So, you recommend a friend for a job and he embezzles...

[CinderellaIam]

Wow, small world. I just got an email from the CFO of the organization in question. He told me he was so glad that I came to their office the other day. He assured me that he and everyone else never suspected I knew anything about it. They were apparently concerned that I would avoid THEM out of shame or embarrassment. That did occur to me for a little bit but I could never do that. I big part of my heart is still with that charity. They do amazing work and helped me grow so much into the non-profit dude I am today. I guess that's yet another reason why I'm so angry at this situation.

I think I'll take a shuttle to Jersey City and open up a can of butt whoopin' today.

I'm sure this note must have been of some comfort to you, to know that your reputation is still solid had to be a relief.

As far as the "butt whoopin'", as much as he deserves it, don't stoop to his level. I agree with what you said about putting your feelings on paper to him. It is something he will have to read through and in this format it should sink in and stay there for a long while.

Something else I would do is scour the internet or newspapers for sad stories of people/familes that this money could have helped and send them to him constantly. Maybe a couple a day. In this city I know there are many many people whom could have been helped in some way but those $$$'s.

How does he face himself in the mirror?

 

[Laurajean1014]

You can no longer trust him. He took that from you and everyone when he took that money - there is no valid reason for taking something that is not yours.

Can a friendship last without trust? Isn't trust the most common factor in a relationship?

He acted selfishly and did not consider anyone other than himself, although, he affected many people, including yourself.

I could not be friends with someone I did/could not trust. I also would find it difficult to befriend someone that took from others.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I think I'll take a shuttle to Jersey City and open up a can of butt whoopin' today.

I know your venting and that you have already said you won't do this.

Good because no matter how much of a low life he is and he is a BIG one, it not worth risking getting arrested over.

 

[lissawynn]

I would tell him how you feel and be totally honest. If he had taken the money to pay for his mother's life-saving surgery, that's one thing. It just sounds to me like he did it b/c of greed. He put your name on the line b/c you recommended him for the job. Tell him how you feel and don't sugarcoat it.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I want to stick him in a potato sack, tie the top shut, and pound on him with a bat.

Rick - I'll let you borrow my bat!

On a side note, thank you for working with a non-profit. I am sure you find this rewarding beyond monetary means. So sad that your friend didnt look at it that way. Hope this doesnt ruin your relationships with other people or with your job.

 

[swilphil]

I can understand why you are peeved. I wouldn't put anything in writing. It could come back to haunt you. If you happen to see him again in a social situation or if he calls you, tell him how you feel. Let him know what he's done to the organization and that you would forgive him if he made restitution, and then some.

 

[olena]

OUCH!

Stealing from charity? They don't make 'em much lower than that.

 

[Deep-Thots]

While I understand the organization's unwillingness to take a PR hit, it is, in many ways, unfortunate. If only they were willing to pursue this via the justice system, they could recoup their losses easily enough and he would be pretty much assured of being denied a trusted place among the duly employed (or at least he'd have some significant explaining to do, what with a felony on his record).

You might want to talk to the charity again, and see if they might consider pursuing restitution via quiet means. Perhaps you can serve as the go-between or mediator, and this will help you to feel better about the situation. The evidence can be presented to him. It can be explained to him that he will indeed repay the $5000 "loan," according to the following "terms" (surely the charity can find a lawyer who will work with the proper language here), or else the incident will be reported to the police, the credit unions, etc.

I would be loath to allow him to get away with something like that.

But that's just me.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd say this:

For the first time ever, I'm at a loss for words. I want to tell him that I'm shocked at his actions, that I'm pissed that he put my reputation on the line (the non-profit community in NY is pretty small), that he lied and basically that he stole money that would have been used to put food on the table of the less fortunate. He is such a selfish, self-serving person in my mind now that I do know he's pretty much erased any friendship I've had with him. He truly does disgust me for what he did. Stealing money from the poor. How low can a loser get?

and I wouldn't worry about your mutual friends or anything else.

What he did was totally. completely, utterly abhorrent on so many levels that I can't begin to describe them all.

 

[SC Minnie]

I couldn't remain friends with a thief.

 

[OceanAnnie]

What comes to mind for me is, it's out of your hands.

The good news is your former employer still thinks highly of you and knows you don't have anything to do with this goof.

As you said, he is dim bulb. His actions will catch up to him. When people get away with stuff like that, they usually aim higher. If he has champagne tastes and little or no income he'll pull that stunt again. Because it worked for him.

He's making an awful bed all on his own. You don't have to do or say a thing.

 

[CharlesTD]

Wow Rick that sucks it hurts when somone you put your trust and friendship in does things like this to hurt you and possibly tarnish your reputation. I don't think I could face him without wanting to drive his head through a wall for that one. I hope you can get things worked out with the organization he worked for so as to not cause you andy future problems.

 

[pammypooh]

Rick,

It's a shame that someone that you were trying to help, helped himself to $ that wasn't his to have. At first I thought maybe he had some type of addiction that he was feeding, but from the sounds of it, it is just an immature and untrustworthy individual that thinks the world owes him the good life.

I would not go out of my way to communicate with this person again, however if a situation is forced upon you, I would suggest you speak your mind as calmly and concisely as possible, then walk away. Your true friends will see this person for what he is and you sure don't need him in your circle. I predict he will be changing social scenes real soon.

I used to work with a really nice man that turned out to have a gambling addiction. Part of his job was to collect the parking meter money. You guessed it - he embezzled thousands - but it was all in nickels, dimes, and quarters! I know he had to deal with the court system and make restitution...it is a shame this person can not be held accountable for his actions in some way.

Good luck to you in dealing with this...just remember to keep your cool if you run into him!

Pam

 

[2BOYMOM]

Wow, what a low thing to do, to the organization and to you. I have no advice, I really don't know what I would do.


Kim

 

[ericamanda01]

In situations like this there isn't much you can do. Just sit back and watch Karma do it's job. I hope they are pressing charges on him. He stole from people that really need it, maybe that will get him a nice visit upstate! It sounds like he could use a vacation. Perhaps a 1 to 2 years vacation!

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

Rick,
Send him the letter via E-mail, listing the proof you were shown ect. then by accident send it to all your friends.

You should let your other friends know about him, if he will steal from a charity he wouldn't have any trouble stealing from any of his friends or acquaintance.

 

[SherryNC]

Avoid him like the plague.

 

[pearlieq]

I'm so sorry this happened--both for the betrayal of the non-profit and the betrayal of your friendship.

I think a note is a good idea--you'll get closure. Maybe he'll read it, maybe he won't. Maybe it will help him shake his head out of his derriere, if not now than someday. At least you will have said your piece.

As for mutual friends--maybe a simple yet firm "we don't really keep in touch anymore" will suffice. You're certainly not responsible for his social standing or public image.

 

[DawnCt1]

Ding ding! I said the exact same thing to Joe the other night when I was venting and crabbing about it at home. If he could just see how his actions have effected the non-profit, the morale of those employess, and the clients they serve and he realized his mistake, I could forgive him with a huge hug if just owned up to it and paid it all back with an apology.

Rick, your friend did not make a mistake. He deliberately and calculating used his relationship with you to secure a position in which he could steal. He would have still been stealing if he had not been caught. Why would you want to forgive him and resume a friendship? Who needs friends in their lives that aren't trustworthy and take advantage of a relationship to gain access to other people's money? If I were you, I would call him and deliver that message...if I spoke to him at all.

 

[RickinNYC]

Thanks for all the advice and support everyone. And more importantly, thanks for letting me vent. I'm not usually one to carry a grudge or let things stew, but I've not really had the ability to really let it all out. And poor Joe has been my only sounding board up until now. He should be sainted I tell ya! So thanks for reading the trials and tribulations.

I still haven't completely decided what to do insofar as delivering my message to this guy. I now know that I have to at least talk to him one last time, or send an email or letter of some sort. I absolutely do not want him to think everything is A-ok. I feel if I let him think so, he'll be under the impression that my silence is consent and acceptance for his actions. If the non-profit in question won't press charges (and it's been confirmed that they won't unfortunately), at least my laying into him will tell him that he is being held accountable by someone, namely me. Perhaps something will crack that greedy, selfish veneer and get through to him.

I'm pretty disturbed by this because I have known this guy for 17 years. He was having college roommate problems back then, and I happened to be living in a senior single so I invited him to move in with me. And that's how our friendship began. A couple of years later, I had already graduated from college and he had dropped out and needed a job. So I brought him to our HR department and got him an entry level job in which he excelled and became middle management. Then a few years later, he was having relationship problems so Joe and I encouraged him to sleep on our couch until things cleared up. And a few years later, I get him this job at the non-profit and BAM! You know the rest.

I/we/someone has always been there to pick up the pieces for him and help him along. Once he realizes I won't be helping him with absolutely everything for the rest of his life, hopefully his self serving actions will then at least come back to haunt him. I wash my hands of him at this point.

Thanks again for letting me vent. This has been driving me crazy for a couple of weeks now and just getting me anger out there has been a great help. Have a great day everyone!