tagalong family member - what to do??

[LuckySadie]

My family is leaving in just a couple weeks (woohoo!!!!! ) but we have a bit of a problem and I don't know how to deal with it gracefully. A family member who lives near WDW found out we are going and wants to meet us and go on the rides with our family. They have a FL annual pass so it won't cost them anything and they have kind of invited themselves onto our vacation. My husband is NOT into this. The thing is we just saw the family when we went down this past spring, so it isn't as though we haven't seen them in years. And I already agreed with dh not to see other family members so if I saw this person and it got to the others it could be embarrassing. Our private time is precious and we need all we can get as my dh is often away on business and always on call. Plus my meals are all planned for 4 not 5 or more. But I'm not sure what to say or how to deal with this. We don't want to appear snobby or mean. How do I explain this gracefully?

 

[CastMemberDWA]

You hae two choices. Direct and honest or other.

1. Graciously say no thanks to the park ride alongs, but instead suggest meeting up for a meal one evening to just say hello. This family member may be lonely and just wants to touch base.

2. Or....tell them you won't be planning which park/which day and suggest he/she call a particular cell phone to check...then turn that cell phone off. Claim dead battery.

 

[cstraub]

Do they just want to meet for the day or for the whole trip- hotel and all?

If it were one day I could tolerate it but if it were the whole trip I would lie and say we canceled are trip and then go anyway. I know it's lying but no feelings get hurt and you will have your family time together which you need.

I would never invite myself along. How insensitive to not think that you may want to spend time with just your own family. That would and should be my first thought.

Good luck!

 

[Kimberlyfamilyfv]

Tell them that you have spent alot of money for this trip and all your plans are set. Explain that you were seeking quality time with your children. If you lie often a lie will come back to bite you in the backside.

from personal experience I can tell you that the more people you add to an outing such as going to disney world the more others feel intitled to tell you how they they think everyone should spend their time and may cause resentment on both sides.

The way I have dealt with this is to keep my party limited to my family only, and tell them if they are there when you are and happen to meet you will be sure to say hi and if you happen to be in the same line for a ride great but our plan for the time we will be there are full.

I am sure there are others with different opinions but honesty works for me.

Kimberly

 

[bettyann29]

You hae two choices. Direct and honest or other.

2. Or....tell them you won't be planning which park/which day and suggest he/she call a particular cell phone to check...then turn that cell phone off. Claim dead battery.

Very funny!

 

[PlaneJoy1]

I would be honest with them as you have been here:

"I know we'll be close to you, however, with DH's work schedule being so crazy we really need some time with just our children. I hope you understand."

I don't think lying to them is the best route. It always comes back around, especially in families.

 

[lovethattink]

My family is leaving in just a couple weeks (woohoo!!!!! ) but we have a bit of a problem and I don't know how to deal with it gracefully. A family member who lives near WDW found out we are going and wants to meet us and go on the rides with our family. They have a FL annual pass so it won't cost them anything and they have kind of invited themselves onto our vacation. My husband is NOT into this. The thing is we just saw the family when we went down this past spring, so it isn't as though we haven't seen them in years. And I already agreed with dh not to see other family members so if I saw this person and it got to the others it could be embarrassing. Our private time is precious and we need all we can get as my dh is often away on business and always on call. Plus my meals are all planned for 4 not 5 or more. But I'm not sure what to say or how to deal with this. We don't want to appear snobby or mean. How do I explain this gracefully?

I'm on the opposite end. I'm like your family member who lives close by and has and annual pass. What I have found works best for me, is this. My cousin comes once a year. We want to see each other, but I don't want to put a dent into her vacation. So sometimes I see her for 15 minutes, other years we spend a day together. (It's great to see family when you live so far away from them!) This past year, she called me and told me her schedule. I told her mine and my families. We picked a day and a park. When I arrived, I called her. She told me which attraction they were headed to, and me and my family waited for them at the exit. From there, we did a couple attractions with them. They had dinner reservations, so we parted ways. We spent only a couple hours, but it was really nice. Last year, we met them at Epcot and only spent 15 minutes with them. We are both honest with each other up front. There are no hard feelings whether we spend a few minutes or a whole day together. Just be sure you let your family member know that you already have your plans and reservations.

 

[Brooknwdw]

Hi!

You could explain that you have already told other family members that it is an immediate family trip, so if you include her then other family members may find out & be hurt.
Also, You can honestly use the meal situation as one reason..ADR's that are for four people don't need to be messed with, you could end up not being able to get a table for five or worse, lose your ressie altogether.

It makes a difference if you are talking about one day or a whole trip. If she is wanting to stay with you in your room too, & you have a room with a max occ. of four, then of course she couldn't stay.

It is definately a delicate situation..this is why I never invite myself along for anything, I wait to be invited.
HTH

 

[LuckySadie]

Thanks everyone for all the great advice. We may have solved the problem, maybe! We already made our mid-afternoon meal reservation at the CP at MK on the Weds we will be there. I just found out that she only likes to go to Epcot. So she may choose not to come based on the place we will be. Like someone said, I do think she gets lonely. However this is pretty much typical for what she does. We went to WDW for our honeymoon 15 yrs ago, only there 5 days and she insisted we come visit her. Well we blew her off (we never made concrete plans to see her) and gosh we got the cold shoulder for about a year. Which is why we are tiptoeing around this one. If it comes down to it, I do think we will be honest, certainly we have an uncle and my father also down there and we are not visiting them either. Also fyi, she just wants to spend the entire day with us, not the entire trip. I'll let you know what happens! 12 days and counting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bubbasmom99]

OMG you think she would have gotten the hint the first time around! (just kidding)... well maybe it will resolve itself. Or... you could always say "GREAT, DH and I would love to have a night out alone - perhaps you could take the kids to the park for the night and go on the rides while we grab a nice dinner"

 

[LuckySadie]

OMG you think she would have gotten the hint the first time around! (just kidding)... well maybe it will resolve itself. Or... you could always say "GREAT, DH and I would love to have a night out alone - perhaps you could take the kids to the park for the night and go on the rides while we grab a nice dinner"

OMG!!! That is TOO funny! And not a bad idea at all! One night with my son and she'd never ask again lol!!

 

[crisi]

The word you are looking for is "no."

You can soften the no with additional words, "no, I'm really sorry, this trip is just for us and the kids." "We really need time to spend as just a family." "DH is SO familied out right now." "Perhaps next trip, this one we already have planned solid."

I don't think its fair to her if you don't intend to see her and leave her hanging on waiting to hear when she is supposed to hook up with you. The best thing for everyone is to just say you are sorry, but its a trip for you and the kids and you won't be making time for anyone else.

 

[agnes!]

"No, I'm sorry, but we're not even seeing Dad and Uncle ____ while we're in Florida."

"No, I'm sorry, but maybe we can get together the next time you're up *our* way."

And if she gives you the cold shoulder for a year, what's your loss anyway? I mean, really! And *if* you see her and *don't* see your own dad & uncle and your dad finds out...I think those repercussions could be worse than a cold shoulder for a year(plus the fun of dealing with your DH's feelings if this relative comes along...)

agnes!
PS - Btw, how *did* she find out about your trip? Who exactly told her?...

 

[maxiesmom]

How close a family member is this? Aunt, cousin, third cousin twice removed? And how old a person are we talking? To me that would make a difference. And it makes me sad that you know she is lonely, but oh well, no big deal, we need "our" time? Would it really ruin your vacation to take some time out and see this person for a couple of hours? Sorry but it sounds to me like your definition of family is kind of limited.

 

[LuckySadie]

How close a family member is this? Aunt, cousin, third cousin twice removed? And how old a person are we talking? To me that would make a difference. And it makes me sad that you know she is lonely, but oh well, no big deal, we need "our" time? Would it really ruin your vacation to take some time out and see this person for a couple of hours? Sorry but it sounds to me like your definition of family is kind of limited.

Thank you for your reply, however I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge me. I simply posted the question for advice, not to get a guilt trip. FYI, she is my aunt and is a middle aged married woman with children close-by and works several days a week and has an active social life. I do not know her very well as she has lived in FL for almost my entire life. I guess what I meant by "lonely" is that she is far away from the rest of her family so she likes to see us when we are closer, which is understandable. However we just saw her at the beginning of the summer and spent an entire day with her. My husband and daughter did not enjoy themselves the last time we were there so they aren't comfortable at the prospect of doing this again. We are not snobby or selfish people, we are just trying to stand up for ourselves in as nice a way as possible. I love my entire family, but this vacation is about my daughter and son more than anything or anyone else. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, I don't know, maybe it is. My husband gets so little time with them so this is why we go away from home - if he's home, he will ALWAYS get pulled away. Happens every time. This way my kids and I have him all to ourselves.

To respond to the person who asked how she found out, I told my mother not to mention it to her because we wanted to spend time alone as a family but she told her anyway. Thanks Mom. She can't keep a secret to save her life! I guess it's best that she said something tho, that way everything will be understood.

Thanks again everyone for the great advice and support!!

 

[maxiesmom]

I'm sorry that you don't like my opinion, but you did post on a public forum. You are free to make your own choices, and people are free to offer their opinions. That is how it works. My original thought was that maybe she was elderly and if you didn't see her you might live to regret it. As you have now stated that is not the case. Howeve I still think it is sad that a family member going on a few rides is a bother.

 

[tommygirl79]

LuckySadie - I know exactly how you are feeling. My DH has been working 60+ hours a week lately (NOT by choice). We really NEED some time concentrated on JUST our immediate family. We do not have a family member wanting to tag along but if we did we would feel the same way. No, to some it might not seem like a huge deal to spend a day or even a few hours with someone outside of the family but if parts of your family don't want to do it, it wouldn't be worth it. Plus, it's not just the time you are actually with them that you have to think about. You have to think about your family's lack of being able to be spontaneous that day and having to make sure and coordinate where you will meet this person, what you will do, etc that take some of the focus off of your family vacation. Walt Disney World is a precious commodity to DH and me as we don't take vacations very often so that time might not seem like much but it can be a bigger sacrifice than it appears.

 

[LuckySadie]

Tommygirl you are a complete sweetheart and thanks for your understanding of the situation!! I personally feel you hit the nail on the head about the spontaneity being gone when you must wait on someone else and plan around them. Granted it is just one day, but every day is precious to us. Bless you for sticking by your hubby while he works all those hours, many gals wouldn't put up with it. My DH works an average of 80-90 hrs a week between 3 jobs. Granted some of that is at night when the kids are asleep, but they usually only see him for an hour or two per day which is why this is extra important bonding time. Thanks again for your support!!

 

[Del]

Good Luck and have a blast with your DH and kids! Sending along good Mickey and Minnie thoughts your way!

Del

 

[tommygirl79]

LuckySadie - wow 80-90 hours is alot! I thought 60 was tons...Thank you for your words of encouragement as well! I would stick with DH no matter what because he's working so much just so I can stay home with our kids until school age - something that he INSISTS I do because he knows it's what we wanted when we decided to have kids and he's taken that responsibility on his own and he knows how much work it takes to be home full time as well. I wish you all the BEST trip in the World - we leave in less than three days now!!!!!!