SpinOff: Attending kids' activities

[NHdisneylover]

If you have/had kids involved in acitvites, how often do you attend performances, games, etc?

How often did your parents attend similar things when you were a child?

and whatever other thoughts on this.

Personally, I feel like kids, particularly older ones, should be inolved in activities becuase they enjoy them and get value from them, not for the sake of having parents come and watch them I kind of think being at every signle game or performance or whatnot can sometimes take away from kids getting intrinsic enjoyment from what they do.

So, we went to the major things. One performance of a show they were in, the big yearly dance recital. Major belt tests. A game they were particularly excited about, scout bridiging ceremonies, and to the occasional standard class to see what it was all about. But not to everything.

My parents went to even less (but I was not in activites before highschool: my parents were not inclined ot spend time and money on lessons of any kind). I was heavly in theatre in highschool but mostly on the techinical side. My parents never attended a show I worked on except for the two I performed in on stage. I DID wish that they'd come see the sets I built and lights I designed---but not enough to be really bothered by it. And I would have thought it was downright strange if my parents, or those of my friends, came to every performance of one of our shows.

 

[Mizzoufan]

We go to everyone. I can't image not being there.

 

[disykat]

My sons played in the band. I usually went just for the half time show of football games, but mentioned once to my sister that I was going to a game and she was horrified and scolded me for not giving him more freedom. (She doesn't have kids) When she was growing up and in the band parents didn't go. She just plain didn't believe me that probably the majority of parents went to ALL of their kid's activities now days!

I tried to strike a balance, going to some but not all of the kid's things. Since I was involved in all the "booster" parent activities I wanted them to have some time without me!

 

[kimblebee]

Went to every Christmas concert but she never played a sport so I dodged that bullet. Actually, she played soccer for one year and I think I went to one practice. My dad went to the rest and I think he may have just dropped her off..that’s 10+ years ago so I don’t remember.

 

[moniqueand2]

I attend about 75 to 80 percent of each sports season games (2 kids).

 

[Klayfish]

With 3 kids, DW and I are outnumbered. All 3 of them play sports 8 or 9 months per year. I attend every practice, every game as much as possible. Obviously, if they have games at the same time, we have to divide and conquer, but I will run all around trying to see as much as I can. Luckily, often they'll have practice back to back in the same location (lacrosse)...or practice at the same time in the same location (football), so I will spend 3 hours on the fields, or run back and forth between two areas of the campus. So during sports seasons, I'll spend between 2 and 3.5 hours per night on the field, often 5 days a week, then 6 to 8 hours on Saturday going to games.

Even though I try to go to all games and practices, I try not to be "that parent". I stay out of the way. I don't yell anything out, don't bug the coaches, don't bug my kids. I'm just there to observe and support. After practice, my kids like to ask me what I thought about how they did and we'll talk about things. But I make a very conscious effort to not be disruptive or even "visible" during practice...during football season, I'll often go to the press box and watch from up there, so the boys can't even see me (they know I'm there)

 

[GreatLakes]

My son isn't 1 yet so one of us are at all of his activities now (swimming, music, tumbling, etc).

Once I was old enough to bike to my after school activities (5th grade for soccer and 6th for baseball) that is how we got there. My parents came to almost every game but it was up to us to get ourselves to practice and back. We biked a lot of miles as kids.

 

[amberpi]

I took so many lessons and my brother was in so many sports there is no way my folks could have gone to all the practices/lessons - my dad's assistant ran me around all through middle school and until I could drive in high school in order to get it all done - worked for our family. My folks would go to most of the concerts and opening nights of "gallery openings." They always went to like state/regional championships for mock trial, debate, quiz bowl, etc. even if it was hours away and went to WDW for band stuff, etc. When we went to national competitions one or both would try to go, and my mom was often a chaperone for band and other big summer trips like to Europe with beta club as she was a teacher and off during summer. Both of my parents worked, (my dad owned several newspapers and some were out of state) so I think they did a pretty amazing job considering.

 

[tonga]

My son is in hockey and DH and I go to every game. My mom goes to most of his games too. We have fun spending time with the other families. He's 9, so maybe it will be different when he's older.

 

[ashley0139]

My parents came to every gymnastics meet I did (there weren't a ton every year) except for the ones that were out of town. However, their attendance had NOTHING to do with my enjoyment of the sport. Why do you think it would affect the value kids are getting out of it? I did it for me, not for them. They just wanted to watch, and I just remember having supportive parents. When I moved on to theatre, they came to a lot of performances but not every single one. I'm especially thankful that my dad, who worked harder than anyone I've ever known, made the time to see as many gymnastics meets or performances as was humanly possible.

My dad coached my brother's baseball team so was at all of those games, and my mom went to most of his games as well, though not every one.

 

[mamamary]

I have two kids - boy and a girl. Both were in sports since they were 4/5 thru high school. Both had plenty of concerts, plays, fashion shows, scouts thru the years. I pretty much went to every single thing. When my son was on cross country there were a few away meets that I skipped, when they had outside sports in rain or very cold weather I skipped those also. Sometimes they each had an event on the same day and my husband and I split so someone would be there.

As for when I was young I wasn't involved in a whole lot but anything important my parents came.

 

[bethy]

I make sure someone from our extended family is at each game and performance. If they were in a show that has multiple performances then I'd be fine with going to just one.

For around here my approach is MAJOR slacking off. Here, it's somewhat frowned upon if both parents aren't at most games. Plus most parents go to every sports practice until at least middle school it seems.

I think many parents actually WANT to see every moment of their kids' activities - they go because they enjoy it and not necessarily because they feel obligated. And it has become the norm in a way that if you aren't there then your kid is the odd one out. In my own perfect world the parents would go to less because I do believe it is hovering and hindering independence in kids. And making kids subconsciously feel - dare I say - like the world revolves around them . . .

great discussion idea

 

[cabanafrau]

I attended most things, not all things our daughters participated in. I was also GS leader for one, part of adult GS support for the other, VBS teacher (not for either of their classes), VBS craft coordinator, Sunday School teacher (not for either of their classes), backstage attendant/support for dance recitals. DH did set build for HS musicals for the shows our younger DD was in and was a stage dad for dance recitals and performed in the dad's dance. I wound up seeing a tremendous amount of the rehearsals for dance recitals and was at every performance and wound up seeing many performances of the HS musicals because we had friends & family coming to various shows. Because of dividing and conquering, illness and other scheduling conflicts I missed some choir performances. DH missed some stuff over the years because of work travel and some other conflicts as well. I know he is still regretful he could not attend honors night for our youngest daughter's senior year, but he had a final exam of his own that night for one of his courses for his master's degree.

Overall we tried to give our kids strong support and show them we are proud of them. So far they've shown themselves to be responsible and law abiding adults who seem to enjoy spending time with us. Even if we weren't perfect they don't seem phased by our failings or resentful of any time we spent focused on our own pursuits.

My parents were supportive and caring and volunteered with Scouts, VBS, school and church also, but I would have never been allowed the level of activities our daughters pursued. Then again it would have been rare for any of my peers to have been so active back in those days either.

 

[Disneylover99]

It depends on the activity. Both my husband and I go to my daughter's soccer games, cause we enjoy them.
But when she was in gymnastics, I'd just drop her off and pick her up.

If my kids are performing in concerts, we'd definitely go.

Growing up in the 70's, my older sisters used to drive me to sports games and drop me off. I don't really recall any parents sticking around in those days. Different times I guess.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

When my son did activities not only did I attend every one but I was often part of the group - for Robotics I was the Club Mom bringing snacks and drinks and running whatever errands they needed during meets.
With Cub Scouts I ran various activities including being the Chairperson for a year (that was yucky). My husband did go to all the campouts. Other than cub scouts he never went to much. He would attend the spring middle school band concerts and took my son to 2 college tours but that was it.

For my Daughters Karate I took her to every class and testing and stayed to watch. Same with her other activities where parents are allowed to go.
Like my sons - he would attend the spring middle school band concert but that was it. He's never gone to anything else. In all fairness, his work needed someone who could stay late so he volunteered. For my job I would bring my work home if needed so I could be home on time for the kids.

Now that the oldest is in college and the youngest is almost in college, I'm pretty much done with activities except for touring colleges with the youngest and attending things for her Art Club and Bass Guitar classes.
I may be volunteering to help her Eco Club with a River Clean up this spring. I'm just waiting to hear when it will be. Hopefully it's not when I've got something else already scheduled.

 

[mjkacmom]

I go to most home games (stopped going to away games when they interfered with naps, and then I wanted to be home with the other kids and their activities), DH either coached, or attended (now that they are all in HS or college, his only coaching will be spring HS boys and girls soccer). Went to almost every concert (one year had an elementary, middle school, high school and 2 college holiday concerts). I go to one show for my theater kids (over a dozen starting when dd21 was 11 and cast as Louisa in the sound of music at a local theater, her first time with adults, dropping her at rehearsals was a bit strange at first). I ha e volunteered to help in town shows when they were younger.

There has been at least one of us at every school open house and conference. We dropped kids off at practices starting in the 2nd grade or so (always knew the coach), birthday parties in kindergarten (unless it was a public venue, then the moms would decide who stayed).

My parents always went to school functions, a lot of sports, although DH insists parents didn’t go to games when he played sports (and they walked or biked to practices).

I think it’s fine to miss things, I think I went to 2 xc meets this year because they are boring. Dd14 has a track meet after school today, 45 minutes away, dd16 is taking the fan bus and will watch, first meet a family member will be there. She runs the 400 and relay, beginning and end. Hardly any parents go, plus a lot of HS games are at 4, not good for working parents.

With 5, I didn’t want to force siblings to spend all of their free time watching their brothers or sisters all of the time.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My parents attended pretty much everything when I was in elementary. Less & less as I got older. In HS, none of the “away” band or sports comps other than track (Dad was my coach, so he was stuck LOL). By senior year, not even all the band concerts locally.

DW & I have attended pretty much all the band/choir/theatre/volleyball/soccer events for both DD’s. If they were in as many activities as other kids, we’d pick & choose. But, it’s honestly not that much.

DW no longer comes to their weekly bowling league unless I’m unavailable to take them. That’s her 3 hours of quiet time each week LOL.

 

[soccerdad72]

When possible, my wife and I like to go together to our boys sports and other events, but with two kids, a fair amount of splitting up occurs. Now that my older son is driving, there is the occasional game or event that he drives to himself and, if possible, at least one of us makes it to.

I seem to recall my parents made it to a lot of my games growing up. My dad even became a swimming official for a couple years because he figured if he was going to be at our swim meets, he might as well keep busy while he was there.

 

[design_mom]

I try to go to everything that I can. If there's a conflict and I *can't* go then I don't feel too guilty about missing, but if it's something I can go to, I do. I enjoy watching them do what they enjoy and i feel like making the effort to be there says "what interests you is important to me, too." And I feel like I learn to know who's who when it comes to teammates, so I know who the kids are talking about when they mention a teammate, etc.

For the most part, I think each of the kids have usually had at least one parent in attendance. Exception was when DS was injured for part of his season. If we knew he wasn't going to race, we didn't necessarily go to the meets, but DS was there to support his team.

My parents were the same (1980s) -- they didn't attend EVERYTHING, but if they missed a game or performance I knew it was because they had a conflict, not because they just didn't feel like coming. When I was in theater, they usually came to one performance of each show, not every one... but they came to see the show. Neither of my kids does theater.

 

[mjkacmom]

I make sure someone from our extended family is at each game and performance. If they were in a show that has multiple performances then I'd be fine with going to just one.

For around here my approach is MAJOR slacking off. Here, it's somewhat frowned upon if both parents aren't at most games. Plus most parents go to every sports practice until at least middle school it seems.

I think many parents actually WANT to see every moment of their kids' activities - they go because they enjoy it and not necessarily because they feel obligated. And it has become the norm in a way that if you aren't there then your kid is the odd one out. In my own perfect world the parents would go to less because I do believe it is hovering and hindering independence in kids. And making kids subconsciously feel - dare I say - like the world revolves around them . . .

great discussion idea

You wouldn’t be slacking here, lots of parents miss games here (or come late), only a couple of parents stay for practices. I dropped off at gymnastics and dance when my girls were 6 or so. My town is only 3 miles, and everyone carpools. It very rare that I only have just my kids in my van, our dance carpool maxed out with 7 girls, no more room!