take this the wrong way, but this is a first world problem.

People on the DIS always have corny ideas.. Here's mine; How about each party take a headshot ofthose missing with.. Do typecial vacation shots holding those up.. Then when you all get back make a fun family album.. and stress how you guys were all spread out at the same time... Have a laugh and enjoy the next vacation together.

 

[squirk]

Dont take this the wrong way, but this is a first world problem.

Oh, absolutely. #firstworldproblems, all the way.

I think it's OK to be a little disappointed in the partial breakdown of the "big family trip" I envisioned when I booked this cruise on Opening Day back in October of '18. But you're right - my wife and daughter will be off doing "limited window of opportunity" things that they will thoroughly enjoy, and my son gets to bring his GF on a swank cruise, so ... yeah, it'll still be a little weird, and I can't believe the multiple instances of rotten timing, but it's not a crisis or anything.

 

[FigmentSpark]

I can't think of a problem I've encountered in my life that's not a first world problem... probably because I live in a first world country. No reason to have to feel bad about it, though.

 

[squirk]

I can't think of a problem I've encountered in my life that's not a first world problem... probably because I live in a first world country. No reason to have to feel bad about it, though.

It’s all relative. No matter who you are or what your problems are, there’s always somebody out there in the world who has it worse than you.

Annnnnyway, a lot of great replies in this thread. Good perspectives; good food for thought. Thank you!

 

[aggiedog]

I'm not sure how old your kids are, but with my oldest now 20 and my youngest dd 17, I'm starting to realize that they standard family time is changing. Best laid plans and all that. The kids' lives get busier with more complicated components. Things that were not even on the radar when they are young are all the sudden game changers.

So I've decided to just make the best of it when we can. While it will be disappointing to not have DW or DD with you, you'll have fun regardless, and it's still a way to shake up the dynamics of the group. One dd spent Thanksgiving a few states over with her boyfriend. First time ever not to have the whole family together. BUT, she's nut allergic and it was the first Thanksgiving in 17 years I could have pecan pie. Bonus! There's always a silver lining. LOL

 

[Lilsia]

We travel without my husband all the time. He will never go on a cruise(gets really sick) but my daughters and I love cruising. He never in a million years would not want us to go and enjoy ourselves. Our anniversary is on Thursday celebrating 24 years. We are one of those couples that does not get sick of each other or fight. But even though we are married, it does not mean that we are still not individual people with our own likes, wants, hobbies, etc. I don't remember the marriage vows having a clause that says that you are not allowed to do something without the other. We miss each other because we love each other. But missing someone is not a bad thing, it means that there is love. Going on separate vacations in no way means that there is anything wrong with your marriage or that you don't love the other person. It is healthy to still be your own person and be able to go and do things without the other. My daughters and I have enjoyed so much of each other on our trips. I can't imagine if that never happened because 1 person in the family does not want to/can't go. Go with whomever can make it on the cruise. Your wife will have fun at the wedding and your child will have fun at the parks. And you all can share your stories when you get back.

 

[Figee17]

I've traveled without my husband due to work conflicts on his end. One time was with extended family (including his) and once was with just my family. I am planning on doing so again at the end of this month, but just my son and I this time.
It's always been great!

 

[elaine amj]

One on one time with kids are great! I adore the very rare opportunities I get - especially with my DS17. And every once in a long while I insist my DH take my Dd18 on a Daddy Daughter date and my DD soaks it up.

My one problem with this cruise now is that you will be spending a lot on a cruise where your one son will be with his GF all the time, and it is just you, your other son, and your MIL. A little different dynamic than you, your three kids, and your MIL. If this works for you, I’d go for it. As you said, you have lots of opportunities for full family vacations later this year. But if not, more reasons to look into cancelling.

 

[5kidsmommy]

This becomes the norm as kids get older. Trying to get everyone together for one trip becomes difficult. My first trip without everyone I felt guilty, despite being told it wasn't a big deal. I've learned to just go with the flow and enjoy the time with whoever can join us. I am sure you will have a lovely time. Your wife and daughter will have a great time on their own adventures too. Once you are all back home together you can share your stories.

 

[darnheather]

I never travel with my spouse and I always have a wonderful time. I go to the movie, the adult act, or just turn in early while the kids stay up super late in the clubs.

 

[Grammy4Lizzy]

I have taken 2 cruises with my DD,my SIL and DGD, and not my husband. We also have traveled to DLR and WDW without DH. There have been times he did not want to go or it was pre-retirement and he could not take the time off.
We always have a great time. We enjoy being with each other and just last year DH went to WDW with dd, SIL and DGD and a week later I went down. We just could not get away at the same time.
We also take many trips together.