Sleep Deprived...parenting advice PLEASE

[jcsbama]

I was so blessed when DD was a baby because she was such a good sleeper. She only woke up once during the night and then it was never before 3:30. She was sleeping through the night by the time she was 2 months old.

Boy have things changed. She moved to a toddler bed a couple of months ago and did great at first. She's in the bed usually by 8:00 and goes straight to bed with no problems and falls asleep. Shortly after DH and I go to bed (at least 11:00), DD comes into the room and wants to sleep with us. She has never slept with us until recently. It started when she would come into the room around 6:30 in the morning and climb in bed with us. We thought it was cute then. Then one night I had her sleep with us because she was burning up with a fever. But, because we let her do that, she now wants to join us during the middle of the night, every night. We just can't let this continue. When she comes in the room at night now, we (usually me) take her back to her room and tuck her in. But she doesn't stay. She's usually 30 seconds behind me.

I am so tired. I'm closet to the door, so she always comes to my side. DH is a heavy sleeper and I'm not until about 4:00 am. So, unless I wake him and tell him it's his turn, I'm usually the one constantly up and down. If she does stay in her room, I still don't get sleep because I'm constantly watching and waiting for her. When I do fall asleep, then I'm dreaming that I'm watching and waiting for her.

I finally pulled her in the bed last night on about the 10th time she came to the room because I had such a bad headache and was still weak from being sick yesterday. That didn't help, because she couldn't get comfortable and was playing and wouldn't go to sleep.

Come on, disers. Tell me what I can do to get her to sleep in her bed all night and not to get up if she wakes up.

 

[HaleyB]

I can't help. We have one (of 3) like this and she just turned 8. 5 out of 7 nights or so she climbs into our bed at some point.

Worst thing is I now sleep better after she climbs in. So we are both addicited to it. She has only one fear in this world, and that is being alone anywhere. So I think that makes me weak on the issue. She really shouldn't be doing this.

I guess my advice is to use the extream measures people advise, if you wimp out like me you may be in for a lot of sleepless nights. And it does not get easier as they get older.

 

[agnes!]

As some DIS-ers sig says "Parenting isn't for sissies". I feel your pain, don't really have any specific suggestions, other than maybe get a hold of the "Supernanny's" parenting book. When I watch the show, it seems that she has a lot of good ideas, is kind but also *very* firm. (I have seen other people recommend her book.)

Good luck,
agnes!

 

[mickeyboat]

I was you not too long ago. It is exhausting! We have a full sized bed, and it was filled with two adults, two kids and two cats. Not conducive to anything that was supposed to be going on in the bed. (This wasn't every night, but enough so it got pretty annoying).

After a while, I told the kids that they could not sleep with us anymore. We started letting them sleep on the floor next to our bed, but they didn't find that very comfortable. Then we said they could come in our room and I would tuck them back in, which has seemed to work. They just needed a little assurance that we were still there, and that they were safe.

I can sleep through a thunderstorm, but can hear the pitter-patter of jammied feet on my carpet!

Good luck.

Denae

 

[JVL1018]

We just let our son climb in(usually 2 or 3 am). I don't care, he doesn't flail around or disturb us, he doesn't even wake us up most of the time.
Sleep is more important than where he sleeps, IMO.
I don't want him starting out the night in our bed, but when we're all asleep already he isn't disturbing us.
DD used to do it too and now she rarely does(she's 6, DS is 4)

 

[justhat]

My daughter has been doing this the past month or so too. Difference is she was always a very poor sleeper so we were thrilled when she was finally sleeping in her own bed all night long (this was around 22 months). But now we're selling our condo so we had to take her bed away (she has 2 beds, a regular toddler bed and then an inflatable Pooh toddler bed that was on the floor in our bedroom and that's the bed she would sleep in everynight) and since then she'll wake up during the night and climb in our bed. She goes to sleep in her toddler bed without a fight, but when she wakes up during the night she'll call my name over and over. Sometimes I can just tell her she's fine and to lay down and go back to sleep, but if it's the 2nd or 3rd time that night and I'm exhausted (which is often cause I'm pregnant) then I just tell her she can come in our bed. I know I could get her to stop by just ignoring her cause it has worked before, but I blame the pregnancy for making me more tired than normal so I just can't deal with the lack of sleep required to ignore her and therefore deal with the "Mommy" and crying that will accompany it for several nights. So my advice would be just not to acknowledge her when she comes to your bed during the night (if she can't climb in on her own that is), but be warned that you'll lose a lot of sleep in the process. Good luck.

 

[jcsbama]

As some DIS-ers sig says "Parenting isn't for sissies". I feel your pain, don't really have any specific suggestions, other than maybe get a hold of the "Supernanny's" parenting book. When I watch the show, it seems that she has a lot of good ideas, is kind but also *very* firm. (I have seen other people recommend her book.)

Ahh, I forgot all about that book. I bought it months ago because I knew I would need it eventually. I'll have to pull it out tonight.

I can sleep through a thunderstorm, but can hear the pitter-patter of jammied feet on my carpet!

I love reading your posts because you always make me laugh.

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Just adding my sympathies. My 3 yr old did this when we first took the side off her crib. Being very firm and requiring her to go back to bed worked. But she's now back at it again. Worst thing is, when I say no to getting into bed with us and either take her back or direct her back to her own bed, she now waits a few minutes then goes to my husband's side of the bed - he just lifts her in! GRRRR. Guess which side of the bed she sleeps on?

The only thing that ever really works for us is being very firm and telling her that she MUST sleep in her own bed. Breaks my heart when she comes in and talks about monsters and snakes, though.

Consider, any of the above scenarios are better than spending my nights on the floor next to my son's crib, which is the NEW reason that I don't get to sleep in my bed. What's sleep again?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am definately not a family-bed person... I need my sleep and my privacy!!!

If this is indeed a problem for you. And, boy it sounds like it is! I would be very firm and nip it in the bud.

(Edited to add after reading the preceding post that came in: And make sure your DH is with you, or all hope is lost!!! )

It sounds like it may have a little bit to do with your DS moving into the toddler bed. I opted to put my DS directly into a big-boy (twin) bed, because I just did not see that going from a crib w/railing into something small, low to the ground, that has the look of a toy or a doll-house was going to be a good transition. I just knew it was not going to be condusive to sleep.

We set up DS twin bed against the wall, and bought the biggest toddler railing we could find. I wanted the psychological and emotional feeling of being 'safe' and 'confined'. Now, DS was always a good sleeper, but I do think that this helped....)

Also, a twin bed means that I could tuck him in and cuddle. He did not have to feel like he had to come to MY bed for that.

I do not know if this would work better for your DD, or if you have a twin bed available. But I did think that this might be a very helpful suggestion.

That, along with being VERY firm.
Get your DH on board to help you out for a few nights. Both of you get down eye-to-eye with her and set the boundaries. Very happy and calm, but also VERY firm.

Work out a deal where she gets a reward (like the cuddle time she wants the next morning...) if she learns to stay in bed like a big-girl. And, perhaps loses a little reward or perk if she can't seem to get the hang of it.

Hang in there!
All of us DIS moms feel for ya!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

I love reading your posts because you always make me laugh.

You're hallucinating because of lack of sleep.

Actually, I have recently discovered that my kids usually only come in my room after they havegotten up to use the bathroom. They are afraid to pass by the top of the stairs on the way back to their rooms. I am going to put another night light at the bottom of the stairs to see if that solves my problem. And if they are really scared, I have not problem tucking them back in. I have become the master of getting back to sleep.

I mention this because I wonder if your DD is waking up feeling like she needs to use the bathroom. Is she potty training during the day? Maybe limiting liquids later in the evenings would help. If you can figure out what is causing her to wake, then maybe you can keep her asleep all night long.

Denae

Denae

 

[Wishing on a star]

Just wanted to add:

You also mentioned that she seemed to get up and come to your bed fairly quickly after you all go to bed, well after her bedtime, at about 11:00. I am assuming it is a comfort/habit thing and not a potty thing???

It seems like she is conscience of the house going dark and quiet, and then she KNOWS that this is when you have gone to bed, and she can come join you.

Do you have a lot of nightlights? Is there much background/white noise?

Maybe there is some way to diminish those 'cues' that she is waiting for, and if she sleeps thru that transitional time, she may just stay in bed.

Maybe some brighter nightlights outside of her room, in the hall, would help with Light-to-Darkness thing. Perhaps some soft music or white-noise.

Just brainstorming here??????

Anything that might help!

 

[gris gris]

Two suggestions:

Switch sides of the bed with your dh LOL
Sleep with her when she's sick

With my DD if she's not feeling well I sleep in her room. She has a trundle bed so I sleep there. Or I start the night out sleeping with her and then move back to my room once she's asleep.

I think the only other way to get her back in her bed is to use the "keep putting her back in there as many times as it takes" rule. You'll be tired for a while but eventually she'll get it. And put a baby gate up at her door so she can't come out. My DD has one (mostly because I'm paranoid that she'll wander out the door when we're sleeping, silly I know). If she needs us, she stands at the door and says "come get me"!!

I have a book too about sleeping in your own bed but for the life of me can't remember the name. It's a children's book and the little girl gets up and the parents keep putting her back. Finally they get her a doll to sleep in a doll crib next to her bed and she wants to stay in the room to make sure the doll baby is okay. It's a cute book.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'm too much of a wimp!

I'd wind up with the toddler bed in my bedroom or her back in her crib until she was a bit older.

My kids were over 3 before they were in their own beds full time.

 

[JayCT]

We put a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed and told our DS10 he could sleep there if he woke up at night. But if he came into our room and woke us he would have to go back to his bed. This worked for him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Been there, done that... I do feel your pain.

What worked for me...
At some point I refused to let my dd sleep with us. I couldn't take it! She would kick us to death!!!
So if she came in the room she had to sleep on the floor. I would tell her to get HER OWN pillow & cover from her room and sleep on the floor or go back to bed.
Generally kids hate doing work so eventually she would go back to bed.

Once it sinks in that thay can't sleep in your bed it will stop. Can't let them do it even once!!!

When they are really sick it was blanket on the floor in the family room, me on the couch.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm too soft hearted to. I could never let them cry and I always let them crawl in with me. Guess what they out grow it very quickly and soon you almost wish they were little enough to do that. I have noticed that my kids always did it more when they were going through a growth spurt or getting sick. When they were big enough for a twin bed sometimes I would take them back and crawl in with them and then get up when they were back asleep. Maybe put her to bed a bit later so she is more sound asleep when the house gets quiet. I also warned that if they got in bed they needed to be quiet and still and sleep or go back to their room and do whatever they wanted. My 5 yr old for awhile was waking up at about 2 and wanting to go downstairs and watch tv. I said ok but Mom is sleeping on the couch and you will not wake her or talk to her and meant it. We only did it once or twice and he is almost 8 now. (and still crawls in our bed occasionally) Good luck it seems forever but it really is only a little while.

 

[Vijoge]

I'm too much of a wimp!

I'd wind up with the toddler bed in my bedroom or her back in her crib until she was a bit older.

My kids were over 3 before they were in their own beds full time.

My youngest, now 17, slept with us until he was 10. At one point my husband asked him how long he was going to sleep with mommy and he said "Until I'm 40."

He also drank Similac until he was 3 1/2 (no bottle-just liked the "milk in the can") and wasn't toilet trained until age 3.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'm too soft hearted to. I could never let them cry and I always let them crawl in with me. Guess what they out grow it very quickly and soon you almost wish they were little enough to do that. I have noticed that my kids always did it more when they were going through a growth spurt or getting sick. When they were big enough for a twin bed sometimes I would take them back and crawl in with them and then get up when they were back asleep. Maybe put her to bed a bit later so she is more sound asleep when the house gets quiet. I also warned that if they got in bed they needed to be quiet and still and sleep or go back to their room and do whatever they wanted. My 5 yr old for awhile was waking up at about 2 and wanting to go downstairs and watch tv. I said ok but Mom is sleeping on the couch and you will not wake her or talk to her and meant it. We only did it once or twice and he is almost 8 now. (and still crawls in our bed occasionally) Good luck it seems forever but it really is only a little while.

Yes...that is one of the biggest things I miss about my kids being littler.....little pajama covered bodies snuggled up in the middle of the bed. They are starting to outgrow enjoying it, and it is ME that misses it...almost enough to have another baby for!

And you are right...it goes by SOOO fast!

 

[princesspumpkin]

DD used to do that. We put her old toddler bed in our room and when she came in, we directed her towards it. She did that for a few months then she stopped.

 

[DizBelle]

Is there an update to this?

I'm thinking that if you really want to stop this you're just going to have to put her back into her own bed as many times as it takes regardless of how exhausted you are. Welcome to parenting. It's a hard job and no one else is going to do it for you.