Some days its hard to be a good friend. small vent

[robinb]

This little thing, a pair of glasses is throwing her into a depression. Its hard for me to listen to since I have so many fertility issues. I would do anything to have 2 happy healthy children and shes lucky enough to have 4.

I read this thread yesterday and something about it "stuck" with me and I had to finally adress it. First of all, I want to say that I am sorry that you are struggling wth infertility. I never had that problem, so I can not know how you feel or what you are going through.

That being said, I think that your feelings about your friend and her children are clouded by your pain over your infertility. Everything is compared against what you feel and nothing that she can feel or say can hold a candle to your feelings and your pain. She is in a total no-win situation when she talks to you about her kids as you will always have the nagging little voice say: "I would do anything to have 2 happy healthy children and shes lucky enough to have 4.".

As for reminding her how "lucky she is" ... those are your issues. Not hers. Does she have to walk on egg shells around you? If so, then you should tell her that you have been very sad lately about your infertility and if you get a little quiet that's why. If you can't be a sounding board for her everyday issues with her kids, then you should probably tell her that too. It's really not her fault that you feel that getting glasses doesn't "rate" in your world view.

 

[texasthree]

I read this thread yesterday and something about it "stuck" with me and I had to finally adress it. First of all, I want to say that I am sorry that you are struggling wth infertility. I never had that problem, so I can not know how you feel or what you are going through.

That being said, I think that your feelings about your friend and her children are clouded by your pain over your infertility. Everything is compared against what you feel and nothing that she can feel or say can hold a candle to your feelings and your pain. She is in a total no-win situation when she talks to you about her kids as you will always have the nagging little voice say: "I would do anything to have 2 happy healthy children and shes lucky enough to have 4.".

As for reminding her how "lucky she is" ... those are your issues. Not hers. Does she have to walk on egg shells around you? If so, then you should tell her that you have been very sad lately about your infertility and if you get a little quiet that's why. If you can't be a sounding board for her everyday issues with her kids, then you should probably tell her that too. It's really not her fault that you feel that getting glasses doesn't "rate" in your world view.

As I have said in my posts, I did listen to her problem and I did offer helpful advice without saying anything. I think regardless of my own issues, glasses is a very minor situation. I have been and always will be a good friend to her. I think sometimes everyone needs a little reminder of how lucky they really are. And yes, her having 4 happy/healthy kids is something she should be greatful for everyday. I did talk with her today and she even said that her problems have been mounting and the glasses were just the one thing that pushed her over the edge.
I do think that you cant possibly understand the way I feel when other people take their children for granite. It affects me more than I want it to and I do control my reactions and not let on that its bothering me. She certainly doesnt have to walk on egg shells with me as I am a good friend to her and have been for 5 years. We are both military wives and can mostly share each others pain or problems. This one was just harder for me to handle than usual and I vented on the dis. Thanks for helping me sort it out.