Sons 13th bday this weekend- would this irritate you? (NOT rsvp related)

[Sleepy]

I am just one of those strange people who overdo friends/family gatherings. Gatherings mean food to us. Even if it meant a birthday get together, I would have lots of finger foods. Chips and dip, different cheeses, veggie tray, meat tray with small slices of bread, etc.

I have never encountered a gathering where people did not bring something. It might only be a bottle of wine, can of nuts or a dessert, but I was always taught to never come empty handed.

 

[carone0318]

I am another one who would be annoyed that my mother would be butting in, but I personally would tell her to butt out (that's just me). Now if it were my MIL, I'd have someone's head, most likely dh's tell him to get her un-involved!

If you specifically said to everyone that you are having munchies and cake, then I think they could figure out to eat a real lunch before they came or wait until they got home. But if you didn't advertise what you were having there could be a problem.

We just did a family celebration for my ds's birthday, who turned 9. We're so bad that we ended up doing it 2 weeks late and just had cake. We said, come over for cake! I almost forgot drinks, thankfully dh remembered!

 

[HM]

On weekends we eat lunch late, because we normally get breakfast late. I'd consider 1pm to be lunchtime. I think you would have been fine with your menu, but the addition of the sandwiches from your mother will make it even better. It was nice of her to offer (even it if it wasn't meant as a nice gesture by her). Be gracious.

 

[Arielle22]

My family gatherings consist of my family along with my siblings and their families. My parents are deceased. If we all show up it is about 25 people.


OP, if one of my sisters or sisters in law had the conversation with me that your mom did with you; I would have been surprised that they were so polite. Usually if one of us is doing what another thinks is a faux pas we tell them bluntly.

I do think a 1pm party requires more than munchies. Just because you have already told the invitees what you are serving doesn't mean they are not thrilled with it. Maybe someone said something to your mom and she intervened.

 

[winefairie]

It would annouy the heck out of me...I hate it when my mom is right! But it usually takes me a week of pouting and grumping before I can admit it. I just hope that one day I am as smart as she is, and I am hoping that I can be generouse enough to offer to make & bring what I think my kids need.

When DH & I first married my in-laws would bring $100's of groceries when they visited & I was insulted thinking that they didn't like the kind of food that I bought. Then one day she called and asked if it would be okay if we went together to the store to buy the groceries that she didn't have time to stop on the way. I said "oh don't feel that you need to do that I can go to the store and have plenty to eat" She then told me that they didn't want to insult us by giving us cash, they wanted to support us but thought that the groceries would free up cash for us to go on a date or something special......wish I had known that upfront...I still feel guilty for being pouty and ungreatful for those first few years...

Being a woman is so hard...trying to fill the shoes of our mothers, MIL and Sisters...it's a wonder we don't all go postal sometimes.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It wouldn't phase me in the least I would think it was nice of my mother in law to realize my scheduling mistake (putting a pety at 1 and notplannign on serviing lunch which would be typical for that time of day) and want to keep everyone happy and fed without putting any additional burden on me. Since it is a casual birthday event (not a fancy sit down dinner) thingsg don't all have to go together so it will not hurt your menu at all.
I get along very well with my mother in law so it would not cross my mind to be annoyed or see thins as threatening or critical in any way. It reminds me of friends who get upset when their mothers or mothers in alw visit and help clean. They think ti means their mothers think the house is not clean enough. I always just think that DMiL is really nice and wants to help me out while she is here. Besiedes, in your case, I cannot imagine any of us ever havign a party she is comming to and her NOT bringing food. She couldn't do it. She feeds people. Always. It is a very big thing with her

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I'm having it earlier for the sake of my still napping 2 year old niece.

I agree with all of you- it's not a big deal. I just hope I don't have to serve!

Graciously thank your mom when she comes in your house with the sandwiches. Tell her to have a seat, take them into the kitchen and cut them into snack sizes.

 

[sue1013]

Both DH and my family always have a meal for any get together. Except for DH sister. She will only have cake for her kids birthdays. And she will ask others to bring drinks. Maybe it's me but I cannot understand how you expect people to bring gifts for your kids but won't serve anything more than cake. I know with SIL it's because she's just cheap! Once she did have pizza & cake for her 1st sons birthday, she told everyone that we were only allowed one piece of pizza. You're made to feel like you're a bother while in her house.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It would annouy the heck out of me...I hate it when my mom is right! But it usually takes me a week of pouting and grumping before I can admit it. I just hope that one day I am as smart as she is, and I am hoping that I can be generouse enough to offer to make & bring what I think my kids need.

When DH & I first married my in-laws would bring $100's of groceries when they visited & I was insulted thinking that they didn't like the kind of food that I bought. Then one day she called and asked if it would be okay if we went together to the store to buy the groceries that she didn't have time to stop on the way. I said "oh don't feel that you need to do that I can go to the store and have plenty to eat" She then told me that they didn't want to insult us by giving us cash, they wanted to support us but thought that the groceries would free up cash for us to go on a date or something special......wish I had known that upfront...I still feel guilty for being pouty and ungreatful for those first few years...

Being a woman is so hard...trying to fill the shoes of our mothers, MIL and Sisters...it's a wonder we don't all go postal sometimes.

What a sweet story My DMiL did something similar. We moved far from home and everyone we knew right when we got marreid becuase DH got a job offer out of state. We were lonely and getting by on one new out of college income (before i had found a job I ended up pregnant and we wanted me to be home with the baby so I only subbed those first few months). We watched EVERY penny we spent to make that work and did things like only wash clothes after hours when the water rates went down (this was phoenix), hang everythign to dry, etc.

Every week a letter from DMiL came. It was always light and gossipy and just nice and it ALWAYS had $20 in it and a note saying if we were home we would have had dinner with them on Saturday so please take ourselves out instead. It was the sweetest thing and I am still grateful to her for doing that.

 

[Nancyg56]

I woul not be annoyed, Iwouldl just roll with it. In my family 1 PM is close to lunch so we always have some kind of food. If I was not planning on serving lunch and someone wanted to bring sandwiches I would say Thanks! Someone is always bringing something extra to family gatherings, it makes things fun for us food loving people.

 

[trip]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I'd just tell her to make sure she brings enough for everyone! Our family gatherings are very casual... it's normal for someone to bring extra goodies.

 

[kirstenb1]

My mother, and my sisters and I always ask each other what can I bring? So it wouldn't phase me. I'm in your Mom's camp with this one--too much food is never a bad thing!!!

 

[Mermaid02]

Graciously thank your mom when she comes in your house with the sandwiches. Tell her to have a seat, take them into the kitchen and cut them into snack sizes.

No way am I cutting up those sandwiches- I wouldn't do it "right". Trust me.

As my dh said, "She will bring WAY too much food- nobody will eat it and then she will leave it all here and we will throw it away next week."

For the sake of family harmony, she is welcome to bring the sandwiches and put them on the table with the rest of the food. It's not a big deal- and yes she "butts in" quite a bit- but she also would do anything for us....

 

[Pumbaa_]

10 years ago? Yup, would have bugged me. Now? Not so much. I am learning to let the little things go

Your Mom was not trying to insult you, she was just being a Mom. And wanting to help you. Look at it as another munchie for everyone - sandwiches is not a pot roast

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

It's just family...

It's in the 11:30 - 1:30 lunch timeframe...

It's some sandwiches...
(not serving and cleaning up a 4 course meal....)

I don't really see the problem

PS: I see things that are 'family', such as birthdays and Christmas as family events... Not one person playing hostess/god to control every single bite of food that is offered.

Like has been mentioned in another birthday thread...
The things people choose to give themselves a stroke over!

I am like...

I'd be like, "Great Mom, can you bring some of my favorite turkey on rye???"

This is more my attitude. But then again I would serve lunch foods. I would just buy a deli platter and slap it out there with some rolls, loaves of bread and some sandwich condiments. Easy!

Now if you said the party was from 3 to 5 and your DM was upset you weren't serving lunch or dinner then my attitude would be different.

 

[wdwfan16]

I want to let you know that my RSVP will be late.

 

[ccgirl]

That would annoy me. People can have lunch before they go. 1:00pm is a little close to lunch. If she wants to bring sandwiches, let her but since you have already forwarned guests that lunch wasn't being served they will probably eat prior to coming to the party.

 

[Mermaid02]

I want to let you know that my RSVP will be late.

I'm sorry- I filled your empty spot with my Mother's, brother's, Uncle's, best friend's dog. I won't have enough goody bags and there won't be enough sandwiches. If you like you can sit in the driveway and have some dip.

 

[hegsag]

We are having a family party at 1pm on Saturday- just family. My sons Aunt and Uncle, 3 cousins- grandparents and my Aunts and Uncles (17 people including us). My Mom asked me what we were having for lunch- I told her I was not serving lunch- there would be chips/veggies with dip, my special cheese spread and crackers, sodas, juices- and of course cake and ice cream and coffee.

She told me that it was "too close" to lunch not to serve it so she is bringing sandwiches. I told everyone we would serve munchies and cake and ice cream. I'm annoyed. It's not a big deal and I'm not making it a big deal, but it just irritates me that what I planned was not sufficient for her and she's just going right ahead and doing what she wants. My husband is quite annoyed and said "Why can't she just keep her nose out of it." but he wont' say anything either.

Would it annoy you or not?

Absolutely would not annoy me! Although my mom doesn't make me feel the way your mom obviously makes you feel (this is in response to you saying that you wouldn't cut the sandwhiches because your mom would say you did it wrong). It's just not the relationship that I have with my mom....

Enjoy your son's bday party this weekend

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm sorry- I filled your empty spot with my Mother's, brother's, Uncle's, best friend's dog. I won't have enough goody bags and there won't be enough sandwiches. If you like you can sit in the driveway and have some dip.