Student having a hard time paying attention?

[ajk912]

So my 3rd grade daughter's teacher has written in her notebook many times that she has a hard time paying attention in class. My DH was there for a conference a few weeks ago, and the teacher brought it up and my DH felt that she was hinting that she was ADHD and should be medicated. My DH said we would think about it (we are) but IMO she is NO WAY ADHD. Wouldn't we notice tendencies like that at home? Or wouldn't they show before 3rd grade? Of all my kids, C is the most attentive, the one to get her homework done without a fight, the one with the most control, so I find this VERY odd to say the least. If anyone is ADHD, it's my 10 year old son, not my 9 year old daughter!

So I really don't know what to think. When the teacher writes these notes in the binder, is she looking for suggestions, or a "just so you know" type of thing? I don't want to tell her how to do her job, but I could if that's what she's looking for, but I don't want to offend. When my son was around that age, his teacher would tell him to take off everything off his desk but his pencil and paper so he had nothing to distract him. Or, she could take away money from her classroom checking account if she is getting distracted. Or, she could just ask C, "Hey, what's going on, pay attention!" Or, if she is talking to her neighbor move her desk somewhere else. But again, I don't want to offend the teacher by writing a note with these types of suggestions. I can (and have) talked to C, and said, you need to listen to the teacher, but not sure what else I can do from home. She has never (before this year) had any behavioral issues in class so I don't get it. Like I said, she is (of my 3) the one I LAST say is ADD/ADHD.

I suppose I could take her to the pediatrician, but I don't want to be pressured into the medication route when I don't believe in it. Plus, she is already very short for her age (46 inches, she will be 9 in December) so I am thinking of medicine as an EXTREMELY last case scenario...maybe if this is still an issue in a year or so. I googled it (i know, I know) and all ADHD meds repress appetite and can therefore stunt growth, and as the shortest kid in the class, she does not need anything like this, medically!!! BTW, she has a bone disorder which is why she is short, she'll always be short.

So thoughts? Anyone BTDT? It's just frustrating to go through this as a parent. WWYD? I wish I had gone to that conference instead of sending DH, but I was on my way home from work, and it was one fo those, "I have a zillion things to do tonight, and DH is off anyway today, so send him" type of things.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"Paying attention" is too general for a complaint.

I would set up an appt. with the teacher for a private session. Ask the teacher to write down specific examples with regard to her lack of attention in class.

Then set a monitoring system with a time frame with the teacher with regard to the specific issues.

You need to get a clearer picture of what is going on.

 

[golfgal]

3rd grade is a VERY common time for ADD/ADHD symptoms to show up. The work gets harder and kids can often do well enough up until that point that it doesn't seem obvious. As for not seeing things at home, it is very possible that she can do very well at home and not in school. At home she can sit in the kitchen and not have any distractions, at school there is so much going on in a classroom that it can be hard to focus even for the most attentive child. Also keep in mind that ADD and ADHD are different. A child can have difficulty paying attention and not have any hyperactivity which is just ADD.

I would schedule another conference with the teacher that you both attend, find out specifics about what is going on. Find out why the teacher thinks her attention is a problem. I would also get her into the eye doctor to make sure her vision is ok.

Your pediatrician is not the person that will do any diagnosis with her. You will need to have her see a specialist. The testing is very extensive, 3+ hours so if she really does have ADD you will know.

As for the medication route, no one likes to medicate their kids but if she does have ADD and CAN'T concentrate in school, why would you hold back on something that can make an enormous impact in her life vs letting her struggle for the rest of her school career?

 

[ajk912]

3rd grade is a VERY common time for ADD/ADHD symptoms to show up. The work gets harder and kids can often do well enough up until that point that it doesn't seem obvious. As for not seeing things at home, it is very possible that she can do very well at home and not in school. At home she can sit in the kitchen and not have any distractions, at school there is so much going on in a classroom that it can be hard to focus even for the most attentive child. Also keep in mind that ADD and ADHD are different. A child can have difficulty paying attention and not have any hyperactivity which is just ADD.

I would schedule another conference with the teacher that you both attend, find out specifics about what is going on. Find out why the teacher thinks her attention is a problem. I would also get her into the eye doctor to make sure her vision is ok.

Your pediatrician is not the person that will do any diagnosis with her. You will need to have her see a specialist. The testing is very extensive, 3+ hours so if she really does have ADD you will know.

As for the medication route, no one likes to medicate their kids but if she does have ADD and CAN'T concentrate in school, why would you hold back on something that can make an enormous impact in her life vs letting her struggle for the rest of her school career?

Thanks everyone! Her vision is actually fine because she just went to the ped opthlamologist this summer and got new glasses. I wasn't clear about my medication opinion, I meant that I don't believe in medication at this moment, for this child. I suppose I might be able to be swayed in the future! I just look at her and compare her to my son..afterschool, it's my 5 year old daughter and my 10 year old son who struggle and fight to get their homework done, because everything and EVERYTHING distract them and what should take 45 minutes takes 2 hours. My middle child, the third grader, knocks out her homework immediately so she can go play with her friends. There are definitely distractions in the house, I try to get rid of them (especially for my son, the easily distracted IMO) so my son does his homework at his desk in his room and my daughter does hers at the kitchen table while I am bustling around working on laundry and dinner and yelling accordingly to get us ready for the afterschool activity of the evening.

What I DO think could happen is if she is confused, she gets distracted. But I don't want to medicate for that. That's a normal adult behavior IMO!!! If someone started quoting physics or accounting to me my eyes would glaze over and I would be lost. I think that's happening at school, I will explain the lesson again at home and then she has the "aha" moment but she DOES need a little extra time to process information sometimes. Plus, medication isn't going to help her learn faster, which I think is the problem. She gets distracted because she is confused. She does have an IEP, and is in LD reading and math, and I know I am going into way more detail than necessary.

 

[mom2allison01]

Ask the teacher if she would be willing to institute a separate behavior modification system for your dd - one that is based on rewards and not consequences. This helps take things off the negative for both the teacher and your dd, as I'm quite sure she is aware of her teachers frustration with her "inattentiveness" (which is only contributing to the "problem"). Even though teachers are busy, they want to see their students succeed and usually are willing to take extra steps to see that happen.

The teacher can use something to help recognize when your dd is on task, paying attention, "being good," etc. Off the top of my head, first thing I thought is a chart that stays in her take home folder that she adds a sticker to with the date and a brief good explanation. You can then use the chart at home to reinforce the positive behavior by offering a "prize" for "x" amount of stickers.

And as for ADHD, there are three types: inattentive type, hyperactive type, and combined type. A child can be diagnosed with ADHD that only has problems with attention and focus. As far as meeting the criteria for inattentive ADHD, classic symptoms include: failure to give close attention to details or make careless mistakes in schoolwork/tasks. Work is often messy and performed carelessly and without consideration. Often appear as if their mind is elsewhere and have difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activites. Find it hard to persist in tasks till completion. They often fail to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties. They do not follow through on requests or instructions. They avoid activites which require sustained mental effort. Often lose things necessary for tasks (toys, school assignments, pencils, books, etc.) Often easily distracted by external stimuli. Often forgetful in daily activies. Some of these symptoms must have been present before age 7, but many individuals are diagnosed after the symptoms have been present for years. In order to be diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive type, individual must have at least 6 of the symptoms. Also, in order to make the diagnosis symptoms usually appear in mutiple contexts (home, school, work, and social situations.) Some impairment must be present in at least two settings. (This is taken directly from the DSM IV, which is the manual doctors and clinical therapists consult when making a clinical diagnosis.)

I hope this helps you and that you have success when talking with your DD teacher!

 

[Jennasis]

Stop guessing...call the teacher and set up a meeting.

 

[golfgal]

Thanks everyone! Her vision is actually fine because she just went to the ped opthlamologist this summer and got new glasses. I wasn't clear about my medication opinion, I meant that I don't believe in medication at this moment, for this child. I suppose I might be able to be swayed in the future! I just look at her and compare her to my son..afterschool, it's my 5 year old daughter and my 10 year old son who struggle and fight to get their homework done, because everything and EVERYTHING distract them and what should take 45 minutes takes 2 hours. My middle child, the third grader, knocks out her homework immediately so she can go play with her friends. There are definitely distractions in the house, I try to get rid of them (especially for my son, the easily distracted IMO) so my son does his homework at his desk in his room and my daughter does hers at the kitchen table while I am bustling around working on laundry and dinner and yelling accordingly to get us ready for the afterschool activity of the evening.

What I DO think could happen is if she is confused, she gets distracted. But I don't want to medicate for that. That's a normal adult behavior IMO!!! If someone started quoting physics or accounting to me my eyes would glaze over and I would be lost. I think that's happening at school, I will explain the lesson again at home and then she has the "aha" moment but she DOES need a little extra time to process information sometimes. Plus, medication isn't going to help her learn faster, which I think is the problem. She gets distracted because she is confused. She does have an IEP, and is in LD reading and math, and I know I am going into way more detail than necessary.

Having a IEP and a LD is actually important information that probably should have been included in the original post. I think you need to get her back in for testing and have her IEP reevaluated. Again, you can't go by what happens at home. It is a different environment altogether and pretty much EVERY child acts differently in school than they do at home. I would request an IEP meeting and see what is up.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OP - Is your DD smart? She may be bored. My 3rd grade teacher gave my mother the same complaint. I would listen to the first explanation and then completely tune out the teacher and day dream. I was content with B's and only partially listening. No need to stress myself.

I have a friend that is wicked smart. He dropped out of high school because he was bored to tears and completely unmotivated. Ended up getting his GED. Went to college many years later and is not a university professor.

 

[eeyoremum]

Maybe the teacher is not teaching to her style of learning. Not to say the teacher is bad she and your DD just don't jive in learning/teaching styles. You said you explain the work again and she "gets" it. That is very telling. Maybe she is not understanding the way it is being taught and you (knowing your child best) know the best way to have it sink in.

As for the hints of ADHD. You are nicer than me I would have told the teacher outright not to medically diagnose my child unless they are a physician but I tend to be nasty that way.

I also have an inattentive 10 year old I ask the teacher to send all work home he does not complete in school. If he spends his evening doing homework instead of what he want that is his choice/problem. I also ask the teacher to give him a small reminder if he seems to be daydreaming. Something like "Name, how is your work coming along" these little things have really helped.

 

[barkley]

ds's got adhd and frankly it does'nt sound like it with your dd.

one of the diagnosis tools a child psychiatrist will use are assessments that have to be completed by the teacher(s), the parents, any regular caregivers, coaches/adults in extracurriculars...that's to see if the inattention or hyperactivity is limited to just one setting or type of setting vs being exhibited in all.

if it's only happening in the classroom but not at home or in extracurriculurs or sports-it could be as someone else said-she's bored or the teacher is'nt teaching to her learning style.

ds has adhd, dd does'nt-but she has the normal 'selective listening' habits of a teen. she tends to tune out when it's not a subject she's interested in or the teacher is just repeating what she's already read in the book, but she apparantly absorbs it because she's carrying a straight a average.


if it is adhd don't stress that meds will automaticaly be 'pushed' on you. a good diagnostician will make multiple suggestions for treatment including learning behaviour modification techniques (which work well with non adhd kids too). and if meds are the way to go-not to worry, not all supress appetite and growth in all kids. ds IS very thin, but that's his nature (i looked the same as a kid) and he's actualy eating and growing more on the adhd drug he's currently on vs. when he's on a ' mini medication vacation'. since last april he's shot up 4 inches and packed on 7 pounds

 

[mjkacmom]

ADHD is very genetic - all of my children show signs of it. Maybe it's because I'm certified in special education that I recognize it, but my DH definately has some warning signs, too. Dd13 has it totally under control, ds11 has had some wonderful teachers who have made little modifications for him, dd8 shows signs of ADD - no hyperactivity, though. Ds6 can be off the wall at times, and with dd6, her hyperactivity shows up with chattiness (just got a warning notice from the library teacher, regarding self control and paying attention - and she's one of my good ones!).

You say that she has less ADHD issues than her brother. I know a few people who didn't recognize the fact that a sibling had speech issues, because they had another child with more severe speech issues.

I'm not saying your dd has ADHD, but 3rd grade is usually the year that these issues are taken more seriously (dd13's 3rd grade teacher was the one who convinced me to have her evaluated). Try not to be defensive - have her evaluated, and see what happens (privately, not through the school).

 

[KirstenB]

OUr dd's 3rd grade teacher really pressed us on the attention issue. DD had each teacher since kindergarten remark on her lack of attention, but the 3rd grade teacher really pressed it.

Thank goodness. I thought kids with attention issues were always hyper. DD is very daydreamy, not hyper. We had a child psychiatrist do the testing. I mentioned that dd is so slow to get ready to go somewhere. I said we have season passes to Busch Gardens, and can tell dd we're going, you need to get dressed and come downstairs. 20 minutes later, I'd go to check on her, and she'd still be in her jammies.

The doctor said that was a classic example of ADD. They can't focus, even when it's an activity they enjoy.

OP, 3rd grade is a tough year in our school. Contact the teacher, so she can explain what your dd is doing.

BTW, a neighbor of ours was also resistant to meds, I think her son received some type of biofeedback therapy at his doctor's. You do have other options.