Son's friend posted that he hates me on the internet

[Alison Wonderland]

My son, who has oppositional defiant disorder, was mad at being disciplined and posted on his MySpace page that he hates me. Anybody that has dealt with someone with ODD knows that they are extremely difficult to deal with and they are irrational when you try to discipline them. He was punished for posting that. But this is my question. His friend chimed in and posted that he hates me. It's kind of funny because I had treated this boy good, took him places because his parents never did, etc. I am considering notifying his parents but what I want to know is, how serious is it when someone posts this type of thing on the internet. Is this considered serious or is it "free speech"

 

[TDC Nala]

I don't think you can do anything about it unless it is a threat (as far as reporting to police or using legal methods to get it removed)

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Free speech, he was just chiming in with his friend, your son, who wrote it first. I wouldn't get too upset over what some teenage kid wrote.

 

[BelleWDW]

How old are they?

They both sound extremely immature-probably too immature to have a MySpace account

 

[wenrob]

My son, who has oppositional defiant disorder, was mad at being disciplined and posted on his MySpace page that he hates me. Anybody that has dealt with someone with ODD knows that they are extremely difficult to deal with and they are irrational when you try to discipline them. He was punished for posting that. But this is my question. His friend chimed in and posted that he hates me. It's kind of funny because I had treated this boy good, took him places because his parents never did, etc. I am considering notifying his parents but what I want to know is, how serious is it when someone posts this type of thing on the internet. Is this considered serious or is it "free speech"

It's free speech. It's also just a kid siding with his buddy. If you want to ensure that he'll really hate you go to his parents. I don't get what the big deal is unless you're leaving something out. Kids have been hating their parents and their friends parents since the beginning of time. They'll get over it.

 

[Schminston-Mo]

If you are feeling spunky, just type the reply "I guess I'm doing my job right then!"

Hugs to you. Even though you "understand" why your son and his stinker friend posted, I'm sure it really hurt your feelings.

 

[Tiger926]

I'm a Spec Ed teacher with many students who have ODD, amongst other things, so honestly, there isn't much for you to do. If you start commenting and disciplining on everything you see on their pages, you will never stop! That being said, as previously mentioned, unless it's a direct threat, or something else major like drugs or committing a crime, there isn't much you can do with that and have it come out in a positive manner. Coversely, if he had said he loved you, would you call his parents to tell them what a nice boy he is? I doubt you would...so it's best to leave it be, as they are teens, and teens say a lot of stupid things.

I also question their ages - is your son mature and responsible enough to even have a My Space account? They obviously aren't mature enough, nor have the foresight to know that other people, such as said mother, might be reading those posts. If they do, and don't care, then you need to watch out for threats and such. Now, if they said they were going to harm you, then that would be considered a threat.

I wish you luck - ODD is very tricky, especially with teens. Many of them do not understand that they live in a world with others. They are very insular, selfish, loud, abrasive and argumentative, most, if not all of the time, and at the same time, they have periods of calmness and rationality.

Best of luck, Tiger

 

[mumom95]

Why are you questioning the seriousness of this kids words when you son was the first one to say it? That makes no sense to me. Your son said something bad towards you and his buddy agrees with him and you want to call the other kids parents?

 

[golfgal]

I think you are making a issue over nothing-including punishing your son for saying he hates you. If your child never said that, you didn't do your job right. I would have talked to him about how that hurts your feelings and no matter what you love him and left it at that. When he has his own kids he will thank you for the things you are doing for him now.

 

[Imzadi]

There is a big difference in stating one's opinion about someone & slandering that person.

No need to excalate the situation and turn into that Facebook murdering mom who helped her teen daughter create a FB page & alternate personae in which another girl committed suicide off of what was said on that page.

 

[MinnieTink]

Wow I don't think OP was going anywhere near escalating the situation to the pathetic one mentioned above.

My two cents...OP sorry your feelings were hurt. They are young so I would let it go with the friend. Talk to your son and let him know your feelings were hurt then move on. I also agree with PPs thatboth boys sound too immature for myspace.

 

[LargoLori]

If you are feeling spunky, just type the reply "I guess I'm doing my job right then!"

I 2nd this response!!

 

[Mickey's Minion]

My son, who has oppositional defiant disorder, was mad at being disciplined and posted on his MySpace page that he hates me. Anybody that has dealt with someone with ODD knows that they are extremely difficult to deal with and they are irrational when you try to discipline them. He was punished for posting that. But this is my question. His friend chimed in and posted that he hates me. It's kind of funny because I had treated this boy good, took him places because his parents never did, etc. I am considering notifying his parents but what I want to know is, how serious is it when someone posts this type of thing on the internet. Is this considered serious or is it "free speech"

If somebody's mom called me to tell me that "Johnny said he hates me," I would be questioning if this was really the mother calling me or a tattling 1st grader masquerading as an adult.

Especially if it was in response to something their own son had said first.

As others have said, kids have been saying they hate their parents for eons. My guess is that someday archeologists will find cave drawings made by a teen complaining about how horrible his parents were. Perhaps how he wasn't allowed to go on a hunt and it was so horribly unfair because all his friends were always allowed to go on hunts.

Think back to being a teen. Did you never vent to your friends about how unfair, how mean, how horrible your parents were? And did your friends not try to console you by agreeing with you? Or did they always take your parent's side and tell you that you were completely wrong and that your parents were wonderful, and that you completely deserved the punishment being complained about?

That said, good for you for monitoring your child's myspace page. It is always good to keep abreast of what your kids are doing. But don't blow it out of proportion.

 

[N.Bailey]

I don't think you should respond to it in any way other than maybe not taking the kid anywhere anymore. We've had kids at our house since before my kids ever started school. Through the years, some still come and others have come and gone. We've taken several of them on vacation, to the circus, out to dinner, to amusement parks, to the movies, etc... If I found out one of them said they hated me, in all honesty, I probably wouldn't take them anywhere else. I certainly wouldn't get into a shouting match with them though.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I completly agree with Mickey's Minion. While it is GREAT that you monitor your son's account--it is silly (or worse) to get worked up by either your son or his friend saying they hate you. Most every teen feels that way and expresses it to friends (who--as friends--agree and console) at some point. It just happens that in today's world that is as likely to happen on a myspace of facebook page or in a text as verbally. It is how teens these days comunicate.
I do not think this of you personally (after all you are asking here how to react and not having a knee jerk reaction), but if someone called me to "tattle" that my child agreed with hers on myspace that he hates me I might just laugh it off, OR I might worry that the person was unbalanced and warn my child to stay away from said mom and her home because she could blow any other little act completly out of proportion.

 

[aristocatz]

I'm a Spec Ed teacher with many students who have ODD, amongst other things, so honestly, there isn't much for you to do. If you start commenting and disciplining on everything you see on their pages, you will never stop! That being said, as previously mentioned, unless it's a direct threat, or something else major like drugs or committing a crime, there isn't much you can do with that and have it come out in a positive manner. Coversely, if he had said he loved you, would you call his parents to tell them what a nice boy he is? I don't you would...so it's best to leave it be, as they are teens, and teens say a lot of stupid things.

I also question their ages? They obviously aren't mature enough, nor have the foresight to know that other people, such as said mother, might be reading those posts. If they do, and don't care, then you need to watch out for threats and such. Now, if they said they were going to harm you, then that would be considered a threat.

I wish you luck - ODD is very tricky, especially with teens. Many of them do not understand that they live in a world with others. They are very insular, selfish, loud, abrasive and argumentative, most, if not all of the time, and at the same time, they have periods of calmness and rationality.

Best of luck, Tiger

I agree with this poster and I urge you NOT to feed the fire by posting on his Myspace account. His other friends will get involved and they will escalate the immaturity and your feeling are going to get hurt way worse.

I would either leave it alone or cancel his myspace account.

 

[FireDancer]

This might sound a bit strange but there is nothing wrong with you children or even their friends "hating" you from time to time. First, the word hate is used so often in ways that don't really mean hate. The hate in "I hate vegetables" isn't the same hate that causes things like genocide or terrorism. It is like saying something tastes like the other word for poo, it doesn't really, it is just dramatic.

When you kids "hate" you from time to time it means that you are doing your job and being a parent and not trying to be their friend. Growing up my mother would punish us and discipline us but as soon as she turned her back my father would let us slide and just do what we wanted. As kids we "hated" our mom for being the one to discipline us and loved our dad because we were kids and didn't know any better. Now, looking back, I realized that it was my mom that cared about us and did what she did because she loved us. My dad just took the easy way out and was a weakling for doing it.

Your son and his friends "hating" you is probably because you did what was right even if it was difficult in disciplining your son and they were hoping you would just do what is easy.

This may not be the popular opinion but it is mine.

 

[happygirl]

You might call his parents and see if they can have him delete it.

 

[gina2000]

Skip it. You would be empowering both of them by responding.

I don't envy you in the least. ODD is very, very difficult to deal with. Perhaps your son's friend is also dealing with it when he posts something that agrees with your son but at the same time is so obviously unwarrented.

 

[laurie31]

If your son posted that he hated broccoli, and his friend replied that he hated it too, you'd think nothing of it. My guess is the friend was just supporting your DS. I wouldn't expect a boy to console his friend by saying, "Dude, your mom was right - you deserve to be punished."

My Humble Translation is: I hate my mom = I hate being in trouble or I'm angry with myself for doing something I knew was wrong.

It's okay if our kids don't like us every minute.