Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[joleen76]

Great update as always. I too must wear the badge of chin hairs coming in. DH loves to point them out to me. He's a bit sadistic and would just love for me to let him pull them. He's like a pack of buzzards circling their pray just waiting for them to give up their will to live. Well in my case to miss one stinking hair!

That's okay he can have his fun, I get the last laugh though. He snores and I make fun of him or poke him when we have "these episodes" so all is good.

I am in the process of typing that TR I promised in word and when I get the first half done I will post it.

Thanks for the laugh as always!

 

[disbugsmomma]

Wow, I finally got caught up! I have been reading this TR for about a week and finally finished, before you finished the last day. That's what usually happens to me, get to the party just as everyone is getting ready to leave. Oh well, at least I put in an appearance. And I totally understand the chin hair thing, I have one recurring hair that I have been pulling for a few years now. I hate when I can't find the tweezers, I end up walking around like this . Anyway, I just wanted to say I love your reports! I hope you're going on another trip soon so we don't have to go through withdrawls.

 

[Mrs. The King]

One ply Toilet paper. Wow. You didn’t know you could still buy it right? Well, guess what?

I bought a whole sackful of it at Wal Mart. I have been using toilet paper for as long as I can remember, but I never developed a preference. A favorite team, if you will. I never sat there and thought, “Now, this is the paper for me!” Like you do sometimes with sodas or nail polish. Or men. (shout out to Mr. The King!)

I have noticed that sometimes T.P. can be dusty. Which is weird. I have noticed that some times the roll seems a little skimpy. It is good for two number ones and one number two.

I think the dancing bear and his cub are cute with their little tushies. But I can’t remember if that is a brand is any good.

Some of it is so gosh darn expensive. Is there a little leprechaun tucked in the cardboard roll? Does he grant your every wish if you can catch him?

So, I grabbed a sack and threw it in my cart. When this one ply brand first made its appearance on our dispenser, it looked good.

Not dusty.

Not overly quilted.

Not too skimpy.

It had promise.

Until I tried to use it.

One Ply. Seriously? Is there any job involving your situation that would only require one ply? A dainty dumper? I guess it is possible.
When winding up the one ply, I had trouble shaking the impression that I was using cotton candy to get the job done.
It was wimpy. I would imagine that this type of paper would be great in prisons. We are, after all, punishing those people for crap’s sake.
Butt, Wal Mart sells it. And I bought it. I can’t remember the name of it, so I am going to assume that I will buy it again.

The other thing that I noticed is that my horrible cocker spaniel is a sucker. She steals anything that is in a crinkly sealed package (think fruit chews or granola bar) and hides with it. She stuffs it in her giant mupplet paws and pastes the guiltiest look you have ever seen on her bear-like face.
I’ll see if I have a picture of this phenomenon. She sucks on the package. Trying to get to the treats through some sort of absorption method. She has yet to figure out that she can bite right into the package to achieve her goal.
She is so weird.


So back to Disney.
Back to Pop.

Back to eating.

Because we don’t want to leave one stinking dining credit unused.
Mr. The King explained our dilemma to the guy that lives in the little gatehouse with the clipboard. He sees the beauty in our little evil plan, so he waves us in.

We park in the losers’ lot. Didn’t know about the losers’ lot? It’s the what the check-in parking turns into when you are not checking in, or even having the good sense to be checking out.

We get out. The walk of shame is bad enough. Packing up all your stinking stuff and all the crazy nutmare full of souvenirs that you couldn’t live without. It hurts.

But this going back. All packed up, Parks closed behind you, to the hotel you called home. Well, that is just like dipping a cut in vinegar and then putting salt on it.

Remember the Hamster analogy? The digging up your dead hamster and giving on more roll down the stairs in the exercise ball?

Well. It’s just like that. Sad. Bouncy. And a little funny.

Or worse yet. Flushing a pet fish Swimmy down the toilet and then having the funeral back up on you. Grabbing the nearby plunger and attacking the backup with the ferociousness of a woman possessed. With sweet Swimmy getting sucked violently in and out, disappearing and appearing like a little, tiny David Copperfield lived in the pipes of the toilet. While the kids watch in horror.

That fish story is obviously to ridiculous to really have occurred in any loving Mother’s home. And defiantly not mine.

So we were Swimmy . The dining credits were our plunger. We were getting sucked in and out of Pop.

The kids are confused. Are we going to spring a super secret extra few nights on them?

“No, Virginia, there is no extra Disney time.” We were just torturing them. We walked back into the POP food court. I ordered another chicken encrusted in something wonderful. Mr. The King had something he liked, the kids each got a full meal. We grabbed enough prepackaged snacks to get rid of those credits.

We sat in a huge booth. And we sucked on our food. Just like our horrible Spaniel. With the same look on our faces.

We finished up our last bite of Disney. Funny how those snacks didn’t taste nearly as good when we were off property. I think Disney loads them with the same dye they put in the bank robbers sack of money. Exploding all the yummyness out of it as soon as you see regular green road signs again.
The kids were tucked in their seats. No Tinkerbell farts. No happy presents. Mr. The King and I start reminiscing about our trip. We start talking about me writing this very trip report. We make plans to come again.

The toilet was finally flushed . The hamster, finally buried.

The good news for us is that we still had a few days with Grandma and Grandpa in their retirement community, which is more like a cruise then anything else. They have so many pools and hot tubs it is insulting to those of us that are still working.


Up Next Summary and Review. What have we learned from Sweet Mother of Fudge!

Chapter 35 ~A Summary~ Pimples and Farts

 

[Mrs. The King]

Maybe the fungus would kill the chin hairs....

Now I know you are genius. For reals.

i'd be more worried they might grow faster

That right there is pessimism.

Great update as always. I too must wear the badge of chin hairs coming in. DH loves to point them out to me. He's a bit sadistic and would just love for me to let him pull them. He's like a pack of buzzards circling their pray just waiting for them to give up their will to live. Well in my case to miss one stinking hair!

That's okay he can have his fun, I get the last laugh though. He snores and I make fun of him or poke him when we have "these episodes" so all is good.

I am in the process of typing that TR I promised in word and when I get the first half done I will post it.

Thanks for the laugh as always!

Please pm me when you get the trippie up, I would love to follow along.

Wow, I finally got caught up! I have been reading this TR for about a week and finally finished, before you finished the last day. That's what usually happens to me, get to the party just as everyone is getting ready to leave. Oh well, at least I put in an appearance. And I totally understand the chin hair thing, I have one recurring hair that I have been pulling for a few years now. I hate when I can't find the tweezers, I end up walking around like this . Anyway, I just wanted to say I love your reports! I hope you're going on another trip soon so we don't have to go through withdrawls.

Recurring hairs are so insulting and determined aren't they. I am so glad you joined us!

I hope to go again this summer! Maybe we can start kicking around real catchy titles.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

MTK, as always, I LOVED you post! Miss you over on the other thread, Please come back
I hear you on the TP. At my currente work site, its so thin, you cant even ball it up well. Extremely frustrating... And this is at a Deluxe. At a certain value resort they have decent TP, go figure..

Could you please start a pre-trippy as soon as you finish this one? Thanks!

Or just a blog, I think your daily observations are the funniest.

And please remember to visit my thread... well, not mine, but you know what I mean.

 

[Mrs. The King]

MTK, as always, I LOVED you post! Miss you over on the other thread, Please come back
I hear you on the TP. At my currente work site, its so thin, you cant even ball it up well. Extremely frustrating... And this is at a Deluxe. At a certain value resort they have decent TP, go figure..

Could you please start a pre-trippy as soon as you finish this one? Thanks!

Or just a blog, I think your daily observations are the funniest.

And please remember to visit my thread... well, not mine, but you know what I mean.

Your thread rocks! Thank you so much for reading!

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Awesome update MTK! A discourse on the virtues of proper TP selection is something the world needs more of. (NOcanadianoutpost) I'm glad the guard agreed that it was vital that you be allowed to utilize your snack credits to their maximum potential. As to the exploding snack de-yumifyer, I think they slip a similar device into the souvenir bags that renders items much less of a necessity once they are unpacked.

 

[jcc0621]

Funny how those snacks didn’t taste nearly as good when we were off property.

 

[whogirl'smom]

No, the bear tissue is way too fuzzy and linty. Reminds me too much of a Swiffer duster.

I second the idea of you starting a pre-trip. I think we could learn a lot from how the Kings prepare for a Disney trip!

 

[disbugsmomma]

We use Quilted Northern here. DH and I went through many brands before sticking with that. No Mr T. toilet paper here! I can't wait to read your TR for the trip this summer, but I have a trip in March so I won't go through too much withdrawl. And I'll think of you every time I go into a bathroom stall at Disney.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Awesome update MTK! A discourse on the virtues of proper TP selection is something the world needs more of. (NOcanadianoutpost) I'm glad the guard agreed that it was vital that you be allowed to utilize your snack credits to their maximum potential. As to the exploding snack de-yumifyer, I think they slip a similar device into the souvenir bags that renders items much less of a necessity once they are unpacked.

You are so right! Especially anything that lights up in a parade!!!

No, the bear tissue is way too fuzzy and linty. Reminds me too much of a Swiffer duster.

I second the idea of you starting a pre-trip. I think we could learn a lot from how the Kings prepare for a Disney trip!

Pre trip!! Oh Yeah. I think that is a great idea! We can have a chin hair growing contest.

We use Quilted Northern here. DH and I went through many brands before sticking with that. No Mr T. toilet paper here! I can't wait to read your TR for the trip this summer, but I have a trip in March so I won't go through too much withdrawl. And I'll think of you every time I go into a bathroom stall at Disney.

Quilted Northern. I will have to hit that up this time around. I love that the bathroom stall is my legacy in the World. I'll think of you everytime I grab my new Q.N. T.P.

 

[teriyaki]

Chin waxing? Maybe we can start a very fru fru place that caters to wild hairs.

Can you call it the "Ritsy-Titsy Wild Hair Salon" so that I'll know it's you?

Oh, Mrs. the King, you slay me.

 

[whogirl'smom]

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!!













Betcha thought I was going to say Valentine's Day, didn't you? Hope you get some good chocolate tomorrow, MTK!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Ever pop a teeny weeny little pimple right under your nose?


There are over one billion nerves in the body. Over half those are located in itty bitty nose pimples.

First off, it feels like the size of a large cat, but in actuality, you can barely see it.

Second, when you go to pop it, the pain is insane. It automatically closes one of your eyes like a garage door opener. Your other eye tears up like you are watching the end of the movie Titanic..

Third. It makes you pee a little.

Well I guess it is time to wind this sucker up. Finally, flush the bowl. End the Trip Report.

Speaking of flushing, to end this trip report in the style it started, I really feel that quiet bathroom fans should be outlawed.

Why would a bathroom fan ever need to be quiet? If you are not ]the one partaking, you have no business hearing what is transpiring in say, the work bathroom.

To emphasize this point, I will relive a recent experience. I had to fart. It happens. Don’t think you don’t fart, because you do. Some of us are built in a certain way. Some jigglers are loaded for bear. And that is ok. Really. But I had been trying to release a potentially loud one into the wild. So I was trying to find an acceptable place to let her rip, that was private enough to still emerge from the situation a lady.

I walked slowly, carefully into the copy machine room. I am approaching the age where my grip on any fart is tenuous at best.

A trip, a sneeze, or even a hard blink can undo a lot of hard work.

When the copy room loomed empty and private, I was happy.

I was just about to be at peace when the sneaky librarian popped up from fixing a computer. I managed to swallow the fart. Butt I knew the jiggler would punish me.

They don’t make librarians loud, so I couldn’t blame her for being sneaky. I tried to smile. I wasn’t in the danger zone where I needed to engage in the “fake cough” (which really just winds up sounding like a choking, growling duck when combined with the fart). I clenched, and waddled quietly out. I am sure I resembled someone just recovering from extensive surgery.

Butt, I was hanging on. To a bad one.

Next up, was the most obvious. The work bathroom.

Which is in the hallway.

A lot.

Which happens to be quite public feeling, and at that moment crowed with two classes. Where I work, the children are wonderful in the hall. Quiet like a bomb squad or gaggle of monks.

As I planted the jiggler, it had something to say.
The bowl amplified my already impressive offering. It was kind of like I handed the Jiggler a blow horn. After the offense had occurred, I belatedly reached over and turned on the water.

So instead of a fart, it sounded like the beginnings of a forceful stomach virus.

It was then that I took note of the super silent bathroom fan. Which is an abomination to all that is good and true.

Up yours, bathroom fan designers! What we really need is a fan that sounds like a jet plane taking off in a tornado. When nature has it’s way with us, we need a realistic soundtrack from Niagara Falls. Butt, I guess the designers of the bathroom fan decided to go with the "mouse taking a deep breath" intensity of sound.

Lets get back to our summary. Of Sweet Mother of Fudge.
What have we learned today class!
What I got out of writing was as follows:

1) I still love Disney.

2) I love seeing my kids love Disney.

3) I love writing.

4) I love writing a trip report for The Disboards.

5) I have met people here that tickle me with laughter, stun me with the beauty of their words.

6) The Fockers and The Moovers rock. A lot.

7) I still love potty humor.

8) My favorite is hearing from YOU! When readers tell me they had a giggle or hugged their kids, I feel so happy. I love hearing YOUR stories! We have so many hysterical stories from readers that make this trip report so special.

9) That when something happens in your life, you can get comfort from internet friends.


And a shout out to my posters !! Though I love my lurkers too

Mrs. The King 164
whogirl'smom 41
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And so that is it. I want to say thank you to any and all people that joined me on this wild ride. Having people read this craziness makes writing it so stinking fun. Shake your Jigglers and raise a toast to fun, friends and Disney!

 

[andrews1ma]

and it made him lol too! cause what better humor suited for a nine year old than potty humor- farting and school combined together has to be the funniest stuff he has read in a long time! Thank you for a fun "trip". I will be thinking of you as my son and I walk right down the middle of main street USA on my upcoming Maycation. And I hope you don't mind that my BFF and I use the term Jelly Bags on an almost daily basis cause she works at one of the Ritsy Titsy eyeglass places in New York- so Jelly Bags is just perfect!

sad its over but loved reading and re-reading every minute of it!!

keep us posted on any new trips when planned because I will definitely be subbing to any PTR's and TR's in your future!

 

[whogirl'smom]

First, I have to say I am either the president of the MTK fan club, or a stalker, hmmm.

And I also have to say that the ad banner at the bottom of this page is for super size toilet paper!!

If I don't laugh, I'll have to cry that this is over! This has been a wonderful trip Mrs. the King, and I'll miss it terribly. Thank you for sharing your humor and literary talent with all of us. Even farts can be profound.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Happy Friday the 13th!!!!!

Betcha thought I was going to say Valentine's Day, didn't you? Hope you get some good chocolate tomorrow, MTK!

I also got 50% off chocolate Which tastes a little better then full priced chocolate.

and it made him lol too! cause what better humor suited for a nine year old than potty humor- farting and school combined together has to be the funniest stuff he has read in a long time! Thank you for a fun "trip". I will be thinking of you as my son and I walk right down the middle of main street USA on my upcoming Maycation. And I hope you don't mind that my BFF and I use the term Jelly Bags on an almost daily basis cause she works at one of the Ritsy Titsy eyeglass places in New York- so Jelly Bags is just perfect!

sad its over but loved reading and re-reading every minute of it!!

keep us posted on any new trips when planned because I will definitely be subbing to any PTR's and TR's in your future!

Ok. I loved that you and your boy laughed!!! You have my blessing for using the heck out of Jelly bags. It is a great, disgusting way to describe the eye. I hope you have a wonderful vacation, keep that place warm for me!

First, I have to say I am either the president of the MTK fan club, or a stalker, hmmm.

And I also have to say that the ad banner at the bottom of this page is for super size toilet paper!!

If I don't laugh, I'll have to cry that this is over! This has been a wonderful trip Mrs. the King, and I'll miss it terribly. Thank you for sharing your humor and literary talent with all of us. Even farts can be profound.

I prefer to call you a super duper friend Super Sized Toilet Paper!! What a fitting cherry on this dessert of a post I will miss seeing your sweet, awesome posts as well... Farts can be profound!!!

 

[whogirl'smom]

Oh, my gosh, now the ad is for recycled toilet paper!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Oh, my gosh, now the ad is for recycled toilet paper!

 

[faerieprincess]

Mrs The King i so wish you had been able to have another dozen days at Disney so we could continue to hear about them. You are the funniest, best TR writer i've yet to find, and i have enjoyed your TR immensely. Thank you so much for sharing your trip with us!!