Soccer mom advice.

[Pea-n-Me]

Did she take a starting position from a "popular girl" when she joined the team? This situation is all about teen drama and has nothing to do with her soccer skills.

Unfortunately male coaches, teachers (and even dads) can be oblivious to the girl drama until it implodes because it is just foreign to them and then they don't know what hit them.

Perhaps.

Why would she need to tone it down, though?

 

[pigletto]

Did she take a starting position from a "popular girl" when she joined the team? This situation is all about teen drama and has nothing to do with her soccer skills.

Unfortunately male coaches, teachers (and even dads) can be oblivious to the girl drama until it implodes because it is just foreign to them and then they don't know what hit them.

Exactly. What I see here is nasty girl drama... which you will find everywhere. And any athletic coach or professional who works with this age group of girls needs to handle it firmly and right off the bat. Girls will do this anywhere and it takes someone to say "Knock it off".
Unfortunately sometimes these people are far more concerned with keeping the parents happy than running their team fairly and appropriately.

 

[luvsJack]

I must say I am surprised at the tone it down suggestions. Every coach my kids ever had told them to practice like you play.

Op its not limited to sports we have similar drama in choir A group already established trying to push out newcomers especially talented ones.

Some of the best coaches and directors find ways to bring the team together. A lot of times that requires doing things with the team off the field.

 

[clutter]

Did she take a starting position from a "popular girl" when she joined the team? This situation is all about teen drama and has nothing to do with her soccer skills.

Unfortunately male coaches, teachers (and even dads) can be oblivious to the girl drama until it implodes because it is just foreign to them and then they don't know what hit them.

And they have no idea what to do with the drama-mamas. (My dd's former coach was married to the drama-mama. He was totally incompetent when it came to keeping the teen drama at a minimum. Fortunately, there wasn't much on the team, except his own daughter.)

 

[aaarcher86]

First, kudos to not engaging in an email debate. No one comes out looking mature n one of those! If this as a team wide email initiated by a parent I'd probably reply to all and suggest that any issues should be taken up privately with the coach.

After that I'd advise my daughter to continue to play the way she's been playing. She shouldn't dumb down her skill. If they get snarky have her diffuse. A bully is a bully. But this kind of stuff happens at this age on every team. She'll have to learn how to handle it sooner or later. If it continues to escalade I'd possibly do your pow wow but at this point it sounds like just a bunch of brats, parents and children alike.

Your Dd sounds pretty unphased and it probably isn't a terrible thing that she is learning how to play through some,overly rough people and learn how to handle people,like these girls. Can't run away from it every time. If it starts to effect the games the coach needs to put a stop to it.

 

[ORMom2Four]

We were in almost the same situation when our dd was 13 (she is now 21), only our dd was not very good at soccer

There was an indoor team that needed another player, and since DD needed more practice, she joined the team at the urging of her outdoor coach.

The indoor team girls hated her and were mean from day one. It never got better. They said cruel things about her at every game and every practice.

DD didn't tell us how bad it was until the season was over. That was the last year she played. She'd had it with soccer and the girl drama. For some reason girls get mean and cruel around the age of 13.

I'd suggest finding another team for her. Your daughter has become the "pecking chicken"--the one who is singled out by the group to take the brunt of their abuse. There is no way the coach talking to them or you talking to them is going to make it stop or make them like her. It is likely going to make it worse.

My daughter still talks about those girls and that team from time to time--and she is 21 now!!

 

[surfgirl]

travel team sports with middle age girls turn nasty on a dime.

We just went through a similar experience and asked the coach for help in managing the dynamic. Didn't go well. We have switched teams. On the other hand, managing it yourself isn't a good idea either.

I think it just has to turn into a hard lesson for your dd. She can't choose her teammates, but she can choose her friends. I would try to "observe" as many practices as possible in the next few weeks so you know if anything turns ugly.

Honestly, if it were up to me? I'd move. Just avoid the drama and the dynamic. I'd be ready for it to just go underground and be more manipulative whereas now it is more in the open.

 

[mommymeg]

Again thanks for the great feedback. The mom's of the girls involved both sent email replies that I'm tempted to respond to given the fact that neither of them are ever present during practice. We travel a bit farther and always enjoy watching her play and have witnessed first hand (along with the coach). What is going down. A large part of their practice is centered around scrimmaging each other in game-like situation. We've always taught our kids to try their best in practice just as in games. Some of the other girls see it as a social hour.

In the spring we will probably be sending her to a premier level team. She probably could have gone this year but the purse strings are extra tight right now. Kids at the next level tend to take the sport a little more seriously and that seems to be the direction DD is taking.

In the meantime she will stick it out on her current team, make the best of it and find a way to deal with any future attitude. Another opportunity for a valuable life lesson I suppose!

Thanks!

 

[clutter]

Again thanks for the great feedback. The mom's of the girls involved both sent email replies that I'm tempted to respond to given the fact that neither of them are ever present during practice. We travel a bit farther and always enjoy watching her play and have witnessed first hand (along with the coach). What is going down. A large part of their practice is centered around scrimmaging each other in game-like situation. We've always taught our kids to try their best in practice just as in games. Some of the other girls see it as a social hour.

In the spring we will probably be sending her to a premier level team. She probably could have gone this year but the purse strings are extra tight right now. Kids at the next level tend to take the sport a little more seriously and that seems to be the direction DD is taking.

In the meantime she will stick it out on her current team, make the best of it and find a way to deal with any future attitude. Another opportunity for a valuable life lesson I suppose!

Thanks!

If you really want the moms to know something, I'd ask the coach to address the emails. He needs to tell the moms, and the girls, that this is not a problem.

 

[nugov2]

And they have no idea what to do with the drama-mamas. (My dd's former coach was married to the drama-mama. He was totally incompetent when it came to keeping the teen drama at a minimum. Fortunately, there wasn't much on the team, except his own daughter.)

That may be another difference you notice between rec and premiere is that the coaches are paid and not volunteers. They are expected to be on top of everything because it is their job.

I agree with the pricing, we just had to bite the bullet on that one and it is crazy. I will also add that while I don't agree with leaving a team midseason she can get onto a team with a full roster if she is that good. They don't care they will want her. Plus has your fall season started? We just finished our spring season and fall doesn't start for a few weeks. I would think this was a good time to switch.

 

[declansdad]

Based on your words, I think she needs to tone it down. Being physical with teammates during practice is unnecessary and won't make her any friends as you've learned. Tell her to save it for games.

No she doesn't, players should practice in the same manner as they play. Otherwise the bad habits from the practice will show up in the game.

OP, this is very common in sports, especially team sports involving young girls. It is a form of bullying that we see everyday on the field of play. Unfortunately it isn't your place to address it with the players, that is part of the coach's responsibility. If some one the mother's are engaging in it, that is something that you should address yourself. It wouldn't hurt to have the coach involved here either.