Small rant about futuer family!

[c_sunnyday]

So we decided on a date and I called my mom to make sure hers and my sister's schedules would allow it and they are perfectly fine with it (they live 500 miles away so they are super important!) My fiance got a call from his mom who lives in Florida saying the date and day we picked in September is stupid and nobody will come because people have already taken their vacations. My family (all 3 of them!) is willing to fulfill the entire Wishes room requirement because his family refuses to stay in Disney! Geeez this is what causes couples to break it off!!!!!! AAARRRGGG

 

[pklein09]

DH and I decided 17+ years ago when we were planning our wedding (he's Jewish, I'm Catholic), that if you could survive the planning phase marriage was a breeze. So far, the wedding planning has been the most stressful part of our lives. We've had 4 kids, moved twice, and DH was laid off once. The wedding planning was the worst because you're so afraid of offending anyone.

Remember, at the end of the day, you and your fiance are the ones making the decisions for the most magical and important day of your lives. Everyone else will show up despite all the grumblings.

Keep your chin up. It will all work out.

 

[soulmates]

So we decided on a date and I called my mom to make sure hers and my sister's schedules would allow it and they are perfectly fine with it (they live 500 miles away so they are super important!) My fiance got a call from his mom who lives in Florida saying the date and day we picked in September is stupid and nobody will come because people have already taken their vacations. My family (all 3 of them!) is willing to fulfill the entire Wishes room requirement because his family refuses to stay in Disney! Geeez this is what causes couples to break it off!!!!!! AAARRRGGG

Unfortunatly, that is what your marrying into. Keep your chin up and vent to us and your family, not DF. Planning weddings can be VERY stressful. I just went thru this with my son. He got married in June. There were several times I really had to hold my tongue when it came to her family. In the end, I chose to keep the peace, because I love my son. I'm sorry for him, I really am. So many times we forget the groom and focus on the bride. But there is nothing worse, than a ton of people who show up for the bride, and the poor groom has nobody. I hope it works out and they change their minds!! Hang in there sweetie!

 

[aduck126]

Tell them to stay home if they don't like it. Don't worry about the family, if you have a day that you want then stick to it. They will get over it. I'm getting married there in January and both our families are in wisconsin and Illinois and they were all super pissed about having to fly out in the middle of winter right after christmas but in the end it is my decision.

You should do an escape package so you don't have to fill the room block.

 

[pghloveswdw512]

I have to agree with everyone on this. We had some issues (on both sides now) about various things, and I had someone recently tell me that weddings are awful, but marriage is awesome. That has become my mantra through all of this. I just keep trying to remember that this is supposed to be about my marriage to DF, not one day of everyone's life. If people can't recognize that, they don't deserve a say in the planning and they shouldn't go. You'll be fine!

 

[c_sunnyday]

Haha I was so frustrated earlier that I couldn't even spell future! We talked about an escape wedding for the mere fact that both mothers couldn't get involved but by the time we figured out all the upgrades for the escape it comes out to the wishes price sooooo....I knew this would happen if we did that, I just wasn't aware to when it would start.....

 

[pklein09]

MIL started in on me hours after I got my engagement ring....and hasn't let up since..... I now view her as entertainment...her antics are amusing if you can shift your perspective....it helps keep me sane.

 

[DansBride2009]

OP, I feel for you. I feel so bad for my fiance because there aren't many people there from his side but at least 20 from my side. His grandmother isn't even going !! I couldn't believe that one. His mom died and his twin brother died, and Disney World was their favorite place (it's mine too !) and that's part of the reason I think they're not going. And they have money too, so that's not a reason.

So I def feel for you. The best thing is, as one other poster said, to keep the peace and just move on(since we did, my father in law paid for the wedding!!); better things will come out of it that way. Enjoy being with your family as we have, and if they don't want to go they just don't want to go, and they'll be sorry when they realize they missed out. They always are.

 

[msmayor]

So we decided on a date and I called my mom to make sure hers and my sister's schedules would allow it and they are perfectly fine with it (they live 500 miles away so they are super important!) My fiance got a call from his mom who lives in Florida saying the date and day we picked in September is stupid and nobody will come because people have already taken their vacations. My family (all 3 of them!) is willing to fulfill the entire Wishes room requirement because his family refuses to stay in Disney! Geeez this is what causes couples to break it off!!!!!! AAARRRGGG

Just curious here...you say you called your mom and sister to check their schedules but don't mention whether you checked with your fiance's family...only that you got a call from them saying the date wouldn't work. If you only checked with your family on a date and then just told your fiance's family when it would be, then I can sort of understand why your fiance's family might be upset...you'd be showing preference to YOUR family over his.

 

[c_sunnyday]

We called my family first to make sure that would be okay (or even the whole week would be okay in case we have to change the date) then called his mom and said that this is what we are looking at and she said it's a stupid idea-I'm afraid that if we don't go with what she wants that she won't show up-she wants it in December and that's the absolute worst time of year for my mom and sister (they work in the performing arts). His sister would be out of school then, and his brother has no idea what he will be doing but the labor day weekend most people have off so that's why we are looking at that time!!!! Sorry don't mind me....

 

[Emimy]

I know how you feel

FMIL very rudely announced at our engagement party that she would not be coming to our wedding and neither would DF's dad or sister. We are only having an Escape wedding and DF is not close to anyone else in his family, so there will be nobody there on his side on our big day.

I think engagements must make some mothers like this!

I don't really have any advice for you because I'm still seething over what my FMIL did... I just wanted to let you know you're not alone!!

 

[hoosiergirl7]

That stinks but remember it's about you and your fiance - not about any of your family. Yes, when you marry each other you get the families too but it's your marriage, not theirs. When we got married way back when, we didn't discuss dates with anyone. Granted we also didn't get married in Disney because we couldn't afford it and the getting married at Disney was something very new. We picked the date and told the families this is what it was.

Long weekends are some of the best times of the year to get married because it allows more people the opportunity to travel knowing they have that extra day/days off work.

 

[msmayor]

We called my family first to make sure that would be okay (or even the whole week would be okay in case we have to change the date) then called his mom and said that this is what we are looking at and she said it's a stupid idea-I'm afraid that if we don't go with what she wants that she won't show up-she wants it in December and that's the absolute worst time of year for my mom and sister (they work in the performing arts). His sister would be out of school then, and his brother has no idea what he will be doing but the labor day weekend most people have off so that's why we are looking at that time!!!! Sorry don't mind me....

OK...its certainly not always possible to please everyone.

Perhaps a discussion that asks for their 'second' choice timeframe, explaining that the December timeframe is the most unworkable for your family. Stress that you're trying to find the time that can work for both families, and attempt to work within that.

Yes, I realize the whole "its our day and we'll do what we want". There's nothing wrong with taking that approach...but only if you then realize and understand that there WILL be folks who can't/won't change their schedule...and you then really shouldn't be disappointed/angry/upset that close family members aren't willing to change their schedule to suit your needs. After all, by specifically choosing what YOU want you are, in fact, doing the exact same thing...not willing to change the schedule to suit the needs of someone else.

I say that not to be snarky or rude, just to be realistic. If you are not flexible, don't expect your family to be either. It may be a wedding but it is an event that entails others to spend THEIR hard-earned dollars and vacation time to attend.

 

[pezaddict231]

You can't please everyone and while it's good to try to be accommodating, for example we picked August since everyone will be out of school at that time, you still need to do what is best for you and DF. Also December is the most expensive time to go to Disney, so if it's just to accommodate a whim of DF's mother, I wouldn't change it.

Is there a reason she can't come in September or is it just because she doesn't like it? I'm sure you plan to tell people about the wedding and give them enough notice so that they can plan their vacation accordingly if they want to come. Yes, there will be people that can't or won't change their schedules, but if it's important for them to be there, they will be.

 

[Wish on a Star]

I will not meet my inlaws until the night before my wedding! It was making me nervous, but now I am thinking maybe it's a good thing!

 

[lfama]

I hear ya! My FMIL is one of those, too. She gave us all kinds of problems at first. You kind of have to just ignore it, or have your DF discuss any issues with his family. DF spoke to his mom and put his foot down about some things and we're all good now. (Well, for now)!

 

[Sweetsus]

I think there's a lot of us in similar situations. I have never and will never be fully accepted by my FMIL and my FSIL. In fact things were so bad that DF and I have only started talking to FSIL and her DF in the past couple of weeks after an argument in April last year! I can only sympathise as I know exactly what everyone is going through. We get on ok but will never truly be a close family. Just remember you are marrying your fiance and not his family - they will always be there as they are part of him but he chose you and thats what matters. Its more important that you can get through this as a couple.