Strongest evidence yet against spanking

[iwrbnd]

My best friend's daughter was the most defiant child I have ever seen! She was like this from 18 months on and my friend spanked her A LOT! I even remember being concerned about it. Well, that girl is now a teenager and the sweetest most caring and resposible teen out there! My son was the complete angel when he was little and I didn't need to spank him. Well, he's a teen now and I would use completely different adjectives to describe him from my friend's daughter! There are so many things that play into the shaping of a child and spanking may or may not help. The bottom line is you need to be consistant, show love and form a real relationship with your child. (And even that's no guarantee during the teen years!)

 

[FireDancer]

Spank if you want to, don't if you don't. I do not care what anyone does to their own child.

What I do is my business and what you do its yours. I won't nanny you one way or the other and expect to be left to make my own decision in return.

 

[jodifla]

Exactly. There is no other situation in society where hitting someone is an appropriate way to handle problems.

You can't hit your spouse, your employees, random people who annoy you.

But you CAN hit children for any reason you deem appropriate?

And once you take that route, you've taught them that hitting someone is how you solve problems. Not really helpful for them later in life.

Great post.

 

[ilovepcot]

I got spanked a few times. My mother grabbed me by my hair, dragged me to the ground and kicked me too. Neither gave me a real need or desire to do what I was told. It did not make me a good person. It did not improve my self worth nor make me feel loved or lovable. Why would anyone hit a child

Okay...we're talking about two entirely different things here. What you experienced was *horrible*!!!!!!! Also *wrong*!!!! It's what I really would term "brute force". That's not what most of the mom's here are referring to when they admit to "spanking" their children. Brute force is NEVER called for and anyone using that needs to be investigated and possibly locked up. WRONG!!!

My daughter did receive a few "spankings" when she was little. They were given with a yellow mylar butterfly covered in sequins and glitter and attached to a wand that had silk streamers flowing from it. Didn't hurt at all! That's why I *laughed* at the term "brute force" because it's soooooo far from MY REALITY.

 

[wvjules]

Exactly. There is no other situation in society where hitting someone is an appropriate way to handle problems.

You can't hit your spouse, your employees, random people who annoy you.

But you CAN hit children for any reason you deem appropriate?

And once you take that route, you've taught them that hitting someone is how you solve problems. Not really helpful for them later in life.

My spouse, employer, random people can't put me in time-out either.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Exactly. There is no other situation in society where hitting someone is an appropriate way to handle problems.

You can't hit your spouse, your employees, random people who annoy you.

But you CAN hit children for any reason you deem appropriate?

And once you take that route, you've taught them that hitting someone is how you solve problems. Not really helpful for them later in life.

and that is a big fallacy that a lot of anti-spanking people try and keep going.

spanking teaches kids that bad behaviour WILL result in concenquences.

it also teaches that THEY can control their behaviour, good or bad, and thus the outcome.

in other words, it can give them the gift of self-dicipline and awareness that their actions can and will impact on how others treat them.

 

[luvsJack]

Great post.

It may be a great post but its not exactly always true. Spanking does not necessarily teach a child to hit. I guess, if a parent took a swing at the child over every little think; it could. But if spanking is used as an actual discipline method just like grounding or time outs, then it doesn't.

 

[jodifla]

and that is a big fallacy that a lot of anti-spanking people try and keep going.

spanking teaches kids that bad behaviour WILL result in concenquences.

it also teaches that THEY can control their behaviour, good or bad, and thus the outcome.

in other words, it can give them the gift of self-dicipline and awareness that their actions can and will impact on how others treat them.

Again, the low road. The less thoughtful road. The I'm the parent, and I have a license to hit you road.

Too bad people don't educate themselves about better parenting techniques than were learned in the Middle Ages.

 

[TheZue]

Okay...we're talking about two entirely different things here. What you experienced was *horrible*!!!!!!! Also *wrong*!!!! It's what I really would term "brute force". That's not what most of the mom's here are referring to when they admit to "spanking" their children. Brute force is NEVER called for and anyone using that needs to be investigated and possibly locked up. WRONG!!!

My daughter did receive a few "spankings" when she was little. They were given with a yellow mylar butterfly covered in sequins and glitter and attached to a wand that had silk streamers flowing from it. Didn't hurt at all! That's why I *laughed* at the term "brute force" because it's soooooo far from MY REALITY.

Okay I'm serious here, and honestly curious. What does that really accomplish for discipline though? Is that really even a negative concequence?

When I got spanked it was the standard swat on the bum and it stung and I was scared. It wasn't abusive, it was just a standard spanking. Brute force isn't necessarily a bad thing either. When my two year old is freaking out and pulling the greenpeace protester move somewhere stupid I physically move him, in my opinion that is brute force, and I have absolutely no problem with it. I will use my size to keep him under control. I would just rather not hit him because I have other methods at my disposal that work better and won't confuse him on the "we don't hit anyone for any reason" rule. That said if other people find spanking is the only thing that works for them, fine but at least be realisitic that it is a form of force and hitting.

 

[jodifla]

It may be a great post but its not exactly always true. Spanking does not necessarily teach a child to hit. I guess, if a parent took a swing at the child over every little think; it could. But if spanking is used as an actual discipline method just like grounding or time outs, then it doesn't.

And what justification do you use to a child about why it's OK for you to hit, but not them??

I can see a swat on the butt in the toddler stage, particularly to get attention. Once your child has language, there are far more effective ways to parent. I'd be embarrassed to strike a child who was old enough to understand meaningful language. It says volumes about the adult losing control.

Spanking was not done as a form of discipline in my house, nor my husband's household.

 

[threecrazykids]

Again, the low road. The less thoughtful road. The I'm the parent, and I have a license to hit you road.

Too bad people don't educated themselves about better parenting techniques than were learned in the Middle Ages.

Ironic huh?

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Again, the low road. The less thoughtful road. The I'm the parent, and I have a license to hit you road.

Too bad people don't educated themselves about better parenting techniques than were learned in the Middle Ages.

nope not at all, more like:

"I am the parent, and I will correct your bad behaviour, and you will remember it so that when I am not around, you will act accordingly."

too bad you try and attach some sort of lack of education on the matter.

thats really not the case.

 

[harleyquinn]

My spouse, employer, random people can't put me in time-out either.

No, but they can give you concequences and dicipline in other ways. I see a sepension at work along the lines of a time out much more than being hit.

and that is a big fallacy that a lot of anti-spanking people try and keep going.

spanking teaches kids that bad behaviour WILL result in concenquences.

it also teaches that THEY can control their behaviour, good or bad, and thus the outcome.

in other words, it can give them the gift of self-dicipline and awareness that their actions can and will impact on how others treat them.

You can't find a way to teach that bad behavior has concenquences without hitting? They can't have self-dicipline without being hit?

 

[declansdad]

Exactly. There is no other situation in society where hitting someone is an appropriate way to handle problems.

You can't hit your spouse, your employees, random people who annoy you.

But you CAN hit children for any reason you deem appropriate?

And once you take that route, you've taught them that hitting someone is how you solve problems. Not really helpful for them later in life.

You can hit people in hockey.

I was spanked as a child and it didn't teach me to hit people to solve problems. Again, there is a difference between spanking and abuse.

 

[Nette]

OK, who spanks an infant? I generally do not believe in spanking, but I have done it once or twice, but NEVER a baby that age. It's not like she can understand why you are doing it at that age.

I popped my daughter on the diaper (and not hard) the first time she bit me while nursing (at about 9 months) and gave her a loud NO! too... guess what? That was the ONLY time she ever bit me. I got her attention and she was able to associate being startled unpleasantly with her action.

There is NO WAY to reason w/ a child under a certain age, and the only way to get their attention is to startle them appropriately. I'd rather "hurt" my child w/ a swat on the butt or hand than have her grab a hot pan off the stove.

(And before everyone gets all up in arms and says it was a coincidence, my mother did the SAME THING w/ all three of her kids and had the same results.)

ETA: I wanted to add that under a certain age, there are really only very few things to discipline for. Biting me was one of them. If she were to try and run into the street that'd be another...

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Ironic huh?

heheheh..

 

[TheZue]

You can hit people in hockey.

Your Canadian is showing

 

[declansdad]

Your Canadian is showing

 

[ilovepcot]

Okay I'm serious here, and honestly curious. What does that really accomplish for discipline though? Is that really even a negative concequence?

My daughter was very young when we employed the use of the mylar butterfly. When bad behavior occurred,time out did absolutely nothing,verbal warnings that priveledges would be taken away, denied her favorite things...nothing.

I was growing frustrated as a young mom and was determined to discipline firmly but never by using pain or fear. My mom and grandmothers kept insisting that I break down and spank my daughter the next time she acted out. I just couldn't! One day she acted out as we were getting ready for a birthday party. She really had a meltdown and I could hear my mom and grandmother's voices in my head. I remember seeing her butterfly on the end of the bed and picked it up, swatted her a couple of times on the fanny and *it worked*! She didn't like her special, beautiful butterfly being used in this way. From there on out all I had to do was *threaten* to get the butterfly and *most times*she straightened right up. I realize using a mylar butterfly probably would not work for others, but for reasons *only understood by my daughter*, it did work for us. If I'm viewed as a terrible mother for having used the butterfly, so be it.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Too bad people don't educated themselves about better parenting techniques than were learned in the Middle Ages.

This sentence is priceless. So those of us who occasionally spank must be uneducated. But some of us do know how to spell!

And I will go on the record and say that spanking did not come into common usage during the Middle Ages, but way, way further back in history!!!!

If you have never had a screaming, thrashing, hitting and scratching toddler on your hands you may not understand that sitting them down and rationalizing with them won't get their attention.