Small minded people and their small minded comments...ugh!

[Wall-E1]

And the homophobic comments just keep on coming! And here I thought the Community Board was a bastion of open mindedness!

 

[LisaR]

You carry a "man bag" in Buffalo, NY. You have three choices:

1. Stop carrying it and the comments will stop.

2. Continue carrying it and tell your friends that it hurts your feelings when they tease you.

3. Carry it with pride, learn to take a joke, and joke back. If you show that you are comfortable with the jokes, they will likely lessen over time. Or, maybe they won't. Find new friends if you can't take the heat.


*Just an FYI*
For someone that is accusing his friends of being judgmental, you are doing the same thing when you mention that they haven't even left the country and aren't as cultured as you are.

 

[topolino]

You carry a "man bag" in Buffalo, NY. You have three choices:

1. Stop carrying it and the comments will stop.

2. Continue carrying it and tell your friends that it hurts your feelings when they tease you.

3. Carry it with pride, learn to take a joke, and joke back. If you show that you are comfortable with the jokes, they will likely lessen over time. Or, maybe they won't. Find new friends if you can't take the heat.


*Just an FYI*
For someone that is accusing his friends of being judgmental, you are doing the same thing when you mention that they haven't even left the country and aren't as cultured as you are.

#3 is how I do handle it. I'm happy to joke back with them about it, but as I said in my original post, it gets old. I just thought I'd vent a bit with you fine folks.

And my calling them non-cultured wasn't meant to be so much a judgement as it was an explanation for their lack of understanding of a cultural trend.

 

[LisaR]

#3 is how I do handle it. I'm happy to joke back with them about it, but as I said in my original post, it gets old. I just thought I'd vent a bit with you fine folks.

And my calling them non-cultured wasn't meant to be so much a judgement as it was an explanation for their lack of understanding of a cultural trend.

Is it really a cultural trend in Buffalo??

 

[topolino]

Is it really a cultural trend in Buffalo??

Noooooo!! Not at all. lol. I'm fiercely proud to be a Buffalonian, but this particular trend is not common at all here.

 

[CozumelDisneyFan]

I was raised Catholic, but am not religous, and believr that the sum of most religions is to be good to others.

That being said... I live with a code.... I do my best every day, I wake up in the am and look at myself in the mirror, I then proceed to live my day with the Golden Rule principles that my parents taught me. So that, at the end of the day, I can llook at myself in the mirror and know that I did my best, and that if I hurt someone, I tried to make it right.

I joke with my friend Laura (who has a great Cozumel website
www.cozumel4you.com , btw) that the difference between she and I is that (and here is the key) I do not, down to my bones, care what anyone thinks of me. Not entirely true, Mom, Dad, Hubby, Son, Siblings, Nana - I care)

Anyone else in the world, dont care. Work colleague, dont care, neighbor, dont care, you name them, dont care.

If you are doing your best, the opinions of the fringe, if you will, dont matter.

Seeing my firnd struggle and worry about what the social circles think makes me feel for her, and be even happier that I live with my own key to life....

 

[Sparx]

I have a friend named something along the lines of James. It is a name that is typically not given to both men and women, just men. He's about 5'7''ish and has long black hair. He works in a craft store. He frequently has people come up to him and ask, "Is your name really James?" implying that he is a woman because of his stature and long hair.

People are not questioning his sexual orientation, more his performance of gender. People don't actually think you're gay, OP. I know quite a few gay men who don't carry purses and lesbians that do. Instead they're using "gay" as the attack on your gender performance. This "joke" tells us that portions of our society have dictated that gay is the worst thing a man can be.

 

[topolino]

I have a friend named something along the lines of James. It is a name that is typically not given to both men and women, just men. He's about 5'7''ish and has long black hair. He works in a craft store. He frequently has people come up to him and ask, "Is your name really James?" implying that he is a woman because of his stature and long hair.

People are not questioning his sexual orientation, more his performance of gender. People don't actually think you're gay, OP. I know quite a few gay men who don't carry purses and lesbians that do. Instead they're using "gay" as the attack on your gender performance. This "joke" tells us that portions of our society have dictated that gay is the worst thing a man can be.

Very well said Sparx, and the words of yours that I bolded are so true, and they make me sad. To think, that even as grown men, some of my friends still resort to the same "you look like a girl", or "you dress or look like you're gay" jokes that they used all those years ago on the playground.

 

[WowLookAtThat]

You will just have to find one sentence to shut them up, find one, keep it and use it...

I am Caucasian, my hubby is Latino, and when my son was born, all of our friends, and HIS family here in Cozumel were DYING to get a peek at our son, who was, foor all intents and purposes, born looking Caucasion.

DHs cousin reported back to DMIL and DFIL that my son looked Rusian???!!!! What ??!!

Well, one of DHs friend kept on making the (English translation here) Hey, have you found your sons Dad yet? And all of the milkman-mailman jokes.... I took it once, but by the 50th time, I was DONE...

So I found my line....

I asked DHs friend if he thought that I was a ***** (not so harsh in Spanish), and he said NO, of course not!, and I replied, you DO realize that every time you question my sons paternity, you are implying that I was messing around and unfaithful to your friend, right??!! SILENCE

He NEVER joked like that again! (and, his wife is DSs godmother, and we are all still GOOD friends, BTW.)

I honestly think that he thought he was hilarious!! NOT

I got the whole "she looks too white to be Hispanic" thing all my life (Half white and Mexican) from my cousins who were much darker than me. I was accused of not being "dark enough for the family". It was a joke but it stung. Finally a long distance cousin arrived from her home in Mexico for a vacation. She is blond and blue eyed. When they made a crack about me she put them in their places.

Now, OP don't worry about the bag thing. My Dad had one and took it everywhere with him but no one thought anything of it. It could just be your friend. They do make some nice man bags.

 

[CozumelDisneyFan]

... here in Mexico you are judged by how moreno you are!!!

And yes, mam bags have been around throughout history, I plan to buy an Animal Kingdom carrier bag for my son instead of a backpack for his school.... lets see what happens...

 

[SookieStackhouse]

Officer! Somebody took my European carry-all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnKRbEPbItE

First thing I thought of, that's a win!!!

 

[DaisyLynn]

Do you react to the comments? I'd think they'd grow tired of saying anything about it if you ignore them.

Until you macrame yourself a pair of jean shorts.


ETA: I was friends with a guy a few years back who had long hair and carried a bag. His manhood was never questioned by anyone that we considered friends. But if they had, he'd have put them in their place.

 

[*JoGo*]

As another poster said, I think they're not attacking your sexual orientation, but calling you a girl. Not that either are nice.

I'm sure it's no consolation, but if they weren't poking fun of this, it'd probably be something else. Because it's their personality. Or character flaw.

I have someone in my life that likes to belittle. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with her. If I say something benign like "So and So got a pet elephant" her reaction is to disparage them. I've been avoiding her. A bit harder when it's immediate family... and she will repeatedly text me until I answer. I KNOW it's low self-esteem on HER part, but it's extremely annoying, uncalled for, and toxic. One of those times I wish I had quick wit to throw back at her.

I'm sorry these "friends" are saying these things.

 

[java]

Really? You don't think that when a straight guy mocks another straight guy for carrying a bag he's not implying, "you must be gay"?

I think they are calling you a woman, not gay.
Personally, I like long hair on guys and if you are carrying a man bag that's more room for my stuff so I like that too. Who cares what your male friends say about it? I agree with the they are jealous thing.
You have however made me rethink teasing my Italian Male friend's "mules"

 

[The Mystery Machine]

And the homophobic comments just keep on coming! And here I thought the Community Board was a bastion of open mindedness!

Oh now that is a riot.

Honestly, I do not understand getting worked up over Facebook either.

People are ignorant, the end. "Idocracy" (movie) is closer than you think.

If your friends on FB are making comments, defriend them.

 

[crashbb]

The thing is, a few of my guy friends are neanderthals who have never set foot outside the country, and still hold on to ridiculous stereotypes.

Gee...when you make comments like that about them, I wonder why they may feel like making comments about you.

Whatever you call it to make it seem better, it is judgemental. And just as "mean" as the comments that you are getting.

 

[indimom]

]#3 is how I do handle it. I'm happy to joke back with them about it, but as I said in my original post, it gets old[/B]. I just thought I'd vent a bit with you fine folks.

And my calling them non-cultured wasn't meant to be so much a judgement as it was an explanation for their lack of understanding of a cultural trend.

You know, I think it might be time for this conversation:

The first time, it's funny.
The second time, it's boring.
The third time, it's annoying.

I spend half my day teaching this lesson to my children about repeating the same "jokes" or repeating the same "antics" over and over. Clearly, your friends never received this lesson.

I don't think it's homophobia or friends who don't care about you and need to be defriended. They just found a "punchline" that got a good reaction once or twice and now they are using it to death.

I've had this happen to me and no matter how funny it might be once to be the butt of a joke, it really did get tiring and annoying after a while. I finally told them so in a mature and polite manner. And it stopped. Now, I try very hard to get this point through to my kids. I don't want them to be that annoying jerk who doesn't realize when the joke has worn thin.

 

[Green Tea]

Really? You don't think that when a straight guy mocks another straight guy for carrying a bag he's not implying, "you must be gay"?

Not at all. I think he is simply mocking the purse.

 

[bumblebee]

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's ridiculous how close-minded some people are. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you carrying a bag nor having long hair. Those who find something wrong with it are clearly the ones with the problems.

I think the comments they made could easily be both a combination of homophobia and sexism, as I think the two are linked. (Gay = the worst thing a man could be, how people often think gay men are feminine, etc; and how many people act like being a girl or feminine is the worst thing to be (common negative comments to boys like 'you throw like a girl', 'crying is for sissies', 'take it like a man', etc.)

I'm not ashamed of my appearance in the slightest, but the comments get real old, real fast, you know?

Of course. And I find it annoying that once you tell people that something bothers you, that people make comments that you need to 'stop being so sensitive'. Maybe they just shouldn't make comments like that? As you said, hearing comments incessantly is obnoxious and no one wants to have their appearance or things they like get made fun of all the time. A few jokes, okay, I guess? But all the time? Come on now.

And here I thought the Community Board was a bastion of open mindedness!

I have someone in my life that likes to belittle. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with her. If I say something benign like "So and So got a pet elephant" her reaction is to disparage them. I've been avoiding her. A bit harder when it's immediate family... and she will repeatedly text me until I answer. I KNOW it's low self-esteem on HER part, but it's extremely annoying, uncalled for, and toxic. One of those times I wish I had quick wit to throw back at her.

Unfortunately I, too, know people like this.

 

[Magpie]

About the hair...

They're just jealous! Most men over the age of 30, if they COULD grow long hair, WOULD grow long hair.

Oh... and while satchels, man bags, whatever you want to call them, are exceedingly common and unremarkable in my town, I do know what you mean about "culture". It's a kind of provincialism, and I often see it in folks from small towns. In my experience it's not so much narrow-mindedness, as it is an unfamiliarity with things. We fear change.

I've sat at a fancy government awards ceremony with high ranking officials, only to see them staring at their haute cuisine dinners asking nervously, "What's in it?" and wondering what to do with the cutlery. If it's too strange, some of them will start saying, "I don't like this kind of food." But what they really mean is, "I honestly thought truffles were chocolate and I'm really kind of freaked that the waiter's telling me it's a mushroom."

When something's strange to us, the common reaction is often either to reject it or make fun of it.

P.S. This post is only describing what I've observed locally. It is in no way meant as a criticism of small town folk, or suggest that big city folks are more sophisticated, and I do not intend to imply that they're all afraid of truffles.