So, This Just Happened To A Friend Of Mine

[luvsJack]

Sorry - I wouldn't have bothered in this situation. I was more thinking about a family member that says racist things around you? Like I said, as a kid we knew we couldn't see or be around one of my grand fathers because he said the n word and colored people. It wasn't "ok" because he was older. It was a hard no. I defriended a number of acquaintances when they would make racist remarks about Obama. They didn't have to like his policies but they couldn't be racist.

Oh, gotcha! Yeah I have problems with the n word and blatant racial remarks too.

Otoh, my sons had a grandfather that used the n word among other racial names. He was good as gold and would give anyone, regardless of race, the shirt off his back if they needed it but he just used these offensive names. I didnt keep my kids away from him as he truly was a loving grandfather, but they grew up knowing that it was wrong and not it use those words and they don't.

 

[Wendy31]

I grew up in the South eating watermelon my whole life, and I see lots of both whites & blacks eating watermelon.

I always associate watermelon w/ my grandfather. He knew I liked watermelon as much as he did, &, every 4th of July, as soon as we arrived to his house for our annual 4th of July celebration, he'd say to me, "I got us a watermelon, Wendy!"

I just hosted 2 different events recently, & I served watermelon at both.

I had no idea watermelon was considered racist until probably the last year or so. There are other food items I would consider "soul food" - but not watermelon.

And, speaking of "soul food," there are a lot of soul food restaurants that serve traditional/cultural menu items. And the owners & chefs are very proud of their culture's traditions & foods - as they should be. So I'm not sure it's inherently or always racist to recognize someone's expertise & say, "You're probably more of an expert on this than I am."

I know it's not quite the same thing, but I would assume that an Italian American would know more about Italian food than I do. Just from reading threads here on the DIS, I know that there are certain regions of the country who know WAAAY more than I do about truly authentic Italian food.

That said, I would never say to a black person, "You probably know more about watermelon than I do" because I'm aware of the connotations & aware of how a remark like that could be offensive.

In the case of the OP, though, I'm sure the lady, being older, wasn't quite aware of the implications of what she said. I don't think she was being outwardly racist. In her mind, she assumed he ate more watermelon than she did & would know more about what constitutes a good watermelon than she did. And maybe she thought that because he was black. Perhaps, it was racist of her to think that way. But I don't think she was being cruel. And I probably would have just laughed.

I know some truly racist older people. Honestly, I don't think a truly racist older person would even have offered the watermelon to the black person in the first place.

 

[LilyWDW]

I know some truly racist older people. Honestly, I don't think a truly racist older person would even have offered the watermelon to the black person in the first place.

That's another thing to think about and I agree with your thought. If she was some horrible racist old woman she most likely wouldn't have offered her watermelon to the guy much less even spoken to him.

It also bothers me that the moment she even offered the watermelon the guy thought she was being racist. There was NOTHING racist about that part of the conversation. Nothing. Are people now going around looking to be offended by stuff?

 

[SueInBoston]

I have no idea that watermelon is racist. I think I would've done the same and offered watermelon, it's the 'mother' in me that I'm always offering food to my kids' friends.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don't think this woman is racist. Her offering him watermelon was not racist. I really don't think he thought that was racist. It's FB. I would take it as him trying to be funny. and it all went together with her last line. I think her last line could've went unsaid especially to someone she didn't know. If it were one of my friends stats I would've laughed.

In my group of friends we are multicultural. Black, white, PR, Asian, Central American, South American. Gay, straight, Bi. We are not PC at all. We can be crude. We make stereotypical jokes towards each other. My SO best friend is black. Sometimes he'll come over and my SO will tell him "you should come over. We made fried chicken and watermelon." But he comes right back with it. Again all in fun and only between friends.

 

[fly girl]

It also bothers me that the moment she even offered the watermelon the guy thought she was being racist. There was NOTHING racist about that part of the conversation. Nothing. Are people now going around looking to be offended by stuff?

Remember,

A. She didn't offer it, she only asked if he liked watermelon.

B. He didn't see the Tupperware container.

I'm with you on how everyone is so easily offended these days, but I think in the situation in where he didn't see the container and was not offered but only asked if he liked watermelon it struck him as odd -- and can be construed as racist. He only thought it in his head. He didn't react, just was puzzled. Then the rest of the encounter played out.

At least that's how I read it.

 

[amberpi]

Oh, gotcha! Yeah I have problems with the n word and blatant racial remarks too.

Otoh, my sons had a grandfather that used the n word among other racial names. He was good as gold and would give anyone, regardless of race, the shirt off his back if they needed it but he just used these offensive names. I didnt keep my kids away from him as he truly was a loving grandfather, but they grew up knowing that it was wrong and not it use those words and they don't.

Yeah - I don't think my granddad was that sweet. My grandmother was amazing though and we spent lots of time with her. My poppa was gone a lot and we did see him at Christmas and Thanksgiving some, but it was very limited interaction. The thing I remember the most was him fighting with my dad

 

[PollyannaMom]

It's the comment, not the offer of the food itself, that would have made my eyebrows go up.

In the elevator scenario, I wouldn't have initially assumed the lady offered the watermelon out of racial prejudice. I expect she would have shared it with anyone. But I am pretty confident that the follow-up comment about the other person being an expert was based on a stereotype. I wouldn't have said anything to a stranger (since there was clearly no ill intent) but if it was my grandmother and I witnessed it, I would have told her quietly afterward that "it's no longer considered polite to assume such things."

And no, I don't think we have to stop offering foods that are/were linked to a certain group (racial, cultural, whatever). I'd just make sure to offer it to everyone present, whether of that group or not, and if at all possible, I'd offer the first piece to someone not part of the group that might be sensitive about it.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I didn't know it as a form of racism until this post - I always thought of watermelon as a southern US product, and only found around the northern areas during the 4th of July/hot summer months. But I never associated eating watermelon as a race issue. My very Caucasian family eats watermelon all summer. Every summer event has a hollowed out watermelon full of cut up fruit, and we argue over who is going to bring the fruit, who is going to carve the watermelon, etc. We argue over the seedless vs seeded variety. The natural pink vs the weird yellow.



No, the definition of racism has evolved from the more obvious to the sublime. To be put at a disadvantage because of your race is a form of racism. So, living in certain areas of the USA, where schools are poorly funded, and a minority race is not getting the same educational opportunities as a more affluent majority racial area is a form of racism. There doesn't have to be hate, or intent. It just means a divide based on race.

Here's an article that goes into the history of the stereotype associated with watermelon. It's interesting.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/383529/

 

[marcyleecorgan]

I don't think this woman is racist. Her offering him watermelon was not racist. I really don't think he thought that was racist. It's FB. I would take it as him trying to be funny. and it all went together with her last line. I think her last line could've went unsaid especially to someone she didn't know. If it were one of my friends stats I would've laughed.

In my group of friends we are multicultural. Black, white, PR, Asian, Central American, South American. Gay, straight, Bi. We are not PC at all. We can be crude. We make stereotypical jokes towards each other. My SO best friend is black. Sometimes he'll come over and my SO will tell him "you should come over. We made fried chicken and watermelon." But he comes right back with it. Again all in fun and only between friends.

This, in my life, too. Very lucky to be as experienced and diverse of a life that I have.

But sometimes I will have to stop and politely explain to clueless people in public, why what they just said was inappropriate. 99% of the time, they weren't aware. And the 1% were just trying to get a rise out of me... and succeeded.

 

[asta]

The worst case of ingrained racism I have ever witnessed took place at the grocery here in Nashville. There were three of us at the produce bins, me, an older white woman and a black woman dressed in a suit and heels. Definitely looked like stopping by the grocery on the way home from work, not like a store employee. The older woman asked the black lady if she would mind getting potatoes for her that she could not reach. The older woman then informs her that they would then be going to another area of the store next. The black lady and I exchanged looks of 'can you believe this'. I did not stick around to see how the lady disengaged from being the assumed help of the day.

 

[Hikergirl]

I wish I was on that elevator, I love watermelon! I'm white though, probably wouldn't have offered it to me.

 

[Bilberry]

I'm glad I wasn't in the free watermelon elevator. Not a fan of melons. They don't care for me either.

I had an interesting chat not long ago with a gardner/lawn mower for my parents neighborhood. He's a now proud American citizen that immigrated from Jamaica. Recently in his thick Jamaican accent he began asking me where the pot was. "Where is the pot Bilberry, where is the pot Bilberry?" I couldn't help from laughing. He had no clue why and gave me a look as if I'd gone mad. He was looking for a flowing pot. I'm glad he didn't take my laugh the wrong way. Most everyone treats him well. I know though some older white people have said some terrible racial words to him.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

To be fair, it is not only my definition, it is pretty much "the" definition but if it makes you feel better, go call people racist all day long.

Almost everything one says these days will be considered racist by some segment. In the conversation cited by the OP, I didn't get the racist vibe. The OWW stereotyped likely because she's seen some program or heard some folks say that AA's love watermelon. I took it the same way I would if someone came to Chicago, was in an elevator with me, offered me some pizza and said, "You're probably more of a pizza expert than I am."

 

[luvsJack]

It's the comment, not the offer of the food itself, that would have made my eyebrows go up.

In the elevator scenario, I wouldn't have initially assumed the lady offered the watermelon out of racial prejudice. I expect she would have shared it with anyone. But I am pretty confident that the follow-up comment about the other person being an expert was based on a stereotype. I wouldn't have said anything to a stranger (since there was clearly no ill intent) but if it was my grandmother and I witnessed it, I would have told her quietly afterward that "it's no longer considered polite to assume such things."

And no, I don't think we have to stop offering foods that are/were linked to a certain group (racial, cultural, whatever). I'd just make sure to offer it to everyone present, whether of that group or not, and if at all possible, I'd offer the first piece to someone not part of the group that might be sensitive about it.

But that's just playing into the same stereotype too. You are just trying to hide behind offering to someone else first. No one of any race should have to do that.

If I bring watermelon or fried chicken to work, I offer it to whoever is close by. I would certainly not wait for the person of the "right" race to walk up.

I used chicken in an example of picking up lunch. I usually go out and get lunch for me and my supervisor, who is black. If I am understanding you, I shouldn't suggest going to get chicken?

 

[rastahomie]

Recently in his thick Jamaican accent he began asking me where the pot was. "Where is the pot Bilberry, where is the pot Bilberry?" I couldn't help from laughing.

If he was asking for the kind of pot you [at first, maybe] thought he was asking about, he'd have said "ganja."

 

[Bilberry]

If he was asking for the kind of pot you [at first, maybe] thought he was asking about, he'd have said "ganja."

Possibly, that could have been why he didn't understand. Also too I've been told he is against alcohol drinking and drugs overall, and apparently lets most know about it. With that said he was asking me for a glass of wine the other day. Someone must have told him I was looking to make my own batches of wine in the future. I said absolutely. I don't know why he found it funny but he began to laugh and laugh saying he didn't mean it and never touches the stuff.

 

[PollyannaMom]

But that's just playing into the same stereotype too. You are just trying to hide behind offering to someone else first. No one of any race should have to do that.

If I bring watermelon or fried chicken to work, I offer it to whoever is close by. I would certainly not wait for the person of the "right" race to walk up.

I used chicken in an example of picking up lunch. I usually go out and get lunch for me and my supervisor, who is black. If I am understanding you, I shouldn't suggest going to get chicken?

I think you're misunderstanding me, and maybe we're picturing different scenarios. I don't personally believe that black people like watermelon any more than white people. - I'm white and I've loved it since I was a little kid. My own experience doesn't support the stereotype.

But somewhere along the line, I have heard it was a stereotype, so I am aware that some people might make a big deal out of it. Therefore, if I walk into the breakroom with a tray of watermelon for a pot luck lunch, and there is a black person on my right and a white person on my left, I would probably start on the left to avoid singling out the black person (or just set it on the table for everyone without "announcing" it) because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings or look like that lady in the elevator.

I agree with you that, ideally, we shouldn't have to think about it - and eventually, I'm pretty sure we won't. But I think there is a short transitional period when kind of bending over backwards to avoid a stereotype helps break it down.

And no, I don't see anything wrong with suggesting chicken in your other scenario. You regularly eat lunch together, you've eaten other things already, so I don't think your boss would feel like you were suggesting chicken "for her" at all. I think you're past any danger of hurting her feelings, or of having her judge you as prejudiced. - Im pretty sure she'd just think you're in the mood for chicken.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But somewhere along the line, I have heard it was a stereotype, so I am aware that some people might make a big deal out of it. Therefore, if I walk into the breakroom with a tray of watermelon for a pot luck lunch, and there is a black person on my right and a white person on my left, I would probably start on the left to avoid singling out the black person (or just set it on the table for everyone without "announcing" it) because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings or look like that lady in the elevator.

*No offense meant here at all*

Personally I would just say "Hey does anyone want any watermelon" instead of picking the left or the right, the white person or the black person or not saying anything for fear of offending.

Honestly I find it strange that you would be so concerned with not wanting to single out a person of a certain race instead of just treating them like they are a person. IDK must be me but I don't want to look at someone and say "oh you're black I don't want to offend you by offering you watermelon so instead I'll offer it to the white person first so I don't look like I'm confirming some stereotype". I'd rather just offer watermelon to whoever wants it.

Though yes I have heard of the stereotype.

 

[North of Mouse]

In case you can't tell from his profile pic, "Des" is African American. This happened today.

Not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

Forget any of the racist, or not, issue. Anyone is crazy themselves for eating something from a total stranger. No matter how innocent her offering seemed (and more than likely was) it's not a good practice. Most children (ours was) are taught not to accept "anything" from a stranger unless mom or dad is there and ok's it! This world is too wacky!!