Stay at Home Mom vs. Daycare?

[Alice28]

I've done both.

My first I left with a SAHM who just watched my son and her DD. My son was about 9 weeks when I left him with her for 5 hours every afternoon and it was hard, but she loved him and it was fine. I put him in an at home daycare center 2 blocks from my work when he was 6-7 months. She was wonderful too.

So wonderful that when I had my second DS, he went to her every afternoon when he was about 8-9 weeks.

I stayed at home with my DD and still do as we are fortunate now that we don't both have to work.

I think if you find the right sitter, it will be just fine. I think both my sons benefitted from having the experience at the daycare for several years. It wasn't TOO hard for me because I only worked parttime so I wasn't away from them for 8-10 hours a day. And I knew they were in excellent hands.

I do know I will be putting DD in preschool when she turns 3 for the socialization aspect of it. She is definitely not as social with other people as my boys were at this age (at least my oldest anyway).

 

[bananiem]

Kids can thrive in either environment. The key to staying home is a parent that truly wants to stay home so there's no resentment and everyone (mom, parent, child)will enjoy it. The key to childcare (in-home or center-based) is finding one that feels "right". Make sure the staff have the right qualifications (including first aid) and that they're in good standing with the state licensing agency.
Good luck!!

 

[padams]

I always thought I would go back to work after DS#1 was born. Once he was born, there was no way I was going to go back to work and let someone else take care of him. Also, when I considered the cost of chldcare, commuting/parking costs, work clothing, etc., it just didn't seem worth it to work for what little I was going to make after taxes and those expenses (I was a lawyer).

I think you'll be in a better position to decide what to do once you actually have the baby.

 

[summerrluvv]

I really can't say enough good things about Goddard!!!! Wouldn't change it for the world. I just wish ours would offer Private Kindergarten - they keep thinking about it but don't have enough interest!

Jenny

What's a Goddard school?

 

[Bob Slydell]

What's a Goddard school?

It's a chain (locally owned) of preschools: http://www.goddardschool.com/Default.gspx

 

[Lizzy2]

There are so many pros and cons on both sides that its hard. My first thought would be do I have any relatives that would be willing to help for little or no $ ? For us, it was my Mom, God bless her. We talked to her b4 we even started trying!LOL It was basically if you want that grandchild you keep asking for then you've got to help! Luckily, she had retired early and my Gram was also living with her. They actually took care of my nephew too who is 18m. older than my DD. My Mom didn't need the money and she just didn't want anyone else taking care of the kids anymore than we did. Each kid went to preschool half-day three days a week at 2.5y which we paid for which gave Mom a break and so the actual time she put in decreased each year from then on as they got older and more time at preschool was a plus for their socialization and learning as each one is an only child.
My DB and SIL put their son in daycare at 1yr. after he spent the first yr. in a home daycare run by her bestfriend. He loves it and thrives and they are all happy.
You simply must be choosy either way. If you have care from someone other than a relative consider a home daycare for the first year or so and that may give you a little more reassurance that the baby is getting more personalized care and then as he/she is walking and more busy you could switch to a classroom setting. Start looking while you are preg. Drop in at unexpected times and observe the children AFTER a formal interview and tour of the facility/home. If whoever's in charge does not welcome your dropin visit wholeheartedly then RUN in the other direction. This practice should continue after the baby is born as well.Come home from work "early" on purpose and make sure everything is as it should be. Also, ask friends, church members, coworkers for their recommendations on facilities and caregivers. Especially if you know someone in the outgrowing the caregiver stage-meaning their child is going to school fulltime next year and they may be giving up their spot at a
facility they've been going to for the last few years. Good luck and God bless you and your DH! This will be the greatest blessing you have ever known!

 

[Bbgrizzle]

I did not work when my older two were under 5 so they never went to daycare. My youngest DD (now 5) did have to spend the past 2 years going to preschool/daycare. BUT, I worked in the same preschool, teaching Kindergarten. I could look through the window of the connecting door and look right into her classroom and check that she was okay (and wave at her and make our secret heart signal). I also spent my lunch hours with her so I did have some contact with her through out the day.

I could NEVER put a baby/toddler into daycare for 11 hours a day, like so many people do. For me, I would feel some EXTREME guilt. As a person who has worked in a couple preschools, I can tell you that what some schools advertise is not always the same as what actually happens in the schools.

 

[kdibattista]

I have not read the other responses but will put in my two cents.

I can honestly see advantages/disadvantages of both and I truly think this is a very personal decision. I have always wanted to be at home with my children while they were young. I just could not put an infant in daycare. I made concessions to get into a career that would give me the flexibility of doing just that. Because our daughter will be adopted there is a whole new set of issues (attachment issues) that make me staying home the better option. I realize that I am very fortunate to be able to do that but I would never criticize another family for not being so fortunate.

I will say however that I do plan on starting her at a daycare part time after a few years so she will get the best of both worlds.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i stay home with my boys age 7 and 2
i love it and am grateful i can
my dh works full time
it has saved us tons on daycare
it was like i was working just to pay for daycare
it wasnt worth it

 

[AKLRULZ]

My advice is to wait and see how you feel AFTER the baby is born. Things change and your feelings might too.

I always thought I'd go back to work and while pregnant I was looking for daycare and would leave each place in tears. I realized I didn't want to leave my child.

Still a stay at home mom now.

Sounds like what my wife thought - she was a teacher and thought what a great career for a working mom! Well, it is after the kids are in school. We chose to have her stay home with the babies and kids and she just returned to teaching 2 years ago when our youngest was in 2nd grade. Works out great now because she's home when they are.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I hope it stays nice, too. So far, so good.

I think either situation (SAHM, daycare) can work out just fine. I still *think* I want to stay home - I just want DH to be open to the option of me going back to work if I choose to.

Before anyone bashes my husband - he is not a 50's era male pig who just wants to keep the little wifey at home. He was behind me 100% while getting my Masters Degree and totally supports my career. He just wants the best for our (future) kids, and can sometimes be stubborn once he thinks something is "best"! Not to sound defensive, but I know that sometimes people can attack on the Disboards.

My hubby is the same. He preferred a SAHM but was willing to accept the alternative. Then it worked out better for me mentally to not work in my particular circumstance and I love being a SAHM.

I know also am a WAHM--though only very very part time now. Hope to pick it back up soon---but that darn nausea and the latest development, just still into the very very part time. (was doing 10 hours a week).

 

[Fish Almighty]

I don't know anyone who regretted staying home with their kids.

I know lots of people who regretted putting their kids in daycare.

I understand that it is a financial choice for most people. If it were me, I would do everything I could to make sure that I could stay home with the kids.

 

[SDFgirl]

When we work the numbers, based on rough estimate of daycare costs here, I would be working for about $700 a month. That's hard to swallow...

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Can I ask - what numbers did you crunch? I took my total monthly salary and subtracted monthly average daycare costs to figure out what I would bring home if I worked. Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

 

[BuckNaked]

I don't know anyone who regretted staying home with their kids.

I know lots of people who regretted putting their kids in daycare.

I understand that it is a financial choice for most people. If it were me, I would do everything I could to make sure that I could stay home with the kids.

I know plenty of people that regret being SAHMs, just as I know plenty of people that regret putting their kids in daycare.

Everyone should do what is best for their family, and ignore anyone that tries to make them feel bad about their choice.

 

[Hedy]

Do what's best for your family. And I just wanted to chime in and say I think it's good you're having this conversation now, rather than in 9+months.

 

[Christine]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Can I ask - what numbers did you crunch? I took my total monthly salary and subtracted monthly average daycare costs to figure out what I would bring home if I worked. Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

I know you didn't ask me but, when crunching numbers you should calculate your take home pay and then subtract out the daycare, working wardrobe, commuting expenses and anything else associated with work that you would not be paying if you stayed home. That way you can see what you are "netting" by going to work. You also have to look at what you might "lose" by staying home (i.e., the ability to save for a retirement, company matchings, or even being able to contribute to a rainy day emergency fund).

Honestly, I am not a huge money-maker by any means but when I calculated daycare and all my associated work expenses, it was still lucrative for me to go to work. I know another poster said she was a lawyer and it wasn't worth it for her to work--I don't see how that can happen unless her daycare costs were through-the-roof outrageous, or she wasn't paid much as a lawyer.

 

[bananiem]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Can I ask - what numbers did you crunch? I took my total monthly salary and subtracted monthly average daycare costs to figure out what I would bring home if I worked. Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

Add diapers, how much you spend for lunch vs. eating at home, clothing, gas to child care and then work...
Look to see that you can live on one income before putting in your resignation. If you haven't already, start NOW living on one income. Put the other income in the bank. Don't use it for anything. Can you do it? Then add the cost of diapers and formula. Can you still do it?

 

[noodleknitter]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Can I ask - what numbers did you crunch? I took my total monthly salary and subtracted monthly average daycare costs to figure out what I would bring home if I worked. Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

You also would want to look at transportation costs, wardrobe differences, income tax, food, etc. For some people those are Huge, and for some, not so much.

Fish, I've know some who've regretted not continuing to work due to divorce or death of spouce, debt, and a general resentment about not having more.

 

[Christine]

Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

When calculating whether it is worth it work, do not add in diapers or formula. You pay for that whether your work or stay at home. They aren't part of that particular equation.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Can I ask - what numbers did you crunch? I took my total monthly salary and subtracted monthly average daycare costs to figure out what I would bring home if I worked. Are there other costs I should be putting into that equation? Maybe formula?? I am not sure.

You have to figure your entire cost of working--your gas, your meals if you eat out, your wardrobe (especially if you have a career with high maintenance or updating costs), et cetera.

I number crunched after I went back to work and with all the headaches of what was going on at the time, I made $1 an hour before taxes and felt I was worth more than that.

We didn't even have formula costs as I nursed, pumped and fed her 3x at the daycare (at dropoff, lunch break, and pickup).

I would have been paying to work if formula was in the picture.

For some--the sanity of working and being amongst adults is important for mental health and their career. For me--the job situation (long long story that goes back to some mistreatment of me during my 3rd tri, having a sucky employee to train that they refused to do anything about, and the sucky employee being fired while I was on maternity leave) just wasn't worth a buck.