So your kid doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. What advice do you give?

[crz4mm2]

I always told my kids they could do and or be whatever they wanted... At age 18 I don't know how anyone really knows what they want to do for the rest of their life!!!
DD is in college, a freshman. She thinks she wants to be an elementary teacher. She has thought this for a long long time. I am behind her 100%. If she decided tomorrow that she wanted to do something entirely different, I would also be behind her 100%...
I always wanted to be a vet, but 29 years ago, my folks had no $$ and there was no way I could go to college, let alone vet school... My mom did not want me to follow in her footsteps and work in a factory so she encouraged me to go to hairdressing school. I did and really didn't like it at all. But I did it so I would have a 'career'.. I did that for awhile (about 3 years) and then worked for podiatrist as office assistant/manager for 5 years. Had a 2nd child and decided to become a nurse (something I never thought I would have done 20 years ago). Now am a nurse midwife. I would have NEVER done that as an 18 yo..... Never wantd to be a nurse. Funny how your path changes as years go by.
I think doing many jobs and interning at many things is the best advice one could give.
Good pay is a plus

 

[minkydog]

Wow!!!!! Is this great advice!!!!!!!!!

I have always been amazed that we tell kids, at the age of 18, "OK, now you have to go to college, and it's very expensive" So decide what you want to do for the rest of your life, and remember, whatever you decide will have a lot of money invetsed in it". Gee...no pressure there!!!!!

I am a nurse. It has been a good career for me, and interesting. In my day, there weren't a lot of choices for girls, and my parents were fairly traditional people, so it was basically nurse or teacher. Don't have the patience for a bunch of kids all day, so nurse it was. And don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed it, gotten a lot of satisfaction out of it, have felt like I have made a contribution ot society etc. But I do wonder if my life would have been different if I had thought I could become a marine biologist?

I graduated HS in 1974 in a small town in rural Alabama. Most of the girls in my class got married straight out of HS(some as early as 10th grade ) Back in that day, in that community, girls just didn't get a higher education. I was one of two girls in my class to leave home and go to college. i didn't know what i wanted to do, really, but I knew that education would set me free.

After a year of floundering i picked nursing--I knew I could be independent, have a job anywhere, and name my hours(as long as it was night shift ) I ended up liking my chosen field and I've been doing it for 29 yrs.

I'll be 50 in the fall and I want a change--I plan to re-enter college in the fall as a Spanish major. I always wanted to learn another language and I live in an area that has a fast-growing Latino population.Thankfully, I work in a field that pays well and I have a lot of seniority & benefits. Not only will my employer pay for my degree and give me time for school, they'll pay me extra once I'm bilingual

I would encourage any kid with the least drop of interest to consider healthcare as a career. There is a huge demand for healthcare workers of every kind, from nursing to therapy to ultrasound to medical records. There will always be sick people and a full-time job is virtually assured. And if they decide in the future to go back to school, they can afford to do so.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I think it is a real good idea, as many of you pointed out, to try and work or intern and speak to people in areas that interest you for a possible career. My niece always wanted to be a brain surgeon. When she was in college she had an internship in a hospital and spoke to as many of the Dr/surgeons as she could. She said only a few of them said they would do it all over again. It did make her think and re-think her career choice. What she realized was that she loved the research end of things. She decided to pursue a career in pharmacutical reseach and she loves it.

 

[gate_pourri]

I am in that, I don’t really know what to do point in my life… I am 23, just graduated college with a duel degree, and was convinced 6 months ago I was going to get into advertising. At the moment, I am working for near pennies in a political office. Who knew that would happen? Not me, that’s for sure. I know this is not a long-term position, and not financially sustainable, but I really enjoy it. I feel like I am making a small difference. What am I going to do in 7 months (after the elections), I have no idea. Possibly get a job in a government office, possibly advertising or marketing. Possibly something I cannot even imagine at the moment. Being young is a gift. You aren’t necessarily tied down, so you can experiment a bit more. Try something you think you’d like. If you don’t, it is easier to quit, and try something else. It is one of the only times in your life you are so free.

I really don’t think that parents should necessarily force their children to a certain career or even force them to make a decision about their career too early. I changed my mind 5 times since I was 16 (from teacher, to lawyer, to computer geek, to politician, to advertising). I cannot imagine if my parents had forced me to ‘stick’ to one thing. Not being completely sure what I wanted to do, I double-majored in college (political science and business communications); and minored (in computer science) and got what I beleive is a well-rounded education that can be used in almost any career I choose.

Gee, that was long winded…

 

[cruisnfamily]

Where can you find some sort of survey thing to tell you that you might be a crappy forest ranger or indifferent phlebotomist?

DD(who is only 13 by the way) feels like her future is being a cashier at Publix because she doesn't know what she wants to be yet. I told her she has a lot of time to decide but she tells me all her friends already know what what their career path will be. I'm sure they'll all change their minds a dozen times.

Anyway, it would be interesting if there was some kind of interests/careers test thing you could do online that might give you a bit of a clue. I know they're out there!(Heck, I'd love to do one myself and see what it recommends for me )

 

[Puffy2]

The best method is to expose them to a lot of professions - allow them to actually "see" what it is like to be a physican, researcher, accountant, teacher, lawyer, banker, professional chef, etc.... It's one thing to read about careers, it's entirely different to actually be exposed to what they do.

And I've told my kids, it's great to want to be an artist or writer but the chances of that paying the bills is slim. They need to pick something that will support themselves..and they can write and paint all they want on the side until they land a job that they can make a living at doing those things.

 

[Caradana]

Where can you find some sort of survey thing to tell you that you might be a crappy forest ranger or indifferent phlebotomist?

DD(who is only 13 by the way) feels like her future is being a cashier at Publix because she doesn't know what she wants to be yet. I told her she has a lot of time to decide but she tells me all her friends already know what what their career path will be. I'm sure they'll all change their minds a dozen times.

Anyway, it would be interesting if there was some kind of interests/careers test thing you could do online that might give you a bit of a clue. I know they're out there!(Heck, I'd love to do one myself and see what it recommends for me )

Sure, it's called COPES - the Career Orientation Placement & Evaluation Survey. There's actually three parts to it:
COPES measures your work values and how they match against certain professions;
CAPS measures your abilities;
COPS measures your interests.

The three in combination yield really cool results. I think they are available online. Try google.

 

[Planogirl]

The best method is to expose them to a lot of professions - allow them to actually "see" what it is like to be a physican, researcher, accountant, teacher, lawyer, banker, professional chef, etc.... It's one thing to read about careers, it's entirely different to actually be exposed to what they do.

And I've told my kids, it's great to want to be an artist or writer but the chances of that paying the bills is slim. They need to pick something that will support themselves..and they can write and paint all they want on the side until they land a job that they can make a living at doing those things.

I agree BUT if someone wants to take those chances at trying something like being an artist or writer, doing it while young seems like a good time. You don't have the mortgage, the kids and their college educations and so on to worry about just yet. You are relatively free and unencumbered and can still experiment. How many of us haven't dreamed about living in Paris and being a struggling artist of some kind?

I saw a comment earlier that it was best to be established in a career and have plenty of money before pursuing one's dreams. I may be foolish but I think it's possible to do both if one has the talent and ability. I don't think that someone has to wait in all cases.

Besides, it really depends on what the dream is. Age discrimination is alive and well, and it's not always so easy to shift gears at a later age.

 

[TDC Nala]

Things happen. I am not doing what I set out to do, but it isn't boring, I get paid enough to both support and enjoy myself, and I get what seems to be almost too much time off. I'm not going to be rich, but if I am cautious, I won't be poor when I'm old. It's not what I spent years training for, but I'm staying with it.

 

[wasabi girl]

I love reading all of these responses. MY DH is lucky enough to love his profession...it isn't work to him, he'd do it for free (good for us he doesn't). We have a business that all of us work in, and both DDs (who are creative types like DH) know the business too...so although in an earlier post it sounded like I maybe planned to support them forever...we won't have to do so, they'll alway be a part of our business.
So back to my original reason for posting...I was part of the choose a lucrative career...so said my parents...I was a good girl, good student and did...buried my own hopes and dreams...I'm not sorry about my life by any means...I enjoy myself every day BUT I wish I'd had the courage to pursue my dreams a couple of decades ago...even if financial success wasn't going to be easy...I think there is something to be said for trying to make your own dreams come true...even if they don't match your parents dreams for you...trying to recapture them later in life isn't so easy.
My baby brother did the same thing I did, education for a "good job" he's now making big bucks but...he's in his thirties and knows exactly how many days he has until retirement when he can do something he really likes...
Sounds like many of us feel a little lost...we might not be unhappy but maybe wish we'd made some different choices...
Sorry if I'm being depressing...this topic has just been on my mind alot lately. Thanks for listening guys.

 

[Michie]

I have no intention of supporting my kids financially all their lives. I have one mentally handicapped child who will never work or live unsupervised. I expect my two able-bodied kids to get out there and hustle.

Both my older kids are "creative souls." DD12 performs in a professional choir. She has a fabulous, clear voice and dances well. She thinks she wants to do musical theater. DD19 barely got through high school and is now failing at community college. He wants to go to film school and be a director--that's upwards of $100,000 folks We talked about it and he decided that he needs to work full-time now, buy a good camera, work on his script-writing, get connected locally with theater, and THEN consider whether film school is in his future.

Neither one of my kids is likely to hit the big money, but my advice to them is "Find something you love doing and you won't mind working. Just be able to support yourself." Work isn't work when you love it.

What is it with people these days, that are in their 30's even that are being supported by their parents

I don't know if as parents we can steer them, but we sure can teach them good financial habits.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Heck, how am I supposed to advise a kid, if I'm 41 & don't know what I want to do?

Right after high school & during college, worked at McDonald's for 3 yrs - with several promotions.

After high school, I went to college for 4 yrs. Graduated with a BS in Computer Science. Worked some computer jobs during college breaks & decided that's not what I wanted to do when I graduated. Stuck in an office all day with geeks.

After college, went full time at grocery store I had also been working part time at while in college. Worked another 2 yrs as Asst Front End Mgr.

Then 7 yrs at a bank. From Asst Head Teller to Asst Branch Mgr. Then bank merged & we all got laid off.

Then 11.5 yrs at small insurance agency as Customer Service Rep. I just quit in Feb. I couldn't take it anymore.

I don't mind customers, but I do know that I'm sick of waiting on people who cause their own problems. People who routinely bounce checks because they never balance their statement & blame it on the bank. People who never open their mail telling them their policy will be cancelled if they don't pay; and then act all surprised when you tell them they are cancelled; & claim they never received any of the 5 (yes FIVE) pieces of mail telling them it would be cancelled & it was cancelled.

So, I'm 41 & taking some time off to let my (customer) bitterness go & figure out my next career change. Probably a part time job. Hoping for short term customer contact, not long term continuous "hand holding" of customers.

I've always had a job since I was 16. (2 part time jobs while commuting to college full time for 4 yrs). I'm not afraid to work. Very hard worker with excellent reviews & many promotions.

I'm good with numbers, logic, routines, efficiency, details, & organizing. Not so good with (or in love with) speaking, writing or selling.

NOW, it's time for ME. After high school, I wanted to take a year off & explore & decide what I wanted to do. Then go to school for 2 yrs maybe & see how I liked what I picked before going onto 2 more years. BUT, my dad wouldn't allow that. He made me sign up for 4 yrs off college right after HS (at MY expense). By my 3rd yr of college, I already knew that the field I picked wasn't going to do it for me. But I had to finish the 4 yrs to get the degree. That last year was tough motivation wise.

Let the kids decide what they want to do. You can't pick it for them. And it might take them some time. They've got to explore to figure it out.

I AM greatful to my dad however for other things he taught me. I'm sort of a work-a-holic due to him. Take my job way too seriously; more than co-workers, & expect them to work just as hard as me. He taught me to save $. Not get into debt if avoidable.

Because of dad's lessons, even though I'm not "successfull" in an occupation, we have no debt other than just the 30k left on our mortgage; we have quite a bit saved for retirement. Most of my "successful" friends are jealous of us because DH's salary is enough to cover all our expenses & save while I'm not working. They are both working "successful" jobs & in debt.

Teach your kids to be happy -- no matter WHAT type of job they pick. That's the ONE thing I wish my dad had taught me... instead of making me think I had to be successful.

 

[Just2554]

As a college freshman, can I please give all the parents here on the DIS some advice? Don't stress and worry about trying to make your junior high and high school kids pick a career and decide right away what they want to do with their lives. Help them figure out who they are!

I had a good childhood and my parents always tried to provide me with "experiences". I grew up surrounded by books and movies and art. I went to museums and sporting events and theme parks and everything else my parents could afford to provide me with. Now I know this isn't practical for every family financially, but what I'm really trying to suggest is the idea of it. Try to broaden your children's minds and give them varied, diverse interests. They'll be so much better off!

When I graduated last year, my guidance counselor's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I told him I loved literature, writing, art, film, and...math and that I was picking accounting as my major. He couldn't understand my thought process, yet I knew deep down that I didn't want to be a teacher or an artist/filmmaker/etc. Journalism has always picked at the back of my mind slightly, and this semester I'm writing for my college's newspaper because my English professor from last semester wrote me this amazing recommendation and I enjoy doing it. It breaks up the monotony of core business classes (cough*ECONOMICS*cough) required to get into accounting and I LOVE writing. After a guest speaker on Friday though, I'm happier than ever I'm an accounting major. As much as I love writing, the struggling and the strange hours and everything else that goes along with it wouldn't be for me.

My best friend, however, is drowning. I'm worried sick over her. She's changed her major three times since the beginning of the year, has no idea what she wants, and is lost in a sea of party-going, fine grabbing, freshman. She had really laid back parents and she never really had any idea what her interests were because they never really did anything. I adore her parents, but they really provided no guidance and she's really suffering now because she doesn't really know herself.

I can't remember if it was Emerson or Thoreau, but one of the two transcendentalists said, "Know thyself." The career will come afterwards.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sounds reasonable.


I like trying to steer towards what they love (i.e. they take the consequences of income with their choice)--however--I'd steer them to the highest income producing thing they love.

I pursued television production and would have stuck with it. But life called me elsewhere. I still enjoyed it though and did manage a decent job offer unrelated to a field.

I have a friend whose mom told her to major in whatever she loved to do b/c with a 4 year degree you can (at our ages at the time we received our degree) you can get a job doing most anything regardless of your major. She majored in theater and immensely enjoyed her academic pursuits and successfully got a nice job at graduation. She and her husband now own their own company.


So a catch 22 between a high paying job and doing what you love--but instilling good financial skills in your child--they can come to their own conclusions on what they need to be happy.


BTW--My dad wanted me to be an engineer--mom let me be whatever I wanted to be--I think mom was right and dad was trying to control a situation. I did take Calc II in college (scored a 5 on AP exam). I took it for fun b/c I wanted to and I liked to be challenged in math. Even briefly considered a math minor. And at the very end of the semester I was Cacl'd out and knew I did not want to go on to Calc III. Cannot be an engineer without it. Luckily, that was not what I chose.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Oh funny story on my mom--high school drop out and home economics flunkee (especially the cooking part LOL!).


She joined the navy after she had me. she was medically discharged. While enlisted they paid for her (tuition and income) to get her AA (or maybe AS---so long ago I forget).

she loves cooking (she was horrible in home economics--she made cupcakes and was compliment on a taste testing from fellow students on how wonderful her cookies tasted...and she dumped a batch of custard out the window it was soooo bad).

So in her 40s--she went to culinary school and became a trained chef. She cannot really work in the field (she tried and it was just too strenuous for her). She doesn't regret for one second going to culinary school. It was a lifelong dream.

Just b/c we aren't ready to do something when we are 18--doesn't mean that it is never a possibility and off limits.

Education children on what it would take to live the lifestyle they choose--woudl be the most valuable asset a parent can pass on to their child.

Some can live on $20K--some have aspirations that require a million dollar salary. Mom and Dad's job would be to educate junior on what it would really take to make it that far and guiding their child on the best path to achieve that.


My hubby wants to be a professor--be it high school or college--he doesn't really know. But when he retires from engineering that is what he wants to do. It is our job to make sure we are ready for the jump. This is something he was aware of when he pursued his degree fresh out of high school. His dad must have said something right .

 

[outstandinfarmer]

I believe that there's something that every person was made to do. Go back to when you were a child and think about what was the thing that you always wanted to do. I'm sure there's something that will stick out if you think about it long enough.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I have been advising my children since they were small. I encouraged their interests and talked about goals of life. Do something you love.

My 14yo wants to be a Vet. Well I have to lay it in the line that she may not make it into Vet School first time around so we are looking at back up plans, etc...Vet school is not cheap and it will require $$$$$$. There are also other ways to make a living working with animals and she is pursuing that too. She also likes computers, drawing, and books. Have to be realistic with a dream like Vet School

Please have your daughter check into scholarships for Veternarian School. We set up scholarships funds for Vet School here in our state that covers 100% of tuition and books.

 

[Jerseylicious]

Even though my daughter is only almost 7, I have already thought about this. In my opinion and my experience this is what I've found:

I own a small commercial cleaning business, which I run & operate myself. However, the hours are evenings and weekends. I created this business so that when my daughter was born, I could be at home with her during the day. However even though now she is in full-day school, I will not give up the business because I average $45/hour doing it and I know I will probably not find that in a day job!!! So even though it can be hard working opposite hours of everyone else, it's flexible and pays very well.

My husband works for Frito-Lay, and since his is a sales-driven business, he usually has to work holidays. Before he was promoted, he had to work weekends also. It was not fun, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I figure on encouraging my daughter in two directions:

1 - A job that she has to work NORMAL hours, and have NORMAL holidays off like 90% of the nation. (Such as a bank, school, etc.)

2 - A job that will keep HER healthy while doing it, such as an aerobics instructor or personal trainer or nutritionist. I am at the gym 3-4 days a week and considered becoming an instructor when she went into first grade, but again, right now I am able to go on all her class trips, help out in the classroom, etc....and that's what is important to me.

Of course the final decision will be my daughter's. But these two things are what *I* look back and would look for first in a job. (At least while you're single. When you have a family, you must take what you can get.)

 

[Crankyshank]

I had this conversation with my parents last night. It drives my Mother nuts that her 2 overachieving children are floundering regarding "what am I going to do when I grow up". That would be me and my sister. My brother is on the fast track to being a police sgt before his 27th birthday.

My parents are concerned because my sister put all of her eggs in one basket - she was going to be a pharmacist. Being the overachiever she is she never considered that the ultra competitive program she was accepted to wasn't a guarantee to continue on with (she got into the pre pharm program and was wait listed for the pharm program). She's had to change her majors. She has no real work experience and she isn't ready to look into grad school. So essentially the encouragement to pursue the big money field didn't quite work out.

I floundered here and there and am still working on getting my BA (in history). Then hopefully on to my MLS. My Father says he isn't worried about me because I have 2 things that will get me through life when all else fails - marketable skills and a work ethic.

So to answer the OP, I would never encourage my children to go into a field in which they have no aptitude or desire for simply because it has a big paycheck. Big paychecks generally mean lots of hours and that's a recipe for misery to work long hours at a job you don't like very much. Instead I would encourage my child to be well rounded, go with what is suited to them, obtain marketable skills, and most importantly - to have a work ethic. Because when you care about the job you are doing, you're going to do well at it.

Oh and if my child was inclined to be in the trades - especially an electrician or a plumber that would be encouraged as well. No shortage of work in those professions around here and lots of money!