So my MIL called 911 at 5am this morning

[luvsJack]

With elderly people is it not uncommon for them to not "NEED" help and if you approach them that way, they automatically become defensive but if you say "Mom, I know you don't need help, but would you LIKE some help". It makes a HUGE difference in the WHY someone is coming over to help them bathe. "Oh, I don't need the help but my daughter though I might like some help so I'm just being nice to her". HUGE difference in their mind.

How many people here 'need' help with anything????

Placing elderly in assisted living--find one where they know someone if you can. Oh, mom, June lives there and just LOVES that they have Bingo every afternoon and she said that they have this lovely girl that comes in and does your hair every week. I wish my girl would come to my house so I didn't have to go out in the snow to get my hair done. Don't approach it like, mom, you need help and can't take care of yourself any longer.

I can't tell you how many times we have told mom, " I know you don't NEED the help, but it would make me feel better to do this for you". We just turn it around and make her think she is just doing it for us. Works every time.

 

[Magic Mom]

OP, if your mil sat there for 2 hours before calling; it sounds to me like she was trying really hard NOT to frustrate or bother anyone. Maybe everyone in the family needs to back up and not let her know that you are getting frustrated with her. Maybe she feels like she is only being a bother.

It is very frustrating for her too. Getting old and needing help with everything, even something as personal as going to the bathroom, is very, very hard. Regardless of her reasons or what you think she should have done, its really not any easier on her.

How would you feel if you got up in the morning and suddenly could not get yourself off the toilet seat? How would you like having to call your child to remove you from it?

How many people here 'need' help with anything????

Placing elderly in assisted living--find one where they know someone if you can. Oh, mom, June lives there and just LOVES that they have Bingo every afternoon and she said that they have this lovely girl that comes in and does your hair every week. I wish my girl would come to my house so I didn't have to go out in the snow to get my hair done. Don't approach it like, mom, you need help and can't take care of yourself any longer.

Two very thoughtful posts worth seeing again.

 

[KirstenB]

With elderly people is it not uncommon for them to not "NEED" help and if you approach them that way, they automatically become defensive but if you say "Mom, I know you don't need help, but would you LIKE some help". It makes a HUGE difference in the WHY someone is coming over to help them bathe. "Oh, I don't need the help but my daughter though I might like some help so I'm just being nice to her". HUGE difference in their mind.

How many people here 'need' help with anything????

Placing elderly in assisted living--find one where they know someone if you can. Oh, mom, June lives there and just LOVES that they have Bingo every afternoon and she said that they have this lovely girl that comes in and does your hair every week. I wish my girl would come to my house so I didn't have to go out in the snow to get my hair done. Don't approach it like, mom, you need help and can't take care of yourself any longer.

Both my parents and my in-laws are still relatively young. But I'm definitely taking this advice to heart. Very good suggestions!

 

[Drew Sailbum]

...
Maybe a paramedic or first responder can answer this: Why would you only get the police when you call 911? If they don't know the emergency, shouldn't they send paramedics and fire too? And if they know wouldn't they send both paramedics and police?

Each community sets its own policies for which responders must be sent to certain types of calls. When in doubt about what is happening then the police go in first to assess the situation and advise if it is safe for other responding agencies to proceed to the scene.

If a Life Alert Button is pressed and there is absolutley no other information to go on then police should go in first. If the 9-1-1 local agency has some information about health conditions of a patient at that residence then an ambulance may be sent to stand by nearby pending police clearing the scene.

If you have elderly relatives you may want to consider contacting the 9-1-1 call center (PSAP in industry lingo) to ask them to add a note to the record of your relative's phone number. That way if a relative calls 9-1-1 but is unable to speak there would be some information to go on.

Finally, I sent police officers on a call for something similar to the OP's MIL incident. An elderly person simply needed assistance to get up from an awkward position. In this case the police went because the caller specifically did NOT want the ambulance to come. The police officers said they would happily go on calls just like that all day long. It was much nicer to deal with than yet another domestic disturbance. Simple problem and easily solved to the grateful satisfaction of a member of the community whom the police are sworn to protect and serve.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

People usually show you who they are. I've learned to believe them.

 

[hereyago]

I think a few people hear mistake frustraton for lack of compassion. My DM has ALWAYS been a person who wants to be "saved", because she will do something she wasn't supposed to. Someone who never has had to be responsible, who nevers wants anything to do or to help herself.

I will always have compassion for someone, but dang it, they better do things to help themselves, ie take pills, exercise-because if you don't use it you will lose it, you have a button that can send help, then use it.

 

[aprilgail2]

OP do you or you siblings have an extra bedroom that you could use rather than making her move into assisted living?? My mom is 81 and would HATE having to be in a assisted living place or anyplace like that- she is very happy here in the extra bedroom being with family. We have put phones in every room of the house just in case she needs one- and ESPECIALLY one in the bathroom because the one time she really needed help it was because she slipped and fell in the bathtub--good thing she could just reach the phone and call us since we were not home with her at the time!