Steps in relationships, when to move to another level?

[jevs]

The next steps you need to take in this relationship is a step back.

 

[Neesy228]

I agree that all advice will probably fall on deaf ears...but I'm gonna try again.

OP, I believe you MUST realize that you sound something like a young teenager in love, don't you? Insecure, anxious, needing affirmation from him (and others), trying not to rock the boat so you don't upset him....

None of these threads that you post sound like an adult that is mature, rational and comfortable in their own skin. You have to be all of those to be in a healthy long-term relationship.

What is the hurry to have a title or a ring or a Facebook status? Who cares? Just enjoy getting to know him (not marrying him - just getting to know him!) Six months isn't enough time to know much of anything. There is very little advantage to rushing this.

I do wish you the best.

 

[focusondisney]

Pre-engaged? Semi-engaged? Those are terms I heard way back in high school. Fine if you're 17. Coming from a grown, twice divorced woman dating someone for 6 months? Just sad.

 

[focusondisney]

Good luck in that third marriage. Maybe get a therapist on retainer.

Forget the therapist. She needs a lawyer on retainer.

 

[jevs]

Pre-engaged? Semi-engaged? Those are terms I heard way back in high school. Fine if you're 17. Coming from a grown, twice divorced woman dating someone for 6 months? Just sad.

I've never heard of the terms, must be that pesky language barrier again. You're either engaged or not over here.

 

[focusondisney]

I've never heard of the terms, must be that pesky language barrier again. You're either engaged or not over here.

Yea, they don't use those actual terms, it's more the concept. Girls in high school would get "promise rings". As in, they were promising to get engaged sometime in the future. Most broke up in a few months. To me, it's a sign of a young, immature person.

 

[Turn the Page]

OP, does he have kids? I'm trying to figure out why he is still bickering with his ex wife.

If he does not have any children with this woman then he really shouldn't have anything to bicker with her about. Assuming his divorce is final (and if you've been dating for 6 months then it really should be) then he really shouldn't be having much, if any, contact with her at all, especially since he is in a semi serious relationship with another woman. If he does have children with her then the two of them need to figure their stuff out and learn how to work together for the sake of the kids before either of them try to bring a new partner into this mess otherwise it will just be a recipe for disaster.

Either way you need to take a few steps back. You are moving far too quickly.

And I second those that said you seem to think of relationships and marriage in a pretty immature way. Life isn't a fairy tale, especially when you have ex spouses in the mix.

 

[jevs]

Yea, they don't use those actual terms, it's more the concept. Girls in high school would get "promise rings". As in, they were promising to get engaged sometime in the future. Most broke up in a few months.

Gotcha

We called those friendship rings back in my day. No idea what they call them these days or if they're still even a thing.

 

[Allison]

I give many of you credit for having the patience to share the same message again and again.

 

[kimblebee]

No offence OP, but I almost hope you're a troll at this point..

 

[katie111]

No advice OP but I am totally curious about a few things...how old are you? How old is your boyfriend (or pre-fiancé), and do either of you have kids? How long were each of your marriages? Does he disrespect his ex-wife or just bicker with her? Disrespecting her should be a big red flag.

 

[LisaR]

OP'er, Whenever I read your posts, I always have to remind myself that you aren't a teenager but a full fledged adult. Pre-engaged? Semi-engaged? His mom likes me! These are things some high school girls might say. As you've been told repeatedly, get some professional help.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Taking a "relationship to the next level?" Concerned about making things "Facebook Official?" Oh my. These are things I would expect someone under the age of 21 to be worrying about.

I don't believe in a set number of months/years for a couple to date before getting engaged. But for as many "bumps in the road" (and that's putting it nicely!) that you've posted about with this relationship, SLOW DOWN.

I was honestly hoping this wasn't a post from you when I read the title.

 

[sonnyjane]

No offence OP, but I almost hope you're a troll at this point..

I'm more and more convinced it has to be.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

And, for the record, defining a relationship as "pre-engagement" or anything like that is absurd. Either you are or you aren't. It's natural and normal for just about every couple to discuss marriage at one point. Just because you talk about getting married and both say that you would one day like to get married again doesn't mean that your relationship is "at another level." And I certainly wouldn't be talking about it with other people! Heck--when DH was still a BF, he took me out ring shopping just to see what I liked when we were dating 6-7 months. I never told anyone about it until we were engaged and I certainly didn't go around telling people that we were now "pre-engaged."

 

[roseaster]

"Pre-engaged" "taking it to the next level" "Facebook official." OP, seriously, get a hold of yourself. Since you have been married twice I am going to make the assumption that you are, at the very least, somewhere in your 30s.

These are statements that are made by insecure teenage girls, not by grown women who are secure in themselves.

Not to be harsh, and I know it has been said before, but OP, you need counseling. You need to deal with your self-esteem issues. This is not normal behavior for a woman your age. If you want an honest opinion all your posts on this subject read "desperate, insecure, and needy."

 

[ols386]

6 months, too soon.

 

[littlejimmy]

is it just me, or does anyone else not want to look at these threads, but they somehow find themselves opening them and cringing? come on, I cant be the only one.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm not sure broaching the subject of marriage should in any way indicate that your boyfriend is actually going to propose. Don't put the cart before the horse.

 

[SirDuff]

I've never heard of the terms, must be that pesky language barrier again. You're either engaged or not over here.

I've also not heard "Facebook Official" except among teens (or as a joke).