so yeah, a personal question...

[vivilasvegas]

so I've always been like I don't want to have a baby...even very recently on here!!

so...what if the guy you've been with for a long time has the same idea, but all of a sudden you are getting the feeling that you actually do want to have a child? and maybe you know he's not going to be the one that is going to want that? or something else? like maybe I want to raise a child, but not with him...

i know this is really personal, but as weird as this sounds, it's so much easier to talk about this with people who don't know me because you can give me opinions without having your own opinions about myself and my relationship.

I know if I say that to him, he'll say yeah, let's have a baby...but that's not what i'm looking for.

i'm sooo confused.

anyone been in this situation????

sorry for those who will think this is ridiculous for talking about on a message board...

 

[Beth76]

Wow, I'm confused too. But my first thought is that if you don't think you would want to have children with him or that he won't be a good father, then maybe you shouldn't be with him. Even if you decide not to have children.

 

[miss missy]

All I can tell ya is unless your both 100% sure on having a baby AND 100% in agreement on all the how to's as in, religion, daycare or stay at home, finances, private/public schooling, I mean EVERYTHING you can think of... 100% in agreement, then don't do it. It is too late after a baby is born to figure out your not on the same page. It will make big problems and is unfair to the child.

If you both are 100% then go for it!!!!!!

ps if you mean should you with "him" ... if you have .000001% doubt, then NO.

 

[vivilasvegas]

Wow, I'm confused too. But my first thought is that if you don't think you would want to have children with him or that he won't be a good father, then maybe you shouldn't be with him. Even if you decide not to have children.

I know what you are saying...but I went into this saying that i also didn't want them....and yes, I think it's deeper than this. he would probably be a good father, (but maybe not husband?) ................i'm just confused.

when I felt like I didn't want kids, it's like we are playing house and no harm done, but now...at least to me... it's starting to feel more real....sorry, this makes no sense to you guys!! and it's hard...hard to think I would have to end this relationship....ugh.

 

[miss missy]

but maybe not husband

there is your answer. Your not sure, so now is not the time. You need a GREAT husband AND father.

 

[vivilasvegas]

forget this thread!! it's just an emotional post that doesn't mean anything...i feel stupid for writing it!


carry on...type some recipes or something!

 

[miss missy]

We all have emotions...

 

[Barb D]

If he wouldn't make a good husband WITH kids, what would make him a good husband (or long term whatever) without them?

 

[PrincessMommyof2]

i know this is really personal, but as weird as this sounds, it's so much easier to talk about this with people who don't know me because you can give me opinions without having your own opinions about myself and my relationship.

Hey, at least you're looking at options and not throwing yourself to a whimsy!

I know if I say that to him, he'll say yeah, let's have a baby...but that's not what i'm looking for.

i'm sooo confused.

anyone been in this situation????

sorry for those who will think this is ridiculous for talking about on a message board...

I've been married for nearly 13 years, and it wasn't until after we were married for 7 years that our first DD came along. It's not a decision to make quickly. Look at the life of your potential child and consider what you will provide to her/him.

The fact that you wrote, even if it was "an emotional post," means that you have a lot more thinking to do. At least you've started thinking responsibly. Think it all out before you decide to bring a baby into the world.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You could be reaching for a way to break up with him, perhaps....

So you are getting your "reason" to break up and then he says no I will have a baby and then "poof" goes that reason for breaking up.

So what you do is leave the "baby thing" completely out of this, don't even mention it and examine the relationship you have with him and base staying or breaking up solely on THAT!