'Tacky' Thank-You notes

[JENJON]

My cousin married this wonderful girl.....Ok I can't even say it without
getting all heated up. Well coming from a big Italian family, we give
money for wedding gifts, The wonderful bride just wrote Thank you
in the memo part of your check, so when you got your bank statement
and were balancing your check book, there was your thank you note.

Now to me that's Tacky.......

 

[livinfreeinaz]

Well I have one for you. My husbands step sister just got married in July, we were unable to make the trip back. Well we sent a check and a gift card, totaling 500.00. Never recieved a thank you one. Step mom has the nerve to say she is busy trying to get pregnant. It takes what maybe 2 minutes to sign a thank you card and address it? Pretty rude if you ask me.
Any type of thank you card is great, as long as you recieve one.

Thanks,
livinfreeinaz

 

[Mono~rail]

Kind of brings me to another pet peeve of mine--those darned form letters people send with Christmas cards, or whatever. The implication is that they're so popular they just don't have time to keep up with their "fan club" with personal notes. Well, I refuse to even read those things. I just toss them. If they don't have the time to write me, what makes them think I have time to read their "newsletter"?

I never thought of them like that, but it is true! "Their fan club"

 

[famofsix]

My cousin married this wonderful girl.....Ok I can't even say it without
getting all heated up. Well coming from a big Italian family, we give
money for wedding gifts, The wonderful bride just wrote Thank you
in the memo part of your check, so when you got your bank statement
and were balancing your check book, there was your thank you note.

Now to me that's Tacky.......

Very Tacky, Tacky Tacky! What if you don't get your checks back? What was she thinking? And please...the groom could have written a thank you too

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

There is a bit of difference between breaking the law and sending the "wrong" Thank You card. I'm of the opinion that it is the thought that counts not how creative or "correct" the Thank You is. A Thank You is a Thank You in my mind. Also, if I have to fill out my own address at a shower to save a new mother or bride some time then I'm all for it. Its two second out of my time but saves someone else quite a bit. especially if it was a huge shower/wedding with lots of guests.

First, this has nothing to do with "right" or "wrong" thank you notes. It has to do with the point that people think they can pick and choose what societal norms to follow & which to ignore.

"Well, thank you's are outdated. Why waste my time?" How about because it is polite. People put a lot of effort into picking out a gift, even if on a registry. They take a lot of time to be at the event. And writing a thank you takes about 1% of that same time. It's Just polite. It's called manners. The more manners we push aside, the more rudeness in life. We are pushing aside those "minor" laws all the time too. And then we wonder why this is? We wonder why we don't thank you's for showers & weddings. How about because we don't emphasize thank you's in the rest of our life either? If you don't bother with one, what difference does the other really matter? The pushing aside of one leads to the pushing aside of the other. People get used to one, and think big deal. Then others start to set aside the next. It just snowballs.

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

I certainly hope you are joking with this line because it is a hilarious exaggeration!

WEll, I don't actually think you going to h*ll if you don't write thank you's. But I do think you can't say the intention was good, so who cares. "Well, officer, I killed the vagriant to get him off the street & put him & everyone else out of the misery his life is. My intentions were good, weren't they?"

OK, that is an exaggeration. But the point is, you can't just put good manners, good taste aside because it is difficult.

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

There is a bit of difference between breaking the law and sending the "wrong" Thank You card. I'm of the opinion that it is the thought that counts not how creative or "correct" the Thank You is. A Thank You is a Thank You in my mind. Also, if I have to fill out my own address at a shower to save a new mother or bride some time then I'm all for it. Its two second out of my time but saves someone else quite a bit. especially if it was a huge shower/wedding with lots of guests.

Oh, forgot to add. Since when does a new mother's or bride's time matter more than my own? It took me longer to pick out the gift and deliver it. I had to find out where she was registered, put aside something to go to the store, go to the store, get the registry, look at the various items, decide on one, sit in line to purchase, spend my hard earned money, take the item home, spend the time to wrap it, and then finally put aside time to go to the party. She spends 30 seconds opening the gift and could spend another 30 seconds addressing an envelope. Oh wait, I took the time to do that too. And I have a job, I volunteer, I'm married too, and I have 5 kids. So explain to me, why is her time more valuable than my own?

 

[Mono~rail]

Oh, forgot to add. Since when does a new mother's or bride's time matter more than my own? It took me longer to pick out the gift and deliver it. I had to find out where she was registered, put aside something to go to the store, go to the store, get the registry, look at the various items, decide on one, sit in line to purchase, spend my hard earned money, take the item home, spend the time to wrap it, and then finally put aside time to go to the party. She spends 30 seconds opening the gift and could spend another 30 seconds addressing an envelope. Oh wait, I took the time to do that too. And I have a job, I volunteer, I'm married too, and I have 5 kids. So explain to me, why is her time more valuable than my own?

Well, if it wasn't considered rude to put a registry on the invitation, one step of your lengthy gift giving process would be gone. . .

I'm still at your comparison of lack of proper thank you note/card etiquette with hardcore crime and going to H*LL!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

My opinion:

Wedding Thank you's:
I read somewhere you have up to 6 months. While it seems like a long time, it beats no thank you at all.
A relative was married over 6 years ago. We have never received a thank you at all. Someone asked her mom around the 1 year anniversary and was told that they were waiting for their pictures to come back. Never got a picture. Never got a thank you.

I also think it's wrong that it is left up to the bride. As another poster said, the man's hand works, too. He could just as easily sit down and write them out.

Kids' Thank you's:
Fill in the blanks thank you's don't bother me. Heck, I might buy some and send them to that relative I was talking about!

When you repeatedly give gifts and don't get a thank you note OR a thank you phone call, it's very irritating.

I know some kids that don't even appreciate a gift unless it's a gift card over 50 dollars (these kids are getting a 1200 electronic type gift for Christmas and are peeved over sharing it). To get no thank you, no call, and then to have them toss a $40 gift card to the side like it's nothing . . . grr.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

Well I have one for you. My husbands step sister just got married in July, we were unable to make the trip back. Well we sent a check and a gift card, totaling 500.00. Never recieved a thank you one. Step mom has the nerve to say she is busy trying to get pregnant. It takes what maybe 2 minutes to sign a thank you card and address it? Pretty rude if you ask me.
Any type of thank you card is great, as long as you recieve one.

Thanks,
livinfreeinaz

Okay, how much time can she possibly spend doing that? And once she's successful, a baby will take up a lot more of her time. I'd get used to no thank you's from her, I guess. I do think it's rude. And what's worse is that those who get fed up and stop gifting will be called rude by the busy no thank you-ers.

 

[Mono~rail]

This thread reinforces what I already knew -- Dh and I made the best decision when we ran off to Vegas and got married by ourselves! No guests! No reception! And best of all - No gifts! No strings could be attached that way!

My second best decision was declining all the offers for a baby shower for the twins. Once again - No shower! No guests! No gifts! No strings could be attached that way!

BTW, I don't like receiving gifts because of all the strings attached to them.

 

[Mono~rail]

I forgot to add that gifts for the twins did trickle in once they were born. I'll hold everyone in suspense about whether or not I sent out thank you cards for those gifts.

 

[vhoffman]

This thread reinforces what I already knew -- Dh and I made the best decision when we ran off to Vegas and got married by ourselves! No guests!

BTW, I don't like receiving gifts because of all the strings attached to them.

Well, I, personally, don't like getting invitations to weddings, etc., because of all the "strings attached" such as attending, getting there, perhaps buying myself a new outfit, arranging baby sitting, not to mention the gift.

 

[vhoffman]

Last May I sent a graduation gift to my friend's daughter. I never received a thank you, until I mentioned not hearing from her in a conversation with my friend. Then, about a week later, I got a very nice thank you note from the daughter. It looked somehow familiar............I checked and realized it was her mother's handwriting! Her mother wrote the thank you note! Oh, well, really I was just as pleased that my gift was graciously acknowledged, even if it was "ghost written". If someone has a ton of thank you notes to send they might consider asking someone else to help write some, just make sure they aren't familiar with your handwriting!

 

[Mono~rail]

Well, I, personally, don't like getting invitations to weddings, etc., because of all the "strings attached" such as attending, getting there, perhaps buying myself a new outfit, arranging baby sitting, not to mention the gift.

Once again, I'm glad we did it the way we did. We didn't want to "burden" anyone with an invitation.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Oh, forgot to add. Since when does a new mother's or bride's time matter more than my own? It took me longer to pick out the gift and deliver it. I had to find out where she was registered, put aside something to go to the store, go to the store, get the registry, look at the various items, decide on one, sit in line to purchase, spend my hard earned money, take the item home, spend the time to wrap it, and then finally put aside time to go to the party. She spends 30 seconds opening the gift and could spend another 30 seconds addressing an envelope. Oh wait, I took the time to do that too. And I have a job, I volunteer, I'm married too, and I have 5 kids. So explain to me, why is her time more valuable than my own?

I don't know about you, but for me shopping for and wrapping presents is fun. So is going to a party. Addressing hundreds of envelopes is boring and in my case painful (I have carpol tunnel syndrom in my wrist). I'm a single mother, have a full time job, go to school full time, and volunteer in my community, and I have no problem taking that 30 secs out of my life and filling out an envelope to help someone else. Its not that their time is worth more than mine (or yours) but that I like doing something to help someone else. Even something as small as filling out an address. Besides at least I know its going to be filled out correctly and not get misdirected because someone who had been filling out hundreds of evelopes made a mistake when they were tired.

 

[cats mom]

Lisa, LOL! This just came up today while my mom was visiting us. My mom and my aunt hosted a party after my cousin's daughter was baptized (my cousin's mom was their older sister and recently passed away). Anyway, cousin's wife sent them each a nice decorative wreath this week, with a note thanking them for putting on the event.

My aunt immediately thought of going to the store to get a thank you card for the wreath. But since the wreath was part of the thank you from my cousin's wife, does my aunt need to send another thank you back to her??

Let me know what she decides - I'm in a similar situation.

I had extra tickets for a sold out run of Wicked.
Of course I offered them to family and friends at face value.

They all knew I had sold a few tickets on e-bay for big bucks and no doubt could have sold the ones I gave them for even more. (better seats)

I just got a thank you card from a couple of friends I supplied with tickets and they included a gift card as well.
So now do I send a thank you note for the thank you gift they sent me?

Most of the family members I gave tickets to didn't even manage a verbal thank you btw.
Guess it's the whole we tend to treat everyone else better than we do those who are closest to us kind of thing.

 

[Ask"WhyNot?"]

First, what strings are there for receiving a gift? Being grateful? If you don't enjoy receiving gifts, just send them back. I'm sure you don't even need to send a no thank you card--they'll already understand how unappreciative you are.

Second, what strings at receiving an invitation? All that says is your PRESENCE is desired. At least that is what it is supposed to say. Maybe that is why so many of us think it is rude to not send a thank you. It's saying I prefer your gift, it was expected, and that is why I invited you. Instead of being pleasantly surprised, even if it is a tradition. Heck, evidently the tradition of thank you notes is just too bothersome, let's make the tradition of gifts too bothersome too.

Third, I do not mind shopping for gifts or going to parties. And, I RSVP (another thread topic), so it is relatively easy to find out where the registry is. I do those things because I want to. The reply was to the effect that it is soooo time consuming to write thank yous, we should self address our envelope. Heck, let's pick out the thank you card too and possibly fill it in for the bride/mother-to-be, that will just save her all the more time. My point was, it takes a lot more time to do all of that then to show a little graciousness. And while it might not be the most exciting thing in the world, I enjoy knowing I let someone know that I do appreciate the time & effort they took to think of me. And if you are inviting 100s of people to a shower which leaves you with too little time to be courteous, perhaps you should cut back your invitation list. Or at least split the work into a few different sessions.

Fourth, again, you are taking things a little bit too literal on going to h3ll analogy. The only point there is intent does not equal right, correct, polite, or anything else. Period. To help you out: analogy--a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect on the basis of known similarities in other respects. OR a similarity between like features of unlike things on which a comparison may be based. All I mean is, when one thing falls to the wayside, something else will also fall to the wayside down the line. Look at bathsuit trends over the last 150 years.

Fifth, as I said in my original post: I don't sit back and go "how rude" or point fingers or anything else. If I'm asked to fill out an envelope, I do. If I don't receive a thank you, fine. Life goes on. I don't dwell on it. I don't particulary care that much. But if you ask me if certain things are tacky (and it was asked in this thread), yes it is. Heck, if you want to wear plaid, stripes & polk-a-dots together, fine. But it's tacky, imo. Just like I wouldn't have someone address their own enevelope for a thank you note, especially not even before I knew if they got me a gift. And just like I send thank you notes whenever someone does something a little beyond the ordinary.

Sixth, you don't need to send a thank you for a thank you. If someone sends a gift with a thank you note, they're telling you not only did the appreciate what you did, but think you went WAY above. Or would we all have to write thank you's for party favors too? Yes, you can carry something too far.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I'm actually surprised that so many get offended over Thank You cards in one way or another. I don't go to many parties now, but when I still lived in the town I grew up in, it was a weekly event. Most everyone there had the same mindset. A couple just starting out, or expanding their family probably needs every dime they can get. Why pay to send out a card that's going straight in the trash? A heartfelt, verbal Thank You is more than enough & more financially feasible in most cases. I do remember one of my 1st cousins complaining about not receiving Thank You notes. No problem. People just quit inviting her & her attitude to anything. I suppose that made all involved happy. Personally, I've never given anyone a gift expecting or even wanting anything in return. The joy is in the giving, not in the response the gift receives. Oddly enough, I have filled out many Thank You cards for flowers or other sentiments involved in losing a loved one. Until I read this thread, I never thought about how insane that really is. That was the one time in my life that I struggled with feeling gratitude for anything. I suppose they think the financial situation is different at this time in your life. FWIW, I still wire flowers up there often for funerals. Most people don't even know our address. It never occurred to me that I should receive a Thank You card. I think having loved ones we can take for granted & get the same in return is the greatest gift of all.

Just as most things do in this country, this practice seems to vary by region. Noone is right or wrong, just different & we should all respect that.

 

[autumnbaby9]

I'm actually surprised that so many get offended over Thank You cards in one way or another. I don't go to many parties now, but when I still lived in the town I grew up in, it was a weekly event. Most everyone there had the same mindset. A couple just starting out, or expanding their family probably needs every dime they can get. Why pay to send out a card that's going straight in the trash? A heartfelt, verbal Thank You is more than enough & more financially feasible in most cases. I do remember one of my 1st cousins complaining about not receiving Thank You notes. No problem. People just quit inviting her & her attitude to anything. I suppose that made all involved happy. Personally, I've never given anyone a gift expecting or even wanting anything in return. The joy is in the giving, not in the response the gift receives. Oddly enough, I have filled out many Thank You cards for flowers or other sentiments involved in losing a loved one. Until I read this thread, I never thought about how insane that really is. That was the one time in my life that I struggled with feeling gratitude for anything. I suppose they think the financial situation is different at this time in your life. FWIW, I still wire flowers up there often for funerals. Most people don't even know our address. It never occurred to me that I should receive a Thank You card. I think having loved ones we can take for granted & get the same in return is the greatest gift of all.

Just as most things do in this country, this practice seems to vary by region. Noone is right or wrong, just different & we should all respect that.

I completely agree