I like most of your DIS posts. We agree on a lot of subjects.And yet another judgmental comment about people you’ve never met good grief
Agreed I have a child & am familiar with the research she has brought up & agree with what she has said 100%!Agreed....like possibly her replying that she doesn't have children is supposed to be the "gotcha!!"....which is then supposed to mean that she can't have an opinion on spanking, butt tapping, swatting, "whoopin"....etc when it comes to raising children.... which is ridiculous. I don't have children and I've got plenty of opinions on those things.
I was the perfect parent until I had kids. I don't think anyone that doesn't have kids can relate to the experience of raising a child. There's just no way. Not just the emotional stuff, but the financial stuff. Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.I didn’t say you can have an opinion - I specifically said I’M going to disregard your opinion. Please reread my post. At no time did I say what you are insinuating.
In this respect I stayed largely as I said on research done, not really opinion.I didn’t say you can have an opinion - I specifically said I’M going to disregard your opinion. Please reread my post. At no time did I say what you are insinuating.
That is a fair statement although does not mean knowledge of things aren't there. We all learn from experiences don't we? So we learn and live through our own as well. Wouldn't be a good thing IMO to ignore experiences in general and only cherry pick when and where that is given validity.can relate to the experience of raising a child.
People take care of other people in their lives emotionally and financially. Seldom do people only worry about themselves. A committed relationship you rarely only worry about yourself and it would be called something very different if that's all you did. Parental relationships, relative relationships, friend relationships, etc. Perhaps not what you were trying to get at with your comments but none the less the narrowness is a problem IMO for the point you're attempting to make.Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.
When we find topics we agree on I do a mini celebration but no really in seriousness I do appreciate itAgreed I have a child & am familiar with the research she has brought up & agree with what she has said 100%!
The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.In this respect I stayed largely as I said on research done, not really opinion.
However I will say it's sorta a shame to say you'd disregard someone's opinion. Disagree with them? Oh sure that is totally fair, but to disregard them entirely? Sounds a lot like too much of an echo chamber to me.
That is a fair statement although does not mean knowledge of things aren't there. We all learn from experiences don't we? So we learn and live through our own as well. Wouldn't be a good thing IMO to ignore experiences in general and only cherry pick when and where that is given validity.
People take care of other people in their lives emotionally and financially. Seldom do people only worry about themselves. A committed relationship you rarely only worry about yourself and it would be called something very different if that's all you did. Parental relationships, relative relationships, friend relationships, etc. Perhaps not what you were trying to get at with your comments but none the less the narrowness is a problem IMO for the point you're attempting to make.
I thought the thread was supposed to be about observed child behavior with parents present and what they did or did not do about it?The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.
I originally quoted someone that disregards peoples opinions that don't have kids. I was just agreeing with them and stating my reasons. The thread has been all over the place.I thought the thread was supposed to be about observed child behavior with parents present and what they did or did not do about it?
I was the perfect parent until I had kids. I don't think anyone that doesn't have kids can relate to the experience of raising a child. There's just no way. Not just the emotional stuff, but the financial stuff. Life is so much easier if all you have to do is worry about yourself.
yes, I noticed the thread has taken a series of twists and turns ...I originally quoted someone that disregards peoples opinions that don't have kids. I was just agreeing with them and stating my reasons. The thread has been all over the place.
None of that is the same as having a kid. If you had a kid you would know that. We're you responsible for raising your parents, siblings, nephews and someone else's grandkids.... uh no.Lol…yes, that’s all that those of us who don’t have kids do…just sit around and worry about ourselves. We don’t have parents, siblings, nieces, nephews….and grandkids for those with adult children to think about, worry about, help out…in a zillion ways including financially if they need it..etc.
I hear what you're saying and I didn't disagree about the experience part which is why I said it was a fair statement although I think everyone's experience is valid. However your other statement well you presumably have a spouse (I know that's me assuming of course) of course you take care of them emotionally and for a good amount of relationships there's some financials going on.The thread is not about taking care of other people. Having a child is nothing like taking care of other people. The emotional bond is like no other. The fact that you don't know that is all the proof I need that you can't relate to having a child. Comparing friends and relative to your child....come on now.
And we were born adults - never having been kid ourselves ... so there's that too.Lol…yes, that’s all that those of us who don’t have kids do…just sit around and worry about ourselves. We don’t have parents, siblings, nieces, nephews….and grandkids for those with adult children to think about, worry about, help out…in a zillion ways including financially if they need it..etc.
It's a different kind of responsibility. Yes I have a spouse and I had parents, but I was never responsible for shaping who they become. Its sounds like having a crappy mom made you what you are, and maybe you are a better person for it.I hear what you're saying and I didn't disagree about the experience part which is why I said it was a fair statement although I think everyone's experience is valid. However your other statement well you presumably have a spouse (I know that's me assuming of course) of course you take care of them emotionally and for a good amount of relationships there's some financials going on.
Is the experience different? Well of course it is! Much like taking care of a parent or a relative or a friend is. But to say that you only worry about yourself and you don't have emotional and financial involved because you're ignoring all other types of relationships was the problem part. Frankly I don't think I've hid it from posters here but I've been the parent to my mom since I was 15, I was the person financially backing her at that age complete with an IOU on the fridge sometimes it was "I need $20 til pay day" and other times it was "I need $500 or I can't pay the mortgage and if I can't pay the mortgage I will lose the house" this was my income made by working, I was the person that took care of her emotional needs (which has lasted long into adulthood long after the financial needs stopped). Was that a different experience than having my own child? Well of course it is! Still I have my own experience much like others do.
I don't need your validation, you're free to have your own opinion and you're free to take your proof wherever you want.
We’re responsible for financially supporting elderly parents to a certain degree because they require assistance…..and we’ve helped several extended family members out over many years when they’ve had personal/financial issues….no strings attached.None of that is the same as having a kid. If you had a kid you would know that. We're you responsible for raising your parents, siblings, nephews and someone else's grandkids.... uh no.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it's not the same. You don't have kids you don't know.
Did I ever say you wouldn't be successful at it? I said you couldn't relate to it. Why that's an argument I can't for the life of me figure out.We’re responsible for financially supporting elderly parents to a certain degree because they require assistance…..and we’ve helped several extended family members out over many years when they’ve had personal/financial issues….no strings attached.
We would have been great parents had we chosen to go down that road…our niece and nephews would back that up 100%. Our siblings are comforted in having us as in their lives…and are named in their wills as guardians if something awful happened to them.
We actually help our siblings with children worry less…because they know we’d be there in a heartbeat to step in…and are emotionally and financially able to do so.
People sometimes choose to not have children…but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t successfully raise children.
I'm exactly the opposite! I wasn't good with teens when I was one , but I love watching toddlers turn from babies to kids.
Most of my teaching career has been spent with the little ones, and one of my best friends is like you and teaches middle school. We marvel at each other's skills constantly!
I think it's great that there are always the right adults out there for our kids at every stage.
Which is why in this thread I largely stuck to the research. Although for the OP's gripe truly I worried more about safety being on a moving bus (until Fastpasser explained more having been a prior CM) than the actual behavior.I wouldn't even begin to give you advice on your mom.
Yes it absolutely is and not something I would deny, but it doesn't mean people just worry about themselves and only concern themselves with their own emotional and financial needs. That would put you at the outside of societal norms to do so.It's a different kind of responsibility
No it wasn't, it's called parentification. You didn't know how I grew up but made the assumption that I couldn't possibly have anything to give here. I may not have much but I've got some as do other posters.Being a parent to your mom is not normal
I agree we've gone off the deep end. When I need parenting advice I seek out people that have kids the same age or have kids with similar issues as my kids. I think that's normal. Like you said there are things in life you just don't want advice from people that haven't been there...like your relationship with your mom.Which is why in this thread I largely stuck to the research. Although for the OP's gripe truly I worried more about safety being on a moving bus (until Fastpasser explained more having been a prior CM) than the actual behavior.
But in respects to advice for my mom? I would appreciate it if people did give advice (on another thread that is lol) maybe they don't have that exact experience I had but the other side of the coin is someone who had the best relationship with their parent who can give advice. Maybe they can't relate to having a toxic relationship, my husband certainly can't, but I welcome when he's able to give me a perspective that I don't have.
I do bristle when people who admit they cannot possibly imagine a world where a parent and a child have a toxic relationship say things but I don't find that as often. Most people can't relate but they can talk about the topic and share opinions, information, etc. Sometimes you'll find people who don't have children who make comments that are so outlandish you're like say what!? And even I roll my eyes at those types of comments. But again that's not really all that truly often. And are all parents the same? Heck no, we all know that from all the threads here
Yes it absolutely is and not something I would deny, but it doesn't mean people just worry about themselves and only concern themselves with their own emotional and financial needs. That would put you at the outside of societal norms to do so.
No it wasn't, it's called parentification. You didn't know how I grew up but made the assumption that I couldn't possibly have anything to give here. I may not have much but I've got some as do other posters.
In any case we've obviously gone way off the deep end here