Stubborn father who can't walk

[Commando2319]

I am traveling to the World this October with my entire family for a Grand Gathering. 9 days for 16 people including my parents, siblings, their spouses and children, and my kids.

My father is 68 years old, moderately overweight, with bad knees, and a heart condition. And is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. He is also very stubborn.

As we are preparing for our trip, everyone else realizes that navigating the parks is a tremendous amount of walking and a challenge for even those in good shape. And we know there is absolutely no way that my father will be able to manage 9 days in the parks without some sort of assistance. So we were all naturally thinking that he should rent an ECV while at Disney so that both my father and the rest of us would have a more enjoyable experience.

But he has never used an ECV or wheelchair before. And he always over-estimates his abilities thinking he was 20 years younger. And doesn't realize it until he is struggling and need to lie down immediately. We have been talking to him for the last couple months, telling him that he is getting an ECV in Disney. But he is stubborn and does not want to get one. After several months, the most that we can get him to agree to is trying walking in the parks for one day. And if after that day he thinks he needs one, then he'll get one.

We are also concerned about him simply going to and from the parks and the hotel. He doesn't have full blown Alzheimer's yet, but does have severe memory problems. And honestly, I do not trust him to be able to navigate between the parks/hotel by himself without getting confused or lost.

Does anyone have any advice as to the best way to allow him to be mobile and enjoy the parks? Is an ECV the best route? Or is a traditional wheelchair better?

Does anyone have any experience trying to convince their older relatives to use an ECV or wheelchair when they are reluctant?

Does anyone have any experience traveling to the parks with a relative with memory problems? What is the best way to ensure that everyone has a great time?

Thanks everyone for your feedback!

 

[Holoshed]

As myself and others have seen and mentioned on other threads, you have to have VERY quick reflexes and soft nerves most times of the year if you use an ECV at Disney.

If he does not have those, basically the ability to judge what is going on directly infront of him at all times and able to manage speed (via a knob on the device usually and a handle used to go/slow down etc) well also, it will be a bit of an overload. Since you mentioned Alzheimer I figured it best to ask those points. I would say you may run into issues if he is not able to do all of those things while riding the ECV.

It is not an easy task if the park is full or sometimes not even then. People will jump infront of you, block you, stop in the middle of the walk ways with little room to get around them etc. I am not trying to discourage you or anyone else but it is not a quick fix as I wish it was.

If any of those parts mentioned above can be a question then a wheel chair is usually the best option. Also a wheel chair can go a LOT more places than an ECV can which saves on stress when you may need to transfer.

Your other questions I cannot say much on but I do understand where you are coming from. This next trip I am going with my mother who is in her late 50s but is very spry and loves Disney as much as I do (she gave me the bug). The problem is she is starting to have issues walking too far without needing to stop and well, she is actually to the point where she would have a valid need for a GAC too, even though I always get one.

One thing I thought about for her which stands for you too, is he able to drive a cart along narrow ramps and is he able to handle parallel parking, which is needed also on the buses if used.

If they are worried about someone staring at him or worrying "does he NEED that?" then I would make sure they understand a good amount of people use ECVs and wheel chairs now at Disney. I see more every year from every age group. Also others here have great questionnaire which the main question is "do you think you will ever see any of the people you meet at Disney World again in your life? Usually no." So its not like you need to impress anyone there.

Also using an assistance vehicle of any kind does not equate to 100% disability. Its a way to help someone do their job better.

Do you think when someone first came up with the idea to put leather on the bottom of their feet to protect them that everyone jumped on board? I am sure someone said "Hey, my feet are tough enough to go without those shoes" and thus refused something helpful because they thought it made them seem weaker. Now we all wear shoes! Think of it like a shoe for your butt that helps you DO MORE and GO FARTHER!

 

[SueM in MN]

First of all, I think you are correct in thinking he will not be able to walk the distance.
If you can reason with him, you might be able to get him to understand by picking a familiar place that is about 6 miles away from his home. Ask if he could walk there. If he thinks he could, take him there by car to see how far it is and then ask if he could walk there. If he still says yes, ask if he could walk there every day for 9 days. That would be a reasonable estimate of distance.

For the ECV vs wheelchair question, I would pose some questions back to you.
Would you feel comfortable with him driving long hours in an unfamiliar car in an unfamiliar place?
Would you trust that he would be attentive enough to follow all the rules of the road and get where he is going without any road rage or fender benders?

If you are not absolutely sure that the answer is yes to both of those questions, I would not let him use an ECV and would get a wheelchair instead.
It does take a lot of concentration andattention to safely drive an ECV; people jump out in front of you and blame you if you hit them.
If he's likely to wander off, he would be able to get away from you much faster with an ECV than wheelchair. You may also want to look into a walker - especially the wheeled kind with a seat. That would provide him with support and a place to sit, but may be more acceptable to him.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I would add a bit to what Sue has said. With the Alzheimer's and a "tendency to stray" it might really be best to rent a Transport Chair as opposed to a regular wheelchair. This will have four smaller wheels and must be pushed while a regular chair he can wheel away on his own.

And a lot may relate to how much the Alzheimer's progresses in the next few months.

 

[bidnow5]

That's a tough one while I do agree he will need assistance an ECV is not all that easy I have run over quite a few toes. I had one guy pick his son up by one arm and literally toss him in front on my ECV to try to get ahead of me I hit a construction wall to avoid him. I also had a woman turn around quick and step right into the front of my ECV. Try a wheel chair I think you will be better off

 

[Piper]

I also agree that a wheelchair is a better option. It requires a lot of watching those around you and trying to judge what unpredictable thing they are going to do.

I wish it were just as simple as driving where you need to go---but it isn't!

 

[Bete]

and we do a transport wheelchair on vacations. She doesn't need one at home, but for trips it's a must. This is to me your best answer. Sometimes we are too close to the situation to see how bad it may be for our parents. We know they are diminishing in capacity, but it's not as obvious when we see them all the time. It's more gradual that way and makes it harder for us to tell how bad it may be. If he's at the beginning stages of ALZ then meds may help him gain better brain capacity or at least stabilize him for a while. You need to discuss this more with his doctors.

If he's still driving a car, then you can see by testing him if he's ready for ECV driving. You can do some things to see if he's capable or not with an ECV. Use the free scooters that are available in the grocery stores and some retail chains with him. Get on one yourself; so, you can get an idea of what it's all about. Try to go at first when it's less crowded in these stores and if your dad does okay then do it when it's very crowded in the stores with using a scooter. By no means is this a true test of how it will be at Disney, but it's a start. I would next do a local attraction that has scooters. For most, this would probably be a zoo. If you have a local amusement park that would be the best test. Go at a busy time and see how he does with it. If he passes all these tests he may have a chance at Disney World. If you do scooter at Disney World I would be very much on guard and watching every move he does to make sure everyone is safe.

It will be trickier at Disney for a lot of reasons. I would say it's going to be at least 8 times more crowded than any other situation you can compare to back home. The excitement of the children around you leads to many close calls with a scooter and even a wheelchair. They are oblivious to most vehicles. The darting in front of you is more than likely to happen in 9 days time. Some adults are no better. Driving an ECV at night is more difficult and which is likely you will be doing on the trip. Manuevering in and out of ride queues can be difficult. Using the Disney transportation system is tough with getting the ECV on and off especially for a first timer. I've been on trips with a first timer on scooter and often time I would be doing all the hard manuevers, not the person needing it. They would take over when it was okay to do so.

By no means can you be a commando (your name here) on this trip. So, please realize whatever you do will slow you down a bit. Also, do not take out any frustrations onto your dad. Don't make him feel belittled whether you are doing a wheelchair or a scooter. Be patient. The more you practice ahead of time with different techniques the better it should be. God Bless.

 

[Commando2319]

Thank you all for the great feedback. You have all given me some things to think about.

Right now my plan is this. Start with a test. I'll tell my dad that we are going for a 10 mile walk. And if he can complete that and be fine afterwords, then he can go without renting anything. (cause there is no way he can do this. And hopefully after a mile, he'll realize he needs to rent something)

Once he finally agrees to it, I will start be going renting an ECV locally and see how he is on one. And see if he feels more comfortable in an ECV or wheelchair. My gut is telling me a wheelchair would be best after your feedback, but until I see him driving one, I won't know for sure.

Luckily, I still have several months to get him used to the idea and plan and prepare. Hopefully, he doesn't forget when he finally accepts he needs something.

 

[GrammyJudy]

Thank you all for the great feedback. You have all given me some things to think about.

Right now my plan is this. Start with a test. I'll tell my dad that we are going for a 10 mile walk. And if he can complete that and be fine afterwords, then he can go without renting anything. (cause there is no way he can do this. And hopefully after a mile, he'll realize he needs to rent something)

Once he finally agrees to it, I will start be going renting an ECV locally and see how he is on one. And see if he feels more comfortable in an ECV or wheelchair. My gut is telling me a wheelchair would be best after your feedback, but until I see him driving one, I won't know for sure.

Luckily, I still have several months to get him used to the idea and plan and prepare. Hopefully, he doesn't forget when he finally accepts he needs something.

Take him to any Walmart or Grocery store and try theirs you don't need to rent one to try them out and it is good practice going uo=p aisles and around things

 

[Southerndisney]

When my DD first had AZ and walking issues he and mom just did not walk as much as the younger members of our party did. They just did the park at their speed. My sister and I would trade off touring with them. The rest of out party would meet up with my mom and dad for meals, a few tame rides, and nightly entertainment.

This last trip was a girls only trip and mom couldn't walk distances. The first night mom toured a bit and realized that she would need a wheel chair for the next day. She walked some and rode some and took a break every afternoon.

As for your dad, he might be unwilling to try out an ECV at a store. But if your dad is getting tired at MK and a wheelchair appears as a place for him to have a seat to rest, you might win him over. My experience with two sets of elderly parents is that we could not talk them into any kind of assistance, until they came to the point that had proven to themselves that they couldn't do without the assistance.

 

[TARAMEOW]

I think a wheelchair is a good option as it is easily pushed if he wants to get up and walk but then he has a place rest if need be. My grandmother had a walker with a seat on it, it was good for taking a break! Hope you guys have fun

 

[dhcalva]

A Wheelchair might be the better option. Though it doesn't hurt to rent an ECV one day and see if he can do it.

The way we got my grandmother to use a wheelchair was to fight over who got to push her. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and that made her feel better about it. Nothing like a group of people yelling 'I want to push her!' and 'No, I want to push her!'.

 

[Bete]

The way we got my grandmother to use a wheelchair was to fight over who got to push her. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and that made her feel better about it. Nothing like a group of people yelling 'I want to push her!' and 'No, I want to push her!'.

I think this is a great idea! Kudos to you.

 

[bjb1124]

A Wheelchair might be the better option. Though it doesn't hurt to rent an ECV one day and see if he can do it.

The way we got my grandmother to use a wheelchair was to fight over who got to push her. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and that made her feel better about it. Nothing like a group of people yelling 'I want to push her!' and 'No, I want to push her!'.

This is exactly what we did with my dad. DF was not at all happy about being the burden and slowing everyone down. Well, when all of us were constantly arguing over him and begging him to go with us on an attraction (come on, we don't have to wait in line if you go with us!), he had a ball and completely forgot his idea that he was a burden. (He never was)

Since Disney, he doesn't want to go anywhere on vacation - EXCEPT WDW!

The only thing he did not like was going shopping, but he never like that! (It was all the fannies in his face, he said)

 

[SueM in MN]

This is exactly what we did with my dad. DF was not at all happy about being the burden and slowing everyone down. Well, when all of us were constantly arguing over him and begging him to go with us on an attraction (come on, we don't have to wait in line if you go with us!), he had a ball and completely forgot his idea that he was a burden. (He never was)

Since Disney, he doesn't want to go anywhere on vacation - EXCEPT WDW!

The only thing he did not like was going shopping, but he never like that! (It was all the fannies in his face, he said)

Just pointing out - don't assume that having a wheelchair means you don't wait in line. Most of the lines are wheelchair accessible and guests with wheelchairs can wait in the regular lines with everyone else.

 

[bjb1124]

Just pointing out - don't assume that having a wheelchair means you don't wait in line. Most of the lines are wheelchair accessible and guests with wheelchairs can wait in the regular lines with everyone else.

Ah, yes, very true. And even with some of the wheelchair/ECV lines, like at the safari ride at AK, we actually waited longer, I think. To every 4 or 5 "regular" vehicles there was one provided for the wheelchair guests. And with the entire family wanting to be on the same vehicle, it was seldom that more than two families got on one vehicle. That was the longest we ever waited in line for a ride.