Son getting a hard time from teacher...Advice please!!

[dolphindan1]

First off let me thank everyone for the great advice I got about my youngest son and being afraid in football…To update he decided to stick it out, won the kicker job and started a few games and played in every game at center…He is already talking about next season
This thread is about my oldest son, a 17 year old junior….let me first say that we have had great updates from all his teachers…pleasure to teach, very respectful, etc…etc…etc….He is the starting varsity QB, starting Forward on the basketball team, and an all-state pitcher and 1st baseman on the baseball team…He isn’t perfect…he will smart off occasionally as most teenagers do…
Well his Health/PE/Weightlifting (all one class) teacher seems to be giving him a hard time…about a month ago my son tells me that in front of the entire class…She tells them that my son is a bad influence and they should stay away from him…I told him we will let it slide and see if anything else happens…I asked him what was going on in there and he said nothing….it was just out of the blue…I said ok…
Well today he calls me after school and says that the same teacher had pulled a couple other students to the side and told them that my son was a bad influence and that they should not hang around him…I asked who the kids were and he told me…I contacted the parents, told them what was happening and if they didn’t mind would they ask their kid about it and let me know…I get a call back…the one student says, yes, that was said to him, I said you are in that class with my son, he said yes and that the teacher antagonizes my son all class long, then he finally says something to her, then gets in trouble….I get another call….next student says the same thing, that she seems to have it out for my kid and that she seems very immature…
Now I know teenagers are going to stick together but something is just off with all this…Why this teacher? In this class when he has great reports from all the others….Today he comes home with his progress report and he has an F in the class…He has a bunch of 0’s for not doing his weightlifting…I ask my son about and he says he absolutely does his weightlifting and she sits in there and watches them…I initially thought he may be skipping class but has perfect attendance….
I asked him about smarting off to her…He said he did one time but that was it…I explained to him that no matter what he is not supposed to talk back to his teacher….He said he just couldn’t take it anymore….I said well I am going to go to the school on Monday and that I there is anything he needed to tell me he better do it now…He said not a thing dad….I said OK well take the weekend and think about it….I explained to him with all his success in sports that other students are going to follow his lead and he has to be a leader…Respectful and courteous…
This teacher is new, fresh out of college…which is ok…but I wonder if she is on some power trip with my son…
So what do I do? Do I go straight to her? Do I just meet with the Principle? DO I meet with both and my son? How do I handle the comments? And do I even mention the other student’s names that said this stuff? Just not sure how to proceed….
Any advice? Please!!!!!

 

[glassslippergirl]

I am a veteran teacher and have been to hundreds if conferences as a teacher. My son is under 2, so no conferences as a parent yet. Just to let you know my perspective as I write this.

I would meet with the teacher first. I don't know how conferences are done at your son's school, but you might be able to "meet" with her more quickly if you have a phone conference. Explain calmly what your son told you and ask for her side of things. Also, ask about the zeroes and how he can make them up-- be very specific about making them up.

You might find that the issue is something simple. Your son may have said something months ago that was harmless to him and that he's totally forgotten about. As a new teacher, she may not have known how to deal with it other than what she is doing. Also, I don't know how it is in your district, but where I work budget issues and Common Core have put elective teachers on the chopping block. As a brand new teacher, her job may really be on the line, and she may feel like she has something to prove. Or it may be something else entirely.

If you don't get satisfaction from talking with the teacher and/or the problem continues, then I would meet face-to-face with the principal and teacher. Best wishes.

P.S. I would not mention the other kids' names or even that you talked to other kids. They did you and your son a solid by confirming his story. There's no need to involve them and potentially put them on her radar. Bring them up in later meetings if you need to.

 

[Schmeck]

First off let me thank everyone for the great advice I got about my youngest son and being afraid in football…To update he decided to stick it out, won the kicker job and started a few games and played in every game at center…He is already talking about next season
This thread is about my oldest son, a 17 year old junior….let me first say that we have had great updates from all his teachers…pleasure to teach, very respectful, etc…etc…etc….He is the starting varsity QB, starting Forward on the basketball team, and an all-state pitcher and 1st baseman on the baseball team…He isn’t perfect…he will smart off occasionally as most teenagers do…
Well his Health/PE/Weightlifting (all one class) teacher seems to be giving him a hard time…about a month ago my son tells me that in front of the entire class…She tells them that my son is a bad influence and they should stay away from him…I told him we will let it slide and see if anything else happens…I asked him what was going on in there and he said nothing….it was just out of the blue…I said ok…
Well today he calls me after school and says that the same teacher had pulled a couple other students to the side and told them that my son was a bad influence and that they should not hang around him…I asked who the kids were and he told me…I contacted the parents, told them what was happening and if they didn’t mind would they ask their kid about it and let me know…I get a call back…the one student says, yes, that was said to him, I said you are in that class with my son, he said yes and that the teacher antagonizes my son all class long, then he finally says something to her, then gets in trouble….I get another call….next student says the same thing, that she seems to have it out for my kid and that she seems very immature…
Now I know teenagers are going to stick together but something is just off with all this…Why this teacher? In this class when he has great reports from all the others….Today he comes home with his progress report and he has an F in the class…He has a bunch of 0’s for not doing his weightlifting…I ask my son about and he says he absolutely does his weightlifting and she sits in there and watches them…I initially thought he may be skipping class but has perfect attendance….
I asked him about smarting off to her…He said he did one time but that was it…I explained to him that no matter what he is not supposed to talk back to his teacher….He said he just couldn’t take it anymore….I said well I am going to go to the school on Monday and that I there is anything he needed to tell me he better do it now…He said not a thing dad….I said OK well take the weekend and think about it….I explained to him with all his success in sports that other students are going to follow his lead and he has to be a leader…Respectful and courteous…
This teacher is new, fresh out of college…which is ok…but I wonder if she is on some power trip with my son…
So what do I do? Do I go straight to her? Do I just meet with the Principle? DO I meet with both and my son? How do I handle the comments? And do I even mention the other student’s names that said this stuff? Just not sure how to proceed….
Any advice? Please!!!!!

So, you've heard one side of the story, from your son's/friends' perspective. I agree with the PP, and suggest you call the teacher to ask about your son's grade. Let her explain without confrontation. When you have that info, go from there.

I'm thinking your son is very comfortable in the gym, and is goofing off a bit, maybe showing off a bit because he is a really good athlete. May have some pretty girls in there to impress as well. New teachers need to be strict to keep the class focused and appropriate. They don't have a reputation yet, so kids try stuff they wouldn't in a veteran teacher's class.

I work at our local high school and I think most parents would be amazed at the dumb/rude/thoughtless stuff kids do. Two kids were loudly messing with bottles of water in the hall last week and one bottle got dropped and spilled all over the floor. The kids just walked on and left the mess. I waited to see if they were going to come back and clean it up, but no, they never did.

Another kid, on crutches, kicked open a door with his feet. Duh? Others use language I know they would not at home, etc.

I always take what my kids tell me with a grain of salt. They don't want to get in trouble so they only report what someone else has done, and it may take some digging to get to the real issue. Good luck!

 

[Tozzie]

First off let me thank everyone for the great advice I got about my youngest son and being afraid in football…To update he decided to stick it out, won the kicker job and started a few games and played in every game at center…He is already talking about next season
This thread is about my oldest son, a 17 year old junior….let me first say that we have had great updates from all his teachers…pleasure to teach, very respectful, etc…etc…etc….He is the starting varsity QB, starting Forward on the basketball team, and an all-state pitcher and 1st baseman on the baseball team…He isn’t perfect…he will smart off occasionally as most teenagers do…
Well his Health/PE/Weightlifting (all one class) teacher seems to be giving him a hard time…about a month ago my son tells me that in front of the entire class…She tells them that my son is a bad influence and they should stay away from him…I told him we will let it slide and see if anything else happens…I asked him what was going on in there and he said nothing….it was just out of the blue…I said ok…
Well today he calls me after school and says that the same teacher had pulled a couple other students to the side and told them that my son was a bad influence and that they should not hang around him…I asked who the kids were and he told me…I contacted the parents, told them what was happening and if they didn’t mind would they ask their kid about it and let me know…I get a call back…the one student says, yes, that was said to him, I said you are in that class with my son, he said yes and that the teacher antagonizes my son all class long, then he finally says something to her, then gets in trouble….I get another call….next student says the same thing, that she seems to have it out for my kid and that she seems very immature…
Now I know teenagers are going to stick together but something is just off with all this…Why this teacher? In this class when he has great reports from all the others….Today he comes home with his progress report and he has an F in the class…He has a bunch of 0’s for not doing his weightlifting…I ask my son about and he says he absolutely does his weightlifting and she sits in there and watches them…I initially thought he may be skipping class but has perfect attendance….
I asked him about smarting off to her…He said he did one time but that was it…I explained to him that no matter what he is not supposed to talk back to his teacher….He said he just couldn’t take it anymore….I said well I am going to go to the school on Monday and that I there is anything he needed to tell me he better do it now…He said not a thing dad….I said OK well take the weekend and think about it….I explained to him with all his success in sports that other students are going to follow his lead and he has to be a leader…Respectful and courteous…
This teacher is new, fresh out of college…which is ok…but I wonder if she is on some power trip with my son…
So what do I do? Do I go straight to her? Do I just meet with the Principle? DO I meet with both and my son? How do I handle the comments? And do I even mention the other student’s names that said this stuff? Just not sure how to proceed….
Any advice? Please!!!!!

While kids sometimes stick together, these kids were asked by their parents seprately and they gave the same story, and your son received an F for not doing weightlifting which others probrably witnessed him doing what he is supposed to. I wouldn't waste my time with this teacher. Telling the whole class to stay away from your son, she is beyond out of line and you need to start with the principal and work your way up from there.

I had a teacher in high school that also taught my sister, she was constantly comparing me to my sister. She called me out in class infront of everyone with something to the effect that I should be more like my sister and she would do better than what I was doing, my mother found out (not from me) and then the teacher called my mother, twisted a few things and thought my mother was going to side with her, thankfully I had the mother I had and she took my side and fought for me but she went to the principal not the teacher and then the nonsense ended.

 

[Robbi]

I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher and either a guidance counselor or someone on the administrative level.

 

[Fjobe]

I wouldn't meet with this teacher alone. If what your son is saying is true, she doesn't have a problem making up stories, and I'd hate for her next story to be about you. It won't hurt to have a school administrator there. I wonder if she's had a bad experience with someone similar in status/personality to your son, so she thinks she knows your sons "type," and has her opinion of him based on stereotype alone.

 

[North of Mouse]

Teachers are human and they 'can' have it in for one particular student - BUT, this would be a VERY unusual situation, if true.

One side of the story has been presented to you, but you need BOTH sides. I would ask for a conference with the teacher and principal, and in a 'non-confrontational' manner talk your concerns over with them. Until then I would say 'nothing'. You don't want them to get the wrong 'vibes' from you.

Good luck!

There is already a thread on here with a parent being a 'loose cannon' and overly protective person with her child, and the results are not pretty. Please, for your child's sake, and your reputation, just be very calm.

 

[lauradis]

Go to the teacher first. Then if is 50/50 become her best parent ever. If she needs x give her two.

Make you son write I'm sorry letter if he was being stud of gym class and rude.

I would make sure he was allowed to make up assignments. It's high school and all grades count now.

If you don't get far with teacher then go to next higher chain in the ladder.

Good luck aren't kids fun

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I would meet face-to-face with the teacher first. Everything you've heard about her is second-hand. You need to sit down with her and get a sense of her personality, her methods, etc. Do not be confrontational. Just start by telling her you're concerned about your son's grade. Let the conversation go from there. She should have a grade book or online record of what your DS is or is not doing in the class. Ask her to go over his progress with you so you can understand why he is failing the class.

I would definitely go in with a neutral attitude. Don't attack right away and put her on the defensive. You're likely to get a lot more information if you don't make her feel uncomfortable. Watch her expressions and body language as she discusses your DS. Let the conversation evolve to his behavior in the class, how he interacts with other students, etc. See what she has to say. Thank her for her time at the end of the meeting.

If you're not satisfied with her answers, take a minute to write down what happened in the conference while it's fresh in your mind. Discuss what she said with your DS and get his take on it. If you still think something is rotten, I would give the principal a call and ask to discuss it. Then take it from there. I think it's best to step back and be methodical about his. You don't want to confront the teacher and make things worse for your DS. You also want to get to the truth and find why his grade is so low and how he can bring it up. Good luck!

 

[Jedana]

While kids sometimes stick together, these kids were asked by their parents seprately and they gave the same story, and your son received an F for not doing weightlifting which others probrably witnessed him doing what he is supposed to. I wouldn't waste my time with this teacher. Telling the whole class to stay away from your son, she is beyond out of line and you need to start with the principal and work your way up from there.

I had a teacher in high school that also taught my sister, she was constantly comparing me to my sister. She called me out in class infront of everyone with something to the effect that I should be more like my sister and she would do better than what I was doing, my mother found out (not from me) and then the teacher called my mother, twisted a few things and thought my mother was going to side with her, thankfully I had the mother I had and she took my side and fought for me but she went to the principal not the teacher and then the nonsense ended.

I would start with the teacher, but be prepared to bring in the principal if you feel like the situation is not resolved.

DD2 had a teacher that did not like her in high school. At some point during her freshman year (the year before she had this guy), she ran into this teacher and was a smart *** to him...and things just went down from there. He sent her to the office everytime he saw her, for anything from not having a hall pass (ok) to wearing the wrong shoes (since they were less than 2" heels, they were still in dress code...and he didn't send the girl standing next to her with the 3" heels and the booty shorts). She learned to avoid him, until she ended up in his class.

He would mark problems wrong on her paper, and when she asked him what was wrong with the answer, he would tell her "her attitude". This went on for a quarter, and she brought home a D. I asked her for the papers that he graded, so she brought one paper home to me. I looked up the answers (as I am clueless on social studies topics) and the answer was correct. Checked several more papers, with the same results (sometimes partially correct, others totally correct). Not all the answers were correct, but enough that it should have been higher grades on those.

Called the teacher, and he said her answers were all incorrect. When I questioned him on why she would be failing all her papers and tests (is she not getting the material? is she just not trying? is she struggling to understand his teaching methods?), he said "I see where she gets it" and hung up on me. I was calm, I was polite, I didn't yell or scream or accuse.

I made an appointment with the VP (the guy who was next in the food chain) and brought in DD and the papers. We had a very long heart-to-heart about the teacher's behavior and the grading process. I showed him the papers, I asked the VP to take a look at the answers...and he saw the same thing I did.

The teacher was brought in, and I made it very clear that if he had a problem with her attitude, that he could drop her conduct grade without a problem, but that he was NOT going to drop her work grade, as long as the work was done correctly. I'm not saying she was right in her attitude, but he was wrong for grading her papers incorrectly because he didn't like her. VP agreed, papers were regarded, tests were retaken and her grade went to a B. Her conduct remained low, but I wasn't fighting that.

Moved her from that class into another, and she once again avoided him in the halls. Last year, this teacher was fired for harassing another student---turns out he picked the wrong kid this time, as the kid was the daughter of a school board member.

 

[mjkacmom]

Always start with the teacher. Most VP's first question to you will be "what did the teacher say when you talked to him."

 

[Coonhound]

First of all this is a woman teacher? You said that she has to watch him do his weight lifting. Is there any possibility he is acting out in her class to get a reaction from her or something? Just a thought.

Other than that I have no real advice. My wife used to be a teacher and the parents would be SHOCKED to see how their kids behaved in class and why she had to discipline them. Everyone thinks "My kid wouldn't do that". It happens.

Hope you are able to get to the bottom of this and if the teacher is the cause of the problem that she will change her ways.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I wonder if she's had a bad experience with someone similar in status/personality to your son, so she thinks she knows your sons "type," and has her opinion of him based on stereotype alone.

She dated the QB in HS and he dumped her


In all seriousness, look for her explanation for the "0's" and go from there.

 

[WDWJDS]

Unfortunately, there are duds in every profession, from a parent, a teacher, a coach to the priest, governor, etc.

You never know what provokes people. I was in middle school and a teacher that I didn't even know tore into me for who knows what! I had just done a violin solo at an assembly, after which I took a flamboyant bow (I was a theatre kid too). As I walked back to my class after leaving the assembly, said teacher pulled me into her classroom and laid me out, saying things like "who do you think you are?" and stuff like that. Once she finished, I told her that I would need a late pass to class (since she lectured me for five minutes) and she lit into me again, speaking badly about my entire class (the one honors class in that particular grade).

I had never interacted with her before that incident, or since. Who knows what was stuck in her craw that day, but I got her wrath.

I didn't tell my mother because she was one of those that thought if the teacher yelled at me, I must have deserved it. Yeah good times.

 

[GotLabradors]

I've been teaching PE for 10 years, so here it goes. Try not to be offended, I'm just being the devil's advocate for a bit.

1. You may only be getting half the story. Historically, when a parent calls for a conference with me because of something *I* have done to their kid, 9 out of 10 times the student has only told part of the story and the parent ends up leaving the conference apologetic towards me and furious with their kid.

2. Does your son act like the "entitled athlete" in class? (i.e. My s&%# doesn't stink because I'm Mr. All-American everything. I can do whatever I want and no one will say a thing about it.) You admit he says he's mouthed off once. I'm guessing it's happened more then once. I've had a few of these over the years and they really just make life miserable for the other kids in the class.

3. Is he overly competitive in class with the other students? I'd be a bazillionaire if I had a penny for every time I've had to tell a kid who's a pretty good athlete that it's just PE. Save the competitive drive for the game field.





On the other hand, new teachers tend to be overkill on everything. It takes a few years in the saddle to figure out what battles are the ones you really need to fight. Teachers are human after all and can get their buttons pushed just like everyone else. Good luck. I tell my kids that if they're not making an A or a B in my PE class then they need to get it gear. It's PE, not quantum physics.

ETA: I just noted that there is probably only a 5 or 6 year age difference between your son and the teacher. This may be playing into it. Teaching is tough right out of the gate and if you don't have a good mentor, sometimes you're just left out there to figure things out on your own.

 

[smitch425]

I'll echo the others and say you need to set up a meeting with the teacher. Make sure your son is there with you so that both sides of the story can be discussed together instead of apart. Best of luck!

 

[Southernmiss]

I'll echo the others and say you need to set up a meeting with the teacher. Make sure your son is there with you so that both sides of the story can be discussed together instead of apart. Best of luck!

This. There are 2 youngish teachers at our high school. They are not seasoned or professional and will get on the kid's level and provoke the kids instead of maintaining a professional in charge demeanor.

Oldest ds had a run in with one of them and it was not pretty for ds. I know a seasoned teacher would have handled the situation much differently. We have taught all the kids to respect teachers no matter what, but I could certainly see ds's side and believed that she probably was wrong. But ds took his lumps and I stayed out of it.

Ds situation escalated so fast in class one day that it went to the principal before I had a clue. By then, there was no chance for discussion. Principal called me after the fact.

 

[mjh2901]

I work in a high school. Handling students is the hardest and slowest skill to learn. That being said I recommend the all three in one room system but if it is obvious in that meeting the teacher is the issue don't argue, don't counter act. Give the teacher you full support in front of your kids then make an appointment with the principal for just you to deal with the actual problem.

If you do meet with the teacher your phone is set audio and records everything. You can have it in the open so everyone knows or in the front pocket. Because the teacher took what might be a personality thing and went at the kids record/grades everything is on the record.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work in a high school. Handling students is the hardest and slowest skill to learn. That being said I recommend the all three in one room system but if it is obvious in that meeting the teacher is the issue don't argue, don't counter act. Give the teacher you full support in front of your kids then make an appointment with the principal for just you to deal with the actual problem.

If you do meet with the teacher your phone is set audio and records everything. You can have it in the open so everyone knows or in the front pocket. Because the teacher took what might be a personality thing and went at the kids record/grades everything is on the record.

Just be aware that if you do intend to record a meeting, you need to inform the other person prior to the meeting so they will have a chance to record it as well. The standard "Parents' Rights" info we hand out in our district states that meetings can be recorded with 24 hours notice. The district will also record if the parents choose to do so.

In a first meeting with a teacher, I wouldn't recommend recording it. That immediately comes across as suspicious and confrontational. Just sit down face to face and discuss what's going on.

 

[mhsjax]

So, you've heard one side of the story, from your son's/friends' perspective. I agree with the PP, and suggest you call the teacher to ask about your son's grade. Let her explain without confrontation. When you have that info, go from there.

I'm thinking your son is very comfortable in the gym, and is goofing off a bit, maybe showing off a bit because he is a really good athlete. May have some pretty girls in there to impress as well. New teachers need to be strict to keep the class focused and appropriate. They don't have a reputation yet, so kids try stuff they wouldn't in a veteran teacher's class.

I work at our local high school and I think most parents would be amazed at the dumb/rude/thoughtless stuff kids do. Two kids were loudly messing with bottles of water in the hall last week and one bottle got dropped and spilled all over the floor. The kids just walked on and left the mess. I waited to see if they were going to come back and clean it up, but no, they never did.

Another kid, on crutches, kicked open a door with his feet. Duh? Others use language I know they would not at home, etc.

I always take what my kids tell me with a grain of salt. They don't want to get in trouble so they only report what someone else has done, and it may take some digging to get to the real issue. Good luck!

wow, you assume to know this about the OPs son from one post. CRAZY. Talk about jumping to conclusions and reading between the lines. Tell me, do you ever side with a kid? or do you just assume the worst of every kid.

I know that there are teachers out who are total jerks, maybe this is one of them.

I also find it odd that a female coach is the weight lifting coach. We don't have any female coaches in our HS, and if we did, I doubt that they would be in the weight room with football players, and at this age that is mostly who is in there, except kids like mine that want to bulk up.