I think you gave a very accurate summary.
When I say I don't know if I have the strength to do it again and I have a lot invested... it might not be a lot of actual time invested but the emotional investment is staggering. In the beginning I went absolutely nuts. I couldn't control myself, I went all stalker-ish.I was having panic attacks if he took too long to respond to a text. Honestly I made a complete idiot of myself. It scares me to even think of going through that turmoil again. I am still emotionally exhausted from this relationship, at least the early part when I was SOOOOO insecure. I did so much Facebook stalking... yes I dug through several years worth of postings. I know of 4 others that I found through Facebook digging.I found posts and pictures he either didn't care enough to delete or didn't know still existed. It seemed that those relationships lasted 3-4 months. I thought in my mind if we can pass the 4 month mark, it will all be this "happily ever after" thing. I dug my heels in and was determined to make this thing last longer than anybody before me. I suspect there's at least one more besides the 4 I know about because he accidentally called me "Karen" once... it's like I don't know anybody named Karen, but I did hear one of the kids say something about a Karen before. I just know there has to be something to it. So long story short... I feel as if I have used up my emotions already. I barely participate on Facebook anymore because I want all posts to be about "us".
Yes I am definitely attached to the fantasy he represents, but I also DO love him. It is plain to see that yes, this is a very unstable relationship.
You are right... he does not know very much about the real me. I have withheld some tidbits that might be pertinent. He doesn't know I have been married twice before, just the once. I really feel as if he would not like that about me if he knew. He knows very little about my interests because I don't talk much about that around him because I fear talking too much about myself would make me seem annoying. I know very little about him, or his past. I don't even know his favorite color or band, I know nothing. I would LIKE to know this kind of stuff about him, but he is not that interested in talking about that, he is more interested in other stuff.
Yes I suppose what I wanted when this all began was somebody to be very public with me. I was dying to have that Facebook status of "in a relationship with". I wanted to hang up the pictures of us and the family. I wanted it all, and I wanted it quickly. I love the attention I get on Facebook, people are like so glad to see me happy, cause I can put on a smile now. I wanted to be able to talk with people and be able to start sentences with "My boyfriend blah blah..."
Oh please, FB friends are just going along with you. YOu are both lying to each other about very important areas of your lives. What makes you think those FB friends are honest with you in regards to their posts or responses. They are not. I told you, I work with one like you.....and I have neither the time nor the energy to indulge her daily rants about her husband when he is a jerk, or her ecstatic giddiness if he pays her the least amount of attentions. I almost gagged yesterday when he came to lunch in the office and she almost sang "I love youuuuuuuu" as he was leaving. She is more invested in pacifying him than she is in caring for her kids or keeping her job....our employer just hired another full time accountant......get the picture? I did nto even waste my time telling her to shape up, although my coworker did. In very clear terms she told her to think long and hard everytime she puts her DH ridiculous ultimatums over her responsibilities in our office because by April 15 the workload will be drastically reduced if we have a full time accountant picking up all the slack. IF someone needs to go, it will not be the one who is pulling weight.
The reason your BF is not interested in discussing important aspects of his life is the same reason you refuse to be honest. Neither one of you has a past that speaks well of your decisions or your personalities. To double your fun, you have brought children into this cluster you call a relationship. I am having trouble expressing how I feel about that because I would get points, but suffice it to say that the fact you and your BF have introduced kids into this mess is more telling about you and him than anything else, and I find it shameful.
Children have no voice in the decisions their parents make, but they always pay the price if those decisions are horrific. The two of you have decided that your narcissistic needs trumps those of innocent children and you both then blame those children for any issues that occur. My God, at first I was going to suggest you get a dog or a cat, but I would not even trust your judgement to care for an innocent animal long term. YOu are not even strong enough to put those children first, a poor animal would not survive.
I am going to be blunt. All the people here who have tried so hard to be kind, be objective and to help you figure out what to do are just props in your dream world. You say your friends are supportive? Really? If they really were happy for you, supported this nonsense, and provided the outlet you want for your conversations, you would not be here, adding more and more little morsels to the story. They are done. Your FB friends are done. Your relationship with your new BF is a farce, and one you perpetuate with every lie you tell and evey lie you accept. If you want to continue on this path go for it, but own that you do so by not only dragging yourself through this nightmare you call love, but by destroying all the innocent people who have no choice but to be dragged along with you.
If you want or need proof that your coworkers and acquaintances are just mouthing platitudes, ask them to join the two of you for dinner, a movie, an evening out anywhere. IF any of these people agree, I will eat my shoe.
If you really want ot make a change in your life go to a therapist. If all you want is to create drama in your life, then do that, but for the love of all that is Holy, at least be honest about the havoc you wreak. Be honest that you not only crave and thrive on being miserable, you create the circumstances that allow for that.
