Sleeping arrangements at Parents house... Thoughts

floribr1

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jul 11, 2011
I think I can give a slightly different perspective here...

I came out to my parents slightly older, in my late 20's actually. Years earlier (in college), I had a long-term girlfriend who often spent long weekends and maybe a holiday or two with my family at our home. The house rules were always the same: separate bedrooms for unmarried couples. Now fast forward to my late 20's, and I bring my first boyfriend home for Christmas. I was fully expecting the same rules to be in place. [Actually, I never gave it a second thought.] My older sister also had her new boyfriend stay with us that same Christmas. While my sister's boyfriend got stuck on the couch in the living room, my boyfriend was put in my room with me! I will be honest, a part of my was thrilled that my parents were being so "open minded" about it all... But another part of me was like, "Hey, why am I being treated differently now?"

Just something else to consider.
 

fla4fun

DIS Veteran
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
I am the type of person who pays attention to the house rules when I visit someone‘s home, and follows them so as not to make the hosts uncomfortable or disrespected. I can understand the parents having a rule like that in place if they still have minors at home, regardless of the orientation of the couples involved. We had that rule in our house as well, and neither my sister or myself, or our guests, had any issues following it.

However, I am also a person who likes a lot of privacy, and rarely stays overnight these days anywhere other than my own home, or a hotel. A hotel room can be a good compromise when two sides don’t agree.

Based only on the info we have received here, I wonder if there is some uncertainty between the daughter and the girlfriend, where the daughter feels if they don’t share a room, there will be problems in the relationship or even a complete breakup? I am getting the feeling that in this specific relationship the daughter is feeling caught in the middle between family rules and romantic ultimatums, especially since the daughter has brought guests home in the past and the guest room was not an issue. Of course, we could be missing some info that would completely change my view.

Personally, I like the suggestion that the daughter come home alone and think about what is best for her before deciding if she wants to continue either of the relationships that appear to be causing her stress. It sounds like she comes from a loving and supportive family, and sometimes we just need that safe space to look at all sides of an issue before moving forward. She could still stay at a hotel, if she doesn’t agree with the rules, even if she came home solo. But if she wanted to have a real conversation with her parents regarding house rules and the possibility of adjusting them, it might be less stressful for everyone if there aren’t any guests staying there at the time.

I hope it works out for all of them.
 

ford91exploder

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jan 30, 2009
Just respect whatever the house rules are, remember you are a guest and should respect whatever rules are in place, just as you would expect guests at your home to follow your rules. I've been a guest in many cultures from the sands of the middle east to middle america and everything in between. Everyone from a Bedouin's tent in the middle east to a midwestern farm couple expects you to follow the rules that they set. It's just part of being a good guest.
 

nmoody1

Mouseketeer
Joined
Feb 20, 2018
I find it baffling that people would insist on separate bedrooms if anyone turns up to a house as a couple. If you share a bed in your own home on a daily basis, why should it be different when you visit someone else's home - especially your parents house - who are supposed to be your family and welcoming of whomever you choose to spend your life with.

It's a very antiquated view - I guess there is an argument for my house/my rules - but where is the understanding and welcomeness of family. I personally would feel quite unwelcome if I was told to sleep in another room to my partner.
 

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