Son's friend posted that he hates me on the internet

[Lorix2]

Free speech, he was just chiming in with his friend, your son, who wrote it first. I wouldn't get too upset over what some teenage kid wrote.

I think that's exactly what prompted the friend too. I am the mother of an ADHD/ODD DS12. I know that's hard to hear from a kid that you treated well, but that's kids for you. Your son will probably regret the post shortly. Hang in there, I know trying to discipline our kids with ODD is futile most of the time.

(My DS is way too impressionable and impulsive and for many more reasons, this is why he does not and will not have a Facebook or MySpace, I won't even let him have an IM or his own email. He doesn't have texting either)

 

[Magic Mom]

The friend is either siding with your son, or he really does hate you. If you think he is siding with your son, then let it go. If you think he hates you, you can either drop it, because it has no real impact on you, or you can look at yourself to see why he hates you. Maybe he has a reason. Other then that there isn't much you can do. He is allowed to feel how he feels.

My guess is that he is just siding with your son. So don't sweat it.

 

[shortbun]

Free speech, he was just chiming in with his friend, your son, who wrote it first. I wouldn't get too upset over what some teenage kid wrote.

Exactly! and I would not have punished my child for venting about me on the internet to his friends either -EVEN if he said he 'hated me.' Teenagers need a safe place to vent. Why throw gasoline on a fire in an attempt to put it out. Perhaps your son gets his defiance and oppositional personality from you?
I drive a school bus. I have a teenager at home. A few of my bus kids and one of my son's friends are/is ODD. I've found that disrespecting them or backing them into a corner only makes them react. I've seen some of the teachers really abuse their power and push the buttons on these kids ids thus
provoking their worst behavior.

One of my son's friends was trash talking about me. It got back to me. I called him out about it gently by saying,'hey, did we have a disagreement or is there some kind of problem between us?' He was suprised and embarassed that what he had said got back to me and apologized saying he was trying to impress another kid regarding discipline issues. Your son's friend is probably trying to support your son. Good for him.

 

[a1tinkfans]

IMHO
Ignore it.
Be thankful you are SEEING and READING what they write....
Teens say things they do not mean. Others follow suit....Sorry it hurt your feelings but remember, you are being a vigilant parent watching, why blow your cover for something so minor I say.... let it go
Kids, teens are difficult enough, having a special needs child is even harder

 

[minkydog]

Reading your child's MySpace is like reading their journal, albeit not a private journal. I have done that myself when DS was around 14 and Surprise! He said he hated me and his friends chimed in with variations of "yeah, your mom's crazy." so what? I know it was hurtful, but you have to understand, if you're going to read his online journal you probably are going to see things you don't like. You can get upset and confront him, after which he will go underground. Or he may decide to really have it out with you. Either way, your feelings are hurt. Or you can just let him say what he's gonna say and let it go.

I would be much more concerned if he were writing about how he wants to kill himself, set the school on fire, beat up little old ladies or join a gang. Those things you SHOULD do something about. But it's pretty common for teens to not like or be highly embarrassed about their parents. My DD16 and I have a good relationship, but there are times I know she "hates" me. Not really, but she doesn't like to be told no. So she complains to her friends. So what? Sometimes I want to complain about her too. Good thing nobody punishes me for my feelings.

 

[lillygator]

If your son posted that he hated broccoli, and his friend replied that he hated it too, you'd think nothing of it. My guess is the friend was just supporting your DS. I wouldn't expect a boy to console his friend by saying, "Dude, your mom was right - you deserve to be punished."

My Humble Translation is: I hate my mom = I hate being in trouble or I'm angry with myself for doing something I knew was wrong.

It's okay if our kids don't like us every minute.

I agree. I think his friend is just siding with him. I know it's not exactly what you want to read, but at least you are doing your job!

 

[waltsgirl]

Let it go! I also would not punish my child for posting that he hates me.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Exactly! and I would not have punished my child for venting about me on the internet to his friends either -EVEN if he said he 'hated me.' Teenagers need a safe place to vent.

Exactly. How many "vents" do we see here on a daily basis where adults are "hating" their husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, parents, in-laws, the neighbor who stole their parking spot, the teacher, the friends at that particular moment.

If adults can post that on public message boards, why would an adult hold teens to a different standard?

And technically, the OP is doing much what she punished her son for doing - venting about what he said and what his friend said on a very public, very popular message board.

She just told 250.000 people that her son has a disability and can be irrational. That could possibly hurt his feelings that his private battles are put out there for a quarter of a million people to see.

People vent. It is what the do to work through their stress or to support good friends.

Contacting the parent would just ensure you would not only be hated by that friend, but every single one of your son's friends. And they would probably cut off myspace ties with your son, knowing that his Mommy reads it and then contacts their parents for the most minor of things.

Contacting the parent about something so trivial in the teen drama world would also guarantee much worse stuff said about you, and not necessarily by the teens. It might be a new vent thread showing up on the Community Board: "You wouldn't believe what my son's friend's mother called me about."

Now, as everybody said, if the friend posts that he hates you too, but then goes further and suggests getting even or makes any kind of threat, then it is time to get involved.

 

[mjkacmom]

He was punished for posting that. "

I would never punish my child for telling me he/she hated me, never mind if they vented about me on myspace! Would you punish a 3 year old for telling you he/she hated you? It seems like the teen brain resembles a toddler brain, which is why they tantrum. I might have mentioned that my feelings were hurt, and although I understand why he was mad, I would hope that he still loved me, and just didn't like me very much at the moment. I'm sure dd13 tells her friends she hates me now and again - it means I'm doing a great job!

 

[miceli20]

I understand that the mom posted the comment on this board maybe to vent or just ask how would we as the adults handle the situtation. She did not ask to be critiized about it. I can see why she asked, not everyone raises their children the same. Maybe a fresh prespective was what she was hoping for not ridicule. These are kids and sometimes its best to seek out advice on dealing with issues especially if she may not know a lot about internet etiquette, not saying you don't, this is just a place to come and not only vent but to seek knowledge from others. So cut her a break it's difficult enough to be a mom to a "normal" kid yet alone to one with an exceptionality. My bit of advice for you speak to your son and just let him know that while you understand how he feels he can't always take back what he says or writes. It's like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube, it just won't go.
Good luck

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I understand that the mom posted the comment on this board maybe to vent or just ask how would we as the adults handle the situtation. She did not ask to be critiized about it. I can see why she asked, not everyone raises their children the same. Maybe a fresh prespective was what she was hoping for not ridicule. These are kids and sometimes its best to seek out advice on dealing with issues especially if she may not know a lot about internet etiquette, not saying you don't, this is just a place to come and not only vent but to seek knowledge from others. So cut her a break it's difficult enough to be a mom to a "normal" kid yet alone to one with an exceptionality. My bit of advice for you speak to your son and just let him know that while you understand how he feels he can't always take back what he says or writes. It's like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube, it just won't go.
Good luck

I don't see that anybody criticized the OP. A pretty unanimous opinion that it would be a very poor idea to contact the parent has been expressed. And then explanations of why it would be a bad idea to contact the parent.

And the Parent came here to vent, just like the son and his friend vented on their social medium.

You made an excellent suggestion to speak with the son, (not the friend as he is entitled to his opinion), that anything said on myspace or facebook or even the DISboards is there forever and can be googled years from now.

The old adage of never putting anything in print that might come back to haunt you later stands true even for teens. This would be a good time to discuss how teachers, bosses. coaches and others often troll facebook and myspace to see what their students and employees are saying and that it can come back to haunt you later.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I would definitely have to post something to let the kid learn a lesson that his words are out there for anyone to read. Myspace and FB are not private places to vent.

I might say "Oh, and I thought we were getting along great! Love, Mrs Smith"

 

[luvmy3]

OP, your kid needed his place to vent about you and his friend sided with him. I know it can hurt seeing those words, but I would just let it go.

 

[Alison Wonderland]

Thanks for the input. I wanted to see how other people would view this
so that I could make the best decision. Also, to those of you expressed support, thank you.

 

[brockash]

I don't think you can do anything about it unless it is a threat (as far as reporting to police or using legal methods to get it removed)

I agree, and honestly I don't get why you disciplined your ds for saying that he hated you. I mean, I think at some point all kids think/say they hate their parents. I can get explaing that hate is a really strong word ect., but I think you may be picking the wrong battle of trying to control how your kiddo feels at a moment in his life I would just try to talk to him, a stick to guns about whatever he was upset about in the first place, but I'd explain why it's this way and that you love him ect., and if you feels the need to feel like he hates you for that moment in his life, so be it. I know it may hurt your feelings, but try not to take it personel- you aren't always going to be able to or should make your kids happy, and to me, it's okay for them to feel upset about it.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You should post "I know you are but what am I?"

Seriously- who cares if the kid likes you or not?

 

[rie'smom]

It's something kids say but don't mean. You'll stir up a hornet's nest by calling your son's friend's parents. I certainly can understand your feelings being hurt but unless the boy is threatening physical harm, let it go.

 

[tinah159]

I think you are making a issue over nothing-including punishing your son for saying he hates you. If your child never said that, you didn't do your job right. I would have talked to him about how that hurts your feelings and no matter what you love him and left it at that. When he has his own kids he will thank you for the things you are doing for him now.

 

[terri01p]

 

[sameyeyam]

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