So, Do You Think I'm a Prude/Being Unreasonable?

[NHdisneylover]

When one is staying at someone's house, one follows the rules of the house. The "someone" happening to be one's parents doesn't change that.

I wonder how different the reaction would be if the OP had posted "My adult son is living with me and smoked inthe house and we don't allow smoking, what should I do?".

Smoking actually causes damage to the home and furnishings. The smoke will seep into surfaces and the smell/damage remains long after the activity is over with. The same is not true for a girlfriend spending the night. The other key point is you say "we don't allow smoking" in this example. From the OP the son was not allow that overnight guests were not allowed (and it is unclear that they are truly not allowed, OP has waffled even in this thread about if no women are allowed, no strangers--to her--, no one if she has not had time to clean--why is the son not cleaning?, etc.).

I wouldn't call a woman my son was dating (when he gets to the dating age) and sleeping with a stranger, even if I've never met her.

A stranger is someone you know nothing about. Even if I've never met the person, if my son thinks she's a decent person, I automatically know enough about her to know she's a decent person, because I trust his judgement.

I agree--the girl was a stranger to OP but not to her son. I would trust my son's judgement, but I also read enough about OPs son to understand why she might not trust his. However, if that is the case then she needs to lay the groundrule ahead of time that visitors cannot be at the home when she is not there until she has met them enough times to feel she knows them and gives the okay.





OP--I do hope you will answer this because i am truly very curious and I do think it will help you clarify what you real issue is as well (judging by your posts I think you are not suer why you reacted as you did):

Would you (or have you) allow a friend or relative and that friend or relatives SO--when they couple is not married, to visit you overnight and then you placed them in the same room? We have had that situation in our home many times. We have friends who live together but are not married and when they visit I do not split them up. I don't make my fatehr sleep in a different room than his girlfriend when they come (I try not to think about it, but that is a whole otehr ball of wax). DSiL also visited often with her now husband whom she dated for 20 years--of course we did not break them up either. Anyway, if you have not drawn that line for others visiting your home then I think you need to reevalute your stance as you lose all moral ground at that point. But maybe you HAVE always drawn that line. IF you have and IF your son has been informed of this repeatedly growing up THEN I can see that you might assume that he would already know this rule, but otherwise I maintain he needs to be informed of the rule before getting upset with him for breaking it.

 

[cm8]

I agree- Your house, your rules. I would also have a problem with him bringing someone into MY house that I didn't know when I wasn't there.

 

[DeniseinNS]

your house, your rules. If he does like it he should find his own place where he can make the rules.

 

[Teacher03]

your house, your rules. If he does like it he should find his own place where he can make the rules.

I agree. My son (24) was thinking of moving back home. My DH and I told him the rules (such as no overnight guests without our permission, etc.), and he quickly found his own apartment. He wasn't angry, he understood, but thought it would be better to try living on his own to avoid conflict.