sure wish parents would watch their kids

And yet another judgmental comment about people you’ve never met🙄 good grief
I like most of your DIS posts. We agree on a lot of subjects.

But, WOW, you also have made many judgmental comments in the past about people you have never met. As have many people on this thread who are acting oddly indignant that you shouldn't judge others. Posters that have judged others throughout their time on these boards are all of a sudden wagging their fingers.

So strange.
 
Agreed....like possibly her replying that she doesn't have children is supposed to be the "gotcha!!"....which is then supposed to mean that she can't have an opinion on spanking, butt tapping, swatting, "whoopin"....etc when it comes to raising children.... which is ridiculous. I don't have children and I've got plenty of opinions on those things.
Agreed I have a child & am familiar with the research she has brought up & agree with what she has said 100%!
 
I didn’t say you can have an opinion - I specifically said I’M going to disregard your opinion. Please reread my post. At no time did I say what you are insinuating.
I was the perfect parent until I had kids. I don't think anyone that doesn't have kids can relate to the experience of raising a child. There's just no way. Not just the emotional stuff, but the financial stuff. Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.
 


I didn’t say you can have an opinion - I specifically said I’M going to disregard your opinion. Please reread my post. At no time did I say what you are insinuating.
In this respect I stayed largely as I said on research done, not really opinion.

However I will say it's sorta a shame to say you'd disregard someone's opinion. Disagree with them? Oh sure that is totally fair, but to disregard them entirely? Sounds a lot like too much of an echo chamber to me.

can relate to the experience of raising a child.
That is a fair statement although does not mean knowledge of things aren't there. We all learn from experiences don't we? So we learn and live through our own as well. Wouldn't be a good thing IMO to ignore experiences in general and only cherry pick when and where that is given validity.
Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.
People take care of other people in their lives emotionally and financially. Seldom do people only worry about themselves. A committed relationship you rarely only worry about yourself and it would be called something very different if that's all you did. Parental relationships, relative relationships, friend relationships, etc. Perhaps not what you were trying to get at with your comments but none the less the narrowness is a problem IMO for the point you're attempting to make.
 
In this respect I stayed largely as I said on research done, not really opinion.

However I will say it's sorta a shame to say you'd disregard someone's opinion. Disagree with them? Oh sure that is totally fair, but to disregard them entirely? Sounds a lot like too much of an echo chamber to me.


That is a fair statement although does not mean knowledge of things aren't there. We all learn from experiences don't we? So we learn and live through our own as well. Wouldn't be a good thing IMO to ignore experiences in general and only cherry pick when and where that is given validity.

People take care of other people in their lives emotionally and financially. Seldom do people only worry about themselves. A committed relationship you rarely only worry about yourself and it would be called something very different if that's all you did. Parental relationships, relative relationships, friend relationships, etc. Perhaps not what you were trying to get at with your comments but none the less the narrowness is a problem IMO for the point you're attempting to make.
The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.
 


The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.
I thought the thread was supposed to be about observed child behavior with parents present and what they did or did not do about it?
 
I thought the thread was supposed to be about observed child behavior with parents present and what they did or did not do about it?
I originally quoted someone that disregards peoples opinions that don't have kids. I was just agreeing with them and stating my reasons. The thread has been all over the place.
 
I was the perfect parent until I had kids. I don't think anyone that doesn't have kids can relate to the experience of raising a child. There's just no way. Not just the emotional stuff, but the financial stuff. Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.

Lol…yes, that’s all that those of us who don’t have kids do…just sit around and worry about ourselves. We don’t have parents, siblings, nieces, nephews….and grandkids for those with adult children to think about, worry about, help out…in a zillion ways including financially if they need it..etc.
 
I originally quoted someone that disregards peoples opinions that don't have kids. I was just agreeing with them and stating my reasons. The thread has been all over the place.
yes, I noticed the thread has taken a series of twists and turns ...
 
Lol…yes, that’s all that those of us who don’t have kids do…just sit around and worry about ourselves. We don’t have parents, siblings, nieces, nephews….and grandkids for those with adult children to think about, worry about, help out…in a zillion ways including financially if they need it..etc.
None of that is the same as having a kid. If you had a kid you would know that. We're you responsible for raising your parents, siblings, nephews and someone else's grandkids.... uh no.

I'm not trying to be mean, but it's not the same. You don't have kids you don't know.
 
The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.
I hear what you're saying and I didn't disagree about the experience part which is why I said it was a fair statement although I think everyone's experience is valid. However your other statement well you presumably have a spouse (I know that's me assuming of course) of course you take care of them emotionally and for a good amount of relationships there's some financials going on.

Is the experience different? Well of course it is! Much like taking care of a parent or a relative or a friend is. But to say that you only worry about yourself and you don't have emotional and financial involved because you're ignoring all other types of relationships was the problem part. Frankly I don't think I've hid it from posters here but I've been the parent to my mom since I was 15, I was the person financially backing her at that age complete with an IOU on the fridge sometimes it was "I need $20 til pay day" and other times it was "I need $500 or I can't pay the mortgage and if I can't pay the mortgage I will lose the house" this was my income made by working, I was the person that took care of her emotional needs (which has lasted long into adulthood long after the financial needs stopped). Was that a different experience than having my own child? Well of course it is! Still I have my own experience much like others do.

I don't need your validation, you're free to have your own opinion and you're free to take your proof wherever you want.
 
Lol…yes, that’s all that those of us who don’t have kids do…just sit around and worry about ourselves. We don’t have parents, siblings, nieces, nephews….and grandkids for those with adult children to think about, worry about, help out…in a zillion ways including financially if they need it..etc.
And we were born adults - never having been kid ourselves ... so there's that too.
 
I hear what you're saying and I didn't disagree about the experience part which is why I said it was a fair statement although I think everyone's experience is valid. However your other statement well you presumably have a spouse (I know that's me assuming of course) of course you take care of them emotionally and for a good amount of relationships there's some financials going on.

Is the experience different? Well of course it is! Much like taking care of a parent or a relative or a friend is. But to say that you only worry about yourself and you don't have emotional and financial involved because you're ignoring all other types of relationships was the problem part. Frankly I don't think I've hid it from posters here but I've been the parent to my mom since I was 15, I was the person financially backing her at that age complete with an IOU on the fridge sometimes it was "I need $20 til pay day" and other times it was "I need $500 or I can't pay the mortgage and if I can't pay the mortgage I will lose the house" this was my income made by working, I was the person that took care of her emotional needs (which has lasted long into adulthood long after the financial needs stopped). Was that a different experience than having my own child? Well of course it is! Still I have my own experience much like others do.

I don't need your validation, you're free to have your own opinion and you're free to take your proof wherever you want.
It's a different kind of responsibility. Yes I have a spouse and I had parents, but I was never responsible for shaping who they become. Its sounds like having a crappy mom made you what you are, and maybe you are a better person for it.

Being a parent to your mom is not normal. If I could send my kids to work and sit on my butt all day than maybe life would not be so stressful. What you experienced is not the norm and honestly you went way above and beyond what you should have done for your mom. My kids will never have to support me. I never had to financially support my parents.

I can relate to having to support a parent no more than you can relate to raising a child. I wouldn't even begin to give you advice on your mom.
 
None of that is the same as having a kid. If you had a kid you would know that. We're you responsible for raising your parents, siblings, nephews and someone else's grandkids.... uh no.

I'm not trying to be mean, but it's not the same. You don't have kids you don't know.
We’re responsible for financially supporting elderly parents to a certain degree because they require assistance…..and we’ve helped several extended family members out over many years when they’ve had personal/financial issues….no strings attached.

We would have been great parents had we chosen to go down that road…our niece and nephews would back that up 100%. Our siblings are comforted in having us as in their lives…and are named in their wills as guardians if something awful happened to them.

We actually help our siblings with children worry less…because they know we’d be there in a heartbeat to step in…and are emotionally and financially able to do so.

People sometimes choose to not have children…but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t successfully raise children.
 
We’re responsible for financially supporting elderly parents to a certain degree because they require assistance…..and we’ve helped several extended family members out over many years when they’ve had personal/financial issues….no strings attached.

We would have been great parents had we chosen to go down that road…our niece and nephews would back that up 100%. Our siblings are comforted in having us as in their lives…and are named in their wills as guardians if something awful happened to them.

We actually help our siblings with children worry less…because they know we’d be there in a heartbeat to step in…and are emotionally and financially able to do so.

People sometimes choose to not have children…but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t successfully raise children.
Did I ever say you wouldn't be successful at it? I said you couldn't relate to it. Why that's an argument I can't for the life of me figure out.

Do you think those of us with kids don't also have elderly parents to take care of? Nieces and nephews, extended family issues. We have all that plus kids.
 
I'm exactly the opposite! I wasn't good with teens when I was one :laughing:, but I love watching toddlers turn from babies to kids.

Most of my teaching career has been spent with the little ones, and one of my best friends is like you and teaches middle school. We marvel at each other's skills constantly!

I think it's great that there are always the right adults out there for our kids at every stage.

We are a blended family with kids pretty spread out, currently 16, 12, and 4. I was just thinking the other day that while all stages of development have their challenges and their blessings, it is interesting to me that my favorite stage is different for each of my kids.

The older 2 are girls and I think my favorite stage for DD16 was early elementary. DSD 12 my favorite stage is definitely now....so far anyway. DS4 my favorite stage so far is now. He is for sure more rambunctious than either of hsi sisters but that is coupled with a lot more intuitiveness and affection than the other two had at that age. Although, I also wonder if that is also a reflection of the different stage I am in my life.

As I explained to DD16 awhile back, when she was DS4's age I was a single mother working full time trying to get through college. Now, i am happily married with a very comfortable income and stable family life. DS4 has a very different mother than she got at that age.

All that said, when I was subbing, I much preferred the high school classes. I don't deal with the younger kids as well.
 
I wouldn't even begin to give you advice on your mom.
Which is why in this thread I largely stuck to the research. Although for the OP's gripe truly I worried more about safety being on a moving bus (until Fastpasser explained more having been a prior CM) than the actual behavior.

But in respects to advice for my mom? I would appreciate it if people did give advice (on another thread that is lol) maybe they don't have that exact experience I had but the other side of the coin is someone who had the best relationship with their parent who can give advice. Maybe they can't relate to having a toxic relationship, my husband certainly can't, but I welcome when he's able to give me a perspective that I don't have.

I do bristle when people who admit they cannot possibly imagine a world where a parent and a child have a toxic relationship say things but I don't find that as often. Most people can't relate but they can talk about the topic and share opinions, information, etc. Sometimes you'll find people who don't have children who make comments that are so outlandish you're like say what!? And even I roll my eyes at those types of comments. But again that's not really all that truly often. And are all parents the same? Heck no, we all know that from all the threads here :p
It's a different kind of responsibility
Yes it absolutely is and not something I would deny, but it doesn't mean people just worry about themselves and only concern themselves with their own emotional and financial needs. That would put you at the outside of societal norms to do so.
Being a parent to your mom is not normal
No it wasn't, it's called parentification. You didn't know how I grew up but made the assumption that I couldn't possibly have anything to give here. I may not have much but I've got some as do other posters.

In any case we've obviously gone way off the deep end here :flower3:
 
Which is why in this thread I largely stuck to the research. Although for the OP's gripe truly I worried more about safety being on a moving bus (until Fastpasser explained more having been a prior CM) than the actual behavior.

But in respects to advice for my mom? I would appreciate it if people did give advice (on another thread that is lol) maybe they don't have that exact experience I had but the other side of the coin is someone who had the best relationship with their parent who can give advice. Maybe they can't relate to having a toxic relationship, my husband certainly can't, but I welcome when he's able to give me a perspective that I don't have.

I do bristle when people who admit they cannot possibly imagine a world where a parent and a child have a toxic relationship say things but I don't find that as often. Most people can't relate but they can talk about the topic and share opinions, information, etc. Sometimes you'll find people who don't have children who make comments that are so outlandish you're like say what!? And even I roll my eyes at those types of comments. But again that's not really all that truly often. And are all parents the same? Heck no, we all know that from all the threads here :p

Yes it absolutely is and not something I would deny, but it doesn't mean people just worry about themselves and only concern themselves with their own emotional and financial needs. That would put you at the outside of societal norms to do so.

No it wasn't, it's called parentification. You didn't know how I grew up but made the assumption that I couldn't possibly have anything to give here. I may not have much but I've got some as do other posters.

In any case we've obviously gone way off the deep end here :flower3:
I agree we've gone off the deep end. When I need parenting advice I seek out people that have kids the same age or have kids with similar issues as my kids. I think that's normal. Like you said there are things in life you just don't want advice from people that haven't been there...like your relationship with your mom.

I realize that people that don't have kids worry about other people. I didn't mean it like that.

I just meant when you have kids you have to worry about them "hopefully" until they day you die. Unlike my parents who I worried about until the day they died. It's a lifetime worry from an early age in life... that's if your a parent who cares.

There are some people that have bad parents and turn out great, and there are kids who have great parent's that turn out bad. It's funny how that works.... so there has to be a lot more to how you turn out than just your parents.
 

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