Splitting Christmas with the In-Laws?

[BadRomance]

This is my first Christmas since DH and I got married this past summer that I will have to share with his family.

We spent Thanksgiving with my family in Las Vegas. Now my family has traveled to spend Christmas with my siblings and I. My siblings all go to school at the University here and so we all live in the same town. My Dh's family also lives in said town. My family has already said they were yeilding to my husband's family since they got to have us for Thanksgiving. But since my family is out of town and I hardly get to see my parents, it's natural that I just want to spend all my time with them!

So how do I do this fairly? I know I am being selfish but I just miss my Mom and Dad. I have NOTHING against my in-laws. In fact, they are the perfect in-laws! I don't have a single complaint about them. I just love my family too.


Ugh. How do you guys split up your holidays?

 

[Darcy03231]

Why don't you plan something at your house that will include both your family and the inlaws.

 

[cheermom1]

This is my first Christmas since DH and I got married this past summer that I will have to share with his family.

We spent Thanksgiving with my family in Las Vegas. Now my family has traveled to spend Christmas with my siblings and I. My siblings all go to school at the University here and so we all live in the same town. My Dh's family also lives in said town. My family has already said they were yeilding to my husband's family since they got to have us for Thanksgiving. But since my family is out of town and I hardly get to see my parents, it's natural that I just want to spend all my time with them!

So how do I do this fairly? I know I am being selfish but I just miss my Mom and Dad. I have NOTHING against my in-laws. In fact, they are the perfect in-laws! I don't have a single complaint about them. I just love my family too.


Ugh. How do you guys split up your holidays?

How about everyone get together both sets of parents?? I know that with us that is very doable my parents and my in laws get along and we don;t care we just get together have fun...an idea...

also I have done this one - whatever day your in laws what to have Christmas on do that with them then on the day before or the day after spend it with your parents

 

[HunnyPots]

Christmas Eve with one family, Christmas Day with the other. This works out pretty well until you have kids. Once grandkids come into the picture you might have to re-negotiate to get some time for your own family.

 

[golfgal]

Christmas Eve with one family, Christmas Day with the other. This works out pretty well until you have kids. Once grandkids come into the picture you might have to re-negotiate to get some time for your own family.

That is what we did with our families because they were within fairly easy driving distance of each other. My sister splits holidays by year so one year they are at the in-laws for Thanksgiving and the next year they go there for Christmas.

Keep in mind that your DH is now your family and you need to put HIM first. The sooner you accept that the better and part of that means sharing the holidays.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Ah, yes, the holiday in-law dilemma! When we were first married, both of our families lived in the same city as us. We would try to split up holidays so that we could see everyone pretty much equally. His parents always had Thanksgiving dinner early, like 3:00 p.m. and my parents always eat at 6:00 so we would just have a small dinner with both. For Christmas Eve, we would have dinner with his parents and then go to 10:00 p.m. mass with mine. On Christmas Day, we would visit each set of parents during the day to take presents. If my brother and sister-in-law were in town, we would have Christmas dinner at the in-laws. If not, we might have drinks and appetizers with them and dinner with my family.

After my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law started joining my family's celebrations. She passed away 13 years ago so we've been going to my family's house or having them to ours.

For your first few holidays, you just have to do your best and split your time between both families. Be up front in making plans to minimize hurt feelings. If and when you have kids, things change. You'll be more likely to want to stay home and have them come a visit you.

 

[Magic Mom]

Why can't you all be together?

 

[TheZue]

We always just have everyone at our house. It's easier.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, you can have the whole gang at your house.

You can do every other.

You can do Christmas Eve with one and Christmas Day with the other.

 

[BadRomance]

I have a lot of siblings that live here... DH has seven siblings.. and they all have kids (He is the youngest- I am the oldest). So that would be a HUGE group- It could be done... I just think its so short notice but maybe next year? I didn't even think of doing a joint like Christmas! (how scrooge of me is that?) I don't mind spending Christmas with his family... in fact I really like the Christmas eve with one fam and Christmas Day with the other fam. Genius!

 

[Lionqueen2]

One of my relative's sons came up with an interesting way to handle this age old problem. Instead of dividing up the holidays between family, they divide things up between the two of them - her holidays and his holidays.
One year, Thanksgiving is hers and Christmas is his. The next year they swap. Easter is alternated - one year hers, one year, his.
Whose ever holiday it is gets to decide what will happen. If it is 'his' holiday, he may choose to spend it with his family or simply just stay home and spend it with his wife and children. On 'her' holiday, she can make whatever choice she likes. They have been married for 10 years and so far it has worked for them.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Why don't you plan something at your house that will include both your family and the inlaws.

That's the most logical choice. Of course if you have a mother in law like mine, she'll refuse to come and say you're conveniencing everyone except her (even though your family came from 1.5 hours away and she lives 10 minutes away). Then it will cause a huge rift between you and your husband and finally you'll just give in to keep the peace.

OP, I hope you're able to do with this poster suggested and have a wonderful Christmas with both sets of parents.

 

[krcit]

We do Christmas Eve with my in-laws and Christmas Day with my family.

 

[golfgal]

I have a lot of siblings that live here... DH has seven siblings.. and they all have kids (He is the youngest- I am the oldest). So that would be a HUGE group- It could be done... I just think its so short notice but maybe next year? I didn't even think of doing a joint like Christmas! (how scrooge of me is that?) I don't mind spending Christmas with his family... in fact I really like the Christmas eve with one fam and Christmas Day with the other fam. Genius!

I would not try to combine family celebrations with families of this size. Find out what the rest of his siblings do and see if you can work it out so if you switch from year to year you are all going on the same year.

 

[Danauk]

Since we have been married we have mostly had Christmas at our house with my parents, DH's parents, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters etc (it is easier to do this as my family live 2 hours north of us and DH's sister, BIL and nephew live 2 hours south.) One year we went to my inlaws for Christmas day, so we went to my parents for New Year. The next year we swapped over and went to my family for Christmas. One year we were at WDW with our best friends for Christmas, as we will be next year!!

 

[puffkin]

Both our families live very close, so we try to split it up as equally as possible.

Now that we have a kid, my DH's eyes have opened to what a "family" is supposed to be. His parents don't want to have anything to do with us except for the holidays when they want to put on a huge show about how wonderful a family they are. Keep in mind they live 1 MILE from us and we have a 3 year old!!!! My family is there for us all year and very involved in our son's life. We decided 2 years ago to spend more time with the family that actually bothers with us the rest of the year. We put in a token appearance at DH's family. It is a shame too, because I really like my SIL and her kids but can't stand the rest of them!

 

[PaulaSue]

We do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. Works out well IMO.

 

[disykat]

It sounds like it's already been decided that it is the "inlaw's Christmas" this year and your parents are a last minute addition? If that is the case, I'd give the inlaws preference and then squeeze your family in around them. Make sure you let them know that they are first priority and you'll squeeze your family in around them since this was a last minute change. If they're nice people, they work to accomodate this!

Maybe go over for a bit at the end of Christmas Eve, maybe late in the day or mid-day for a while depending on when your inlaws have meals planned Christmas Day.

In the future, even on the holidays that will be spent locally (thus with the inlaws) I'd build time into your schedule so you have time on your own during those two days. That way last minute changes will be easily accomodated.

If you will be trading off, you can plan accordingly - just be sure to do it ahead of time. I think the biggest thing is to have a "tradition" of flexibility so that you don't have people crying that it's not Christmas without you, etc.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think you should be fair to your DH's family.

I'm not saying that you cannot see your family at all...but do not set a precedent that you must see your family b/c you miss them.

We've always alternated holidays (Thanksgiving 1 family, Christmas the other) and on the Christmas one--we'd share the Eve and day with the other family--but then we'd use the week to visit with the others.

And as a poster suggested, you can always invite both families to your house.

 

[donac]

we have always done Christmas eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family. THis has worked for almost 35 years.