Spin-Off of Inheritance Message Thread: Do Your Heirs Know What Your Intentions Are?

[NAB]

Ours will go evenly between my kids. It’s my husband that is driving me crazy. He doesn’t like talking about it at all. I would like to update our will. It was written before we had kids than some extra thing was added when we had the first so that we had guardians set up for the kids.

Since my husband is retired now and we travel more I wanted him to write down all our stuff listing banks, investment places, heck even where we store our fifth wheel trailer. Insurances, bills etc. I have been asking for years….he said he did . What he had was a bunch of post it notes with passwords. Yesterday he wrote everything out that I asked . We are heading to Vegas tomorrow. You just never know. Heck I didn’t know all the stuff he wrote down. He said it was fine because everything is joint.

So now I have a sheet both sides with stuff written now…He labelled it Death Sheet. He had a hard time turning 60 last month.

 

[wabbott]

I'll just make this observation. Over the past ten years, I've buried a mother, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. There was little to no disagreement over assets, but some mild to moderate 'discussion' over the 'heirlooms.' AKA, junk. My sister, who I love dearly, is an 'accumulator' of the first order. Not quite a hoarder, as you can still get around in her house.

She still begrudges what other heirs got, but she also knows she just ain't got no more room for more 'stuff.'

Point being, the furniture, house-ware, dishes, pictures, etc can be more an issue than money or property.

 

[wabbott]

Ours will go evenly between my kids. It’s my husband that is driving me crazy. He doesn’t like talking about it at all. I would like to update our will. It was written before we had kids than some extra thing was added when we had the first so that we had guardians set up for the kids.

Since my husband is retired now and we travel more I wanted him to write down all our stuff listing banks, investment places, heck even where we store our fifth wheel trailer. Insurances, bills etc. I have been asking for years….he said he did . What he had was a bunch of post it notes with passwords. Yesterday he wrote everything out that I asked . We are heading to Vegas tomorrow. You just never know. Heck I didn’t know all the stuff he wrote down. He said it was fine because everything is joint.

So now I have a sheet both sides with stuff written now…He labelled it Death Sheet. He had a hard time turning 60 last month.

Hah! Mere children! We're 73 & 67, and I always nag mrs. wabbott about getting up to speed on electronic accounts, passwords, bank accounts, etc. I always told her I don't want her kicking dirt on my grave because she didn't know how to access accounts. You need to get up to speed on this, you really do.

 

[MillauFr]

I'll just make this observation. Over the past ten years, I've buried a mother, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. There was little to no disagreement over assets, but some mild to moderate 'discussion' over the 'heirlooms.' AKA, junk. My sister, who I love dearly, is an 'accumulator' of the first order. Not quite a hoarder, as you can still get around in her house.

She still begrudges what other heirs got, but she also knows she just ain't got no more room for more 'stuff.'

Point being, the furniture, house-ware, dishes, pictures, etc can be more an issue than money or property.

Yeah I don't understand why people think their heirlooms are worth anything. Most of it is junk and no one is going to pay you what you think it is worth. Truth of it isn't worth much.

 

[barkley]

As to our own kids, we have 2, both with special needs. We have set up Special Needs Trusts and anything paid out upon our passing will automatically be split between them. We have a plan in place for someone to manage that money, so it will be used solely to help support them throughout life. Depending on how old we are when we pass, it could be a massive amount or a much smaller, but still significant amount. We have high value term life insurance policies on both of us that go through age 69, purchased specifically because of our kids needs.

our youngest is special needs as well and for this reason we sought out a disability and elder law attorney who worked in co-operation with a bank in our area to set up our son's portion of our estate in a manner that will best protect his interests and needs. because dh and i went through absolute hell administering both our mom's estates we don't want our oldest to have to deal with it so it will be professionally handled, as will ds's finances (guardianship of the financials of an individual is a horrifically complicated situation in our state that i don't wish on anyone-my oldest will not be left to deal with it).

 

[NAB]

Hah! Mere children! We're 73 & 67, and I always nag mrs. wabbott about getting up to speed on electronic accounts, passwords, bank accounts, etc. I always told her I don't want her kicking dirt on my grave because she didn't know how to access accounts. You need to get up to speed on this, you really do.

Yeah I do none of the on line banking . He just tells me to log in and it’s all there. I wanted it written out. He has stocks etc. Good thing my son knows about that stuff too. I’m not a risk taker. If Oprah was still on tv I would be one of those ladies that knows nothing husband does it all.

Its ok , I told him I’m going first this is for the kids…lol

 

[kyton]

My Dad passed 2yrs ago so we redid Mum’s documents at that time. Everything will be split evenly between us 3. My FIL passed last year and whilst I don’t know exact details I do know that everything will be divided evenly between my husband and his sister.

Our estate is planned to be split between our 3 children however a codicil has been added recently that since child 2 has entered into a sport that is costing us hundreds of thousands, his share will be lesser then his siblings - Unless he is able to repay that amount back to us if he makes it into a professional occupation.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Our kids know that everything will be split 4 ways. We aren't worried about leaving them a large inheritance--we're paying for college, we pay for travel (with us and for school trips) and their grandmother left them each well set-up through trusts. So, I don't feel like I have to worry about them in the future. We have money set aside for what we term a "million dollar disease"--if we end up not needing it, they're welcome to it. But, we feel the best gift we can give them is to not burden them with our care as we age.

Having gone through probate a few times with parents and uncles, I don't understand the mindset of "avoid probate at all costs". It's really not a big deal. OTOH, we never had to deal with houses or substantial property--maybe it's more complicated and time-consuming if those are involved. We did find that the process of getting assets to heir generally took more than we realized--stuff came in bits here and there, versus one big check from the lawyer like they show on TV. But again, no big deal--unless you're waiting on the money for something. We figured, it gave us time to think about what we wanted to do, how we'd invest, that sort of thing.

 

[mommasita]

Yes, it is all taken care of. We updated things after my daughter, and my son is aware of it. We all went to the notary together. He has all the information he needs on banking, passwords. I think he will sell Everything, as he is not like his dad, he does not have the handyman skills, nor does he like it.

I do not want him to have any difficulties. it Is cut and dry

 

[Colleen27]

I'll just make this observation. Over the past ten years, I've buried a mother, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. There was little to no disagreement over assets, but some mild to moderate 'discussion' over the 'heirlooms.' AKA, junk. My sister, who I love dearly, is an 'accumulator' of the first order. Not quite a hoarder, as you can still get around in her house.

She still begrudges what other heirs got, but she also knows she just ain't got no more room for more 'stuff.'

Point being, the furniture, house-ware, dishes, pictures, etc can be more an issue than money or property.

In our family, it has been just the opposite. Getting rid of all the 'stuff' is such a chore, and no one wants it. I'm the family historian so I'm keeping (but digitizing, because I don't want all the boxes) photos and family records, but the furniture, housewares, dishes, etc. are mostly going to charity shops because we all have our own homes and our own accumulated stuff and no one really wants to add to it.

 

[disykat]

My siblings and I did not fight over stuff when we sold the house. Dad's share of the estate was passed to mom and all of the remainder will be split three ways after mom passes. The only issue has been resentment over the work that needs to be done.

Our boys know we are going to split things 50/50 but I can't figure out how to prevent resentment over the work involved because I'm guessing they might have the same problem. We're hoping good planning and downsizing "stuff" early will help.

DH and his sister have done a really good job of just doing what's best for both of them. His sister lived with their parents doing the lion's share of work of caregiving. We came and did respite for her and helped with the property upkeep but she was there every day. In turn DH agreed to a smaller inheritance. She got the home and the property it sits on which will set her up better for the future and he got small vacant property that also has sentimental value to him. They agreed to do what was best for their situations rather than worry about being even. (She would not have had the money to buy half the house from him if they'd inherited it jointly and the parents didn't have much in the way of cash to compensate her that way.)

Overall I think they are a lot happier doing it that way than we are with splitting it evenly and doing very uneven amounts of the work.

 

[china mom]

Without a will, part of it will be eaten up with Probate costs.

I guess that depends on the size of the estate and the state. I have recently/currently probated three estates. Mom had a will, brother 1 did not and brother 2 did not and the probate expenses are the same with all three - a set percentage of the estate.

Now, if the estate is contested, there may be legal fees but that can happen even if there is a will.

 

[china mom]

My husband and I are each other's heirs for everything when one predeceases and, of course we both know all the details (or have access tot he details).

If we go together or when the last one of us goes, the two adult kids will inherit. We have not discussed anything with them yet but I am sure that they have the gist of our plans because in the past several years, I have been Personal Representative for four estates and so we have discussed philosophies and estate planning in front of the kids.

I will not discuss particular amounts with them as I do not want them to "count on" anything. My goal for DH and I is to never be a financial burden on our kids so we have made financial plans based on that. If there is money after that, everything is split evenly between the two. But even that is subject to change. If I were to contribute a large sum to support one of my kids, I would adjust their inheritance to reflet that.

 

[tvguy]

I guess that depends on the size of the estate and the state. I have recently/currently probated three estates. Mom had a will, brother 1 did not and brother 2 did not and the probate expenses are the same with all three - a set percentage of the estate.

Now, if the estate is contested, there may be legal fees but that can happen even if there is a will.

We got lucky to find an attorney that charged us a flat $1,500. Law allows a fee of 4% of the value of the estate for the first $100,000 of value, so he saved us thousands.

 

[china mom]

We got lucky to find an attorney that charged us a flat $1,500. Law allows a fee of 4% of the value of the estate for the first $100,000 of value, so he saved us thousands.

That's awesome. I used an attorney for my mother's and brothers' because they were a little complicated (I was PR and buying two houses from Mom's estate then one brother dies while Mom's estate was still open and I was PR on that one too.)

Maryland allows the PR to collect based on a formula. The formula sets total compensation at 9% of the first $20,000 of the adjusted estate subject to administration PLUS 3.6% of the excess over $20,000. Any attorney fees come out of the PR fee.

He charged my hourly but adjusted the hours so that he used less than half.

I also had to reopen my father's and file a foreign proceeding in Florida. That attorney just charged me a flat rate. I paid $1,500 to probate a piece of land owned by my father that I then bought from Mom's estate for $650 so they did make more money on the flat rate than they would have on the percentage.

 

[SC Minnie]

We only have 1 child. She get's all the good stuff and the crap. DH made a list last year of all our money accounts- who they're with, the account numbers, and passwords, as well as the amounts as of that day (he'll update it once a year as an FYI only). It's in a specific place that we've told her to look if something happens to both of us.

My mom is the only parent either one of us has left. After my dad passed last year and she say was a mess I had to deal with (they were divorced) she got her ducks in a row. My brother and I are both on her bank account. She has done the transfer upon death paperwork for her house and her land. Her house goes to me and the land to my brother -- the land is not the land the house is on. All of her accounts have my brother and I has beneficiaries. She has told me where to find all her paperwork.

 

[mrodgers]

I certainly hope they aren't "waiting for a windfall" from me, LOL. There's no wind and nowhere for it to fall.

Plan to die at work, so I think I may come up with something spectacular for everyone to talk about, LOL.

 

[soccerdad72]

Yes, we've talked with our boys in the past. My younger son, just the other day, made a comment to the regards of, "Your money is your money - I plan on making my own".

We are working with a lawyer to set up a trust to hold our assets and we have a friend of ours who we've asked to help manage the trust in case my wife and I pass before our boys are 25 (the date we set for them).

 

[barkley]

i am so glad my mother had sold her home a handful of years prior to passing b/c transfer on death with multiple people on a home can be an absolute nightmare esp. if one if the beneficiaries has any unmet financial entanglements (i know of a home that was held up for a couple of years in legal wranglings when the county child support division was tipped off to the owner's death by someone knowing one of her sons owed the state decades of back child support).

 

[tvguy]

I certainly hope they aren't "waiting for a windfall" from me, LOL. There's no wind and nowhere for it to fall.

Plan to die at work, so I think I may come up with something spectacular for everyone to talk about, LOL.

Well many employers offer life insurance that is a couple times your annual pay, who is going to get that windfall?