So I’m in my 50s dating a man in his 70s...

[NYCgrrl]

just found out his age today. I don’t know if it bothers me or not. He certainly doesn’t act or look that old. Looks and acts more like mid 60s or younger.

Anyone else been in a relationship with this age range?

I'm in my early .......mumble mumble years (ask my children-they'll gladly tell you my exact birth year; just barbarians and I've nooo idea where they came from) and the man is..13 years older than me. I still call him my blue haired blonde eyed pool boy although DGD says his eyes are blue; since they are actually brown told her that was just glaucoma he hasn't gotten around to fixing. Oops.
Once you get to a certain point in life its all just a number.
I'm the one with the money so I'm just doing my part for America's elderly.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

I've had friends go through this, and though only you can follow your path, I would be wary. While you both may care for each other greatly, logically it's almost a given that at some very near point in the future you're going to transition from spouse to caregiver.

Watching a vibrant loving couple deal with sudden illness, incapacitation, and death was heartbreaking. The older one was fine – until he wasn't. Go in with your eyes open, I guess...

 

[cinnaminny]

I've had friends go through this, and though only you can follow your path, I would be wary. While you both may care for each other greatly, logically it's almost a given that at some very near point in the future you're going to transition from spouse to caregiver.

Watching a vibrant loving couple deal with sudden illness, incapacitation, and death was heartbreaking. The older one was fine – until he wasn't. Go in with your eyes open, I guess...

Well said!

 

[dish rag]

I've had friends go through this, and though only you can follow your path, I would be wary. While you both may care for each other greatly, logically it's almost a given that at some very near point in the future you're going to transition from spouse to caregiver.

Watching a vibrant loving couple deal with sudden illness, incapacitation, and death was heartbreaking. The older one was fine – until he wasn't. Go in with your eyes open, I guess...

And that's what very connected people do for each other without hesitation. It wouldn't be thought of as an inconvenience.

 

[Imzadi]

Well I’m 56 and he is 73. We have fun together and he says he wants to spoil me. I’m all for that, lol.

As far as money, I’m not sure. He is renting a place now, says he wants to buy a house. But he has lots of toys, trucks, motorcycle, boats and owns land on an inland waterway.

It may be a problem later on if he suddenly becomes ill & infirmed and you have to be his caretaker/nurse years before you want to do that, while you are still young, healthy & energetic enough to be out doing many things and he can no longer do them. That would be something to think about. As a PP said, it depends on why you two are together. If doing activities is really important to you and that is part of the core of your relationship, you have to come to terms with the possibility that may end, sooner than if you are with someone younger.

But, of course, someone can become ill at any age or get into accidents. You mentioned his mother is close to 90. Queen Elizabeth is 90 and she doesn't look to be leaving this planet any time soon. The Queen Mother died at 101. So good genetics does play a part.

And he’s a good kisser

There you go! You have what counts.

 

[Imzadi]

I've had friends go through this, and though only you can follow your path, I would be wary. While you both may care for each other greatly, logically it's almost a given that at some very near point in the future you're going to transition from spouse to caregiver.

Watching a vibrant loving couple deal with sudden illness, incapacitation, and death was heartbreaking. The older one was fine – until he wasn't. Go in with your eyes open, I guess...

Yes, I should have read page 2 of this thread. Just what I was saying.

 

[Imzadi]

And that's what very connected people do for each other without hesitation. It wouldn't be thought of as an inconvenience.

Ideally and in theory that is how it's supposed to go. But, the reality is that not everyone is cut out of caretaking material. Real relationships are more layered and complex. Some would like to put it off as long as possible. (Although there are no guarantees.) If the OP is not too far into the relationship to be that deeply connected, it is something to consider.

I would never ever, ever be with someone who smokes. Having witnessed a loved one go through end stage lung cancer and all the ravaging illnesses leading up to that, I, in no way, will go through that again, with a spouse.

 

[firecracker725]

Ok I'll play the other side... my MIL married a much older man who, at the time they married, was extremely active and energetic. Fast forward twenty years...he requires round the clock care for Parkinson's and a host of other issues while she's in the prime of her life. She can't even make plans to travel to see her grandchildren without arranging expensive home health aides to stay with him overnight. She loves him, but it would be disingenuous to say she's not burdened by the care he requires.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I don’t think I could date someone that much older then me. But do you.

 

[tvguy]

Well I’m 56 and he is 73. We have fun together and he says he wants to spoil me. I’m all for that, lol.

As far as money, I’m not sure. He is renting a place now, says he wants to buy a house. But he has lots of toys, trucks, motorcycle, boats and owns land on an inland waterway.

I do think a little about the future. His mother is close to 90. He looks younger and acts much younger. He’s very active. Loves to fish, it’s all he wanted to talk about today when we went to see his property on the water. But he’s not one of these guys who dyes his hair and works out.

And he’s a good kisser

So only 17 years age difference. As I have posted before, I don't start wondering about an age difference until it is over 20 years. My parents were 13 years apart, and in some people's view, got married late in life, mom was 27, dad was 40.
I'll be honest, I'm more interested in his mom not even being 90 yet and having a 73 year old child!

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Just have fun. You go girl!

 

[dish rag]

Ideally and in theory that is how it's supposed to go. But, the reality is that not everyone is cut out of caretaking material. Real relationships are more layered and complex. Some would like to put it off as long as possible. (Although there are no guarantees.) If the OP is not too far into the relationship to be that deeply connected, it is something to consider.

I would never ever, ever be with someone who smokes. Having witnessed a loved one go through end stage lung cancer and all the ravaging illnesses leading up to that, I, in no way, will go through that again, with a spouse.

Yes I couldn't take smoking either.

 

[ariel71]

And that's what very connected people do for each other without hesitation. It wouldn't be thought of as an inconvenience.

Caretaker burnout is a real thing, and it's only natural that there can be some level of resentment no matter how "connected" they are. A statement like this adds to the guilt that if the caretaker just loved the partner more, s/he wouldn't have those feelings when instead they're normal. It doesn't even have to be in a caretaker capacity, just that one partner is limited because of the other's health or abilities. OP would be doing herself a disservice to not consider very real future possibilities instead of just the now; it's not like this is an established relationship she can't walk away from without heartbreak.

 

[dish rag]

Caretaker burnout is a real thing, and it's only natural that there can be some level of resentment no matter how "connected" they are. A statement like this adds to the guilt that if the caretaker just loved the partner more, s/he wouldn't have those feelings when instead they're normal. It doesn't even have to be in a caretaker capacity, just that one partner is limited because of the other's health or abilities. OP would be doing herself a disservice to not consider very real future possibilities instead of just the now; it's not like this is an established relationship she can't walk away from without heartbreak.

If it were a real connection, and those are extremely rare, she would not be able to walk away, no matter what. Very few people can understand this, or even know about it.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Ok I'll play the other side... my MIL married a much older man who, at the time they married, was extremely active and energetic. Fast forward twenty years.

Were the OP and her gentleman friend to find themselves in that situation - he'd be in his early nineties, and she'd be well into her seventies.

 

[Hikergirl]

Well I’m 56 and he is 73. We have fun together and he says he wants to spoil me. I’m all for that, lol.

As far as money, I’m not sure. He is renting a place now, says he wants to buy a house. But he has lots of toys, trucks, motorcycle, boats and owns land on an inland waterway.

I do think a little about the future. His mother is close to 90. He looks younger and acts much younger. He’s very active. Loves to fish, it’s all he wanted to talk about today when we went to see his property on the water. But he’s not one of these guys who dyes his hair and works out.

And he’s a good kisser

You get one life, do what makes you happy.
If you enjoyed his company and his kisses before you knew is age then what is the difference now? It sounds like you two have a good thing going

 

[Kitty 34]

Well I’m 56 and he is 73. We have fun together and he says he wants to spoil me. I’m all for that, lol.

As far as money, I’m not sure. He is renting a place now, says he wants to buy a house. But he has lots of toys, trucks, motorcycle, boats and owns land on an inland waterway.

I do think a little about the future. His mother is close to 90. He looks younger and acts much younger. He’s very active. Loves to fish, it’s all he wanted to talk about today when we went to see his property on the water. But he’s not one of these guys who dyes his hair and works out.

And he’s a good kisser

Go for it then!!

 

[Floridaman999]

I had to google it lol

Considering this was a thread about age, a sport was not the first thing that came to my mind either. Google is my friend.

 

[mummabear]

Caretaker burnout is a real thing, and it's only natural that there can be some level of resentment no matter how "connected" they are. A statement like this adds to the guilt that if the caretaker just loved the partner more, s/he wouldn't have those feelings when instead they're normal. It doesn't even have to be in a caretaker capacity, just that one partner is limited because of the other's health or abilities. OP would be doing herself a disservice to not consider very real future possibilities instead of just the now; it's not like this is an established relationship she can't walk away from without heartbreak.

And I also think it happening in a shorter time frame in the relationship will matter, bei g a caretaker for someone you have been with for 30 years is hard, but someone you have been with 5 years...

 

[Carey_B]

I'm 32 and my partner is about to turn 45...
I think as long as you're on the same wavelength with most things the age difference doesn't cause much of an issue
Being younger I think our issues come more out of me being at the age where I may want to start a family, whereas he's already done it twice