Sometimes Life Sucks...Advice please?

[luvmy2sams]

DD8 is spending the night with her "BFF" tonight, so I'm taking advantage and cleaning up the pack rat's room. DD is a consummate list maker (don't know where she got that from ), and I stumbled upon one tonight that broke my heart. Titled "My Wish List" she numbered off several of the typical 8-year-old requests, but one stuck out and made me so sad. Beside #8 was written "A friend."

DD8's "BFF" is moving out of state next month. This is her third friend in as many years that is moving on. We're in a military town, so this will be something we'll get to deal with over and over again, I'm sure. DD's getting tired of it and has already cried and gotten angry several times. It doesn't help that BFF lives 3 doors up the street, and they're together lots now that school is out. I'm a little worried about how she'll adjust once BFF moves, but I don't think it's fair to limit their time together in the hopes that it'll be easier when her friend does leave. Make sense?

Any suggestions on how to brighten DD's world in the coming weeks? We'll go shopping for a going-away present for the friend (probably stationery and a "BFF" necklace). I'm not sure what to do this time around.

Thanks for listening.

 

[birdiesunshine]

No advice but I guess giving her a few extra hugs couldn't hurt. Whenever a friend would move away I would get so sad, but then a new one would move in and I would cheer up!

 

[mtblujeans]

Can't top the previous post...

 

[Cinderella2004]

awe. My DD's (also 8, although she'll be 9 Sunday) BFF is sleeping over tonight. They are moving next Sunday (also military). We are having a soccer team going away party for her tomorrow. Hopefully we'll see her Sunday as well, as we leave for WDW Monday.

It's going to be tough on the girls, but I think it's tougher on us parents!! My heart is breaking for her. I know she'll be fine in the long run though.

We went to Things Remembered and bought a beautiful little charm bracelet. On one side it says "forver friends" and on the other, their names. She loved it.

I'm going to just try to keep DD busy all summer, I think by the time school rolls around (or before) she will be fine.

Hugs to you and DD!!!

 

[manning]

Now may be the time to learn letter writing.

Get a cheap digital camera and one of those small 4x6 photo printers.
Take a picture, print it and send it as a post card.

I have a Sony

http://www.sonystyle.com/webapp/wcs...10151&langId=-1&productId=8198552921665059732

 

[JadenLayne]

Poor baby! I'm so sorry for her. I had a BFF move away when I was young twice. It broke my heart both times but thankfully soon a new BFF would come along.

Give her tons of hugs!!!!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

As a former military wife, I know what it's like to be the one moving away. My kids would become depressed at the thought of moving without their friends.

How about setting them up e-mail addresses and having them get in the habit of writing to one another before the big move? You could also get them matching Webkinz so they can be online buddies and play games together.

When we moved, we got voice-over-IP phone service and allowed the girls to call their old friends to keep in touch. It helped with the transition.

One more thing: is your daughter involved in Girl Scouts? It's a great way to make friends.

 

[luvmy2sams]

Thanks for all the kind words thus far. I'm sure that she'll pull through this like the trooper that she is, but all I really want to do is wrap her in a big hug and not let go.

We've enrolled her in dance camp that begins around the time that her friend is moving, and we're hoping that between that and her other activities she'll keep busy enough until school starts, and she finds another good buddy.

I keep talking up the pen pal thing, and she finally told me that she's sick of having pen pals. She just wants a normal friend like everyone else.

We're taking her to see Wicked tomorrow night and will spend Sunday afternoon shopping. I'll have to check in Things Remembered about those bracelets. Sounds better than a necklace to me.

Thanks again for the hugs and the advice. I can use all that's available.

 

[TurboKitty]

I wasn't a military kid, but we did move a lot...

My heart went out to your dd!

I would get her an email account, that you still have access to. Give her a way to keep contact with her old friends.

Please, please, do not try to be her new friend. Be her mom. Hug her, love her, let her know she's important. But, don't be her friend. ( Okay, you can be a friendly mom..but do not confuse the order. Mom first.)

Be open to any summer opportumities to meet girls your dd's age. Play at the neighborhood park. Go to the public pool. Go to the local ceramic painting place. Visit your local library's events. Whatever your daughter likes...find events centered around that. (New Harry Potter book, attend that event. That kind of thing...)

 

[Katy Belle]

We move a lot and we usually live in places where everyone moves a lot. My DS10 is kind of a "one friend at a time" kind of guy. Its always really hard on him. His real Best, Best, Best buddy and he were soul mates. It was weird, but they were/are. Well, we moved to the Middle East and they moved to Australia...its hard to keep them close. We do try to hook up when in the USA at the same time. They email and we let them phone, despite the cost.

Invite others for play dates or outings. Keep her busy. Encourage her to keep in touch with the old friend, it does help.

Hugs to you and your little girl!
Katy

 

[mickeysgal]

I feel for you, I really do.

As a mom that has had to move her kids twice, believe me, I understand. The first move was the worst. It pulled apart my daughter who was 12 at the time from her BF she's had since she was 4. We do stay in contact now and they spend time together each summer and at Christmas. It IS possible to maintain the friendship. It was important for us to make her understand that when you move, you don't fall off the face of the earth.

Some excellent suggestions have been posted already to help your DD find new places with new friends. My advice is to do what we did, keep the kids very busy and very involved in activities, sports, etc. By doing this, they don't have the time to stop and dwell on it much and they meet new friends.

 

[mattsdragon]

I grew up in a military town, we had all 5 branches locally (that tends to happen outside of DC). Those of us that were permanant residents joked that we had to change friends every 3 years. It did make it hard on us, but looking back now, I really know it had to be very hard on the military kids. The natives (as we called ourselves) became very close with one another by the time we got to high school, and toughened towards the military kids. It's never easy losing a friend at that age, but my advice would actually be to use this experience to teach your daughter that she's got it easy. She doesn't have to pack up her life and haul it around every 3 years.

 

[cristit14]

Not any advice just hugs for your DD. It is tough when your BFF moves away. I was an AF brat and I remember the anger and tears when we moved every 3 years. Set her up with an email acct so they can email each other every day.

 

[luvmy2sams]

Thanks again for all the support and suggestions for keeping in touch.

DH grew up in this community, and he says they also always joked about having to make new friends every 3-4 years. I do feel bad for the military kids and agree that my DD has the easier end of the bargain here.

At least with her current BFF, her dad is getting out of the military, so this move will be their final one. He's still job hunting, but looks to be moving into Texas (nice and close) or back to Florida, where they own a home. I keep reminding DD that this can be a good thing, because Texas and Florida are places that we'll always visit. Hopefully, she and her friend will be able to keep in touch.

I know that this too shall pass, and DD is always very busy with lots of activities, so that will help. It will just be a big adjustment when her friend isn't right up the street for those last minute sleep overs and bike rides.

Thanks again for all your comments. My perspective wasn't so great late last night.

 

[flying_babyb]

Keeping in contact is important!!! I never did
Not a military brat or nothing but 14 moves none the less. Never had a bff for more than 2 years.

 

[teacups]

Omg I'd buy her a pony.
Poor little thing!

How about a puppy if a pony is too, well, smelly? Hampster, kitten... whatever would fit into your lifestyle. Give her something to care for, be responsible for and hug.

I feel sorry for your daughters little broken heart and for your big mommy heart too.

 

[solferino]

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it would be like to be that age and lose your BFF. I hope her summer is fun and even though new families coming in won't replace the friend who's moving, she'll get to meet new friends.

(You and I were on the expecting group at ivillage way back when for our DD's 8. I still get a kick out of seeing your name pop up every now and again)

 

[Katnmouse]

Take heart and know that she will be sad for a bit but kids are amazingly resilient. The best thing you can do is validate her feelings but don't try to compensate by buying her things. This will just create a whole new kind of problem. Help her realize that she can still maintain her friendship through emails, phone calls, etc. and assure her that she and her BFF don't have to stop being friends just because distance seperates them.
Kat

 

[luvmy2sams]

Omg I'd buy her a pony.
Poor little thing!

How about a puppy if a pony is too, well, smelly? Hampster, kitten... whatever would fit into your lifestyle. Give her something to care for, be responsible for and hug.

I feel sorry for your daughters little broken heart and for your big mommy heart too.

Thanks for the sympathy, but no way are we bringing more animals into this house! We're currently living with two dogs, two hamsters and the assorted fish. Anything else and I'm afraid we'd have to build a barn.

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it would be like to be that age and lose your BFF. I hope her summer is fun and even though new families coming in won't replace the friend who's moving, she'll get to meet new friends.

(You and I were on the expecting group at ivillage way back when for our DD's 8. I still get a kick out of seeing your name pop up every now and again)

I remember getting a PM from you some time back. Doesn't it seem like a lifetime since 1999? Can't believe that our kids are already 8...going on 14.

Take heart and know that she will be sad for a bit but kids are amazingly resilient. The best thing you can do is validate her feelings but don't try to compensate by buying her things. This will just create a whole new kind of problem. Help her realize that she can still maintain her friendship through emails, phone calls, etc. and assure her that she and her BFF don't have to stop being friends just because distance seperates them.
Kat

I completely agree, though I'll admit that one of my first temptations is to take her shopping. She'll be fine, and she's busy enough that she should be preoccupied for the most part. She did buy her friend some pretty stationery over the weekend, so she's hoping that there will be lots of snail mail in her future.

Thanks for the kind words everyone!

 

[dreamcometrue]

it's hard! My DD is 7 and in February her best friend moved back to Japan. She was born here in the US, her dad has been working for a big shot company here in California, and well, his job here was done and he was transferred back to Japan. It broke my DD's heart, and mine too. She kept saying "I'll never see her again" and cried and cried! They write each other now, and send each other little things. School just got out and I got a yearbook for the friend, since her picture is still in it, that we will send to her. The whole class signed it, and the teacher and a few of the other staff of the school. I hope she will like that!