Student Loan Debt

[pryncess527]

All I was doing is stating facts and saying why we took a Disney cruise and why we would like to go on another.

I get that, but we'd ALL like to go on another. And many of us here have put off vacation after vacation to pay our debt instead. And many of us make that choice despite suffering hardships that would be easy to use as a rationalization for another vacation, which is what it sounds like you are doing.

You are the one who said that your debt is "really stressing me out." People here were just pointing out that you might consider making some of the same choices WE make -- which is to PUT OFF vacations to prioritize debt to get rid of that stress. Disney is not the only way to create happy memories. Putting your loans in deferment because you "can't pay" and then taking expensive vacations instead is flat out irresponsible.

 

[JanaDee]

I also made the mistake of coming on here thinking I could get some advice.

You've gotten lots of great advice, you just don't like what people are telling you.

 

[scrapquitler]

I also made the mistake of coming on here thinking I could get some advice. I didn't not think people on these boards could be so rude, not all, but most comments were very rude. That's okay, I know better the next time I need advice.

Actually, I do think you got a LOT of good advice from many of the posters, and I think that MOST of the comments were not rude. They may have been a bit harsh, but sometimes it's best not to sugarcoat the advice because the situation is a serious one. Sometimes the truth hurts a little bit. That doesn't mean that the person explaining reality to you is being mean or rude.

 

[AquaDame]

My special needs child never went on a family vacation. She didn't live long enough for us to be able to take one with her. You have no idea what pain other people have experienced.

I will say that we made every day that we had together as special as we could. Some days "special" meant just surviving and others were filled with bubbles (her favorite) and dancing. We didn't need to go away or spend a lot of money to make our time together matter. In spite of all of the therapies and doctors' visits and hospitalizations, we managed to find the magic. And even though the bills prevented us from being able to take a trip, I wouldn't trade one afternoon of blowing dandelions and running through sprinklers for any amount of time spent on a cruise ship or theme park.

Peace and joy come from within. It doesn't come from a girl dressed up to look like a mouse. Getting the student loan monkey off of your back will go a long way toward finding your inner peace. Your children deserve a mother who is not stressed out about her debts.

Very well said! I am so sorry for your loss! But I do think this is exactly the point...

I just want to say that I am sorry to any of the parents of special needs children, was not trying to upset anyone. It seems that you all think I am either lying, which I am not! Or, I am playing the sympathy card here, which I really don't care about any of your sympathy. All I was doing is stating facts and saying why we took a Disney cruise and why we would like to go on another.

I am not perfect, I have made a ton of mistakes. Sorry my life is not as perfect as most of yours. I didn't save for college, didn't have my children after my debts were paid off, decided to put my student loans in deferment, and of course went on a Disney cruise! I can keep going on if you would like so you can judge me some more?

I also made the mistake of coming on here thinking I could get some advice. I didn't not think people on these boards could be so rude, not all, but most comments were very rude. That's okay, I know better the next time I need advice.

...and there it is straight from the horse's mouth. OP, you *need* these vacations so badly because you have been stressed for YEARS. I think all anyone is trying to say is that you can keep tossing a bandaid on the issue (taking spendy vacations to get away from it all/make the happy memories you can't seem to make in your stressful home) or you can solve the root of your problem which is the student loans so you don't have anything to run from anymore.

Do you have a budget? Not just an idea of where money goes every month but an honest to goodness this is where my money is going to go for the next 10 years budget. I don't know how comfortable you would be with this, but in many cases the only way for people to give you great advise it to actually understand what your particular situation is. That means divulging mortgage information, loan payments, utility bills and "extras" such as cable, phone, gym memberships etc. My favourite so far has been http://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance - you could start an annoymous profile there or go find an old school financial advisor to help you if you are able to really figure out your situation TODAY (trying to count eggs before they are hatched just adds to the stress - the more in control you feel now, the better you will feel about what you need in a job/commute).

You have a house, a husband, beautiful children and some great family vacations already - I am certain you can find even a little to go towards loans at this point in your life. There is no miracle cure however, it literally is taking money from SOMETHING to pay for this thing. If it *can't* be vacations, then you need to find something you CAN live without. Sell the car and buy a beater, kill the cable, find a way to cook cheaper meals, stay at home when you aren't on vacation, buy fewer clothes, pack your husband's lunch, etc etc.

And for goodness sake, 35 minutes when you live so rurally is NOT bad at all. I live in a large city and it takes me almost an hour each way. I hate it, but I do it because bills must be paid.

With three kids though it really may not be doable outside of the home anyway. Could you set up a home office of some sort and try to do phone support for a company or be a travel agent, or something like that? Are you crafty so you could make something to sell on Etsy? Could you take one trip to the closest city once a week and try your hand at picking up old cheap furniture from garage sales and refurbishing them? Sanding and painting a chest of drawers can improve an items' value a ton!

At the very least, without knowing a thing about you I'm sorry I don't, get an exercise routine if you don't have one already. You sound exhausted so it's going to be a pain in the *** to say the least, but it DOES help. Try some yoga, play with some 3lb weights, go for a short jog, anything. The endorphins are cheery little buggers so if you can do any of the above to feel like your loans aren't a complete dead weight on your shoulders AND treat yo'self to a little self love (exercise is proven to help mild blues) you might not need those vacations as much as you used to.

 

[jennab]

Are they all Federal loans? If so, check out income contingent payment plans. They will go off you and DH's income plus family size to determine what amount you can pay. I believe if you stay on that plan for a certain amount of time the rest will be forgiven. Of course, hopefully you find decent employment sometime down the line instead! Good luck!

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

Are they all Federal loans? If so, check out income contingent payment plans. They will go off you and DH's income plus family size to determine what amount you can pay. I believe if you stay on that plan for a certain amount of time the rest will be forgiven. Of course, hopefully you find decent employment sometime down the line instead! Good luck!

I don't think this is true. I'm on an income based repayment on my loans (down to $90k from $200k a few years ago). There was nothing about forgiving them after any amount of time! Haha I wish!!!!

 

[RitaE]

I don't think this is true. I'm on an income based repayment on my loans (down to $90k from $200k a few years ago). There was nothing about forgiving them after any amount of time! Haha I wish!!!!

With that high of a loan amount I suspect you have a good chunk of Private Loans or PLUS loans out there. I believe that the Loan Forgiveness programs only apply to Direct Federal Loans.

I'm kind of fuzzy on my Student Loan facts though and they keep changing all the programs and repayment offerings. So don't take my word for it.

 

[sets14]

I don't think this is true. I'm on an income based repayment on my loans (down to $90k from $200k a few years ago). There was nothing about forgiving them after any amount of time! Haha I wish!!!!

The current IBR plan forgives loans after 10 or 25 years depending on your field. One major hitch to this is that the forgiven loans currently count as income- so for example, if you have $25000 forgiven, that is looked at as income for that year. Many on IBR plans need to be aware that a big tax bill may be looming for forgiven loans.

OP- I think there was a nugget buried here, and that is taking a good hard look at your budget and trying to find a way to pay loans and take a vacation. Can you cut cable, use more coupons, combine car trips to save on gas, drive a cheaper/beater car, buy used clothing/furniture/etc? We are close to your situation- hubs has some major student loans and I am a stay at home mom- we have an income close to yours. We have worked our budget to the point where we save some for college for our kids, make our loan payments plus some (on an IBR plan currently), and take small vacations. Not every vacation has to cost thousands. Camping, long weekend trips, local trips- all are fun, and all can be done cheaply. I am a master at using credit card rewards and that is how we fund our trips. We just took a weekend trip to visit friends and stayed in a hotel for free, used earned gift cards for meals, and did free stuff in the area. Our kids loved it and it was stress free because I knew it wasn't a budget buster.

Good luck- I think making a plan is the hardest part to tackling debt. Talk to you hubs, look a your long term budget, and know that baby steps now can lead to giant strides in the future.

 

[ldo]

OP, you probably won't get many responses to a newspaper ad for day care---I would certainly never look in the paper. What can work is a cute card/paper that you print up and personally go visit preschools (esp. those in churches). Visit all churches in your area. Many places have a bulletin board for such ads. PreK is about up, so Moms might be looking for some extra help. Also, talk to the church administrator or children's minister and let them know you are available in case someone mentions it to them. I got all of my excellent care providers from word of mouth--including someone to care for my 29 weeker twins when I went back to work. Also check with cub scout/brownie troop/leaders, schools, and maybe Dr. offices. good luck. Elaine

 

[edk35]

Very well said! I am so sorry for your loss! But I do think this is exactly the point...



...and there it is straight from the horse's mouth. OP, you *need* these vacations so badly because you have been stressed for YEARS. I think all anyone is trying to say is that you can keep tossing a bandaid on the issue (taking spendy vacations to get away from it all/make the happy memories you can't seem to make in your stressful home) or you can solve the root of your problem which is the student loans so you don't have anything to run from anymore.

Do you have a budget? Not just an idea of where money goes every month but an honest to goodness this is where my money is going to go for the next 10 years budget. I don't know how comfortable you would be with this, but in many cases the only way for people to give you great advise it to actually understand what your particular situation is. That means divulging mortgage information, loan payments, utility bills and "extras" such as cable, phone, gym memberships etc. My favourite so far has been http://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance - you could start an annoymous profile there or go find an old school financial advisor to help you if you are able to really figure out your situation TODAY (trying to count eggs before they are hatched just adds to the stress - the more in control you feel now, the better you will feel about what you need in a job/commute).

You have a house, a husband, beautiful children and some great family vacations already - I am certain you can find even a little to go towards loans at this point in your life. There is no miracle cure however, it literally is taking money from SOMETHING to pay for this thing. If it *can't* be vacations, then you need to find something you CAN live without. Sell the car and buy a beater, kill the cable, find a way to cook cheaper meals, stay at home when you aren't on vacation, buy fewer clothes, pack your husband's lunch, etc etc.

And for goodness sake, 35 minutes when you live so rurally is NOT bad at all. I live in a large city and it takes me almost an hour each way. I hate it, but I do it because bills must be paid.

With three kids though it really may not be doable outside of the home anyway. Could you set up a home office of some sort and try to do phone support for a company or be a travel agent, or something like that? Are you crafty so you could make something to sell on Etsy? Could you take one trip to the closest city once a week and try your hand at picking up old cheap furniture from garage sales and refurbishing them? Sanding and painting a chest of drawers can improve an items' value a ton!

At the very least, without knowing a thing about you I'm sorry I don't, get an exercise routine if you don't have one already. You sound exhausted so it's going to be a pain in the *** to say the least, but it DOES help. Try some yoga, play with some 3lb weights, go for a short jog, anything. The endorphins are cheery little buggers so if you can do any of the above to feel like your loans aren't a complete dead weight on your shoulders AND treat yo'self to a little self love (exercise is proven to help mild blues) you might not need those vacations as much as you used to.

I have NOT read this entire thread..but a few posts here and there on here....and this is GREAT ADVICE.

 

[EMode]

I think it is pretty easy to understand "this university costs $15,000 a year vs. this other college that costs $45,000 a year".

And its pretty easy to understand If I borrow X amount of dollars I have to pay it back, plus interest.

 

[supersnoop]

For IBR, the payment will depend on what your tax return shows as income. If you file jointly with your husband, his income will be considered, too. If you file separately, IBR will be a very small payment, but your husband will lose many deductions and credits.

 

[Aliceacc]

You have a license in cosmetology-- why not do hairstyling out of your home? If you're 35 minutes from anything (and most people I know would kill for that short a commute) then I bet your neighbors would love the convenience of a hairstylist so close.

You have a degree in criminal justice-- why not do some freelance writing? I haven't really checked this out, but it might be a starting place:http://www.criminaljusticewriters.com/services.html http://detroit.cbslocal.com/2013/05...r-criminal-justice-degree-holders-in-detroit/ http://writer-center.com/writing-jobs.html During my SAHM years I did tons of freelance writing, and it made a big difference for us.


Could you do freelance writing on parenting special needs kids?

You say that no one will hire someone who has been home for 5 years; I think you're wrong. The trick is to market the skills you have.

As to home daycare, I agree that posting a single ad in a newspaper isn't the way to go. Personally, I would never look there for childcare. You're the mom of special needs kids-- if you're interested, I bet that's an incredibly difficult type of childcare to find. Are there message boards that deal with special needs kids? Could you post something on a bulletin board in your kid's schools? Could you speak to their pediatrician about recommending you or posting something in their offices? Make up some business cards (free at vistaprint) and ask everyone you can think of to help you network. Whoever mentioned churches and synagogues was right on target-- post a flyer and/or business card there. My county offers a free childcare advisory service... see whether yours does and what it takes to become part of it.

But every single extra dime you earn goes towards that debt... after you've spoken to the people involved about setting up a payment plan.

 

[Patience]

Here's the thing OP. Paying off debt requires some sacrifice. That's just the way it is. You either have to sacrifice extras like vacations or you have to sacrifice your time by getting job or you have to drastically cut back on your day to day budget by doing things like shopping at goodwill, giving up eating out, giving outings like going to the movies, giving up cable, driving old cars, well, you get the picture. There is no magic bullet. Since the only detail we know about your financial life is that you seem to take regular, expensive vacations, that seems like the best place to save money. Just don't go on the pricey vacation and save the money. If you won't do this because you think an expensive Disney vacation is the only way to make special memories with your kids, then you will need to either live on a bare bones budget the rest of the year and pay your student loans or find a way to bring in extra money and pay your student loans. There really aren't any other options.

 

[sonofanarchy]

Why is it that whenever someone posts about their money woes then is outed as having recently taken, or planning to take a vacation, it was always a gift? If my parents were that loaded and knew I was in debt, the last thing they would be thinking about is taking me on vacation. They'd be trying to help me out of debt.

OP, sorry, but no sympathy here. The only debt my wife and I have are our car leases. We pay our credit cards off every month. Granted, not everybody can do this, but I assure you, we are not wealthy. We do OK, but just manage our money well. Granted, I spend a lot of money on vacation, but NEVER before our bills are paid.

Pay your bills and then go on vacation.

 

[mrsklamc]

I still wonder if OPs husband is unaware of the debt, since she chose not to respond to my question, and also because of the initial 'running away' tactic she mentioned and the fact that she said he wouldn't let them take expensive vacations on one salary.

Whether he is, or he isn't, OP, after talking with the repayment people about your options, the two of you need to sit down together and create a realistic budget that includes paying off your loans.

 

[crisi]

Why is it that whenever someone posts about their money woes then is outed as having recently taken, or planning to take a vacation, it was always a gift? If my parents were that loaded and knew I was in debt, the last thing they would be thinking about is taking me on vacation. They'd be trying to help me out of debt.

My ex-brother in law was like this - his family was well off. I think really well off. And he'd grown up under fairly free financial circumstances. His parents .....


They stopped supporting him when he graduated from college - and they didn't pay for it (although they could) so he had loans.

They never taught him the value of a dollar. He'd worn Tommy Hilfiger and Nautica his whole life, that didn't change when he graduated from college into a starting job - that was what people wore and he honestly just didn't know anything else.

They valued their family time a lot - so they paid for vacations to bring the family together. Nothing else - not college, not help with a downpayment on a house, not car insurance - but twice a year the whole family (he was the youngest of several - so grandkids and all) went somewhere like Aspen - or a cruise.

Really nice guy - I was disappointed when he and my sister divorced - but the worst case of affluenza I've ever seen. He'll be in debt his whole life trying to live the life he is accustomed to - but can't afford unless someone has hit him over the head with a clue stick in the last twenty years or he hit oil in his backyard.

 

[sunnyday123]

Here's the thing OP. Paying off debt requires some sacrifice. That's just the way it is. You either have to sacrifice extras like vacations or you have to sacrifice your time by getting job or you have to drastically cut back on your day to day budget by doing things like shopping at goodwill, giving up eating out, giving outings like going to the movies, giving up cable, driving old cars, well, you get the picture. There is no magic bullet. Since the only detail we know about your financial life is that you seem to take regular, expensive vacations, that seems like the best place to save money. Just don't go on the pricey vacation and save the money. If you won't do this because you think an expensive Disney vacation is the only way to make special memories with your kids, then you will need to either live on a bare bones budget the rest of the year and pay your student loans or find a way to bring in extra money and pay your student loans. There really aren't any other options.

This. I don't buy the "I can't find a job" spiel. Work nights at a fast food place when you're husband isn't at work, weekends when he's home. Why on earth would you spend so much on a degree without a specific job in mind to use the degree, or not actively look for something related to that field?

 

[Colleen27]

This. I don't buy the "I can't find a job" spiel. Work nights at a fast food place when you're husband isn't at work, weekends when he's home. Why on earth would you spend so much on a degree without a specific job in mind to use the degree, or not actively look for something related to that field?

I have to wonder when people say things like this if they've ever applied for a low-wage job. Around here (in a very small community with limited job opportunities, much like what the OP has described) you'd never get hired looking for specific shifts. There are too many other people applying who are willing to work whenever they're needed - open to close, 7 days a week. Our McDs doesn't even hire teens any more because they don't want to work around all the scheduling limitations of school and work permits.

To your second point, I agree. But that's not an uncommon mistake. Places like Devry and ITT and U of Phoenix are highly profitable for a reason - because many Americans still think college is a golden ticket, not realizing that certain majors and certain schools are no more helpful in the job market than a high school diploma. And we don't know how long ago the OP earned her undergrad degree; it could be that she had a career path in mind before the kids came along that just won't work now. Lots of my peers (in our early 30s now) went into education because when we were graduating from high school it was an in-demand field. Now, some of those friends are paying off student loans while working at Starbucks, tutoring part-time at Sylvan, or spending years upon years subbing because they can't find a permanent teaching position in this climate of layoffs and budget crises. It isn't that they made a terrible choice at the time; it is that we graduated into the post-9/11 downturn and barely saw a recovery/were still at the bottom of the seniority ladder when the major recession of recent years hit.

 

[sunnyday123]

I have to wonder when people say things like this if they've ever applied for a low-wage job. Around here (in a very small community with limited job opportunities, much like what the OP has described) you'd never get hired looking for specific shifts. There are too many other people applying who are willing to work whenever they're needed - open to close, 7 days a week. Our McDs doesn't even hire teens any more because they don't want to work around all the scheduling limitations of school and work permits.

To your second point, I agree. But that's not an uncommon mistake. Places like Devry and ITT and U of Phoenix are highly profitable for a reason - because many Americans still think college is a golden ticket, not realizing that certain majors and certain schools are no more helpful in the job market than a high school diploma. And we don't know how long ago the OP earned her undergrad degree; it could be that she had a career path in mind before the kids came along that just won't work now. Lots of my peers (in our early 30s now) went into education because when we were graduating from high school it was an in-demand field. Now, some of those friends are paying off student loans while working at Starbucks, tutoring part-time at Sylvan, or spending years upon years subbing because they can't find a permanent teaching position in this climate of layoffs and budget crises. It isn't that they made a terrible choice at the time; it is that we graduated into the post-9/11 downturn and barely saw a recovery/were still at the bottom of the seniority ladder when the major recession of recent years hit.

I have; although I do understand what you're saying. It's just frustrating when I hear people ask for advice, then get it and get mad. I'm a single Mom, so I've seen my fair share of struggling to pay bills, and when times are tough, you FIND a way. You just have to, no matter what.