So my MIL called 911 at 5am this morning

[sparklynails23]

It doesn't sound in the least like the OP was irritated that she got stuck on the toilet.

She is irritated/frustrated that she won't use her medic allert. That she sat for two hours without calling anyone. That by the time she called for help it had escalated to the point she called 911 when she didn't get an immediate answer.

I actually wasn't responding to the OP. That poor old lady lives alone, has a chair lift, had a kidney stone last week (which probably contributed to her long bathroom trip), and is accused of just being "difficult?" Come on. It's time for the family to step in and get grandma some respite care or into an assisted living facility. The high potty is nice, but that doesn't sound like enough.

 

[gonzo76]

She first called her daughter-who lives 2 blocks away-SIL immediately called her back-but got a busy signal. Mil called her back to say nevermind to SIL-because 911 was coming to ........

HELP HER GET OFF THE TOILET!!!!!

She claims she was sitting there 2hours.
Why couldnt't she wait for her Daughter????

She has the Alert thing around her neck-that she refuses to use!!!

When you call 911-the SHERRIFF has to come-they told her again today-DONT CALL 911-use your Alert button



She has NEVER had issues with getting off the toilet before

Maybe because she was on the toilet for 2 hours!!!!

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, I missed the part where the MIL somehow knew that her daughter would IMMEDIATELY call back?

She called daughter. Daughter didn't pick up.

MIL's mistake was in calling 911, instead of the Medic Alert people. However, does Medic Alert have the address programmed in? 911 can do an automatic trace, in case she was mentally out of it, gave the rong address, etc. That is why, since childhood nowadays, children are trained to call 911 instead of the operator.

 

[sparklynails23]

That is clearly not what I was saying. Unfortunately, not all elderly folks who need assistance are sweet, loving, kind people. I was trying to give the OP the benefit of the doubt by speculating that the OP was frustrated with her m-i-l, who might be a difficult person.

That's not to say that the m-i-l did not need assistance and some compassion. But maybe... just maybe... there's more to this story and this relationship than it seems and we shouldn't be passing judgment on the OP for not being "compassionate".

There is the occasional person who escalates the drama and prefers to play the helpless waif. I know folks who prefer to call in the police, rather than wait for a family member to help. That way they can say, "See? My family won't help me!", when in reality, they didn't give the family member a chance to help.

There is more to the story- the mil used her walker to get from the lift chair to her toilet. She had a kidney stone last week and her new medication is making her nauseous.

Why would you assume that an old lady stuck on the toilet for two hours is being a drama queen? That doesn't make sense.

 

[okeydokey]

In which case we all would have had to listen to how her MIL had to call medic-alert in the middle of the night because she was alone and couldn't get off the toilet after having heart surgery and kidney issues.

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

Pretty judgemental post for someone who always posting accusing others of being so judgemental.

 

[Robinrs]

The compassion is heart-warming.
Really it is.

Not surprising on this board, though.

 

[Callie]

When my grandma has used her life alert (being stuck in the tub) I would have much rather her have been ABLE to call 911.

With the life -alert being pressed, they have no clue what the emergency is, and send EVERYONE. They also call the family, and the family doesn't know anything except to expect the worse. I've freaked out the two times it's happened. They say call 911, unless you can't, then use the life alert. So MIL did the right thing

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Not surprising on this board, though.

Nope, sure isn't.

 

[bumbershoot]

There is more to the story- the mil used her walker to get from the lift chair to her toilet. She had a kidney stone last week and her new medication is making her nauseous.

Why would you assume that an old lady stuck on the toilet for two hours is being a drama queen? That doesn't make sense.

If you notice when VillageMama initially posted, it was BEFORE that info was posted by the OP.

 

[arminnie]

Hi gang,
Not sure where you live but here in nyc, we actually tell people that if they can get to a phone to call 911 over pressing thier life alert button.

Thank you!!!

I lived with my dad (87) for the past 10 years. He died just before Christmas. My dad was a big man (250+), and there is no way that my sister and I could lift him. The fire department always sent out 3 burly guys who lifted him up (with great effort) and checked him out when he fell.

We did get him a medic alert button in recent years. Here's the procedure: He would press the button if he was close enough to the intercom he would tell them what was wrong. Either way they would call me or my sister. Then WE would call 911 to come get him up.

Dad moved to a retirement home the last 4 months of his life. They had call buttons - but one morning he fell when getting up from breakfast. They called 911, and sat with him in the floor to comfort him until the officers got there.

In every case that I've been involved with 911 is the final end point. The fire department is very used to making these calls. Most of my friends have elderly parents, and we all know the FD guys pretty well. (Two of the elderly dads are retired fire chiefs also).

I've lived all over the country in big and small towns. This has always been the procedure. Maybe it is different someplace with volunteer help.

911 is your friend not your adversary. I had a friend die at 47 as she didn't call 911 - but tried to drive herself to the nearest fire station to get checked out by a medic. They found her dead outside in the parking lot. Dead people are too often found in the parking lot by the emergency room entrance.

Please don't discourage people from using 911 when there is a real problem.

 

[LisaR]

I have been spending all week calling assisted living places for my MIL. She has the alert button, as well, and never, ever uses it. When I would start to tell the story about her falling and how she has the alert button, every time the person at each assisted living place I was talking to would interrupt me and say, "let me guess, she doesn't use it." They all said those alert things are great in theory but the elderly seem to have some objection to using them.

MIL fell on the ice, managed to drag herself back into the house and spent 2 hours on the floor until she was able to get to the phone and call the neighbor. She ended up with 12 stitches in her head. That is just one of her most recent falls. It is time for assisted living.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

In which case we all would have had to listen to how her MIL had to call medic-alert in the middle of the night because she was alone and couldn't get off the toilet after having heart surgery and kidney issues.

Although I am glad that the OP finally went out and got a handicapped toilet seat for her MIL. Better late than never I always say.

How on earth would they know that she needed one? I wanted to take a bath one time when I was pregnant and I could not get up and dh had to help me. Should we have known ahead of time that there would be a problem and installed a bath bar for me? Not everything is so cut and dry.

 

[auntie]

Hi,

I am a paramedic here in New York and we get called often to assist the elderly of the toilet. It can be a dangerous place with the elderly. If the strain too hard during a bowel movement then can induce dangerously low blood pressure due to something called a vagal response. I have been called too numerous cardiac arrests where we find the patient out in front of the toilet. Your MIL may have felt weak and dizzy and got scared. Give her break and consider a Medical Alert System for the next time.

Rick

Exactly what happened to my 92 year old mother in-law two weeks ago. Luckily, her son was home and was aware she was in the bathroom..and he figured she was in there too long. He found her unconcious..and yes, they called 9-11. Turns out she had as you say a sharp drop in blood pressure..to the point of having suffered what they called a 'mini-stroke". She had some difficulty speaking a first and slight paralysis..but within a day or so had regained full function again. She had no other signs of a real stroke. She was seen by a nuerologist who explain what happened exactly as you describe. While everything turned out fine..she was really scared.

 

[dogluva]

The compassion is heart-warming.
Really it is.

I hope her daughter in law treats her the same way some day.

 

[NikitaZee]

After reading this entire thread, I just don't understand the animosity toward the OP. She's frustrated that her MIL chose to sit on the toilet for 2 hours without pressing her Medic Alert button. That is supposed to mean she lacks compassion?

It's frustrating dealing with elderly relatives who can be stubborn and whose stubborness doesn't help them or the relatives who help care for them. I had issues like that when my 90 year-old grandmother came to live with us. Thank goodness my husband is considerate and understanding, and allowed me to vent when things got difficult. That didn't mean I didn't love her or continue to help care for her. Are we supposed to be saints who never complain or have an impatient thought? Maybe some people on this thread are, but I'm not one of them.

Go ahead and vent, OP - I'm not judging you. I've been there too.

 

[BelleWDW]

Thank You Nikita!

Actually its my SIL who I feel for-she has to deal with most of this stuff-I try to help on my days off with Doctor's appointments,groceries, even taking her to her hair appointments etc.
We love her-and it is frustrating when things like this happen

 

[bumbershoot]

After reading this entire thread, I just don't understand the animosity toward the OP. She's frustrated that her MIL chose to sit on the toilet for 2 hours without pressing her Medic Alert button. That is supposed to mean she lacks compassion?

I agree.



Someone talked about 911 in NYC...the OP said that in her MIL's area, when you call 911, you get police. Obviously 911 calls are handled differently in different areas.

 

[jellyd]

Hey Folks,
Bottom line also is that no first responder be it police, fire or ems should get annoyed at being called for help. It is what we are paid to do. I have been called to some of the strangest calls from helping someone find their pills to being met at the curb by the patient with their suitcase. I always remember that other people have different expectations and life situations. There have been many times when I walk in to find other first responders being less then respectful to my patient only to find out in the ambulance that my patient stormed the beaches in Normandy, suffers from PTSD from 3 tours in Vietnam, or like the woman I had the other day who spent 3 years as a welder for Grumman during WWII making planes for the war effort. If the Sheriff/Police were rude to OP's MIL, a call to their superiors might be in order.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, if your mil sat there for 2 hours before calling; it sounds to me like she was trying really hard NOT to frustrate or bother anyone. Maybe everyone in the family needs to back up and not let her know that you are getting frustrated with her. Maybe she feels like she is only being a bother.

It is very frustrating for her too. Getting old and needing help with everything, even something as personal as going to the bathroom, is very, very hard. Regardless of her reasons or what you think she should have done, its really not any easier on her.

How would you feel if you got up in the morning and suddenly could not get yourself off the toilet seat? How would you like having to call your child to remove you from it?



Maybe a paramedic or first responder can answer this: Why would you only get the police when you call 911? If they don't know the emergency, shouldn't they send paramedics and fire too? And if they know wouldn't they send both paramedics and police?

 

[golfgal]

With elderly people is it not uncommon for them to not "NEED" help and if you approach them that way, they automatically become defensive but if you say "Mom, I know you don't need help, but would you LIKE some help". It makes a HUGE difference in the WHY someone is coming over to help them bathe. "Oh, I don't need the help but my daughter though I might like some help so I'm just being nice to her". HUGE difference in their mind.

How many people here 'need' help with anything????

Placing elderly in assisted living--find one where they know someone if you can. Oh, mom, June lives there and just LOVES that they have Bingo every afternoon and she said that they have this lovely girl that comes in and does your hair every week. I wish my girl would come to my house so I didn't have to go out in the snow to get my hair done. Don't approach it like, mom, you need help and can't take care of yourself any longer.