Strongest evidence yet against spanking

[FireDancer]

And what justification do you use to a child about why it's OK for you to hit, but not them??

Because parents can do things their children can not. They can stay out as late as they like, they can drink alcohol, smoke, drive a vehicle. They don't have to do their homework and can watch any television show they would like, even if it has naughty words and nudity.

Personally I don't care if you want to spank your kids or sit them down in a drum circle and talk about their feelings with them. I don't see why anyone has to but their noses into how other people discipline their children. Just another example of people trying to nanny other people. Hopefully no one spanks their kids while they dry their clothes outside on the line or have a car parked in their driveway overnight, the hens will cluck about you on the Internets.

 

[wvjules]

Because parents can do things their children can not. They can stay out as late as they like, they can drink alcohol, smoke, drive a vehicle. They don't have to do their homework and can watch any television show they would like, even if it has naughty words and nudity.

 

[threecrazykids]

This sentence is priceless. So those of us who occasionally spank must be uneducated. But some of us do know how to spell!

And I will go on the record and say that spanking did not come into common usage during the Middle Ages, but way, way further back in history!!!!

If you have never had a screaming, thrashing, hitting and scratching toddler on your hands you may not understand that sitting them down and rationalizing with them won't get their attention.

Notice my reply above about this same sentence. LOL

 

[luvsJack]

And what justification do you use to a child about why it's OK for you to hit, but not them??

I can see a swat on the butt in the toddler stage, particularly to get attention. Once your child has language, there are far more effective ways to parent. I'd be embarrassed to strike a child who was old enough to understand meaningful language. It says volumes about the adult losing control.

Spanking was not done as a form of discipline in my house, nor my husband's household.

I would NEVER spank a child if I was not completely in control and neither would dh. I never spanked any of them while angry, EVER. Actually I do not hand out any punishment while I am angry. If the child has pushed that far, then I simply send them from the room until I have my anger is in check.

As for justifying anything, it wasn't necessary. Spanking, in our house, was a last resort after other forms of discipline had been used and ineffective--just like paddling in school. They never presumed that hitting = spanking and so never thought it was ok for them to do.

There may be OTHER ways to discipline but that doesn't mean they are more effective. I have taken many, many, many classes in child development; so please do not bring education into the conversation.

 

[bored]

Because parents can do things their children can not. They can stay out as late as they like, they can drink alcohol, smoke, drive a vehicle. They don't have to do their homework and can watch any television show they would like, even if it has naughty words and nudity.

There you had to bring common sense into the argument!

 

[TheZue]

My daughter was very young when we employed the use of the mylar butterfly. When bad behavior occurred,time out did absolutely nothing,verbal warnings that priveledges would be taken away, denied her favorite things...nothing.

I was growing frustrated as a young mom and was determined to discipline firmly but never by using pain or fear. My mom and grandmothers kept insisting that I break down and spank my daughter the next time she acted out. I just couldn't! One day she acted out as we were getting ready for a birthday party. She really had a meltdown and I could hear my mom and grandmother's voices in my head. I remember seeing her butterfly on the end of the bed and picked it up, swatted her a couple of times on the fanny and *it worked*! She didn't like her special, beautiful butterfly being used in this way. From there on out all I had to do was *threaten* to get the butterfly and *most times*she straightened right up. I realize using a mylar butterfly probably would not work for others ,but for reasons *only understood by my daughter*, it did work for us. If I'm viewed as a terrible mother for having used the butterfly, so be it.

Actually that makes perfect sense to me now, you shocked her lol. I don't think spanking makes anyone a terrible parent honestly. I think generally it's the shock of suddenly being picked up and plopped on the stairs that freaks out my sons as well. Like your daughter, my older son only has to hear "do you want a time out?" and he cuts the crap he's pulling.

Some people don't have the self control to use spanking effectively and some people will simply not discipline at all. I think to do either of the methods properly you have to recognise and accept the pitfalls of both. So if you don't spank you have to make sure that you are doing something that gets their attention just as well as spanking and make sure you are keeping them in line, and if you do spank you have to respect the fact that you are hitting them and make it very clear that unless it is in this situation out of love until they can respond to words well (or hockey) you can't hit people. Both have a delicate balance and many people screw that up.

 

[FireDancer]

There you had to bring common sense into the argument!

One of these days I will learn that neither common sense nor caring if someone else has a different opinion then yours is allowed on the CB.

 

[Chelley00]

Spanking (as in SPANKING--not hitting, beating, abusing, etc) is a far cry from brute force.

I agree. There's a big difference between spanking and hitting. But as soon as one of these threads start up, anyone who has ever spanked their child is a horrible, abusive parent.

 

[pigletgirl]

Yep, I was spanked as a child. I was defiant and wouldn't listen, and the only way to get thru to me was a spanking. Did it hurt? Yes. But it worked and I have no animosity towards my parents at all.

 

[Darsa]

(Just wanna say I haven't read all the posts, sorry if I'm repeating)

I believe I could count the number of times I had to spank my DD14 on one hand, and have enough fingers left over for a good wave. HOWEVER, I also believe that there is a difference between hitting and spanking, and they are NOT interchangeable. Hitting is what I think of when I see two men fighting in the street on one of DH's drama shows, or when I see a boxing match. Spanking is a way to gain attention from an unruly child, and to shock them into realizing that you're serious about the fact that it's time to smarten up, and NOT to do physical damage or cause pain.

I have to admit, when my nephew is acting like a demon-child, and my SIL sets him down and has a soft, calm, quiet intelligent conversation with this two year old boy who's screaming his head off "I CAN'T NOT WANT TO!! NO NO NOOOO!!!" it really actually annoys the crap out of me. What good is that supposed to do, really? None that *I* can see, tho there might be something to it that I'm just too thick to get.

This, of course, is my opinion, albeit a strong one YMMV

 

[jamimb]

I haven't done any formal research. I do know that less parents spank or discipline at all than when I was growing up. I also know that there are more foul mouthed, rude, kids who do not think they have to follow rules. There are more kids who for some reason think that the universe revolves around them and cannot handle the word no. I see more kids that are involved with drugs and drinking and many other things. I'm not saying it's because they're not spanked but I do know that there is a definate lack of discipline and an overabundance of children that do not respect authority or know how to behave. I hear from my friends that teach and I see it all the time.

coincidence???? I think not!

I have often thought this very same thing!

 

[janey99]

People spank 12-month-olds? Seriously??!!

Jane

 

[disney1990]

This study came out today:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100412/hl_time/08599198101900

"Compared with children who were not hit, those who were spanked were more likely to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, get frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against others."

"Now researchers at Tulane University provide the strongest evidence yet against the use of spanking: of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in the study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were more likely to be aggressive by age 5. The research supports earlier work on the pitfalls of corporal punishment, including a study by Duke University researchers that revealed that infants who were spanked at 12 months scored lower on cognitive tests at age 3."

"Spanking may stop a child from misbehaving in the short term, but it becomes less and less effective with repeated use, according to the AAP; it also makes discipline more difficult as the child gets older and outgrows spanking."

Can we just agree to stop hitting children and animals? -- i.e. living things who can't defend themselves against someone bigger and stronger. There is a mountain of evidence as to the negative effects of hitting kids.

Love this quote. "When you hit and humiliate a child all you're teaching him is to hit and humiliate."

None of those traits fit me and I was definitely spanked as a child -- with a belt and with a switch from a tree. Not saying that I agree with spanking, but I turned out alright.

 

[ilovepcot]

Actually that makes perfect sense to me now, you shocked her lol.

Exactly. And I'm so thankful it worked. Pure accident, but it brought about peace and tranquility to our home.

 

[wdwfan16]

I haven't done any formal research. I do know that less parents spank or discipline at all than when I was growing up. I also know that there are more foul mouthed, rude, kids who do not think they have to follow rules. There are more kids who for some reason think that the universe revolves around them and cannot handle the word no. I see more kids that are involved with drugs and drinking and many other things. I'm not saying it's because they're not spanked but I do know that there is a definate lack of discipline and an overabundance of children that do not respect authority or know how to behave. I hear from my friends that teach and I see it all the time.

 

[jamimb]

One of these days I will learn that neither common sense nor caring if someone else has a different opinion then yours is allowed on the CB.

I think the trouble arises when people start spouting stuff as fact not opinion. No one's opinion bothers me but when people start preaching it like it's the gospel truth that's when my feather's get ruffled.

 

[Darsa]

Quote:
Originally Posted by ozarkmom
I haven't done any formal research. I do know that less parents spank or discipline at all than when I was growing up. I also know that there are more foul mouthed, rude, kids who do not think they have to follow rules. There are more kids who for some reason think that the universe revolves around them and cannot handle the word no. I see more kids that are involved with drugs and drinking and many other things. I'm not saying it's because they're not spanked but I do know that there is a definate lack of discipline and an overabundance of children that do not respect authority or know how to behave. I hear from my friends that teach and I see it all the time.

coincidence???? I think not!

I have often thought this very same thing!

ITA!!

 

[freckles and boo]

HOWEVER, I also believe that there is a difference between hitting and spanking, and they are NOT interchangeable.

I am not sure how you can spank a child without hitting the child.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

As with most discussions here on the Dis CB, I really think it comes down to situations.

Every child learns/acts/thinks differently. Spanking may work for one child, but not work for the next.

I also think posters commenting on the difference between spanking & hitting are onto something, as well. We are talking about spanking here. Something that perhaps is only used, rarely, in extreme situations. We are not talking about slugging the child 10 times a day, every day. That would be abuse.

Spanking can be used effectively. I was only spanked on a few occasions. Once, even slapped across the mouth for lying to teachers/adults. Because it only happened once in a blue moon, I KNEW I was in deep trouble when it occurred. This is how I feel my parents used it effectively. If I was punished this way on a daily basis, yes, I would probably have started to feel unloved, and the punishment would no longer work.

 

[HelenePA]

Spanking is a punishment.. hitting is well abuse.. one swat to the butt is not abuse..