Strict parenting can lead to obese kids

[noodleknitter]

Huh? It is society's fault kids are obese? A parent most assuredly can control how children deal with food, and a large portion of what they eat, if they choose to. A parent allows or disallows large chunks of TV or video, and encourages or discourages a child to get their butt out into the sunshine, run, play and ride a bike.

 

[disykat]

I agree it's on the parents - they do have ways to ride heard over their kids eating habits. I think it's more likely the parents not setting "strict" limits put on them - like setting actual meal and snack routines, limiting certain foods,encouraging exercise and free play, etc. - cause the problem.

I think it's laughable that the "clean plate club" is part of a current study, because IMO that club is rare in these days - but was popular back when childhood obesity was less of an issue.

 

[momof1princess]

thank you challada! i'm at my wit's end with my 8 yo DD-i can't get her to try new foods, and on the rare occasion she gives in and tastes something i ask her to, she takes one miniscule bite and declares she HATES it! i know she can't go through her life eating chicken nuggets, hot dogs and gerber graduates turkey sticks, but i don't know what else to do!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I cringe when I read posts on the vacation planning boards where parents state their kids will only eat one thing or another (and whatever it is usually isn't healthy). I know some kids will get on a kick for a week or two when they really want one type of food all the time, and there is nothing wrong with serving it to them a little more often than you might otherwise (even adults get cravings after all! ). But there is something wrong with letting little Johnny only eat nuggets, ever, because "he won't eat anything else". If the kid is hungry he'll eat whatever you put in front of him. If he still refuses, fine, he doesn't have to eat it but he (or she!) gets nothing else until the next meal time (and no desert, of course). A couple of missed meals won't kill them, and it should only take a few times for them to realize it's much better to eat what Mom puts in front of them than to kick up a fuss.

My mother never made seperate meals for us once we were old enough for adult food. We ate what she cooked, period. We didn't have to clean our plates but if we didn't, no desert and no snack later on.

Great post and ITA!

 

[agnes!]

Did anyone find it strange that only mothers were mentioned in this article?

I mentioned that in a previous post as well, but apparently the study's parameters were "Mothers & children" ONLY (no Dad, no extended family).

I guess they must think when it comes to food choices that Dad and Grandma don't count !?

I'm not sure if the study itself made as big of a deal of the "clean plate club" idea as the writer of the article (that summarized the study's results) did.

agnes!

 

[Hermosa11]

My parents were not strict or whatever you want to call it.
I was and am obese.

 

[jodifla]

I cringe when I read posts on the vacation planning boards where parents state their kids will only eat one thing or another (and whatever it is usually isn't healthy). I know some kids will get on a kick for a week or two when they really want one type of food all the time, and there is nothing wrong with serving it to them a little more often than you might otherwise (even adults get cravings after all! ). But there is something wrong with letting little Johnny only eat nuggets, ever, because "he won't eat anything else". If the kid is hungry he'll eat whatever you put in front of him. If he still refuses, fine, he doesn't have to eat it but he (or she!) gets nothing else until the next meal time (and no desert, of course). A couple of missed meals won't kill them, and it should only take a few times for them to realize it's much better to eat what Mom puts in front of them than to kick up a fuss.

My mother never made seperate meals for us once we were old enough for adult food. We ate what she cooked, period. We didn't have to clean our plates but if we didn't, no desert and no snack later on.

As with anything else, there's a fine line. My DS is offered fruits and vegetables every day, but he rarely eats them. He has issues with the textures of some foods (as, I realize now, do I) so he's not going to eat them no matter how hungry he is. For much of the first couple of years of his life, he was in the fifth percentile of weight. He's now about in the 50th percentile, largely because I'll feed him what he likes instead of making every meal some sort of battle I need to win. His favorite food is chicken strips, and he gets them about four times a week. He also eats other things, (rice, spaghetti, hot dogs, pizza, fish sticks, etc.) but getting the traditional "balanced" meal into him isn't going to happen yet.

Be careful how you judge other parents if you don't know the background.

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

I agree it's on the parents - they do have ways to ride heard over their kids eating habits. I think it's more likely the parents not setting "strict" limits put on them - like setting actual meal and snack routines, limiting certain foods,encouraging exercise and free play, etc. - cause the problem.

I think it's laughable that the "clean plate club" is part of a current study, because IMO that club is rare in these days - but was popular back when childhood obesity was less of an issue.

ITA. Well said.

 

[Quinn222]

These things are always so vague. WTH do they mean by "strict"?? What is the definition they used to determine who was strict and who wasn't?

 

[DawnCt1]

Often however, those "strict" parents who made their children "clean their plate" also made them get their buns outside and play. Something that needs to happen more today. I know an extremely lenient mom whose son is pushing 400 pounds. He could have anything he ever wanted. He wanted food.

 

[challada]

thank you challada! i'm at my wit's end with my 8 yo DD-i can't get her to try new foods, and on the rare occasion she gives in and tastes something i ask her to, she takes one miniscule bite and declares she HATES it! i know she can't go through her life eating chicken nuggets, hot dogs and gerber graduates turkey sticks, but i don't know what else to do!

I hear ya! It is hard to break these habits and I'm glad to hear you are giving it a good try. What I tell many of the parents I work with is to begin w/very gradual "hidden" introductions of fruits and vegetables...ie, meatloaf (you can mash up all sorts of veggies into it and they never know!), or smoothies (again, all sorts of fruits and they never know).
Kids need to have that taste at least seven times for it to be familiar. So if you do the "at least taste it" routine, that needs to happen seven times w/that food before your child decides if they love or hate it.

 

[Beca]

In the last sentence, the author states "Other studies have shown the flexible parenting style, also called authoritative..." Well, I find the labelling used to be a tad confusing..."strict" & "authoritative" usually mean the same thing to me.

Actually, no....authoritative is an educational term. I learned (and was tested on) this when I was studying to get my education certification.
Authoritative is the near opposite of authoritarian. Authoritative is used to describe the "student guided" approach to learning.

I think the confusion comes because the two words are SOO similar, that the press and laymen often use them interchangeably.



Beca

 

[DaisyD]

I have always let my kids chose what they want to eat. I don't think food is a battle worth fighting for. We all have different tastes, even kids. I remember my dad making me sit there til I would eat just one bite of an egg. It was gross. I'll never forget it. I promised I will NEVER do that to my kids and I haven't. So far I have two great eaters and one little one that is still in the picky stage. She may grow out of it or she may not. That's the way it is.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I can see how controlling parenting could lead to obesity.

 

[Beca]

As with anything else, there's a fine line. My DS is offered fruits and vegetables every day, but he rarely eats them. He has issues with the textures of some foods (as, I realize now, do I) so he's not going to eat them no matter how hungry he is. For much of the first couple of years of his life, he was in the fifth percentile of weight. He's now about in the 50th percentile, largely because I'll feed him what he likes instead of making every meal some sort of battle I need to win. His favorite food is chicken strips, and he gets them about four times a week. He also eats other things, (rice, spaghetti, hot dogs, pizza, fish sticks, etc.) but getting the traditional "balanced" meal into him isn't going to happen yet.

Be careful how you judge other parents if you don't know the background.

Thank you!!! I was about to say the same thing. I have a dd who was diagnosed as a "failure to thrive" baby. She was in the hospital twice in the first year due to her low weight (any serious virus, and she would dangerously dehydrate). Similar to your son, she was, at one point 70% on height, and -10% on weight. She gained NO weight for between ages 2-4. She is now 4 1/2, and we laugh constantly because all of her pants are "capris", as she still wears 6-9 month pants (they are some of the only ones that fit her).

I was in the doctors office with her EVERY week from the time she was born, analyzing her eating patterns. She never nursed well, refused formula, and hated milk. After one of her hospitalizations, her doctor told me to add chocolate to her milk, as it was the only way she would drink it.

My point is this....there are some children for whom "skipping" a meal is NOT acceptable. My dd didn't (until recently) recognize hunger. I could not say, "You'll be hungry tomorrow", because the less she ate, the less interested in eating she was. I was advised by her doctor to cook her different food (even if it was chicken nuggets EVERY meal...although hers had to be organic) if she was disinterested in eating ours.

We had to be CONSTANTLY vigilant. As a failure to thrive, low muscle tone baby, she was constantly catching every virus she came into contact with, and would quickly lose a pound or two. We were happy if she "maintained" weight.

She is SLOWLY outgrowing this, but she is still 33 lbs (she should be 42). She is to a point where I could probably start making her eat what we eat, but I am not ready to risk a weight loss if I started doing this. Maybe I am being irresponsible, but I am "gun shy"....we still have a party every time the scale shows she has gained a pound!

I know that most posters here are posting in response to the "average" child, and our children are definitely not "average". But still....I think people should not be so quick to judge when others cater to the eating habits of their children....you just never know what might be going on.



Beca

 

[Planogirl]

I think that a balanced approach to parenting is as important as a balanced diet. I will NEVER be strict about food. I had to clean my plate and I was forced to sit and sit until I ate something I detested. I decided to never do that to my son.

 

[Chicago526]

Thank you!!! I was about to say the same thing. I have a dd who was diagnosed as a "failure to thrive" baby. She was in the hospital twice in the first year due to her low weight (any serious virus, and she would dangerously dehydrate). Similar to your son, she was, at one point 70% on height, and -10% on weight. She gained NO weight for between ages 2-4. She is now 4 1/2, and we laugh constantly because all of her pants are "capris", as she still wears 6-9 month pants (they are some of the only ones that fit her).

I was in the doctors office with her EVERY week from the time she was born, analyzing her eating patterns. She never nursed well, refused formula, and hated milk. After one of her hospitalizations, her doctor told me to add chocolate to her milk, as it was the only way she would drink it.

My point is this....there are some children for whom "skipping" a meal is NOT acceptable. My dd didn't (until recently) recognize hunger. I could not say, "You'll be hungry tomorrow", because the less she ate, the less interested in eating she was. I was advised by her doctor to cook her different food (even if it was chicken nuggets EVERY meal...although hers had to be organic) if she was disinterested in eating ours.

We had to be CONSTANTLY vigilant. As a failure to thrive, low muscle tone baby, she was constantly catching every virus she came into contact with, and would quickly lose a pound or two. We were happy if she "maintained" weight.

She is SLOWLY outgrowing this, but she is still 33 lbs (she should be 42). She is to a point where I could probably start making her eat what we eat, but I am not ready to risk a weight loss if I started doing this. Maybe I am being irresponsible, but I am "gun shy"....we still have a party every time the scale shows she has gained a pound!

I know that most posters here are posting in response to the "average" child, and our children are definitely not "average". But still....I think people should not be so quick to judge when others cater to the eating habits of their children....you just never know what might be going on.



Beca

This sounds like (and so did the other poster who's child had texture issues) a medical problem. I think we're all refering to otherwise healthy kids who are just plain picky. Obviously medical issues are a whole differant thing, and you've got to do what it takes to keep your child as healthy as possible.

 

[agnes!]

Actually, no....authoritative is an educational term. I learned (and was tested on) this when I was studying to get my education certification.
Authoritative is the near opposite of authoritarian. Authoritative is used to describe the "student guided" approach to learning.

I think the confusion comes because the two words are SOO similar, that the press and laymen often use them interchangeably.



Beca

Well, like I said previously, I'm not an "expert", I'm just a parent .

I see where confusion might come in, though, if educational/parenting experts define "authoritative" in their usage as a student-guided approach to learning (or perhaps in the case of the study cited in the article a child-guided approach to discipline and to eating). Nevertheless, common synonyms I found for the word "authoritaTIVE" include "dictatorial"/"peremptory"/"positive"/"confident", synonyms for "authoritaRIAN" include "totalitarian"/"disciplinarian"/"strict"/"dictatorial". So I think most people wouldn't exactly be incorrect if they said that dictatorial/authoritaTIVE/authoritaRIAN/totalitarian are fairly close in meaning. The two words sure do seem to have many different shades... (By the way, in one source I even found BOTH words down as synonyms for each other, so even the Thesaurus is confused !)

I guess when educators were coming up with the terms to describe this student-guided learning approach, they were accentuate-ing the ++positive++ .

agnes!
PS - I still think it's odd that in the original study(of 847 mom/child units?), dads & extended family were left out of the picture.

 

[challada]

Thank you!!! I was about to say the same thing. I have a dd who was diagnosed as a "failure to thrive" baby. She was in the hospital twice in the first year due to her low weight (any serious virus, and she would dangerously dehydrate). Similar to your son, she was, at one point 70% on height, and -10% on weight. She gained NO weight for between ages 2-4. She is now 4 1/2, and we laugh constantly because all of her pants are "capris", as she still wears 6-9 month pants (they are some of the only ones that fit her).

I was in the doctors office with her EVERY week from the time she was born, analyzing her eating patterns. She never nursed well, refused formula, and hated milk. After one of her hospitalizations, her doctor told me to add chocolate to her milk, as it was the only way she would drink it.

My point is this....there are some children for whom "skipping" a meal is NOT acceptable. My dd didn't (until recently) recognize hunger. I could not say, "You'll be hungry tomorrow", because the less she ate, the less interested in eating she was. I was advised by her doctor to cook her different food (even if it was chicken nuggets EVERY meal...although hers had to be organic) if she was disinterested in eating ours.

We had to be CONSTANTLY vigilant. As a failure to thrive, low muscle tone baby, she was constantly catching every virus she came into contact with, and would quickly lose a pound or two. We were happy if she "maintained" weight.

She is SLOWLY outgrowing this, but she is still 33 lbs (she should be 42). She is to a point where I could probably start making her eat what we eat, but I am not ready to risk a weight loss if I started doing this. Maybe I am being irresponsible, but I am "gun shy"....we still have a party every time the scale shows she has gained a pound!

I know that most posters here are posting in response to the "average" child, and our children are definitely not "average". But still....I think people should not be so quick to judge when others cater to the eating habits of their children....you just never know what might be going on.



Beca

Beca-
I'm sorry if I offended you w/my concern w/kids who eat only chicken nuggets. In no way was I referring to any "failure to thrive" babies as that is a whole different medical issue. I am glad to see that your daughter is working hard at gaining and is headed in the right direction. Was she on a g-tube during that time she was not gaining for two years? There ARE individuals who do not get that hunger/satiation feeling and it can be tricky to get them nutrients and keep them healthy. Best wishes to you and your family! Congrats on your daughter's growth! (BTW, my SIX year old is still wearing pants she wore when she was TWO and we now say they are capris...LOL).

 

[Beca]

Beca-
I'm sorry if I offended you w/my concern w/kids who eat only chicken nuggets. In no way was I referring to any "failure to thrive" babies as that is a whole different medical issue. I am glad to see that your daughter is working hard at gaining and is headed in the right direction. Was she on a g-tube during that time she was not gaining for two years? There ARE individuals who do not get that hunger/satiation feeling and it can be tricky to get them nutrients and keep them healthy. Best wishes to you and your family! Congrats on your daughter's growth! (BTW, my SIX year old is still wearing pants she wore when she was TWO and we now say they are capris...LOL).

No, you did not offend me at all!! And, I am SOOO sorry if my post came across that way. I only told this story because my dd, other than being small for her age, is perfectly normal looking. Thank goodness, they never did put her on a g-tube...I do not do well with such things. But, she has had to have both nutrient and fluid IV's on MANY occasions, and sometimes the only veins they could find strong enough to support an IV were in her head. One time, the hospital had to shave her head and try for 3 1/2 hours to find a vein in her head that would not collapse (all of the veins in her arms and feet had collapsed when they tried) to get fluids and nutrients in her. The nurses stuck that poor kid over 35 times. She was screaming, and I was bawling....and she was only 13 months old. But, we are lucky....she is outgrowing and compensating for her low muscle tone....I can't imagine parents whose babies don't live long enough to do so.

Most of my acquantances do not even know our situation (other than the fact that she was sick a lot), and I have had one incident where a woman at our church called our pastor to let him know that she was worried about our dd and would be calling CPS to report us...she had seen me giving my dd chocolate milk as a baby, and said her diet now was horrible. Thank goodness she called our pastor first!! He had visited our dd in the hospital, and knew of our struggles with her, so he "filled her in".

My dd is very smart, energetic, fun-loving, and except for being a bit more clumsy than most children...no different from any other 4 1/2 year old. But, there are differences to her life. If she does not keep VERY phsically active, she loses muscle tone quickly and starts to get sick again. That is why we stress finding a physical "passion" for her...activity and building muscle development keeps her immune system up, and actually makes her feel "hungry". She has totally blossomed this year....and gained a pound!!!! We are SOO excited!!!

But, if someone saw me in a restaurant with my dd, and the way we cater to her eating whims....they would think I was the most over-indulgent mother EVER. I have been known to buy her two or three dinners at a restaurant because we were "testing" to see what she would eat. I have seen people (including waiters) roll their eyes and drop their jaws at how permissive we are with her. She just looks like a normal, VERY spoiled kid. And, in the food arena...she totally is. But, she does not have a normal 4yr olds development for eating....she eats like a totally normal two year-old....which is about right. She lost 2yrs development in that arena.

All I know is this....being a parent is the TOUGHEST job I have ever had!! I have learned with my dd that sometimes kids can look normal, but have "issues' they are dealing with. Unless I see a parent hitting a child beyond "spanking", touching a child in a way that gives me sexual heebees, or cursing at a child, calling them worthless or whatever, I assume that all parents love their children as I love mine, and are doing the best they can....and I try to be real understanding of differences. Sometimes I am good, and sometimes I am judgemental... ...but, I try.

I think, in the end....we all want what is best for our children.



Beca