Spanking , hitting kids

[jrydberg]

As caitycaity said, spanking and hitting/abusing are not the same. They are not remotely the same. Physical abuse of a child is disgusting and sick.

I've spanked my daughter 3 times. Each time I felt it was necessary to get her attention and show her the importance of listening to me immediately. Each time I did not do so out of anger. Each time I spanked her with less force than I often do when playing around with her. Each time she cried after the spankings because she knew she had done something wrong to warrant that, not because it hurt her.

If your child never needs a spanking, good for you. But kids are very different from each other. I'm fortunate to have a wonderful daughter, but she can be very stubborn, even to the point where her own safety becomes an issue. At 6 years old, I doubt I'll ever have to do it again.

Bottom line, my daughter is doing great. Raise your kids the way you see fit, but don't tell me how to raise mine.

 

[Lucky4me]

Besides the occasional swat on the rear to get the attention of a wayward toddler, spanking is not a good form of discipline.

If you parent your kids the right way, you won't need to spank.

I watched Wifeswap last night for the first time.

I couldn't believe the close minded, backward anal retentive family. "The Whacker?" OMG What a load of crap. I almost think it was all a put on. Are there really people like that? Those kids looked so embarrassed to have parents as clueless as theirs.

The other Mom was even worse at the other end of the spectrum. What a mess.

There is a happy medium somewhere between both those families. All it takes is some common sense.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I don't spank DD. I prefer to use Gentle Discipline techniques. It is working well so far.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
If you parent your kids the right way, you won't need to spank.

Thanks, but I think I'm parenting my child fine and yes, occasionally I will give my son a swat on the butt.

 

[Lucky4me]

Let me clarify.
Swatting on the butt to gain the attention of a small child and spanking with a "whacker" on a regular basis as a form of punsihment to me are two different things.

One is understandable, the other is barbaric.

The kids in that family were teenagers and getting "spanked". That is beyond sad.

 

[mudnuri]

Thanks, but I think I'm parenting my child fine and yes, occasionally I will give my son a swat on the butt.

ITA but mine are DD's

I think there is a time and a place or circumstance for every possible discipline technique. Time outs- they worked for DD8, DD7 forget about it

Discussions are great- but I cant quite see discussing with a 3 year old WHY they cant run out into that street when cars are zooming by. If the fear of a car doesnt stop them- what will ME telling them about it do?

I think this is one parenting issue that is never a one size fits all. It's not quite like "you must make your children brush their teeth every day" We do, it's more under the ways of potty training, homeschooling, religion etc... Each family must find what fits them correctly.

I'm not talking about physically abusing a child- just a simple swat on the back side to grab and hold their attention when warranted.

Brandy

 

[littleclover]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
If you parent your kids the right way, you won't need to spank.
.

WOW! That is a loaded statement if I ever saw one. Exactly what is the "right" way to parent?? I think my parents did a decent job of parenting and YES, I was spanked as a child. I hold a good job, am raising a son (yes, I spank), am a taxpayer, never been arrested, don't do drugs...I can go on and on and on. Please enlighten me...what is the RIGHT way to parent???

 

[LuvN~Travel]

And a lot of it will depend on the child themselves. With our daughter we hardly had to spank her any as a small child. Even is she did something wrong, she was pretty good at coming and telling us about it. However, little brother was definitely the 'You didn't see me do it, never was there, uh uh not me', type. He's gotten enough spankings to get his attention, though I found out that he hated the fly swatter of all things, and sometimes just the showing of it was enough. Of course the funniest time was when he was in major trouble, my DH told him to put down what he was doing and come into the den so he could spank him. He said just a sec, took a moment or so, then walked in. My DH turned him round got ready to spank him, then looked suspicious, then pulled our son's pants out from his back, and looked in and found the frisby he'd put there! Little stinker! Do you know how HARD it is to keep a straight face? The spanking wasn't near what he expected after that. It's hard to spank when almost falling over laughing!
And, yes my sister and brother and I got spanked, switched, or had the occasional belt across the rump (depending on who was doing it) as kids and our self esteem is fine.
Kim

 

[wdwmom2]

I was spanked as a child and I grew up just fine. Looking back, I deserved it. My parents and I had a great relationship, they were very good to me. But when I needed corrected, dad had no problem spanking me.

There is a difference between spanking and child abuse. The doctor that I assist is the doctor that does abuse exams for our city's abuse center. I have seen and heard alot. There is a difference between spanking to correct a child and child abuse.

I probably am one of the few that am not afraid to correct my child in public. I have corrected bad and inappropriate behavior at the scene of the "crime" without causing a scene doing it.

Actually, my children are at the age now that spanking is not the method I use. My youngest, 13, will get grounded or have privledges taken away. At this age, this "hurts" alot more.

Flame away if you must, but this is my stand on the issue.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
Let me clarify.
Swatting on the butt to gain the attention of a small child and spanking with a "whacker" on a regular basis as a form of punsihment to me are two different things.

Thanks for the clarification. Not having seen the episode, I don't know what a "whacker" is, but I agree, it doesn't sound like a very effective method of discipline.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
If you parent your kids the right way, you won't need to spank.

Hope you knocked on wood right after you typed that.

I am like jrydberg. It's more of an attention getter than a physical punishment which I have very rarely ever had to use. It's used more as a last resort when all other means have failed. His feelings hurt more than his bottom.

I have the LOOK which pretty much stops him dead in his tracks!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
I have the LOOK which pretty much stops him dead in his tracks!

How come that only works for Moms??

I've tried the look and I only get laughed at!

 

[2bemarried]

Originally posted by Lucky4me
Besides the occasional swat on the rear to get the attention of a wayward toddler, spanking is not a good form of discipline.

If you parent your kids the right way, you won't need to spank.

I'll preface this by saying that I don't have kids of my own.

I've watched way too many aunts and uncles lose control of their kids b/c they don't follow through on a punishment. I think time-outs and groundings are fine as long as they work. If that doesn't work, then you need to consider the idea of swats or spankings.
I've received one spanking in my whole life. That was the only one I needed to know that my dad meant what he said and that I had better listen or I'd get a second spanking. My mom knew how to discipline me with "the look".
The reason that teenagers and younger children are so disrespectful and disobedient is because they've been taught the idea of getting the parents in trouble for disciplining them. I would never dream of talking back to my parents and family members the way my younger cousins do.

 

[Pete's Mom]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
How come that only works for Moms??

I've tried the look and I only get laughed at!

Practice makes perfect!

 

[CookieGVB]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
How come that only works for Moms??

I've tried the look and I only get laughed at!

By your son, or your wife?

Face it, Bob, you look too easy-going for a "look" to work.

You really have to be a Mom for it to be effective - one who's been with the kids all day during mud-slinging, name-calling, etc., etc., etc. It's not a pretty sight, but that's when the "look" works best!

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
How come that only works for Moms??

I've tried the look and I only get laughed at!

Would it make you feel worse if I told you The Look is fully effective on my cats?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by katerkat
Would it make you feel worse if I told you The Look is fully effective on my cats?

Yeah, pretty much.

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by CookieGVB
By your son, or your wife?

Face it, Bob, you look too easy-going for a "look" to work.

You really have to be a Mom for it to be effective - one who's been with the kids all day during mud-slinging, name-calling, etc., etc., etc. It's not a pretty sight, but that's when the "look" works best!

I dunno, my father had a "look" that was pretty darn effective. DH has not a "look" but a "tone" that is equally effective. The kids know when Daddy gets that stern voice that he isn't playing.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by snoopy
I dunno, my father had a "look" that was pretty darn effective. DH has not a "look" but a "tone" that is equally effective. The kids know when Daddy gets that stern voice that he isn't playing.

My DH has the "tone" also.

I have developed my "look" in the last couple of months. I didn't need it before. It works pretty good.

 

[HisEllyNelly]

My children have had their bottoms swatted or the tops of their hands tapped, but again its an attention getter...more like a warning. Only once have I ever used an actual spanking as punishment and I felt terrible afterwards...much worse than my DS did who when it was over asked if I was done...lol...kinda like a "arent you done yet???".
My kids are at an age where even the occasional swat on the bottom isnt needed. They are old enough for other consequences to be much more effective...like loosing the Xbox (OH NO anything but that!!)or the tv being unplugged.