Sister moving in - budget buster?

[lovehoney]

My DSis divorced 2 years ago and is struggling financially. She lives in another state and hasn't been able to get a full time job. She does work from home on a part-time basis so she has a small income. She is going to come and live with us for a couple of months while she moves back to our state.

We've been encouraging her to move here as our father and another sister all live within 1 1/2 hours of each other.

She said she could help out some with bills and babysitting when she comes. Since she is my sister and needs to get on her feet, I don't want to charge much. I was thinking of having her pay 1/6 th of the utilities as We are a family of 5. Do you think this is okay?

Since this is family should I just not charge anything? What would you do?

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I'm not sure about the 1/6 of the utilities. The additional utility costs would just be a portion of the lighting, water, and water heating and would really be less than 1/6 of the total usage.

However, but I would definitely work out something about food, both payment and possibly sharing the cooking.

 

[babyrich]

I would try to come up with a flat rate that includes room, board, and etc. Trying to figure out down to the penny can be difficult. Charge her based on her income. Lets say $50/week or $100/month. Once you know her income, maybe charge 1/4 or 1/3 of it, than she can save the rest to help her get on her feet.

If she helps out you with baby sitting and this means you save money, you can also take that into account on what you would charge her.

I would definately charge her, keeps her used to paying bills. I lived with my sister and her family. They charged me $100/month for everything and I usually ate dinners with them. If I wanted something specific, like skim milk, I bot that myself.

 

[kimkoz]

For me I don't think I would charge anything for utilities, unless she requires something you do not already have (additional internet for her job). I doubt the cost of things will really go up. I would maybe sit down and discuss food, whether she plans to eat with the family or provide for herself. Helping with the food bill would be enough for me. If it was my sister and she truely needed these few months to get back on her feet then I'm hope the money I'm saving her would go into an account to get her feet on the ground so I'd do whatever to help her save more

Nice of you to help her out

 

[Zhoen]

It would probably be best to be very clear in advance. Whatever you decide, just be sure everyone understands. I did this in the past with family members and a young lady who sits near me at work just did this with her family. Clear expectations make SUCH a difference.

Questions to work out:
1- is she going to buy her own groceries, contribute to the family grocery fund, or a combination? If it's anything other than "buy her own groceries," work out a reasonable amount.
2- For utilities, do you want to do a set amount monthly (ie- $50/month) or a fraction of the monthly bill (like the 1/6th you mentioned) or the difference between your October bill this year and the same period last year? (Check you bill, it's usually on there, but be careful to account for dramatic temperature differences between the years.)

Even though "it's family," I'd say you should charge her SOMETHING, even if you just put it aside and use it for housewarming for her later. It will help her to set up realistic expectations, help you absorb the cost of an extra adult in the house, and also, I can tell you first-hand and from the lady at the next desk... it sucks when you're stretching YOUR budget, and your relatives are "living loose." If DS is kicking in, and still has money for pedicures, that's great... but if she's living free with you, then after the first few months, those little extravagances can start to feel like you're being taken advantage of. You want you sister to be healthy and happy,and that is so wonderful. Setting up clear expectations will go a long way to avoiding hurt feelings.

 

[girli565]

1- is she going to buy her own groceries, contribute to the family grocery fund, or a combination? If it's anything other than "buy her own groceries," work out a reasonable amount.

If I was in the same situation I wouldn't charge her for utilities or room but what zhoen stated above is important to discuss. And I agree with what was said above, if she is not buying her own then she needs to contribute to the household grocery budget in some way. And also discuss who will do the cooking.

 

[punkin]

It would probably be best to be very clear in advance. Whatever you decide, just be sure everyone understands. I did this in the past with family members and a young lady who sits near me at work just did this with her family. Clear expectations make SUCH a difference.

Questions to work out:
1- is she going to buy her own groceries, contribute to the family grocery fund, or a combination? If it's anything other than "buy her own groceries," work out a reasonable amount.
2- For utilities, do you want to do a set amount monthly (ie- $50/month) or a fraction of the monthly bill (like the 1/6th you mentioned) or the difference between your October bill this year and the same period last year? (Check you bill, it's usually on there, but be careful to account for dramatic temperature differences between the years.)

Even though "it's family," I'd say you should charge her SOMETHING, even if you just put it aside and use it for housewarming for her later. It will help her to set up realistic expectations, help you absorb the cost of an extra adult in the house, and also, I can tell you first-hand and from the lady at the next desk... it sucks when you're stretching YOUR budget, and your relatives are "living loose." If DS is kicking in, and still has money for pedicures, that's great... but if she's living free with you, then after the first few months, those little extravagances can start to feel like you're being taken advantage of. You want you sister to be healthy and happy,and that is so wonderful. Setting up clear expectations will go a long way to avoiding hurt feelings.

I agree that she should pay something and all expectations from both sides should be hashed out in advance. I also wanted to point out that it will probably help your sister's self esteem to know that she is pitching in and not a leech. Good luck to all of you.

 

[MerissaAndMomLoveDis]

I have a renter--rents a room in my home. Some of the things that are going to cost you that you may not have thought of: I buy twice as much laundry detergent than I used to, soap for bathroom, my water bill went up quite a bit because he takes two baths a day and washes clothes and washes his vehicle. My grocery bill doubled. Because he is disabled and is home most of the day (whereas I was out of the house working and the kiddo was at school), I can no longer turn my heating and air down/up during the day to help save on my gas bill/electric bill. Big difference in heating/airconditioning costs because it is on all day long now. Sounds like since she works from home, that may be the case for you too.
If you are feeding her most of the time, even if she buys the extras she wants, I think you are going to see, at a minimum, a $200.00 difference in your total bills.

Hope that helps.

 

[lovehoney]

Great advice everyone. I will definitely sit down with her and work out a plan. It is a good idea that we both know each others expectations.

 

[MineMail]

My aunt had rules in her house: if her children weren't going to school, they had get a job. If they had a job, they had to pay rent - not much, $100 or so, but far less than a studio apartment rental. No slackers in her house, lol. (I admire her greatly.)

She saved the money she collected in a separate bank account. Each of the kids did get jobs, marry and move out. When each was ready to buy a house, she gave them the money she had saved (plus interest) to put towards the purchase. None of the kids expected that surprise, so they were very grateful.

You should sit down and let your sister know how much babysitting and money you expect and household chores. (I love it when my sister visits because she nags my kids about their chores, lol.)

Maybe set a schedule for babysitting, like Thursday afternoon/evening so you and your husband can have a date night or do shopping without the kids.

Put the deal in writing, so neither of you forget what was agreed to ... it'll save disagreements in the long run. The last thing you want is to have a rift in the family over this. It's uuuuuuugly.

You're very kind to open your doors this way. I'm sure your family appreciates it, too.

 

[figment3258]

My aunt had rules in her house: if her children weren't going to school, they had get a job. If they had a job, they had to pay rent - not much, $100 or so, but far less than a studio apartment rental. No slackers in her house, lol. (I admire her greatly.)

She saved the money she collected in a separate bank account. Each of the kids did get jobs, marry and move out. When each was ready to buy a house, she gave them the money she had saved (plus interest) to put towards the purchase. None of the kids expected that surprise, so they were very grateful.

You should sit down and let your sister know how much babysitting and money you expect and household chores. (I love it when my sister visits because she nags my kids about their chores, lol.)

Maybe set a schedule for babysitting, like Thursday afternoon/evening
so you and your husband can have a date night or do shopping without the kids.

Put the deal in writing, so neither of you forget what was agreed to ... it'll save disagreements in the long run. The last thing you want is to have a rift in the family over this. It's uuuuuuugly.


You're very kind to open your doors this way. I'm sure your family appreciates it, too.

That's what I was going to say to do!

 

[Karenj2]

It would probably be best to be very clear in advance. Whatever you decide, just be sure everyone understands. I did this in the past with family members and a young lady who sits near me at work just did this with her family. Clear expectations make SUCH a difference.

Questions to work out:
1- is she going to buy her own groceries, contribute to the family grocery fund, or a combination? If it's anything other than "buy her own groceries," work out a reasonable amount.
2- For utilities, do you want to do a set amount monthly (ie- $50/month) or a fraction of the monthly bill (like the 1/6th you mentioned) or the difference between your October bill this year and the same period last year? (Check you bill, it's usually on there, but be careful to account for dramatic temperature differences between the years.)

Even though "it's family," I'd say you should charge her SOMETHING, even if you just put it aside and use it for housewarming for her later. It will help her to set up realistic expectations, help you absorb the cost of an extra adult in the house, and also, I can tell you first-hand and from the lady at the next desk... it sucks when you're stretching YOUR budget, and your relatives are "living loose." If DS is kicking in, and still has money for pedicures, that's great... but if she's living free with you, then after the first few months, those little extravagances can start to feel like you're being taken advantage of. You want you sister to be healthy and happy,and that is so wonderful. Setting up clear expectations will go a long way to avoiding hurt feelings.

We did this two years ago, when my sister was moving from TX back to the PA area after getting a divorce. She and her two dogs moved in after Thanksgiving, intending to have her own place by Christmas. She didn't move out of our house until our daughter was born in March, then she lived with my parents until the summertime. (She was having problems finding a place to rent because of her dogs, and is generally a "stick your head in the sand and hope the problem goes away" type of person, so she wasn't trying too hard.) So be prepared that she might live with you longer than she (or you) intends.

We intended to ask for rent (a very modest amount), and she even offered, but when it came down to actually paying, it never really happened. We didn't push it, because it wasn't really affecting us financially. She did pay for food on occasion, but mostly because she liked particular things that I don't normally buy.

So, if you financially need the money to offset her living there - make sure you get it in writing, and that you all agree to it. It's VERY hard to "kick out" a relative - especially when they're already down.

Relationally - I actually enjoyed my sister being with us, except for when she was in her debbie downer mood (usually after a round of texts with her ex-jerk). We were also very happy for her to move out, and for us to have our own lives back once she did leave.

 

[Evi]

I like the idea other people have about setting a set amount based on her income. If your not comfortable charging her one thing you could do is put that money aside for her. Two things will come of this, if things don't work out you'll have a small nest egg to give her to move on or lets say things work out great and she finds a good job and wants to move out but can't swing a deposit etc with the little savings you set for her she will be well on her way.

Either way treat her as you would any other member of the family under your roof. Give her set responsabilities for contributing like maybe cooking one night a week, doing her own laundry, helping to clean on what every day you clean or x chores (just don't make her the only one cleaning or doing the grunt of the work). I think having her help you with some sitting is ok just don't take advantage of it. You want your sister to get back on her feet but you don't want to have resentment between the two of you.

This could always be a good thing and bring the family closer.

 

[thomas998]

Not sure I would think you should charge anything... to me it is like taking in a stray or injured animal until it can be set free... you wouldn't charge the stray would you?

It is one thing if she moves in and then decides to try and stay beyond the time it takes to find her own place.

Seems to me if she pays for anything the only thing I would expect a relative to pay for was whatever they wanted food wise if they weren't just going to eat with the family.

 

[HayGan]

If you want to charge her something, why don't you charge her a reasonable amount each month and then put that money into a savings account for her (without telling her.) Then when she moves you can give it to her as a nice little nest egg

Or you could always use it to get her out of the house if you find it doesn't work out with her there!

 

[PatsMom]

I think it is important to have things understood by all in advance.

I personally would not feel comfortable charging a family member who needed a helping hand. My mother saved my butt after my divorce by providing me with free housing (I did buy my own groceries). I offered to pay utilities but she thought it more important that I clean up the financial mess my ex left me in.

Since then I have helped her out with a few things in return. I believe that families need to help each other whenever they can. But if your sister offers to pay you for utilities, etc, then I really like the idea of setting the money aside for her when she does move out.

 

[QVCshopper]

My sister lived with us for about 9 months after college. We didn't charge her for anything. She bought her own food, gas, etc. and helped with a little babysitting and cleaning. It worked out really well and got her on her feet, but I missed her when she moved out.

 

[mommyto2]

We're going through the same thing right now. My brother-in-law is going through a divorce and is staying with us to help get back on his feet. Personally, family is family, and I couldn't charge him rent or ask him to pay for any utilities. His finances are in ruins right now and I just couldn't do that to him. Being the eldest child of three, I was raised to always watch over my brother and sister, and now that goes for my brother-in-law too. Now, if this continues for a year, ask me how I feel then.

 

[the Fidge]

I just stayed at my sisters house with my son for a month while relocating. Here is what I did and hopeit is of some use. I made sure to make her coffee some days before she got up. I drink tea so its not the best coffee I am sure. I made breakfast on Sundays. I made a meal or two a week with grocery I purchased. I took our laundry to the laundromat not to add to electric or what if the washer or dryer died during my load? I took the kids away for 4 days camping. I took care of the bathroom we used and the other one. I made sure I was at home most days unless I was at an interview to be there when the kids got home. I helped with chores around the house and reminded my son not to leave a carbon print at her home. I brought home pizza one night. Purchased tops for her kids too for the start of school year.

I know it fails in comparison to what she gave us but next month I plan to give her 100.00 dollars. It is not much but I am here in our new home without a job and my DH is still stuck back in PA so our debt right now is for two homes.

I hope it helps but it is good to let her help you so she doesn't feel like total pooh!

 

[carebee21]

I would charge something, especially if your budget is tight. We had my FIL leaving with us for almost a year after my MIL passed away. Our water bill rose tremondously having an extra person there bathing, washing clothes, brushing their teeth, etc. And our power bill went through the roof. He's retired so he was home all day, with the TV on, with the thermostat at a comfy temperature all day, running the clothes dryer through peak hours, etc. And our energy bills here are x amount for the first 100 or whatever number kilowatts or kilohours or whatevery they call them and then the price rises to a higher amount for the next 100 and even higher after that.

And this is all in addition to our grocery bill rising as well.

So, if she's going to be home all day, definately charge her something or ask her to "work" to earn her room and food(babysitting so you don't have to pay daycare on certain days, housekeeping, laundry, cooking etc)

I would also strongly, strongly advise you that if she's there, request she watches your children one evening a week so you and your DH can have a date night, if that's not already something you do. It can be very difficult living with another adult, no matter how much you love them. And at times, it may feel like you have less alone time with your DH (like in our house our quite/alone time is after DS goes to bed at 8:30,) but with FIL on the couch in the living room watching TV with us, we couldn't have regular money conversations, personal conversations, etc. And I didn't want to leave him alone on the couch all night while we went to our bedroom to talk in private; I thought it would be rude and he may think we're ignoring him. So make sure to make time for just you and DH alone!!!! Also, no matter how much you love here, there's going to be things she does that just annoy you. It will be small, little things, so it's good to get out and enjoy yourself so those small things don't eat up at you and cause a big argument.