Spin-Off of Inheritance Message Thread: Do Your Heirs Know What Your Intentions Are?

[AnnaS]

I knew exactly everything my parents had or owned. My DH knew what my in-laws had. They did not speak English we handled everything for them. We took care of them until the very end (including my sister who lived at home) regardless of what they might/might not have had. I had to repeat to my mom over and over that it was okay to buy what she liked when I went grocery shopping for her. I would tell her you can't take it with you. If you leave all of us a dollar less, so be it. If there is none, so be it. The frame of mind from the old days was always there even though she could afford it. (Yet, I think the same already).

Our children do not know or have an estimate idea of our finances. We do own our home and bought our crypts when our time here has ended. I have a list of what and where "just in case" something happens to both my DH and I. Things are pretty self explanatory. As far as our $$ - they are all benfeficiaries equally on the accounts.

If we live long enough and our whereabouts are limited, they will have a better idea. I don't want to keep them 100% in the dark.

 

[slo]

My family definitely 100% knows who gets the keys to our kingdom if we died today.

I put a letter, in a sealed envelope, out on my dresser when we go away, telling what to do in the event of our unexpected death.

We are getting a trust done this summer - time to make our intentions official.

 

[goofyernmost]

I spent a year literally planning my death. Well not literally planning to die, but what should happen after. My X had passed away with no instructions, plans or even money set aside. Because we were divorced I really didn't have any direct say, but I did what I could to help them figure it out. It was then that I realized that, even though we had been married for 29 years, we never once had any conversation about our wishes when that time comes.

So I found and bought a plot for myself (at first) and did all the living will, regular will and advanced instructions and prepaid for everything except for cremation. That was something that I might pay for if I find myself running out of money. I will pay that then otherwise my kids can take it out of what is left over. The only change I made was when my X passed, she died broke, not a nickel to her name, and since she had been cremated I volunteered the use of a part of my plot to save my daughters (plus myself) of finding an appropriate resting place for her.

I won't say the process was loads of fun. It is difficult to finally realize the there will be an end to all this and like a trip to WDW, is a good idea to do a little advance planning. In fact, the only thing that was fun for a moment was that I found and Urn, for myself, that was shaped and painted like a Coffee can with the words... Chock Full Of Nuts. My daughters vetoed that though. They are definitely no fun.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I would definitely have gone for an urn like that!

More important then telling your kids directly about inheritance is gathering the information that they'll need to navigate after you've passed. We have an estate lawyer and financial planner that helped us to clarify our thoughts. In addition, they sell books like "Now That I'm Dead" (cheery title!) that help you to locate all account numbers and so forth in one place. I do recommend some kind of outside help--even if it's just a book from the library--because they help to ask questions you probably never thought of.

I like to think I'm not THAT old (59), but I lost my brother last month. We have a few friends who have lost spouses in their 50's. People tend to think that estate planning is for the elderly, but crap can happen.

 

[SC Minnie]

One other thing to be aware of that I hadn't thought of but has come up when by dad and stepfather passed--- make a note of any auto renewing accounts or prepaid accounts. Even if you have to update it annually.

An example- A couple of years after my stepfather passed DH was helping my mom get some new quotes for her home owners insurance. He had called AARP for a quote and the lady on the phone looked up mom&stepfathers account and found it had been prepaid out by 5 years! My mom had no clue.