Soccer is taking over our lives! Venting.

[skater]

My 12 yr old son is obsessed with soccer. He started when he was about 9/10 and has been catching up ever since to the kids who have played since they were babies . He practices every day in the backyard with no prompting from me. My DH and I never played sports, don't watch pro sports as a rule and have never pushed him.

I research teams for him (otherwise he would call or e-mail every coach in our entire state for opportunities) and I drive him to a billion practices, give him advice about what coaches are looking for, but other than that, I don't push him. He loves practices, and is never happier than when he's playing soccer. His greatest wish is to play in college and professionally.

Here's my problem - I have 2 other children and often, the only thing we do is drive to soccer and the other kids' activities. I miss the leisurely family meals and lazy Sunday afternoons. We haven't been to church in forever and I worry about the effects on our family. I feel a little trapped, I guess. I want to respect his dreams and if he didn't work so hard on it, I might be more inclined to say no to some of it.

He is trying out for multiple teams for next year (even driving to all these multi-day tryouts is driving us a little crazy). In case anyone is wondering, I do love to support him and I do love to watch him practice and play - its a joy to watch someone who loves the game so much. Its evident to most who watch him that he loves it.

Still, I am consdering saying no to the summer league he wants to do. It would only mean a month and a half with no organized soccer - does anyone think that would hurt him? I think we might all need the break and be better ready for the fall when he is hoping to be part of two teams .

 

[Toad_Passenger]

It sounds like he really enjoys it, but I can see how you'd all need a break. I see a couple of issues, though, with taking even a short break.

1) Fitness levels. Soccer is all about being in top form, and missing that opportunity of playing "full-speed" matches can hurt your form. In addition, is he motivated enough to workout and keep his fitness level up during the time off?

2) Skill development. Obviously he dug in hard in order to catch up and make his skill set match those of the other players. After all that work, though, he will lose any sort of development (and at his age he is still developing) that occurs during the Summer Season. Soccer is a game where you develop in conjunction with your teammates. If these are kids he will be playing with again later, than it is important to continue to develop together.

3) Politics. I know this sounds silly, but in the leagues I grew up playing in, politics was HUGE. Missing out on a single season was VERY detrimental to your standing with coaches and league officials. A month and half may not sound too long, but it really is "out of sight, out of mind" for these coaches. If your son is not there playing, than he is not impressing the coaches and his name gets lost in the shuffle of players who ARE playing in the Summer league.

But all of this is moot depending on his goals with soccer. If this is something he is pursuing hardcore to play into College, and possibly further, than YES, the time lost cannot be replaced. If he just "enjoys" soccer, than he doesn't need to worry about my points above, and the time off could allow for everyone to "reset" themselves.

If you couldn't tell soccer is my favorite sport. I've been playing since I was 6, and I still play in a men's league at 33 and coach, as well. I love hearing about young kids becoming dedicated to the sport!

Good luck.

 

[NMAmy]

Your family and your other children are important as well and your son's love of soccer shouldn't trump that, IMO. Of course, I also never let my dd play more than one sport or on more than one team per season, either. For me, a love of athletics is great but it's not the only thing in our family. Everyone has needs and no one person gets to dictate what the rest of the family is doing for such an extended period of time.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds12 has been playing soccer since the age of 3, and plays travel all year round, and rec in the fall (DH is the travel coach - he played varisty in HS). The cable soccer channel is always on, and my boys go to several Red Bulls game a year (friends have season tickets). Consider yourself lucky - ds12 also plays little league, travel baseball, basketball in the winter, and flag football in the fall. He was asked to join a very competitive soccer club, but I said no, because it was daily practices.

Between him and his siblings, we have 6 games every weekend in the spring, 8 in the fall. And we do this because they LOVE it. I have never had a child not want to attend a game or practice. My boys are outside on a daily basis, playing soccer or baseball, and sometimes tossing the football. Ds12 spends hours a week outside with ds7, working on skills. They will both do sports clinics over the summer. DH is constantly nailing the fence posts back on.

Anyway, one sport over the summer sounds like it won't take up too much time. All of my kids are in something at least 3 hours a day, and dd13's theater program is all day. I have no problem having them miss it if we want to go to the beach, city, amusement park, etc.

ETA - he will probably play soccer in HS, but not baseball, and has no illusions of playing any sport in college. He's good, but only the very top players make it. It's just for fun.

 

[skater]

Thanks Toad Passenger. I appreciate your educated answer. I guess I'm leaning in the direction of letting him play summer soccer. Hopefully we'll be able to car pool a little. You're right about the fitness thing. He would still practice every day, but its probably not the same as running and using his skills in a game. I guess I needed your info. as confirmation. Like I said, my DH and I have no experience in sports and we're playing a little catch-up ourselves in soccer knowledge.

 

[skater]

Your family and your other children are important as well and your son's love of soccer shouldn't trump that, IMO. Of course, I also never let my dd play more than one sport or on more than one team per season, either. For me, a love of athletics is great but it's not the only thing in our family. Everyone has needs and no one person gets to dictate what the rest of the family is doing for such an extended period of time.

This sounds like my philosophy. Isn't it ironic that God gave us the kid who is totally driven in his sport? We do try to make sure everyone's needs are met (at least the kids' needs and even squeeze in some couple time now and then).

What you're saying sounds totally reasonable and smart until you step inside our situation. Watching him play soccer is like watching a family movie about a kid and his dream. His love for it, motivation and drive suck us all into it I guess. You're probably still right, but I just can't keep him from it.

 

[jrmasm]

If he loves it, let him play. That's the simple answer. I think it's important to allow children to pursue their passion whatever it is.

For your sanity, try really hard to put a carpool together. It makes a huge difference.

And in case you didn't know this already, no one will die if you can't make it to watch every game he plays. Some times you need a break even if he doesn't. Seriously.

 

[NMAmy]

This sounds like my philosophy. Isn't it ironic that God gave us the kid who is totally driven in his sport? We do try to make sure everyone's needs are met (at least the kids' needs and even squeeze in some couple time now and then).

What you're saying sounds totally reasonable and smart until you step inside our situation. Watching him play soccer is like watching a family movie about a kid and his dream. His love for it, motivation and drive suck us all into it I guess. You're probably still right, but I just can't keep him from it.

I do understand--my dd was like that with basketball but the odds of her becoming a professional basketball player were a real long shot. While I wanted her to have fun and enjoy it, I didn't want basketball to become her whole identity, KWIM? She's in college and still plays basketball for fun but has an academic scholarship.

 

[Minnie824]

My DD is 8 and going thru tryouts for the traveling team this week. SO stressful! More for me than her...I'm hoping shes on a team w/her friends and makes the same level as them. Its tough though. She's good enough that she'll make a team, just not sure which one. This past weekend was our first weekend since the holidays I think that we had free. My DD6 plays rec soccer too. Plus DD8 has been 'guest playing' on other teams. We have anywhere from 2-5 soccer games between them in a weekend. I understand how you feel! Plus my DD6 does cheer also which is just as time consuming. I'm so ready for the summer break....having just work to deal with will be a break for me.

 

[dissybroad]

Howdy! Having been a soccer mom myself IMHO you could carpool with another player or two, each family takes turns driving and attending practices/games and gets a break. It becomes especially helpful when they start playing with traveling teams.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

OP, I can completely relate to how you feel. I have 3 DD's all in ballet. My oldest DD10 is doing 5 classes a week plus rehearsals in the spring for the recital. It's a lot of traveling back and forth but when DH and I see her her during observation week or in the recital, it's all worth it. She glows with excitement and like you said, it's like watching someone live out their dream. And I have 2 younger DD's also catching the ballet bug too. But I understand how you feel about the weekends especially, but I think it's wonderful that you're giving your DS this opportunity. He'll remember that forever and will appreciate that he worked so hard at something he loved. That's something that can take him far in life.

Have your other 2 kids expressed anything about your other DS's soccer schedule? If they're complaining that it's all about him, that could be a problem. Are they in any organized activities? If church is important to you, I'd try to work that back in. Perhaps there are other services than just the Sunday one? I also agree with a pp above, if you miss a game here and there, that's ok too. I think the summer program sounds good and if he really wants to do it and you don't mind driving, I'd let him. Summer is usually a great time to focus on something like that, school is out, the muscles are warmer and helps keep them ready for the fall. Good luck!

ETA: 100% agree with the others about carpooling! We do that with ballet and it's wonderful!

 

[emma'smom]

DD8 trys out for the traveling team today too. We're looking forward to watching the games. Dd5 plays t-ball and soccer too. In the winter, dd8 is on the traveling swim team, does ballet, and gymnastics. We have to balance the schedules like crazy. However, it's what our family does. We enjoy being on the sidelines with the other parents. The travel games sometimes turn into little mini-vacations if they are far enough away...etc.

As for church, we've made it most Sundays. My take on church is that we go when we can...so it is still part of our lives. However, other stuff is too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I didn't have kids in sports but other activities and I was a GS Leader for a long time.

And now it is all over for the most part, my dd's are older, 19 & 13. So it does end (well sort of ). Now my older dd is going to China and my younger one is going to a scholar program for 3 weeks and I have to get them both ready plus plan something for DH and I do while the kids are away. I have to SHOP for both of them and I hate shopping.

Some summers you are busy as heck and some of them are easy going.

Carpooling is a must to survive. Keep a cooler in the car for drinks. I always had a cooler since we were running around a lot in the heat.

 

[clutter]

Thanks Toad Passenger. I appreciate your educated answer. I guess I'm leaning in the direction of letting him play summer soccer. Hopefully we'll be able to car pool a little. You're right about the fitness thing. He would still practice every day, but its probably not the same as running and using his skills in a game. I guess I needed your info. as confirmation. Like I said, my DH and I have no experience in sports and we're playing a little catch-up ourselves in soccer knowledge.

Can you wait until you find out what team he's on in the fall? Some teams will continue practice during the summer, some will break and start up in August, some will do camps, etc. Perhaps the one he makes will already have a team set up for the summer.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, I can completely relate to how you feel. I have 3 DD's all in ballet. My oldest DD10 is doing 5 classes a week plus rehearsals in the spring for the recital.

ETA: 100% agree with the others about carpooling! We do that with ballet and it's wonderful!

I feel your pain - dd9 dances at least 6 nights a week (irish), and that doesn't include workshops, privates, and stretching classes (she finally had to drop ballet, because she ran out of time). Dd7 only takes 2 classes, but with her sister. And of course we carpool - we carpool for almost everything here!

 

[skater]

My DD is 8 and going thru tryouts for the traveling team this week. SO stressful! More for me than her...I'm hoping shes on a team w/her friends and makes the same level as them. Its tough though. She's good enough that she'll make a team, just not sure which one. This past weekend was our first weekend since the holidays I think that we had free. My DD6 plays rec soccer too. Plus DD8 has been 'guest playing' on other teams. We have anywhere from 2-5 soccer games between them in a weekend. I understand how you feel! Plus my DD6 does cheer also which is just as time consuming. I'm so ready for the summer break....having just work to deal with will be a break for me.

I know what you mean about try-outs. I'm on pins and needles right now! My other two are also involved in activities. I just miss the early days where we stayed home and did things together.

 

[Kae]

Just the next 2 weekends with tournaments, then try-outs. Around here we don't have summer leagues thank goodness. We play indoor league also,But we do have Clinics & camps. DS is doing one clinic this summer because of Boy Scout camp. Next year he will go to soccer camp.

Kae

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Believe it or not treasure these years. It won't be too long before your kids are grown.

I remember my DD first day of t-ball like it was just last year and it was 14 years ago.

 

[NotUrsula]

Disclaimer, I'm NOT a sports mom. However, I do have kids in activities, and we have family rules about time commitments. This is necessary for he sanity of the adults, because we work long hours, and ugly things happen to our personalities if we are also forced to spend long hours behind the wheel driving to activities and sitting through practices that we have no involvement in. We have goals, too, and we also deserve time to pursue them.

Our rule is that if YOU want to do the activity, then you accept that you are the only one in the family who signed up. Your little sister did not, and we are not going to force her to tag along while you do it. Your parents did not, and for us, work and family commitments come before your activity. Nowhere is it written that your entire family has to sit around and watch you do your thing every time you do it. If they do it is a gift, but you shouldn't expect it more than once or twice per season.

The flip side of this, of course, is that you have to accept that the sport now means more to him than leisure time spent with his family. If you cannot accept that, then you need to say no, and prepare to deal with a LOT of resentment for many years to come.

It does not make sense, nor is it fair, to force the entire family to structure their lives around his goal.

 

[momx2]

Disclaimer, I'm NOT a sports mom. However, I do have kids in activities, and we have family rules about time commitments. This is necessary for he sanity of the adults, because we work long hours, and ugly things happen to our personalities if we are also forced to spend long hours behind the wheel driving to activities and sitting through practices that we have no involvement in. We have goals, too, and we also deserve time to pursue them.

Our rule is that if YOU want to do the activity, then you accept that you are the only one in the family who signed up. Your little sister did not, and we are not going to force her to tag along while you do it. Your parents did not, and for us, work and family commitments come before your activity. Nowhere is it written that your entire family has to sit around and watch you do your thing every time you do it. If they do it is a gift, but you shouldn't expect it more than once or twice per season.

The flip side of this, of course, is that you have to accept that the sport now means more to him than leisure time spent with his family. If you cannot accept that, then you need to say no, and prepare to deal with a LOT of resentment for many years to come.

It does not make sense, nor is it fair, to force the entire family to structure their lives around his goal.

How do your children get to and from practices, games, etc if their parents don't take them? Also, I find it to be a priviledge to watch my children in their activities and a gift to me, not my child Yes, sometimes siblings have to do something they don't want to do, but their turn will come. It doesn't have to be a horrible thing as you explain it.