So, Do You Think I'm a Prude/Being Unreasonable?

[LiberalPrincess]

That doesn't have anything to do with your family being "more reasonable," it has to do with differing beliefs.

Actually, no, it has to do with being more reasonable and accepting that not everyone has to follow your personal beliefs. My mom doesn't drink at all, yet does not insist that no one in her house be allowed to. Just as she goes to Church every Sunday, yet would never insist that others staying in her house follow her lead.

 

[dislaney]

I think you get to make the rules at your house. If he doesn't want to follow them he can move elsewhere.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, of course it is reasonable to think that a 34 year old man has every right to have relationships with woman, which would include spending the night/living together.

BUT NOT IN SOMEBODY ELSES HOME!!!!!
NOT WITHOUT HAVING DISCUSSED IT FIRST.

I think it is also reasonable to think that a 34 year old male would be able to make his own way.

This is not his home, just by virtue that the OP is his parent.
He is well past that.

He is way out of line, and is behaving like a teenager who will play while mommy and daddy are away.... (which is also evidenced by his current financial/personal situation, having to move back in with mommy and daddy)

He is wrong... To think that just because he is 34 he can do as he pleases is just off base.

PS: I ALSO FULLY AGREE WITH MYSTERY MACHINE, ABOVE.
THIS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MOTHER AND SON DOES SOUND 'ODD' (codependent).

 

[LisaInNc]

Your house your rules. You might be a prude in his eyes but it's your right.

Lisa

 

[luvmy3]

I think he was wrong and it was rude of him to have his g/f stay overnight. I think you should talk to him (if you haven't already done so), and make sure that he knows that, going forward, as long as he's living in your house, he is not to have any o/n guests. If he doesn't want to abide by this, then definitely it's time for him to get his own place. At that point, I'd let it go.

I couldn't imagine telling my 34 year old they weren't allowed to have any overnight guests.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't really have an opinion other than I'm confused if the OP is more upset about the house not being clean enough for visitors or if the OP is upset about not knowing the girl that spent the night of that a girl spent the night.

I understand and agree with following the beliefs of the household. I just have to wonder what this girl thinks practically sneaking into a house when the parents are gone. I can see someone doing that at age 16 not so much at age 34.

 

[Mandychelle79]

That doesn't have anything to do with your family being "more reasonable," it has to do with differing beliefs.

Right, different beliefs.

Inlaws believed that since DH still lived at home he was a child and was treated as such.

My parents believed that even though I still lived at home I was an adult and treated as such.

Never said they were being more reasonable.

 

[NMAmy]

Your house, your rules.

Same way with my husband and his family. I had to sleep in a different bed if I stayed over. I thought it was ridiculous then and still think its ridiculous now. Rules I feel need to be adjusted due to ages. My parents are a little more liberal in their thinking. I had male friends stay over from the time I was 16 or so. They slept on the couch, I slept in my room. When I moved home from college they figured I was able to share a bed with man in college, so if I had a boyfriend stay it wasnt a big deal.

That doesn't have anything to do with your family being "more reasonable," it has to do with differing beliefs.

The poster you quoted did not use the phrase "more reasonable" anywhere in her post. I'm not sure what your post is supposed to mean.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

My vote is for yes, you're being unreasonable. He's a 34 year old man, he's entitled to a life. If you don't want him living with you, that's another situation, but who cares if he brings a woman over to a place you are letting him stay?

ETA: Especially if you forced him to move in with you and share cars.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I couldn't imagine telling my 34 year old they weren't allowed to have any overnight guests.

WOW....
First, that is not exactly the OP's position.
This is the OP's home, and she has yet to even meet this woman.

And, I could never, ever, imagine a 34 year old adult that feels they have the right to live, and bring anybody they want, into my home.

This is simply not a 'room-mate' situation.
This is a temporary situation with a grown man living in somebody's home for free.

If neither he, nor his girlfriend, currently even have their own roof over their head at that age...

 

[tnmt]

Her house is not a motel and shouldn't be treated as one. If he wants friends over then GET HIS OWN PLACE. I think you messed up in letting him move in with you to begin with. When he was driving truck for a living what was he doing with his money? Why didn't he have any saved then? I think he is a sponge and not acting like an adult at all. I would be mad he had her overnight also, but then again he wouldn't be living with me at all to begin with. At 34 years old you would think he would have some type of vehicle by now. Driving truck he lived with you when he was home so he didn't have rent or household expenses.... where is that money? How many months has he been living with you? He is blowing his money on his girlfriend instead of saving, well time to move on then to his own place or the homeless shelter.

 

[bicker]

I see it as a very easy decision: Do you object to premarital sex so much that you don't feel a 34 year old should ever engage in it? If yes, then "your house your rules" makes sense. If no - in other words, if you are okay with these two consenting adults having sex somewhere else, then it is unreasonable to agree to have your 34 year old son live in your home and impose rules on him as if he were a minor.

AFAIC, you should treat your beloved son at least as well as you would treat a paying tenant who was nothing but a stranger.

This is simply not a 'room-mate' situation. This is a temporary situation with a grown man living in somebody's home for free.

Presumably, he's living there for free because his parents love him.

 

[disykat]

Right, different beliefs.

Inlaws believed that since DH still lived at home he was a child and was treated as such.

My parents believed that even though I still lived at home I was an adult and treated as such.

Never said they were being more reasonable.

Your words are telling me you think it was "more reasonable." People have different beliefs in what is acceptable in their home. For your parents, age played into that. For many people age is not a part of the "who sleeps with who" (quotation marks meant to separate out the words I'm emphasizing - I'm not trying to quote you) equation - marital status or relationship status is.

The poster you quoted did not use the phrase "more reasonable" anywhere in her post. I'm not sure what your post is supposed to mean.

I didn't mean to directly quote the poster, I was addressing an implication she made. Her above post tells me I was right with that implication. I put "more reasonable" in quotes to emphasize it. Sorry for the misunderstanding - I'll try to find some way other than quotation marks to make my points!

 

[LiberalPrincess]

Actually, since we know he has kids, the question is was he married? If so, it is post-marital sex. Problem solved!

 

[Wishing on a star]

My vote is for yes, you're being unreasonable. He's a 34 year old man, he's entitled to a life. If you don't want him living with you, that's another situation, but who cares if he brings a woman over to a place you are letting him stay?

ETA: Especially if you forced him to move in with you and share cars.

WOW, just unbelievable!!!
She did not FORCE him to do anything...
I doubt anybody had a gun to their head.
He is a 34 year old man. He is making his own decisions.

And, no, an adult is NOT 'entitled' to a 'life', in somebody elses home, at their expense.

IMHO, he would now be 'entitled' go secure another place to live ASAP!!!!

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Actually, since we know he has kids, the question is was he married? If so, it is post-marital sex. Problem solved!

I don't know why it would matter if it were pre- or post-marital sex. Sex is a good thing.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

WOW, just unbelievable!!!
She did not FORCE him to do anything...
I doubt anybody had a gun to their head.
He is a 34 year old man. He is making his own decisions.

And, no, an adult is NOT 'entitled' to a 'life', in somebody elses home, at their expense.

IMHO, he would now be 'entitled' go secure another place to live ASAP!!!!

From page 3:

The OP insisted that he stay there to save money. Insisted that he drive her car until he could buy a decent one.

 

[disykat]

ETA: Especially if you forced him to move in with you and share cars.

That's just funny! Seriously?

The OP is doing her son a HUGE favor by trying to help him through a rough patch. The least he can do is be respectful of her home.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

WOW, just unbelievable!!!
She did not FORCE him to do anything...
I doubt anybody had a gun to their head.
He is a 34 year old man. He is making his own decisions.

And, no, an adult is NOT 'entitled' to a 'life', in somebody elses home, at their expense.

IMHO, he would now be 'entitled' go secure another place to live ASAP!!!!

Darn, my husband bought our house and pays the bulk of our bills. I guess I am not entitled to a life. Thanks for letting me know!

 

[Mandychelle79]

I didn't mean to directly quote the poster, I was addressing an implication she made. Her above post tells me I was right with that implication. I put "more reasonable" in quotes to emphasize it. Sorry for the misunderstanding - I'll try to find some way other than quotation marks to make my points!

Still not sure how treating an adult like an adult is being more reasonable.