Spanking , hitting kids

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
How come that only works for Moms??

I've tried the look and I only get laughed at!

LOL! My DD looks at DH when he trys "the look" and says funny Daddy!!"

Spank? Sure, used very sparingly when the lesson is a life or death issue. My DD is 2.5 and she has no fear, I swear she's going to kill herself one of these days. I haven't spanked her in a while though. It only took a couple of times. I would use "the voice" count to three and then she got her spanking (which really hurt her feelings more than her bottom) Now, all I have to do is count to three. For normal discipline issues, time outs work pretty well, also having realistic expectations of what a two year old can manange. In other words, I don't take her to fancy, long meals in expensive restaurants. I do not expect her to be ok with 6 hour shopping/errand trips. I do not expect her to never touch shiny, breakable objects within her reach, I remove her of the item from her environment. She is very well behaved as long as I'm mindful of the limited ability of two year olds to control their impulses forever.

 

[jrydberg]

I assure you "the look" can work just as well for dads

 

[caitycaity]

Bob - you need to practice!

I'm not even a mom and I have gotten the joking nickname "mean mommy" from the other people on the student court (all younger than me by about 5-6 years) because of my ability to give people "the look".

Sometimes I even give the look to DH.

 

[Starz723]

I was never spanked as a child. I was always lectured. I hated it. I would have gladly taken a spanking, LOL.

Anyway, has no one here ever heard of 1-2-3 Magic for disciplining children. I have to tell you all, that my son is now 12 and I have never even had to give him a slight swat on the butt. I took a parenting class when my son was 1 yr old. It was on the 1-2-3 magic discipline. It works like magic.. And because all of us are into magical moments, I would suggest you give it a try.

In a nutshell this is how it works. You first tell the child the behavior that is not acceptable. i.e. Stop jumping on the couch, Give the child the opportunity to stop the behavior by telling him/her that by the count of 3 some form of action will be taken. I used several methods..you will find the ones that work for you. I used: taking away toy, taking away tv, no going to friends, no going to any place they like, calling santa, easter bunny, tinkerbell, mickey mouse to not bring toy for christmas, birthday, etc. sit in room.

I would say it like this: John stop jumping on the couch now. Furniture is not made to jump on. I will count to 3. If you dont stop by time I get to 3 I am taking away your pokemon game for 2 days. 1- Stop jumping and get off the couch, 2- You have 10 seconds to stop now or on 3 I take away your pokemon. (if you see your child not responding,,add something else..Calling Santa used to work all the time. on 3 Im taking away your pokemon and calling Santa and he will not stop here for Christmas. I would even call my own phone number and have a mock discussion. My son really believed I spoke to him and would then ask that I call back and tell him he wont do it anymore. The key is to carry out the consequence and dont give in.

Then you say on 1 to stop the behavior and tell them the accepted behavior and the consequence..then count to 2 and tell them on 3 you will carry out the consequence. I used to drag out the 2 and my son responded.

It may sound odd..but it works.. I was even able to use hand signals to my son in a store. Like one finger for one, 2 fingers for two.

It really worked my friends, Im not kidding..you must be consistent and you MUST carry out the consequence. Your child will then realize they have the ability to change a behavior if given the chance.


My son today is a wonderful loving boy. He is such a good kid with a fantastic personality and very respectful.

Try looking on the internet for 1-2-3 magic discipline.

Personally, if my son would have ever run out into a street or something like that, (which he never has) Im not sure if my reaction, out of fear, would have been a swat on the butt. But, I have never had to do that.. 123 has always worked for me

 

[castlegazer]

My son is 2 1/2 and I have spanked him about four times - maybe a couple more - but I remember each and every time because it kills me to do, but it is SOOO necessary at that moment in time. Once was for running out into the street - something he does not do any more. Other times for kicking us and screaming and being completely bad (not toddler melt down, but conscious badness - meltdowns aren't their fault as they can't control their emotions). I have to cringe when I spanked for the kicking because I am saying it is not right to hit or hurt us. Spanking is no used often in our house and therefore gets a very rapid response to stop a very bad behavior.

I was spanked as a child. I would like to not spank as frequently as my parents did to us. I think I am doing well in this regard. But overall, spanking is not a bad thing. Overindulgence of your children and having no discipline is a very bad thing.

 

[disneymom3]

As far as the "look" I used to teach preschoolers and toddlers and had that look down! First child, the look and a stern warning of saying her name in the "voice" was all it ever took. "no, no" reduced that child to tears. In fact, she is 8 and it still does.

Now we have DS4 most of the time a time out or stern reprimand does the trick. He has had a few spankings for issues when losing priveledges etc dont' work or are not logically appropriate.

Then there is DS3........Okay, Dr Dobson won me over. He is what one would call a strong willed child and there are times when he has got to be shown that mom and dad are in charge. It is not okay to just walk away when you are being reprimanded for something. It is not okay to spit at mommy (or anyone else.) It is not okay to....you get the idea. This child has challenged all of the parenting notions I had before and I teach behaviour guidance to early childhood professionals! So, yes, there are times when he gets a swat on the rear. They are always times when I have considered what the best reaction is and he has never been spanked in anger or because I was too tired to deal with the real issue or anything along those lines. He is then left alone to cry for about 1 min and then is held by mommy or daddy (whoever did the spanking) and told "I love you. I don't like it when you.....I love you."

That said, I think I am doing a great job of raising my kids! I love them and treat them all as individuals. AND they are great kids who other people genuinely enjoy being with--which is the whole point afterall! If you never have a child who is like my youngest than yippee for you, but don't assume you wouldn't do the same until you are in the situation. Actually, don't thank you lucky stars because while he challenges me daily, he also has a great sense of humor, is very loving, comes up with ideas I would never expect out of a three year old, builds the greatest most creative Lego creations, etc. So, he's hard, but he is worth it!

 

[Crankyshank]

I have the look mastered. I think it might be inherited because my Mother, Grandmother, and sister all have it as well. I practice it on DH and the beagles.

As far as spanking goes, I was spanked as a child and believe me I deserved it. We didn't have a whacker, but my Mother was free with the wooden spoon. It was very effective and I have no ill effects because of it.

I don't have kids yet but DH and I are both in agreement that we will use spankings if necessary.

I think any method of discipline (short of abuse) that works for you, by all means use it. Different kids learn NO different ways. Just so long as you actually discipline your kids - that seems to be lacking in many families nowadays.

 

[auntpolly]

Dr. Phil talks about figuring out a child's "currency" and I realize that's what DH and I did for DD when she was very, very little.

I don't know; we only had one kid so I don't know what would have happened with another, but we knew what she valued from toddler on and took it away from her if she misbehaved. She knew with 100% certainty what would happen if she did - we never bluffed of caved.

And it's interesting, she just told me that she noticed even when she was really little that her friends parents would give in or let stuff go - and she knew there were plenty of things she didn't do because she'd never get away with it.

We don't believe in spanking - and this worked for us...it's worth a shot, anyway.

 

[roger_ramjet]

People who think spanking constitutes child abuse need to get their head checked. Being beaten and having a mild stinging sensation applied for the purposes of discipline (and of course as a deterrent) are completely polar. If parents don't need to spank their kids because they're little angels, great - but most folks need to pull out some firm discipline every now and again to keep the little *******s in line

 

[poohandwendy]

She knew with 100% certainty what would happen if she did - we never bluffed of caved.

I think this is the key to all discipline issues. No matter what parenting method you use, it means nothing if you are inconsistent and don't follow through. Say what you mean and be prepared to back it up with action.

 

[septbride2002]

hmmm.....looking for popcorn and a diet coke..............should be a good a show!

~Amanda

 

[tonyswife]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I think this is the key to all discipline issues. No matter what parenting method you use, it means nothing if you are inconsistent and don't follow through. Say what you mean and be prepared to back it up with action.

Absolutely! I had to have this talk with my MIL. She will say really dumb things like, "If you don't eat your dinner, I will not spend the night, I'll go home!" Which I know she won't actually do.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by tonyswife
Absolutely! I had to have this talk with my MIL. She will say really dumb things like, "If you don't eat your dinner, I will not spend the night, I'll go home!" Which I know she won't actually do.

DH used to do this. Then I would tell him to "get real!" (Not in front of DD.) If you can't do it then don't threaten it. He is much better now.

 

[Deb & Bill]

We don't hit in our family. It doesn't matter who or how hard. We don't hit.

We have always used timeout and it worked very well.

 

[nuke]

I've use the 1-2-3 method and it works wonders. When my son was about 3, I would get to two and he would cry "don't say three, don't say three!" We never even had to threaten with taking aways toys or anything.
Every child is different and parents have to make their own decisions what is right for their family.

 

[snoopy]

nuke, we've used the 1-2-3 Magic method of discipline in our home too....it works!

 

[coliebird]

1-2-3 works for us too and I have followed through. Now I never even get to 3 before she stops. She has been spanked twice and both times she could have gotten seriously hurt if we didn't get her attention and telling her no just wasn't doing it.

 

[Madi100]

We have spanked our children. Quite honestly for the older one it is more of a punishment for us than it is for her. We don't spank hard. No marks, not even red marks. I love my 7 year old to death, but she is the biggest baby that was ever put on earth. At times, it's a WONDERFUL trati. At others it's a bit frustrating. When she gets spanked she screams bloody murder. So, spanking doesn't work for her. We have found what does.

Our three year old is always into everything. EVERYTHING. When she has been told over and over not to do something and she doesn't listne, she gets a swap. That is followed by, "That doesn't hurt." I tell her I'm not trying to hurt her, I'm letting her know that what she is doing is wrong. The swap usually works for her.

 

[cati]

I spank my children. I was spanked and it never hurt me. I grew to respect my parents, my elders, my bosses, and those around me. I also knew as a child that I did not "hit" others. There is definately a difference!!

 

[luckywife]

I was spanked as a child and so were both my brothers. Nothing big, but enough that you definitely felt it and knew better than to pull a stunt like that that got you in trouble in the first place. DH and I have spanked our oldest son but it's been a few years ago since he's 10 and grounding him seems to work better now. There is a BIG difference between spanking and abusing. I didn't suffer any ill effects from the smacks/swats I received on my backside growing up, I totally respect my parents and my mom and I were the best of friends before she passed away. I'd have to say, they did one hell of a good job raising me, smacks and all.