Spouses: what do you do to deal with bad habits they might have?

[taximomfor4]

Mind you, I KNOW this goes both ways. I have a bad habit that might drive dh nuts -- he has ever said. He bites his nails, and recently has been doing it more. Bite bite, click click. It IS possible I have begun noticing it more though -- we have been trying, since flu in the area this October, to teach the 4 kids to keep their fingers away from their eyes, noses, mouths.

Anyway, yesterday in the car CLICK CLICK BITE BITE. CLICK CLICK BITE BITE. I corrected one child who kept playing with his mouth (wiggling his lips all around with his hand) but felt I couldn't say anything to dh. But CLICK CLICK BITE BITE made me want to scream after a few minutes (an hour car ride).

Sooooo....how can I deal with his nail-biting habit? If I say something to him, he will be furious that I am treating him like a 5 yr old. If I don't, every CLICK CLICK BITE BITE makes me shudder. I either need him to try and break the habit, or I need to figure out how to get OVER it!

BTW, if I have any habits (chewing the insides of my cheeks) that bother dh, I would want to know. But I am not normal, lol. We have a 10 hour drive in our near future, and I am already dreading it after our hour-long drive yesterday.

 

[LisaMayTX]

Let me start by saying, please don't think I am asking for pity - I'm not. I would recommend that you figure out how to get over it. I lost my DH in August to kidney cancer, and he had a lot of habits that I allowed to drive me nuts. Know what? I'd give anything to be driven nuts by them again.

Good luck!

 

[taximomfor4]

Let me start by saying, please don't think I am asking for pity - I'm not. I would recommend that you figure out how to get over it. I lost my DH in August to kidney cancer, and he had a lot of habits that I allowed to drive me nuts. Know what? I'd give anything to be driven nuts by them again.

Good luck!

I know I need to get over it, since I don't think he would take me mentioning it to him (even carefully and tactfully) very well. I just don't know HOW to get over it! It's like fingernails on the chalkboard to me (dh has the same issue when I am touching a balloon or holding a styrofoam take-out box).

 

[Acklander]

DH has a couple of bad habits that drive me up a wall. There his habits, he can have them. I just ask him not to do it while I'm around cause it drives me crazy. He forgets, and starts doing it, I usually just say "yuck, gross!!!!" and leave the room. Usually, I tell him to let me know when he's done so I can come back.
He's gotten pretty good about taking his bad habits elsewhere LOL

 

[disney1990]

I assume he had these habits when you married him?

After 26 years of marriage, I don't expect that I will be able to change my DH. Good luck with yours.

 

[sparklynails23]

I bite my nails, and the only solution has been to have my nails done regularly. Would your husband get a manicure before your trip? My son bit his nails for awhile, but stopped when he got palate expanders. Does your husband need any dental work you could schedule before your long drive?

Thought of another solution: ipod for you, so that you won't hear the click, click, bite, bite.

 

[taximomfor4]

I bite my nails, and the only solution has been to have my nails done regularly. Would your husband get a manicure before your trip? My son bit his nails for awhile, but stopped when he got palate expanders. Does your husband need any dental work you could schedule before your long drive?

Thought of another solution: ipod for you, so that you won't hear the click, click, bite, bite.

LOL, good suggestions. Generally, I do all the driving and he snoozes. So once he falls asleep it should be ok. THat will prevent me having an ipod going, but once he's asleep i won't have to worry.

To another pp, we've been married for 12 yrs. We tag-team parented for almost all of it. Now I am out of work. I didn't spend enough time with him to realize how much his nails are in his mouth, or how much it bothers me. Really, this flu season and teaching the kids to keep their hands off their faces has drawn a lot of attention to it.

I guess I wish I could say something to him, but I know he will be really upset if I do. Like I am treating him like one of the kids.

 

[ReneeA]

I ignore DH's bad habits. Other than the snoring - I poke him in the side and yell at him to roll over. I figure it's been 13 years that I've been with him...pretty late to do much changing now.

Besides, the good vastly outweigh the bad.

 

[NMAmy]

I ignore them. I guess after my first marriage and my ex's really bad habits--nothing DH does really bothers me in comparison. I can totally deal with him snoring and making a mess around the coffee pot. In the big scheme of things, I'd much rather wipe up some spilled coffee than some of the stuff I dealt with in my first marriage.

I would just suggest that you don't focus on the nail biting. The fact that you're worrying about it in advance of a trip kind of says that you're really focusing on it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I would say something, but differently than what I'd say to the kids. Repetitious noises really get to me and make me want to flip my lid. My husband knows this, so he's pretty good with me saying, "Would you stop please?" Just tell him it's the repetition or noise getting to you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would ask my husband to stop it while we are driving for 10hrs in the car.

Just like he would ask me to stop something that bugs him.
And believe me, he is a person that cannot STAND "noise" so he says it A LOT!

 

[paintnolish]

I TRY to ignore dh's bad habits, but they do get to me. Leaving garbage on the counter rather than putting it in the can, dirty clothes on the floor (I no longer do his laundry since I don't know the "rotation"), getting off the counch and tossing the throw blanket on the floor (hello? Instant dog bed!). I try to put it in perspective...I, too, have an XH that gave me things to really compain about (secretly ringing up a huge debt), but sometimes those little things do wear you down.

 

[yaytezIOA]

Get divorced.....thats how I got rid of my ex's annoying habits. Only mine was a little more extreme (such as staying out until 3 a.m. then sleeping til 2 p.m.). Everyone has great suggestions, but remember this. You love him. Think of your life without him, and remember.....you love him.

 

[momof1princess]

my DH doesn't bite his nails, but he does have a VERY bad habit of chewing with his mouth open sometimes. now, this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. i got it from my dad-when we were little he was constantly reminding us to chew with our mouth shut, to not smack our gum, etc., and i just can't stand the sound of people smacking on their food. when he does it (which isn't a lot), i just say "honey, please chew with your mouth shut" and he will. other than that, the only annoying thing he does is snore.

 

[clovergirl5]

I think a bad habits clause should be included in wedding vows. Kinda comes with the whole package. I have them, he has them, heck everyone has them lol.

 

[Pakey]

After 25 years of marriage, I have noticed habits that either weren't there or didn't bother me for the first 20 years. I'm sure my habits are just as annoying. But the one I just can't tolerate is when he drums/thumps his fingers on table tops. The noise is like water dripping, especially when we are in a restaurant. I've talked to him about it but in the moment, nobody wants to be chastised. So now I just reach over and touch or hold his hand.

 

[davidsprincess]

Well, when my husband starts his habits that usually resemble the ones his father has I just start calling him "Reg". He HATES that! (I find it quite hilarious) but it does get him to stop. Seriously, I usually just tend to ignore them and figure poor guy has to live with me and all my quirks so.....

 

[SouthernExplorer]

*Coming out of lurkdom*

When you're husband is asleep you could always paint his nails with Thum anti-biting nail polish. I'm a life-long nailbiter myself, and since I've used the stuff I haven't bitten my nails. That might break his habit. Check with your local pharmacist.

Or, just be honest with him and tell him that his habit bothers you, and that you would like for him to set an example of good hygiene for your children. If he doesn't want or cannot stop his habit then bring along an mp3 player, and get a bottle of that nail polish.

BTW, if your kids are sticking their hands/fingers inside the mouth then ask the pharmacist if the Thum anti-biting nail polish is safe for them to use. You can't control what your husband does, but you have some lee-way when it comes to your own children.

 

[clarabelle]

When my DH starts biting his nails -I start whipping things out of my purse. Gum, tic tacs, whatever I have and start offering them to him. Most of the time he takes me up on it. He bites his nails when he is driving for a long time and bored.
I also offer to drive -but he rarely takes me up on that one.
I also will rub his leg (that distracts him ) and he will stop.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

I HATE NAIL BITING!!! I think it's absolutely disgusting! I cannot understand why anyone on the planet would want to bite their nails... EW!

It wouldn't be a deal breaker but I'd definitely send DFiance to counseling for it, that's how much it bugs me when people do it. Good thing he feels the same way so it's not an issue