So, Do You Think I'm a Prude/Being Unreasonable?

[Scurvy]

I am closer to his age than yours and I feel you are being completely reasonable. It is your house. He can respect your rules or find someplace where he can make the rules. Whether it's a girlfriend or just a friend, he shouldn't be bringing someone into your home for the night without your permission. Even roommates who are both on the lease often make house rules that prohibit both of them from having overnight guests. You aren't his roommate, you're his parent and you own the home, which means he doesn't even get a vote about this. Your house, your rules.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I guess I don't get it. Is the problem that he had anyone over, or the fact it was a girlfriend that slept over? If they did whatever they did, and then she went home before midnight, would that be ok? What if he had guys over to watch a game that the OP didn't know, would that be wrong as well? I guess the prude issue comes in with what you actually object to. If you don't want anyone in your house you don't know, that is one thing (a bit controlling, but not prude). However, if it is a matter of sleeping in the same bed as his girlfriend, that is another issue all together.

 

[NotUrsula]

I guess to me it depends on whether or not you consider him a household member or a houseguest. IMO, an adult household member is within his rights to invite over anyone he pleases, particularly when there is no one else at home, but a houseguest would not be.

If you consider him a household member and not a guest, then it is best to look at him not as your child, but as your roommate.

I think that it would have been courteous of him to introduce her and to let you know that she would be there, but if it is really his house, too, then at his age he doesn't need your permission.

 

[C.Ann]

Nope.. Your house, your rules - regardless of the age or relationship.. I'm sure you would have been just as upset if it were your 34 yr. old brother who was living there and did the same thing without getting your permission..

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Your house, your rules.

I live with my dad. I live by what rules he gives me. If I don't, then I understand that I can find somewhere else to live.
And I'm older than your son.

 

[PrincessBelle09]

I think that he should have had the decency to introduce her to you sometime before and ask because it is your house. However, he is 34 and has his own kids, so at the point, it is not your job to get upset about him having an overnight female guest. The problem should be his not asking permission to have a guest of any sort at your home.

 

[Green Tea]

It is your house, so your rules.

But , your son is 34 years old. It isn't surprising he has women for overnights. Maybe surprising he does that while still living at home though. I would have mentioned it to him that you wished you'd known so you could clean up better or whatever---but I would not have made a moral judgment on a 34 year old man.

 

[punkin]

Your house-your rules, no matter how inane they are.

Your son really should have his own place at 34, then he can do whatever he likes without your permission. As long as he is sponging off you, he should respect your rules.

Now, I don't agree with your rules at all, and if my parents expected me to have no sex life at 34, I would move out, which is what your son should do ASAP.

 

[NHdisneylover]

weird double post--see below. sorry.

 

[kamik86]

I haven't read the whole thread but my first thought... is he paying you anything for Rent?

If so I kind of feel that it is his house too and he should be able to invite someone over, now if you want him to let you know when someone will be staying that is reasonable to ask (because no one shoud have to wonder if someone else is in there house lol).

However if he isn't paying rent I'm not sure how much right he has to complain. I would still allow him to haev people over though I mean he is an adult.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I haven't read the whole thread but my first thought... is he paying you anything for Rent?

If so I kind of feel that it is his house too and he should be able to invite someone over, now if you want him to let you know when someone will be staying that is reasonable to ask (because no one shoud have to wonder if someone else is in there house lol).

However if he isn't paying rent I'm not sure how much right he has to complain. I would still allow him to haev people over though I mean he is an adult.

The OP insisted that he stay there to save money. Insisted that he drive her car until he could buy a decent one.

The relationship of the mom/son is odd to begin with.

I know she wants the best for him and is trying to help out. At the same time she wants him to behave like a teen with her rules with control.

The lines are blurry and confusing.

 

[NHdisneylover]

While I would not have that rule myself--and think it is rather silly to impose on a full grown man with children, I also think you have every right to make the rules and enforce them. That said, I think you were TOTALLY out of line to be angry with him for breaking a "rule" you had not told him about. I think it is reasonable that he assumed that as an adult--when you were out of town so noone else in the home would be bothered--that he could have any house guest he wanted. If you want to impose such rules on him you need to spell them out in advance and not count on him reading your mind. Have you otherwise reimposed all teen rules on him (curfew, no drinking or smoking, or whatever else)? Unless you can say yes to taht I really do not think he should have been expected to anticipate this (BTW--I do remember a couple of your prior threads and generally I think your son takes advantage of your hospitality so I am actually biased in your direction and still feel this way).

As a pp asked, I also wonder if you would be equally upset if a male friend you have never met had spent the night. As far as the cleanliness of the house is concerned, he is an adult, he should clean before guests come (and should be cleaning up after himself AND his kids anyway) so that in no way reflects on you.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Your house, your rules.

Same way with my husband and his family. I had to sleep in a different bed if I stayed over. I thought it was ridiculous then and still think its ridiculous now. Rules I feel need to be adjusted due to ages. My parents are a little more liberal in their thinking. I had male friends stay over from the time I was 16 or so. They slept on the couch, I slept in my room. When I moved home from college they figured I was able to share a bed with man in college, so if I had a boyfriend stay it wasnt a big deal.

 

[luvmy3]

I guess to me it depends on whether or not you consider him a household member or a houseguest. IMO, an adult household member is within his rights to invite over anyone he pleases, particularly when there is no one else at home, but a houseguest would not be.

If you consider him a household member and not a guest, then it is best to look at him not as your child, but as your roommate.

I think that it would have been courteous of him to introduce her and to let you know that she would be there, but if it is really his house, too, then at his age he doesn't need your permission.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Your house, your rules.

 

[disykat]

You are not unreasonable and he was totally disrespectful. He knew darn well you wouldn't want a girl sleeping there and thumbed his nose at all the support you've been giving him by having her do so.

I would expect ANYONE living in my home to be respectful of my beliefs. How old they are has nothing to do with it. Unless he's paid half the mortgage, the idea that this is his house too and he can do whatever he wants is ridiculous.

 

[Luvchefmic]

The OP insisted that he stay there to save money. Insisted that he drive her car until he could buy a decent one.

The relationship of the mom/son is odd to begin with.

I know she wants the best for him and is trying to help out. At the same time she wants him to behave like a teen with her rules with control.

The lines are blurry and confusing.

See now with that info my reaction is if her DS moved in and took up the offer of the car (all at her insistence although I'm sure she didn't have to twist his arm too hard) then he has already accepted being treated like a teen and then has to behave the way she wants in her house. He can't have it both ways .

 

[mumom95]

Your house, your rules

But I do think you are being unreasonable.

 

[disykat]

Your house, your rules.

Same way with my husband and his family. I had to sleep in a different bed if I stayed over. I thought it was ridiculous then and still think its ridiculous now. Rules I feel need to be adjusted due to ages. My parents are a little more liberal in their thinking. I had male friends stay over from the time I was 16 or so. They slept on the couch, I slept in my room. When I moved home from college they figured I was able to share a bed with man in college, so if I had a boyfriend stay it wasnt a big deal.

That doesn't have anything to do with your family being "more reasonable," it has to do with differing beliefs.

 

[ols386]

I think he was wrong and it was rude of him to have his g/f stay overnight. I think you should talk to him (if you haven't already done so), and make sure that he knows that, going forward, as long as he's living in your house, he is not to have any o/n guests. If he doesn't want to abide by this, then definitely it's time for him to get his own place. At that point, I'd let it go.