Strongest evidence yet against spanking

[iwrbnd]

I have 4 kids and I had to find what discipline worked for each one. They didn't all respond to the same approach. One needed a stern look, one needed the count to 3, one did well with time-outs and one responed to spanking. As long as we have a loving relationship with our child and keep firm consistant rules and follow through with them our children will be fine. (Althought the teen years are up for grabs!)

 

[Heidict]

That's actually how the headline read on the news website I saw; its not the OP's words.

I totally missed that. I thought it was the OP's wording. Thanks

no spanking....no verbal abuse....those are things you never forget.....NEVER, plus in the long run ,makes you an insecure person

How does spanking make someone insecure? My parents spanked me growing up and I am not anywhere near insecure. Verbal abuse, yeah, I totally agree with you there. I believe that does more damage then a spanking could ever do.

 

[princessmom29]

no spanking....no verbal abuse....those are things you never forget.....NEVER, plus in the long run ,makes you an insecure person

that is such a broad generalization to make. I was spanked and am the polar opposite of insecure. Spanking and verbal abuse are two totally different scenarios with two totally different sets of consequences, and every child will react differently to these situations. There is no way that kind of blanket statement can really hold water.

 

[AshleyW]

no spanking....no verbal abuse....those are things you never forget.....NEVER, plus in the long run ,makes you an insecure person

Hi. I'm Ashley. I'm not insecure at all. And I've forgotten about most of the times that my parents spanked me. I only remember a few of them, and that's mostly because I remember the things I did to get spanked. Just thought I'd introduce myself, since you seem to think there's no one else out there like me.

Spanking is NOT abuse, and is much different - even from verbal abuse. My parents never abused me, but they did spank me.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I need a statistic to prove to my husband that I am 95% right of the time...anyone got one of those available?

UMMM, yeah, sure....lets see....


a study was completed in which it was revealed that 96% of the women who were married to men, and were in a discussion on the merits of their views on various tangeable and non-tangeable household, political, and/or expressions of emotional reactions to given social situations were found to be not only correct in their gestalt grasp of views and the universe in general, but were also noted as gormet cooks as well as experts in the field of economic acquisition of household items and clothing.

No married man has yet been know to dispute the findings. (and remain in a peaceful "happy place" sort of existence)

 

[iwrbnd]

When a child KNOWS they are loved by their parents it gives them a buffer to all the things we do wrong, which we all will no matter if we spank or not. I think that is why there is a lot of different outcomes of spanked and not spanked. If you weren't spanked but ignored by your parents you'll have issues. If you were spanked and had a loving relationship with your parents you would be fine.

I grew up with a severly alcoholic father. I've been asked why me and my siblings all turned out okay. I think it's because we all knew my dad loved us. There was never any doubt about that, never ever! Having the knowledge that we are a wanted and loved child goes a looong way. So, to me the issue isn't if we spank or not but do our children KNOW they are loved unconditionally by you?

 

[NikitaZee]

I was spanked as a child and I hated it. My parents used physical discipline for most of my early years - bent over the knee spankings, spankings with the belt, hand slaps, etc. Most of my friends' parents used the same tactics. I turned out fine - but I'd never do that to my kids. I'd feel terrible doing it. Now that I have kids and my parents are grandparents, they admit that they shouldn't have spanked the way they did. Now, if we're only talking about a quick swat on the butt, I do that - but my kids never feel pain behind it. There are more thoughtful ways to discipline - that are just as effective or more so - as spanking in the long run. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Christine]

Not to appear as an advocate for spanking but I have a hard time with studies like this.

Really, it could be the children in question were "defiant", required immediate satisfaction, etc, etc. BEFORE they were spanked. It could be that other methods of discipline such as time outs did not work on these children because the were so oppositional from the get-go and their parents ended up resorting to spanking just to get their attention. I'm not saying that's right, but have you ever parented a child like that?

So I would really like to see a study that tracks children's personalities or dispositions at a VERY early age, say up through 2 or 3 and THEN record what happens with spanked and non-spanked children.

 

[belledreamer]

I was spanked as a child and I have absolutely no regrets over it. While I do think there is such a thing as abuse and going too far, sometimes a spanking is necessary. It all depends on the child.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

When a child KNOWS they are loved by their parents it gives them a buffer to all the things we do wrong, which we all will no matter if we spank or not. I think that is why there is a lot of different outcomes of spanked and not spanked. If you weren't spanked but ignored by your parents you'll have issues. If you were spanked and had a loving relationship with your parents you would be fine.

I grew up with a severly alcoholic father. I've been asked why me and my siblings all turned out okay. I think it's because we all knew my dad loved us. There was never any doubt about that, never ever! Having the knowledge that we are a wanted and loved child goes a looong way. So, to me the issue isn't if we spank or not but do our children KNOW they are loved unconditionally by you?

Great post.

While I wasn't a defiant child, there were a number of instances I could count on one hand where I was very deserving of a spanking. And I received one. They were so, so rare, but they worked. Most of the time, all my parents would have to do is give me "the look", and that stopped my bad behavior in its tracks. My parents instilled in me a great deal of respect for them - something plenty of children seem to lack.

My parents are my role models. I can only hope to parent my future children as wonderfully as they did me. Trust me when I say, they did me no disservice by spanking me. And I never once doubted the depth of their love for me.

 

[jodifla]

This sentence is priceless. So those of us who occasionally spank must be uneducated. But some of us do know how to spell!

And I will go on the record and say that spanking did not come into common usage during the Middle Ages, but way, way further back in history!!!!

If you have never had a screaming, thrashing, hitting and scratching toddler on your hands you may not understand that sitting them down and rationalizing with them won't get their attention.

Well, you got me on the typo. Congrats.

Let me restate:

Too bad parents haven't bothered to educate themselves on better parenting techniques than were used after Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden.

Better? Happy now?

Anyway, as noted in my earlier post, I do understand the occasional swat when kids are young and can't be reasoned with. I don't really consider those parents "spankers." I'm not an absolutist.

My experience with spanking growing up was like an earlier poster's: Constant, daily threats of physical violence against children. It was very, very common in my 1960s neighborhood. "I'll whip your butt! "Go get me that belt!" "You come here right this instant. I'll smack you so hard you'll see stars." I witnessed my friends' go through this constantly, and it sickened me, and like I said, it was common. My parents were among the only ones who weren't spankers.

In our household, we don't spank. We have other things that work much, much better. I find it hard to believe that hitting elementary school kids really gets you anywhere positive, but as PPs have said, different kids respond to different things.

Most of the PPs who consider themselves spankers would have been non-spankers in my growing up days.

 

[Christine]

Most of the PPs who consider themselves spankers would have been non-spankers in my growing up days.

Yes, I guess the definition of spanking can be different to everyone.

As a child I was "swatted" maybe twice in my life. I consider that being spanked.

I swatted my kids here and there when they were very young and doing something awfully foolish and I needed it to stop immediately. I felt that I had spanked them.

I guess anything harder than that goes beyond spanking for me and into "beating."

 

[jodifla]

Yes, I guess the definition of spanking can be different to everyone.

As a child I was "swatted" maybe twice in my life. I consider that being spanked.

I swatted my kids here and there when they were very young and doing something awfully foolish and I needed it to stop immediately. I felt that I had spanked them.

I guess anything harder than that goes beyond spanking for me and into "beating."

I sure hope that's the case for this generation of parents. Because when I hear that a parent is a spanker, my mind immediately goes to the parents of my friends, who were under constant duress.

I like the "Love and Logic" parenting series.

 

[HelenePA]

no spanking....no verbal abuse....those are things you never forget.....NEVER, plus in the long run ,makes you an insecure person

Hi I'm Helene.. been spanked... no long term damage has been done to me...

 

[MIGrandma]

I was spanked and I turned out just fine.

Me too!

And we spanked our children as well, and amazingly enough they turned out just fine too!!

There is always going to be the great debate over spanking vs. not spanking. Each group thinks they're right.

Why not just let it go. Live and let live. Spank or don't. Let it go...

 

[Mary•Poppins]

Sorry, but I don't believe it is right to spank.

Parents use it as a last resort because they are at their wits end. If it is illegal to hit your co-worker, neighbor, friend, etc. when you are frustrated with them ... what makes it okay to hit a defenseless child? Many parents "say" they don't hit when they are angry ... so when are they hitting their child?

 

[jodifla]

Me too!

And we spanked our children as well, and amazingly enough they turned out just fine too!!

There is always going to be the great debate over spanking vs. not spanking. Each group thinks they're right.

Why not just let it go. Live and let live. Spank or don't. Let it go...

Because there are lots of kids out there who were spanked and aren't just fine. It was humiliating and they suffer lifetime scars from it.

 

[jodifla]

Sorry, but I don't believe it is right to spank.

Parents use it as a last resort because they are at their wits end. If it is illegal to hit your co-worker, neighbor, friend, etc. when you are frustrated with them ... what makes it okay to hit a defenseless child? Many parents "say" they don't hit when they are angry ... so when are they hitting their child?

I do have a hard time imagining this. I cannot imagine hitting my child in some sort of cold-blooded way.

 

[Redpepperflakes14]

A comedienne on Sirius said it best in my opinion, I'll paraphrase:

"Yep, my mama spanked my butt so the police wouldn't have to later on,"

I don't think there was any damage done over here because of a swat on the backside, especially after the getting-down-on-my-level-to-discuss-my-motivations-for-doing-wrong didn't seem to work.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

LOL - now there is the best sentence of the thread.

Reminds me of an episode of King of Queens where Carrie had to inform Doug that the "world was not made out of marshmallows and pets do die".

Next thread we will see on the CB will be about the studies that show how using Red Marker when grading childrens work/tests will leave life long emotional scars.

As a mother of two - I have raised both children the same way in terms of timeouts over spanking BUT have found that each child differs in terms of behavior change. One child has never been spanked while the other has gotten a few swats here and there for continually trying to put himself in VERY dangerous positions (i.e. running away in a parking lot, climbing on furniture, etc.). With my son the timeouts work some of the time but not all the time. Lets hope he doesn't turn around and become a derranged lunatic in the future.

Mark myself and two siblings as those who were spanked and turned out into contributing members of society. We are respectful and loving people. Guess we are the "exception" to the spanking rule.

I actually recall reading about this and I get most of my "news" here on the Dis.